Starlight

by Anne Douglas

  ‘You tell that fellow in Glasgow you want a good job out of him, it’s the least he can do. Did you say you were going over tomorrow?’

  ‘Yes, tomorrow, but I don’t want a job out of Mr Syme.’ Jess kissed her mother’s cheek. ‘Don’t know what I want yet. Look, I’ll let you know how things go.’

  ‘Aye, keep in touch. Both of you, eh?’

  She’d no need to worry about that, the sisters told her, as they gave her a last hug, and left the flat for the tram stop.

  ‘When you see Ben, tell him I’m sorry,’ Marguerite murmured to Jess. ‘About his job.’

  ‘You think he’d want to hear that from you?’

  ‘Of course. I still care about what happens to him, you know. In fact, I feel pretty bad about this latest blow. I mean, losing his job as well as me.’

  ‘I think he’ll survive, Marguerite.’

  ‘Well, I just wish there was something I could do.’

  ‘I’m afraid there’s nothing you can do.’

  As her tram came thundering up and halted, Jess climbed aboard.

  ‘For any of us!’ she shouted. And was borne away.

  Sixty-Two

  The meeting with John Syme was exactly the ordeal Jess had feared. He was very pleasant, very assiduous in seeing that she was comfortable in his office, had coffee, everything she wanted, but had no idea at all of how painful she was finding the details of the demise of the Princes.

  Of course, he didn’t tell her how much the department store would be paying for the cinema, only that the deal would be finalized by the autumn and that work would probably begin on the demolition by early next year. When the building of the new store would begin was not yet clear, as the owners were considering various plans, but it would certainly incorporate all the latest designs and be, as John said again, with a smile, a wonderful asset to Princes Street.

  ‘And what about us?’ Jess asked coldly. ‘The staff? When do we get our cards?’

  ‘Oh, not before Christmas, Jess. No need to worry about that. We hope that everyone will stay in post until then.’

  ‘To make it easier for you, you mean?’ Jess drew her brows together. ‘I really don’t think you can expect people to stay on if they see some job they want to try for.’

  ‘Perhaps not, but as I explained, there will be a good chance of placing them elsewhere in our organization.’ John’s smile was still pleasant, but his eyes were steely. ‘It would therefore be in their interest to stay on, I think you’ll agree.’

  Jess looked down at the notebook on her knee, deciding she needn’t explain that several members of his staff had already decided not to work for him again. As for herself, she hoped he wouldn’t offer her anything, but he was already passing her details of an assistant manager’s job at the Citadel, a cinema on the outskirts of Glasgow, which might become vacant later in the year.

  ‘You should really consider this,’ he urged. ‘Even as an interim thing. It’s bigger than the Princes, there’d be plenty for you to do – maybe better experience.’

  ‘It’s kind of you, John, to tell me about it, but I’m no’ interested in travelling to Glasgow.’

  ‘Jess, you may not have the choice.’

  ‘Who knows what my choices will be?’ she asked, rising. ‘I’ve no plans to move before the Princes closes, though, if that’s any consolation to you.’

  ‘I’d be very grateful,’ he said hastily, walking with her to the door. ‘Now, can I offer you tea before your train?’

  ‘No, thanks, I’d like to be on my way.’

  The stood, exchanging glances, then John put out his hand, which after a moment she shook.

  ‘I’m truly sorry about the way things have worked out,’ he murmured. ‘But you do understand why we had to make our decision, don’t you?’

  ‘Oh, yes, I understand.’

  ‘Change is a part of life, you know. Nothing stays the same.’

  ‘I know that‘s true.’

  ‘We’ll need to meet again, of course, but I’ll be in touch. Thanks for coming in today.’

  ‘Thanks for all your information. Goodbye, John.’

  ‘Goodbye for now, Jess.’

  After doing a little window-shopping, to take her mind off her troubles, Jess arrived at the station to find the Edinburgh train already at the platform and already full. She should have remembered, it was the first of the commuter trains; should have dispensed with the shopping and taken something earlier. Oh, well! It was all on a par with her dismal day, wasn’t it? At least there was a corridor with a rail where she could stand.

  ‘Jess!’ called a tall, dark-haired man already leaning there.

