Abel had bought a pound of beeswax—hugely expensive—and we spent a quiet hour together crumbling it into tiny balls as our death offering to Usher.
“How is his family?” Abel asked quietly, about halfway through.
I thought for a second before replying. “Tired. Bereaved. Confused. I didn’t see Boris.”
“No, I think Mitchel had him out somewhere.” Abel set another handful of wax crumbles in the basket we were using. “How are you doing?”
“About the same.” I scooped together a bunch of the tiny shreds that always fell off when you cut the wax, and started pressing them together, using the heat of my fingers to meld them into perfect little spheres. “This needs to change.” I looked up at him. “Okay, I’ll do it.”
“Do what?” he said patiently.
“Be your salesperson thingy, whatever. If we don’t show them that omegas are good for more than babies and housework, they’ll never learn, and this will never stop.” My voice broke on the last word and my hands stilled, holding the wax ball between my fingers. I stared at it coolly for a moment, then crushed it, all my work gone, destroyed in an instant.
Kind of like Usher.
Abel ignore my wanton destruction and took my hands in his. “Thank you. I know it’s not easy for you.”
“I don’t want someone else raising our babies, but I need to fix this, somehow.” I lifted my eyes to Abel’s. “His death needs to mean something.”
“I trust you. And I’ll be raising our babies with you, so you can scratch that worry off your list,” was all Abel said, but it was the right thing. It was exactly what I needed to hear at that moment, and the smile I gave him was genuine.
“I can finish this, if you need to go deal with Mitchel,” I told him. “Or even go chase lizards.”
“I’m going to get some work done while it’s quiet,” he said. “What do you plan to do?”
Suddenly, I was exhausted. “Maybe lie down for a bit? If that’s okay? After I finish this.” I gestured at the wax.
“Of course it is.” Abel carved another chunk off the block. “It won’t take long with both of us.”
When the wax was finished, I went upstairs to wash my face and try to find sleep, but it escaped me. I tossed and turned on the bed for about half an hour before I gave up and went downstairs again, searching for Abel and is miraculous ability to make my brain go quiet when I needed it to.
I found him in the living room, feet up on a stool, with the laptop balanced on his thighs. He was typing away industriously, and I changed my mind about disturbing him, but he noticed me before I could escape back into the kitchen.
“Couldn’t sleep?” he asked, setting the laptop aside.
I nodded and came to curl up at his side. “I’m not used to being alone in the bed anymore, I guess.”
He wrapped his arm around me. “Do you want me to come up with you?”
I shook my head. “No, I don’t want to stop you working. Do you mind if I just sit here with you while you work?”
“Of course not.”
So I laid my head in his lap while he typed with one hand, the other slowly combing through my hair until he did indeed lull me to sleep.
CHAPTER EIGHTY-TWO
News traveled fast in the pack, and we knew almost as soon as the pallbearers arrived at Usher’s house. Abel and I were dressed in our best, as were the pups, and the pups had been couched on proper behavior. It grieved me to see the memories in Fan’s eyes, and some shadow of them in Teca’s, though I doubted she’d had any real grasp of what had happened when we’d burned their Pappuh. But Fan remembered, because he remembered Patrick, and he’d been the last one to toss an offering on the pyre before Patrick had been burned. I held his hand as we walked out to join the procession, then picked him up and carried him, so we could be of some comfort to each other. He clung to me as if he was afraid he was going to lose me too, and I patted his back and whispered nonsense in his ear as proof I was still there.
Abel had Noah in one arm, our offering in the other. Behind us, Mac carried Teca and Mam walked beside my Da, carrying Beatrice. And behind them was strung out the greater part of Buffalo Gap.
The pallbearers reached the burning place. It looked like a bier, but it was hollow, with space to add wood and other combustibles underneath the corpse, and then the propane flamers to make sure there was nothing left of us after it was done. Burnt like vermin. I hugged Fan a little closer, and walked on to take my place near Usher’s head.
