Feral

by Berkeley, Anne

  Icarus stared confoundedly.

  “My question is,” I spelled out for him. “Are there any other secrets you’re keeping that might make me flip my lid again? I’d like to get everything out in the open and get it over with. I can’t take the animosity between us anymore. I’m starting to suffer serious emotional whiplash. Anything you might want to share. Anything at all. Big or small. Just throw it out there. Let’s just clear the air right now.”

  “I promised your father you would remain abstinent until after graduation?”

  A bubble of laughter escaped me. “You didn’t.”

  Scratching his chin, a smile played at the edge of his lips. “I did.”

  “How did this get brought up?”

  “He was concerned about you living with a houseful of boys.”

  “And what did you tell him?”

  “I assured him my cousins wouldn’t be a problem.”

  “Hmm.” His cousins wouldn’t be a problem. He’d already staked his claim. “Is that why you wouldn’t sleep with me?”

  “No.” He offered no further explanation. He’d already done so earlier. The withering glare he threw in my direction scolded me for being obtuse.

  My eyes dropped to my hands, finding my cuticles suddenly fascinating. “Do you want that with me…to be mated?”

  “From the first moment I saw you.”

  My eyebrows rose skeptically. “Forever?”

  “Yes. That scares you, doesn’t it?” He pushed out a forlorn smile, telling me it was understandable. I exhaled loudly, a smile brimming on my lips.

  “Yeah.”

  Leaning in, he whispered in confession, “It scared me too.”

  Leaning closer, I gazed from under my lashes, inviting him in. Icarus closed the distance, pressing his lips lightly to mine, accepting the unexpected reprieve. He was surprised when I dove into the kiss, commandeering the affection with a much weightier declaration.

  Our kisses were nothing short of explosive, so I wasn’t surprised when he surrendered with a reaction bordering extreme. He threaded his hand into my hair, pulling it slightly until I was at a prime angle for his taking. His tongue glided over mine, exploring every inch until my heart beat erratically in my chest. Pounding one moment and fluttering butterfly-soft the next.

  I couldn’t get over how his deep-welled kisses engendered sensations of lust I’ve never experienced before. You think after a handful of instances, I would’ve been prepared, but he persisted to overwhelm me, his desire pouring over me like floodwaters overtaking a dam.

  Matching his zeal, my hand traveled beneath the hem of his shirt, my nails biting into his skin with ardent enthusiasm. I raked his back, raising a trail of sensual desperation across his body. His flesh was a map that I planned to explore, intimately. Starting south of his waistband.

  “Easy, Thaleia,” he murmured, removing my hand from his thigh before I could reach my northward destination. Threading his fingers between mine, he kept them safely at bay.

  “I can’t help it. I lose all good senses when I’m with you.”

  Icarus’s mouth twisted wryly. “I see that.”

  “Shut up,” I pouted. “I’m not the only one lacking control. I have the scars to prove it.” I crimped my own smile to let him know I was mocking him, keeping the mood light.

  “I should warn you, Sweetheart, that if you keep testing me with these unreserved reactions, I’m liable to finish what I started.”

  “I’m not running, Icarus.”

  “You were earlier. You were appalled with me.”

  I huffed, turning toward the window. “I freaked out. Ok? I always do. If you haven’t noticed that I lose it first, and rationalize later, then you’re really unobservant. But give me five minutes to work things through and I usually come around. Pretty quick. Give me some credit.”

  Facing him again, I pressed on. “I think it’s safe to say we’re mutually attracted. We’ve shared a bed for the past week. You’ve marked me already. You’ve seen me naked on several occasions. We’ve already been intimate. If things had turned out differently last night, I would’ve slept with you. Doesn’t that make your refusing to sleep with me redundant?”

  “No, it doesn’t. I haven’t been fighting my instincts for sex.”

  “Neither am I. If that’s what you think than you’re even more obtuse than I thought. Do you think you’re the only one who willing to put themselves in danger? I’ve thought about it plenty of times, you know. Almost every waking minute, actually. And sometimes in my sleep. It eats at me. If they come for me, how can we all get away without one of us getting hurt? Always have an escape route in case of a fire. They burn that into your head in school. But I don’t have to worry about fires. I have to worry about New Yorkers. And the worst part is, deep inside, I know the answer. I am the escape route, Icarus. You might be willing to die for me, but I’d be willing to surrender myself for you. If that’s not love, than what is it?”