  ‘Ben!’ she cried. And immediately felt her spirits lift. What a bit of luck, to find Ben on the train! Company all the way home, even if they had to stand, and from the smile on his face, he was as pleased to see her as she to see him. But, then, he seemed happy, anyway.

  ‘What have you been doing in Glasgow?’ she asked, as the train started and they stood swaying together, hanging on to the brass window rail. ‘And looking so smart!’

  ‘Wearing this jacket?’ He laughed. ‘Happens to be pre-war, like most of my clothes. But that’s good, if you think I look smart. I’ve been to an interview.’

  ‘Ben, you never said! Where?’

  ‘I told Rusty, had to ask him to do my shifts. Should have checked with you this morning if it was OK, but you’d disappeared.’

  ‘To see John Syme.’ Her face darkened a little. ‘Oh, it was so awful, Ben, so sad. But you know you needn’t get my OK to swap shifts with Rusty. He never told me, anyway. So, where was this interview?’

  ‘At the New Emperor. Head Projectionist is the job, and it’s a big concern, Jess. I’m really keen.’

  ‘The New Emperor? Is that anywhere near the Citadel?’

  ‘Hell, no, that’s way out in the sticks. No, the New Emperor’s bang in the middle of town. Very big, very up to date, and willing to spend a bomb on doing what it takes to make it very, very different from television.’

  As she met his shining eyes, Jess was surprised by his enthusiasm, for he was the downbeat man, not one to show too much feeling. Except, of course, when he’d been in love with Marguerite.

  ‘I can see you were impressed,’ she said slowly. ‘But what exactly do they want to do?’

  ‘Well, you know there’s talk of wider screens coming one day? They’ll not be here for some time, but eventually they’ll show the sort of spectacle TV just won’t be able to match. What the Emperor is doing is salting away funds to be able to adapt the cinema as soon as the new screens come. And in the meantime, spending money on better equipment, better seats, better facilities, everything to make the cinema more attractive. I just wish you could have seen the projection room, Jess. Was I impressed? I’ll say!’

  He grasped her hand. ‘I tell you, this is the future we’re looking at and I want in! Don’t you?’

  ‘You know what I want,’ she said shortly.

  ‘Yes, and I understand, of course I do. I mean, I love the Princes as much as anyone. But if I have to move on, well, the Emperor’s where I want to go.’

  ‘Have you been offered the job, then?’

  He gave a rueful grin. ‘Not so far. There were several candidates – well, there would be, of course, for a job like that. And the money’s good – more than I’m getting.’

  ‘So, they’ll be letting you know?’

  ‘Yes.’ He released her hand and shrugged. ‘In the lap of the gods, as they say. Oh, I don’t suppose I have a snowball’s chance in hell, but at least I’ve seen what I want and know what to look for.’

  ‘If you got it, I was going to say we’d miss you,’ she said in a low voice. ‘But, of course, we’ll all of us soon be gone ourselves, won’t we?’

  ‘How long have we got? Did Symes say?’

  ‘Till Christmas. Demolition will probably start in the New Year.’

  Quietly, he drew her towards him and held her for a moment. ‘Ah, J
ess, I’m sorry. It’s such a bolt from the blue, eh? None of us could ever have expected it.’

  ‘I suppose I’ll get used to it, eventually.’

  ‘Listen . . .’ As she left his arms, he caught at her hand again. ‘How about you and me having something to eat when we arrive? I’m getting a wee bit tired of my culinary efforts.’

  ‘I was thinking of going back to the Princes.’

  ‘No need to do that. They can manage without you, and they won’t know what time you got back from Glasgow, anyway. Come on, cheer me up.’

  ‘You’re cheered up, already,’ she said with a smile. ‘I’m the one who needs cheering up.’

  ‘And I’m the man to do it. I know a place where they might just have something good on the menu.’

  ‘You weren’t thinking of the cinema cafe?’

  His eyes sharpened. ‘Why, are you?’

  ‘Just thought it’d be handy.’

  ‘You really want folk to see us together?’

  Her eyes widened. ‘You’re thinking about Rusty? He won’t mind if we have a meal. You are my brother-in-law.’