He looked so peaceful. The wind stirred his hair and the flowers poking out from underneath his hands. At a nod from Uncle Mitchel, the first of the mourners came forward to offer their gift, and speak their last words to the dead.
I still didn’t know what I would say.
The pile of offerings around Usher covered his legs by the time it was our turn. The only mourners left after us would be the Alpha, and Boris.
“Do you want to come with us?” I murmured to Fan. “You don’t have to.”
His eyes had grown wide as he watched and he shook his head.
“That’s okay. Do you want to go to Mac, or to Dada?”
“Mac,” he said in a small voice.
I kissed him. “I’ll be right back.”
He nodded. “I don’t like it here.”
“We’re going home tomorrow.” We could make the trip in one day, which I was grateful for. I was tired of being away from home. Travel wasn’t as much fun as the novels had led me to believe. I passed Fan over to Mac, and watched as he buried his face in Mac’s neck. Hiding from the world. I turned to Abel and reached for Noah, cuddling him close.
We walked up to Usher and Abel passed me the basket, allowing me to say the first words.
I took a handful of the grains of wax and sprinkled them around his body. “I was always jealous of you.” The words surprised me, but I let them keep coming. “I wanted your hair, and I used to practice, trying to imitate your walk, when I was alone in my bedroom.” I sprinkled another handful, while I considered my next words, and the cold rage burning so deep inside me I’d almost forgotten it. “You didn’t deserve this. You should have had your fairy tale—we should all get to have them. You deserved pups, and a job, and respect for your contribution. You deserved love.” Another handful. “I swear to you. I cannot fix this for you, but I will fix it for others.” And in a whisper. “On my head be it if I fail you in this.” I sprinkled a last handful of the fragrant beeswax over him, then stepped back to let Abel speak.
He stood and contemplated Usher for several long, silent moments. The tension in the crowd built, wondering, I was sure, what he would have to say about an omega he’d never even met until the night before.
Abel dug a handful of wax out of the basket and spread it the length of the bier. “Omega Usher Buffalo Gap, I offer my sorrow in sacrifice for your loss. I have little to add to my mate’s words, for he spoke the truth of my heart. But in your loss of faith, in your despair of your future, I see the defeat of our people. I see how small we have become, that we neglect our own out of the misguided notion that they are somehow less. Omega is not less, as alpha is not more. It simply is, as the maple is different from the oak, but no less valuable for its difference.” He spread another handful of the wax granules. “And this I promise you, Omega Usher Buffalo Gap, that I will not fail your kind, as we all have failed you. There must always be another path to choose, for those who need to choose it.” He poured the last of the wax out onto the offerings, and reached to take my hand and lead me back into the crowd.
The air filled with a quiet tension. I glanced across to Usher’s mother, and saw her nod. Whatever else we had done, we had lifted one small burden from the shoulders of Usher’s family. That would do.
Uncle Mitchel stepped into the fraught silence and began his speech, placing small sticks of fragrant wood around Usher’s hands. When he was done, Boris came forward, his face calm—I wondered if he felt anything at all except perhaps inconvenience. Or relief
. It occurred to me that a loveless mating went both ways. He spoke a few words about how lovely Usher had been, and their grief in the spring and how hard Usher had taken it. He bent to pick up a can of gasoline that had been sitting at the foot of the bier the whole time, and began pouring it into the hollow beneath Usher. My breath caught on a sob, and Abel put his arm around me and pulled me close.
“I wish you well in the Moonlands.” The final words, and then he lit a twist of paper and dropped it into the bier.
The flames leaped for the sky, curling around Usher as if in a caress. I couldn’t bear to watch, couldn’t stand to leave, so I buried my face in Abel’s shoulder and pretended the crackling was the full moon bonfire. I twitched at the clunk as the human inspector hit the switch to lower Usher’s body down until the burners could make sure of his destruction. And then, like everyone else, I waited for it to be over.