  “Morally conscious.”

  “It was a rhetorical question.”

  “Nevertheless, it’s true. You’d do the same for any of my family. You’re a good person, Thaleia. It’s why I love you. But I don’t want you to feel pressured to sleep with me because you think you owe me. Because you don’t. That’s not what I was trying to say earlier.”

  “I never thought I did.” Reaching for the door handle, I opted for an exit from the deteriorating conversation before things escalated and I turned on him in defense.

  “You’re angry,” Icarus observed, grasping my arm.

  “No, I’m…” What was I? “Frustrated. I’m not explaining myself right. I don’t want to sleep with you because of the things you’ve done for me. I want to sleep with you because all the things you’ve done show your strength of character. Despite my reactions—poor as they might be—I like what I’ve seen. I want to be closer to you, Icarus. In every way.”

  “Then we start with getting to know me. You might hate my bad habits.”

  “My parent’s house has only one bathroom. I came to the conclusion a long time ago that there are some things you just can’t teach a man. Like cleaning your stubble off the sink after you’ve shaved.” I pump a dry smile. “That’s what I have your toothbrush for.”

  “That’s a generalization against men. What do you know about me, personally?”

  “You like your eggs over easy—which is nasty. You’re basically eating liquefied embryo. But hey, to each their own. You hate orange juice. It’s completely understandable, but if you brushed your teeth after breakfast, you might actual like the stuff. You like to read an actual, printed newspaper. You hate the sound of Velcro. You like to take a run every night at dusk. Alone. And you’re absolutely bored out of your mind when I’m at school.”

  “I wouldn’t say absolutely bored.”

  “You wait at the end of the driveway for me to get home.”

  “I have anxiety issues.”

  Fortified with resolve, I pressed my lips to his. Icarus promptly placed his hands on my shoulders, holding me back. Only just. His will was weak. His objection is halfhearted at best.

  “Thaleia.”

  “You’ve marked me; Icarus, I want the rest.”

  “Get out of the car.”

  “W-w-what?” I stuttered, blinking. Perhaps I pushed him too far. He was adamant in his demand. Reaching for the door handle, he reiterated his repudiation.

  “Out. Let’s go.”

  Before I could move, he had rounded the car and opened my door. He thrust his hand in my direction, acting the gentleman.

  Sulking, I took his hand and let him help me from the car. I hadn’t pushed him far enough, apparently. He was close to breaking. Infuriatingly close. I had him on the run.

  “Would you marry me, Thaleia? Tonight?”

  “What?”

  “Marriage. The social institution under which a man and woman establish their decision to live as husband and wife by legal commitments, religious ceremonies, etcetera.”
/>
  I scowled and turned, but Icarus grasped my waist, pulling me against his chest. He was using the public eye as a safeguard. “You explained all this earlier, Icarus. There’s no need to explain it again. I’m not dense.”

  “No, but you’re eighteen,” he qualified. “I’m not going to rush into this with you so that you resent me later. We have plenty of time. Let’s handle Alec first. Take the time you need to process the changes you’re going through. You asked me for this very thing just yesterday.”

  I did, didn’t I? Was that only yesterday? It felt like ages ago.

  “I don’t want you to have any doubts about me. I want you to be sure in your heart that I’m the right one.” His dimples sinking in, he leaned in and kissed me. “Besides, I look forward to influencing your decision.”

  Chapter 16

  “Can’t you stop touching her for five minutes?” Bacchus griped, ripping me from my inner musings, back to the present. “She’s not even paying attention to a word anyone’s saying.”

  “I am too.” (I soooooo wasn’t.) I flushed, nabbed.

  “Then repeat what I just said.”

  Guiltily, I looked away. Around me, the boys snickered. Icarus smirked, smug over the knowledge that he had distracted me to the point of notice. Nevertheless, he removed his hand from the small of my back, focusing on the matter at hand.