  ‘For now.’ He pressed her hand. ‘Ah, come on, Jess, let’s push the boat out! In case I don’t have anything to celebrate, eh?

  She laughed and for a moment lost the saddened look that had clung to her of late. ‘All right, Ben, let’s go to this place you’ve found. It’s a long time since I’ve been out anywhere, to be honest.’

  Sixty-Three

  Ben’s restaurant was as good as he’d promised, even offering steaks with sauces Jess hadn’t seen in years, and Scottish desserts with cream.

  ‘Is this meal really in the price limit we used to have?’ Jess whispered. ‘Or have they scrapped that five bob rule?’

  ‘I just pay what’s on the bill,’ Ben answered with a grin. ‘No questions asked, eh? Only thing they haven’t got is much of a choice of wine. But I feel I’m intoxicated enough as it is.’

  ‘Thinking about your new job?’

  ‘Thinking about you.’

  At the intensity of his gaze, she blushed and looked down at her plate. Had he really said that? She was beginning to feel rather intoxicated herself, though she had drunk very little, and knew it was the effect of this man sitting across the table from her. This man she had known for so long, who had married her sister, who was part of her family – and suddenly seemed a stranger.

  ‘I’ll get the bill,’ Ben said softly. ‘And then I’ll take you home.’

  ‘There’s no need, Ben. It’s out of your way. I can get the tram.’

  ‘You want to spoil my evening? I’ve been looking forward to taking you home as soon as I saw you on the train.’

  ‘Ben, that’s ridiculous!’

  ‘OK, maybe I’m exaggerating, but it did cross my mind that we might have a meal, and then we’d be on our own.’

  She was still blushing, but managed to say, ‘I think you’re forgetting who we are, Ben.’

  ‘No,’ he said firmly. ‘No one knows better, who we are.’

  Dusk was slowly descending over the city as they made their way to Jess’s flat, walking arm in arm, not speaking, each very conscious of the other in a way that was quite new. Or, for Jess, maybe not. She could remember, if she would let herself remember, feeling the power of Ben’s presence before. But that was a long time ago, when he’d been Henry Fonda, or any one of a number of Hollywood stars who’d held her in thrall, and she hadn’t thought of him like that in years. Certainly, not since he’d married her sister.

  And he was still married to her sister. She’d better not forget that. Or that on her own finger was a wedding ring.

  At her door, she took out her key with fingers that were trembling, and turned to Ben.

  ‘It’s been a lovely evening, Ben. Thank you very much.’

  ‘Aren’t you going to invite me in?’

  She looked around, as though a neighbour might be looking at them, but the street was empty, and Ben gave a quick grin.

  ‘Can’t see anyone with binoculars trained on us, if that’s what you’re worried about. I believe I have been to this house before, as a matter of fact.’

  Tonight’s different, she wanted to cry. Tonight’s dangerous!

  But she only turned back to her door and fiddled with her key, which would not turn, until Ben took it from her and smartly opened the door.

  ‘How about some coffee?’ he asked, as they walked in.

  ‘We’ve had coffee.’

  ‘Just thought it’d give you something to do.’

  ‘I need something to do?’

  ‘Oh, Jess, darling, you’re the same as me.’ He pulled her into his arms, his eyes in the gloom of the unlit sitting room, fixed on her face. ‘You’re as nervous as a kitten, and so am I. Because you know things have changed for us, haven’t they?’

  ‘Ben, we shouldn’t be doing this, it’s no’ right . . .’

  For answer, he pressed his mouth to hers and as the long moments passed, she felt the starlight that had so completely left her returning and shining and sending her up, up, into the stratosphere. Where she would have stayed, except that sooner or later, she and Ben had to take breath and stand back, looking at each other and laughing dazedly, finally sinking to Jess’s settee and clinging to each other.

  ‘Ah, Jess, you don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to do that,’ Ben was gasping. ‘How long I’ve been watching and hoping – has it been the same for you?’

  ‘No, I never thought of you – of us – this way. How could I – the way things are?’

  ‘You did think of me once though, didn’t you?’ He gently ran his hand down her face. ‘I always knew, you know, what you thought.’