CHAPTER EIGHTY-THREE
Mac yawned as they pulled up in front of Abel’s building, and Abel was tempted to do so as well. It had been a long day of driving, on top of everything else that had happened this week, and he was glad to be back, even if it meant he had to deal with what was certain to be the mountain of work that would have piled up in his absence.
Quin met them at the door and grabbed some of their bags as soon as the van came to a halt. “I’m glad to have you back. I’m hearing some pretty unpleasant things.”
“I’ll bet.” Abel undid Fan’s and Teca’s seatbelts, then scooped them up into his arms. “We’ve got a lot to talk about, and I’m going to have to do a lot of behind-the-scenes to get this to turn out the way I want.”
Quin followed him into the building, Bax right behind him, and Mac bringing up the rear with the last of their bags.
“You’re going to be leaving again?” Quin asked.
“Not if I don’t have to.” They all crowded into the elevator. “I’ll do as much as I can by phone, but I might have to visit a few places.”
Quin nodded. “I have people I can talk to, too. Just need to know what you want from me, and I’ll make it happen.”
“Thanks. Sarge.”
“Shh.” Then Quin went quiet again, though Abel noted that his older brother looked brighter than he had when he’d been in Mercy Hills in the spring. Being home was good for Quin. Being surrounded by his own people and away from whatever it was the military had had him doing, that he still wouldn’t talk about, was even better.
The smell of cooking food met them as they came through the apartment door. Bax gave a small, relieved “ooh” and came to a stop just inside the door. “That smells wonderful.”
From around the corner in the kitchen, Holland called, “It’ll be ready in a few minutes—you’re earlier than I expected.” He came around the corner with a large spoon in his hand. “Get the pups to bed and then we’ll eat.”
“I’m going to head home,” Mac said in a tired voice. “Unless you want me for anything?”
“No. Go home to your mate. Take the van—you can put it away tomorrow.” Abel grinned and Mac flicked him a happy salute before heading back out the door.
Abel nodded his thanks and started for the bedrooms. As he passed Holland, he caught a glance between the omega and Quin and realized there might be another reason for Quin’s lightened demeanor. The more the merrier. He was very thoroughly enjoying being mated to an omega.
He deposited Fan in his bed, slipping the boy’s shoes off one-handed, and pulled the sheet over him. It wouldn’t hurt for him to sleep in his clothes for one night. He met Bax in the hall, carrying Noah and looking like he could curl up on the floor and sleep. They paused for a brief kiss, and Bax rested his head against Abel’s shoulder for a moment before continuing down the hallway.
Bax, of course, had undressed Beatrice and put her in pajamas. He was probably in the boys’ room doing exactly that with Fan right now. Abel laid Teca down on her bed and went hunting for her pajamas. If he didn’t, Bax would be in there doing it as soon as he finished with the boys. His stubborn omega.
Aha. Quick as he could, he got Teca out of her travel clothes and into her pajamas, then tucked her under the sheets and snuck out of the room, closing the door quietly behind him. If he was fast, he might get up to the boys’ room before Bax had time to change Fan.
He met Bax in the hallway. “Did you undress Fan?” Abel asked.
“Of course. Pajamas are much more comfortable to sleep in.” Bax put his arm around Abel’s waist and they continued on into the living room.
“I could have done that.”
“It’s okay. I was there, and it didn’t take long.” Bax leaned heavily against him. “I don’t know if I want food or sleep more.” But since he kept walking in the direction of the kitchen, food seemed of more interest to him at the moment.
“We’ll eat quick, then I’m carrying you off to bed.”
“Mmm, that sounds promising, but I might fall asleep in the middle.”
Abel snorted a laugh. “Race you to the pillow.”
Bax grinned, then yawned.
Holland had the food already dished out when they got back to the kitchen. It was stew. Rich, mouthwatering stew, and that was how Abel knew how tired Bax was, because he just ate, and didn’t waste any energy quizzing Holland about how he did it.
Abel dipped a biscuit in his bowl and contentedly shoved half of it in his mouth.
Quin chuckled, but just shook his head when Abel looked up at him. Abel shrugged, and continued to fill his belly.