  Bacchus made a scoffing sound at the back of his throat.

  “Jealous much?” Caius gibed, rocking back on the rear legs of his chair. Sliding his toe beneath the front left foot, Bacchus tipped the weight, sending Caius, arms flapping, falling backward with a crash. From where I sat, I could only see his toes pointed skyward.

  “Like you’re one to talk.”

  Caius’s feet disappeared and his head came into view as he righted himself. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  Arms crossing over his chest, Bacchus made the scoffing sound again.

  “Chill out, Bacchus, and tell us what you know,” Max chided. Slouching in his chair, he dug his fingers into the package of Nutter Butters and stuffed another cookie into his mouth. I swear he had a love affair with food. Logically, he should’ve weighed twice his weight.

  While a fraction of my mind pondered over Max’s appetite, another part focused on Caius’s denial, or rather Bacchus’s claim and whether it was true or not. Yet a third part remained on the former topic. My transformation.

  The boys were mind storming for analogies on how to best describe the outcome I was supposed to embrace. Dusk was quickly approaching. Time was running out. No one wanted to witness a reoccurrence of last night’s atrocity. Most of all, me, despite my fleeting inattention.

  “Last night, towards the end, you got this look of peace in your eyes. I assumed you were finally submitting to Icarus. But that wasn’t the case. Because when we released him, you rolled through the rest of your transformation so fast, it was near freakin’ miraculous.”

  The room broke into snickers again, though subdued.

  “What’s so funny?” I asked. Clearly, I wasn’t in on the joke. Real surprise there. I supposed it was because I was always part of the punch line. I was the newb.

  “You gave Icarus a run for his money s’all,” Caius explained.

  “You almost handed his boys to him,” Lucius agreed, hiding a wry smile.

  “Literally,” Max added, leering behind his Nutter Butter.

  “There’s no way a dude’s going after another dude’s boys,” Crispin chimed in. “It’s an unspoken rule among lycan. But you…you had no qualms about it. We should be calling you Chopper. Like the dog in that movie. Chopper sick—”

  A smack upside his head cut Crispin short. “We get it,” Icarus chided. “Bacchus, I think you had a point you were trying to make?”

  Bacchus cleared his throat, the only one in the room without a grin. “Since you obviously weren’t submitting, I figured there had to be another reason for your change in bearing. I’ve been thinking about it a while now, but I’m sure I’ve seen it once before.”

  “It ain’t when she sleeps,” Crispin jumped in, stealing a Nutter Butter from Max. He was innocently oblivious to the gravity of our conversation. “Nothin’ peaceful about that.”

  Icarus’s hand returned to my back, a strained sigh escaping him.

  “She thought she was going to die!” Hailey exclaimed, as if we were playing a game of Pictionary. (Frankly, I’m surprised she didn’t jump up and pump her arm.) She giggled her freakishly eerie giggle. I swear she could do sound bites for horror movies. “You all were too busy slavering over her to notice. God, that’s so ironic it’s almost comical.”

  “Hailey!” Icarus scolded. “That’s enough!”

  “Well it’s true!”

  “Hailey.” His voice was pregnant with warning.

  “You’re so worried about mating her that you can’t think about anything else.” Her mouth twisting into a sneer, she aimed her attention at me. “I told you that’s all they think about. You’re a novelty right now, but he’ll remember what a danger you are to his pa—”

  “I SAID ENOUGH!” Icarus bellowed, lunging across the table. He caught the collar of Hailey’s shirt in his fist, pulling her from her chair, dragging her to her room.

  Of a different mind, Hailey flailed, her teeth snapping inches from Icarus’s forearm. Her nails dug into his wrist, creating small furrows that disappeared as quickly as she inflicted them.

  “Just fuck her and get it over with!” she screeched. “Maybe then you’ll come to your senses! She’s nothing but trouble! She’s gonna get us all killed! Gggggrrrraaaaahhhhhhhh!”

  My ears felt like they would bleed from her shrill screams. As she began to shift, Icarus forced her to the floor, pinning her down until she finished. Her anger, however, never abated. As a small, juvenile sized wolf with dainty paws and oversized ears, she snapped and snarled, her nails raking his arms as she wrestled to free herself from his grasp. She was a ferocious little shit, full of needle-sharp puppy teeth and razor sharp nails.