  ‘You did?’ She pulled a little away. ‘I wish you hadn’t told me, then.’

  ‘Why?’ He brought her back to lean against him. ‘It was sweet. I was flattered, to tell you the truth, that someone like you should be attracted to me.’

  ‘You never said anything at the time.’

  ‘Only because I thought you were too young.’

  ‘I wasn’t that young, Ben.’

  The room was darkening further still and it was hard now for her to make out his features. Again, she pulled herself away.

  ‘And then you met Marguerite, didn’t you? No hesitation there.’

  ‘Jess, she was older, she seemed right for me.’ He sat up. ‘Seemed is the word. And I suppose I was swept off my feet, couldn’t see straight. Couldn’t see that I was marrying the wrong sister. Ah, Jess, come here!’

  They kissed again, fiercely clinging and caressing, until Jess leaped up and said she must put on the lamp – see the time – Rusty would be home.

  ‘And you must go, Ben. Forget this ever happened. It’s crazy, there’s no future in it. Let’s no’ get involved again.’

  ‘Jess, what do you mean? No future? Of course we have a future! I may be still married, but I’m on the way to freedom, and so could you be. You know Rusty’s never been the one for you. Be honest, that’s true, isn’t it? And things are worse now between you because of his drinking. You’ve every right to be released.’ He kissed her gently. ‘Released to me, Jess. Because it’s been in my mind a long time that we should be together. One day, marry. Why not?’

  ‘You’re going too fast, Ben. Things aren’t so easy for us.’

  ‘If we care enough, we can make them easy. Steer round the rocks. Just takes the will.’

  Shaking her head, she switched on a table lamp, seeing his face, so serious, come into light, then glanced at the clock and caught her breath.

  ‘Oh, God, Ben, it’s late. Please go now, and we’ll see each other tomorrow.’

  ‘There’s no harm in my being here,’ he murmured, as she made him move to the door. ‘I mean, Rusty needn’t think that there is.’

  ‘He’d only need to look at our faces,’ she said quietly, ‘to know where the harm was.’

  ‘He doesn’t even love you!’ Ben cried.

  But in the end they
parted, and she watched him go, turning often to look back at her, until he had rounded the corner and was out of sight. Then she closed the door and came back into the living room, where she sat for some time, trying to define her churning feelings, only remembering the ecstasy of Ben’s kisses and the magic feeling of walking in starlight once again.

  When Rusty finally came home, it was late, and she knew he had taken his own way to pleasure via his favourite pub.

  ‘How’d the meeting go?’ he remembered to ask.

  ‘We’ve got till Christmas. Then the demolition starts.’

  ‘Could be worse, I suppose.’

  ‘I met Ben on the train coming back,’ she said casually. ‘He’d had a good interview.’

  ‘Did he get the job?’

  ‘Doesn’t know yet. We . . . had a meal together, then he looked in here for a minute.’

  ‘A meal?’ Rusty’s eyes were strangely clear. ‘What was that in aid of, then?’

  ‘Think we needed cheering up. Or I did.’

  ‘He could always cheer you up.’

  Jess was silent. She felt the glow of her earlier feelings leaving her, and a sharp little stab of guilt pierce her, as Rusty lay back in his chair and closed his eyes. Was it true, he didn’t love her? It was a long time since he’d shown any signs of love, that was for sure. Why should she feel guilty for accepting love from elsewhere, then, if he didn’t offer any of his own?

  He looked weary, as he lay there, and she remembered he’d had a long day in the projection box. Maybe she should make him something to eat?

  As she moved to ask him, his eyes flew open and rested on her, still with the long clear gaze she used to know. Then he looked away and pulled himself to his feet.

  ‘Think I’ll away to bed. No, I don’t want anything to eat, I’m pretty whacked. Just want some sleep.’

  ‘Me, too,’ Jess murmured.

  She knew it was unlikely she would sleep.

  Sixty-Four

  ‘I can’t make you out,’ Sally said, sitting one morning in the interview chair in Jess’s office, and drinking the coffee Edie had kindly provided. It was Sally’s turn to open up the box office at one o’clock, but she’d come in early, just ‘to have a word’, she said, and now was studying Jess’s face with round interested eyes.