When they’d finished eating, Holland and Bax went off to the kitchen to clean up and probably talk about everything that had gone on, only from an omega’s point of view. Abel already knew what Bax’s opinion was, but Abel’d done some thinking of his own on that long drive back. Problem was, he need Quin for it to work.
Quin took him back out to the office to give him a run-down on what had happened that week, tactfully letting Abel decide when to fill him in on Montana Border’s machinations.
Abel listened with all the attention he could muster, but, in the middle of a convoluted story about a dispute in the north-east housing area that had proved intractable to the lower level security crew, Abel stopped him.
“I’m dead on my feet, and I need to talk to you about something before I chicken out.”
Quin frowned at him. “What? I know you couldn’t talk with Bax around, but is it that bad?” He pulled himself up to his full height, going in that instant from big brother to sergeant-major, and Abel was forcibly reminded that his brother had risen to the highest rank available to a shifter.
Of course, that was what made him perfect for this plan of Abel’s.
“Sit down,” Abel said, “while I bounce something off you.”
CHAPTER EIGHTY-FOUR
Noah was napping and I was indulging in a little fantasy, courtesy of a novel Garrick had brought back from his latest trip to work with Laine. The apartment was quiet, too quiet. My other three were out playing with their Uncle Quin and Holland, and Abel was gone again, off visiting another Alpha in the hopes of swinging a few more to our side before the weekend, when the pack council would decide his fate, and mine, and Jason’s as well. I sat on our couch, in the apartment we were supposed to be moving out of, and wondered if we were throwing away the last of our time together. What might the council decide to do? Abel wouldn’t discuss it, telling me not to worry, but I couldn’t stop myself. And neither could Jason, who was getting the same infuriating treatment from Mac.
But they couldn’t stop us making plans ourselves.
I had emergency bags packed, and a small stack of human money. Jason and Mac had put me in touch with someone outside walls, and we all had human identification. We’d done the same for Jason and Mac as well, just in case. I didn’t want to leave my home and my friends. For certain, I didn’t want to uproot the pups again now that they were settled into their new life. But I wouldn’t lose any of them if I could help it, and losing our pack was a better choice than losing each other.
So, plans were in place and we were as safe as we could be with all this hanging over our heads.
The rapid stomp of puppy feet told me my break was over. I hauled myself off the couch with difficulty. My belly was already huge, and I still had a month to go.
Fan came tearing around the corner and raced over to me. “Hi, Dabi!” He grabbed me around the waist and hugged me, then kissed the expanse of my belly. “Hello, baby.” He patted the curve where he’d kissed, then raced for the kitchen. “Can I have an apple?”
“Of course. Do you want it cut up?”
“Yes, please,” he said as he put his all into pulling the fridge door open. It came open with a sudden loud sucking noise and dumped him on his bum, but it didn’t bother my determined little alpha. He was on his feet and digging in the drawer at the bottom of the fridge within seconds, and presented me with a shiny red apple in the amount of time took me to get a plate out of the cupboard and find a sharp knife.
“Where are your sisters? Still with Quin and Holland?” I asked him.
“Yeah. They’re playing on the slide.” He followed me over to the table and clambered up onto a chair.
I set the sliced apple on the table in front of him. “Do you want peanut butter too?”
“Yeth,” he said through a mouthful of apple.
I got him a spoonful of peanut butter, then poured him a glass of juice and set it beside him. Noah should be waking up soon. And I should probably put together a snack for my three youngest before then. Actually, it would be nice to get out of the house for a little while, once Noah got up from his nap. Maybe we could take our snack outside. Oh, that sounded like a good idea. I abstracted a few more apples from the fridge and began to slice them into a bowl. Cheese would be nice too, and of course, peanut butter.
My phone—my new phone, that Abel had sat me down and made me choose—rang on the kitchen table. Well, not so much rang, as whistled, a piercing wolf whistle.
Abel's Omega(Gay Paranomal MM Mpreg Romance) (Mercy Hills Pack Book 2) Page 38