  The wake of her departure was yawning. Everyone fidgeted, staring at the floor or the ceiling, afraid to break the silence. I know they were thinking the same thing I was. I was a danger to them all, and I Icarus had cemented my place in his pack with his love bite.

  “I know what you’re thinking,” said Bacchus. “And you’re wrong.”

  Shirking the conversation, I began stacking the dishes from dinner. “I don’t have any idea of what she’s talking about, as usual. So I don’t really understand why it was a bad thing that I wanted to die. It was kind of hard not to. I was in pain. A lot of pain.”

  “That’s not what we’re talking about and you know it,” Caius scolded. Taking the dishes from my hands, he placed them in the sink, stealing my diversion. “Stop blaming yourself.”

  “She can’t help it,” said Max. “She’s kind of like you both.” Loosely, he aimed a Nutter Butter at Caius and then Bacchus before cramming it into his mouth.

  Wiping his hands on the thighs of his jeans, Caius leaned against the counter and crossed his arms over his broad chest. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  Max held up a finger while he chugged a glass of milk to wash down his cookie. After much throat clearing, he returned to the conversation. “She thinks nobody can see past her looks. That we’re only helping her because we’re ensorcelled by her unparalleled beauty.” Mocking femininity, he fluttered his eyelashes and tossed his hair with a throw of his head.

  I opened my mouth to protest, but I floundered verbally, grasping for words. All I could come up with was a lame, “I do not!”

  “Well, we hardly know you,” said Lucius, sarcastically. “So why else would we care about what happened to you, if not for your good looks?”

  “Because I’m a girl in general.”

  “Oh, so we’re only helping you because our intentions are misplaced due to our tragic past,” Max amended. “In saving you, we’re figuratively saving our mother.”

/>   Well, that was closer to the truth, though I hadn’t really thought of it myself. “Look, I just don’t want any of you to get hurt over me.”

  “How altruistic,” said Caius. “So what, you want us to hand you over to this Alec guy?”

  “No!” I snapped, losing my patients. “Why are you attacking me?”

  “Because, it doesn’t matter if you’re Thaleia Llorente or a human girl with a face like Max’s hairy ass,” Bacchus promised. “We’re protecting you because it’s the right thing to do.”

  Max looked up from eating his cookie. “My ass is not hairy.”

  “Yes it is,” Lucius disagreed. “But seriously, it’s not like we aren’t going to find our own girls some day. We’re not monks, you know. When we do, we’ll have to protect them too."

  “It’s not noble or heroic,” Caius added. “It’s just our way of life.”

  “You’re family now,” Crispin chimed in. “We protect our own.”

  I was waiting for an all out hug fest to start, but Caius, the closest to me, reached out and socked me hard on the bicep. “Buck up, Thaleia. Bottom line is you’re wanted.”

  My anger slipping away, I repressed a smile, recalling Icarus’s confession on how he usually handled solace with a cuff on the shoulder. I guess that was as much solace as I was likely to receive. And damn, it was going to linger, I thought, gingerly rubbing my arm.

  “My hair is dark,” said Max, sullenly. “So you can see it easier. But that doesn’t make me any hairier than any of you.”

  “My ass isn’t hairy,” Lucius denied, “unless I’m in wolf form.”

  “Bullshit!” Max exclaimed indignantly. “Ten bucks says it is.”

  “Nobody needs to see your hairy ass,” Bacchus said, his nose wrinkling. “We see it on a nightly basis.”

  “Thale can be the judge,” said Max, lowering his drawers. I blinked bewilderedly, looking away. “Look, Thale, is my ass abnormally hairy? Be honest.”

  “Dude, put your pants back on,” said Crispin. “No one wants your short and curlies falling out in the kitchen.”

  “Come on,” Max pressed. “Just look.”

  “Max, I am not looking at your ass,” I declined. “Besides, what would I compare it to? It’s not like I walk around looking at guy’s asses all day.” Actually, I pretty much did. Sad to say, but I’d checked out all of their asses at least once. “Well, at least not naked ones.”