His head turned slowly until their eyes met, then he fixed his eyes back on the road. “No costumes? Why?”
Pansy stared out the window. He’d recognized her soon after they’d met at the café; there never had been a chance to fool him. But it had been easier to ignore the truth than to explain. “I decided it was time to come to terms with my past.”
Kade cleared his throat. He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. “I was beginning to wonder—”
The headlights illuminated the brush and juniper along the sides of the road. Kade slowed when a doe and fawn walked to the edge of the road before melting back into the desert night.
Moonlight brightened the interior of the truck enough for Pansy to see the man she’d given her heart to so long ago.
He turned his piercing gray eyes on her for a moment before shifting his attention to the up-coming curve.
Pansy took a deep breath. Time to fess up. “It was pretty obvious who you were when Micah introduced us. I just didn’t want to deal with our past.” The tips of her fingers felt like ice, and she couldn’t seem to pull a full breath into her lungs. She’d spent seven years getting every last bit of tension out of her life. Now within a couple of weeks, she was drowning in drama.
Technically, Kade chuckled, but there was no humor in the sound, and he didn’t bother to comment.
When she realized he wasn’t going to speak, she continued. “I don’t know what else to say.” This conversation would be easier if she had room to pace. She twisted the turquoise ring on her index finger in agitation. “I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.”
“I looked for you.”
She snorted. “Not very hard. I tried to call you, but you let it go to voice-mail. I waited, but you didn’t call back.”
“You’re right, I should have returned your calls. I wasn’t ready to have the same argument again. After our last big blow-up, I gave up. But when I did come home, I looked for you.”
“You came home after how long?”
“I don’t know. A while.”
“More like two years.” Pansy jerked her head up and glared. “You were gone for two years.”
“But then I looked everywhere. I even talked to your dad.” Kade’s brows drew together into a frown. “He said he didn’t have a daughter.”
“That’s what he told me, too.” Pansy dropped her head back against the headrest and closed her eyes. Her sigh held the weight of all the people who’d let her down. “You were two years too late.”
A few lights brightened the windows of the businesses in Burns, but only the occasional car was on the street at this hour. Kade pulled into the parking lot of the abandoned lumber mill at the edge of town. “Where have you been, Pansy?”
Apparently they were going to have this conversation whether she wanted to or not. “All over. Mostly in Denver.”
“Why there?” Kade tilted the steering wheel up and twisted in the seat so he faced her. He fished a roll of Peppermint Lifesavers out of the truck’s console and offered her one.
Pansy shook her head. Candy wasn’t going to make this any easier. “You’re just full of questions, aren’t you?”
Popping a Lifesaver into his mouth, he waited for her to continue.
“Denver was as good as anyplace. I didn’t intend on staying, but I found a job I liked. That’s where I met Cary.”
“Just one more question. Why the wigs and the costumes?”
Pansy sat back, memories of that time of her life rolling over her like a smothering wave of smoke. She pushed the button to roll down the window. Maybe some fresh air would help.
The need to redefine herself had been uncontrollable, to become someone else essential. “I didn’t like who I was or what my life had become so I changed.”
“Why did you feel you had to change?”
“Nope, you used your one more question. Let’s get to the hospital.”
Kade stared at her, his brows pulled down into a frown. Even frowning, the warmth in his gray eyes made her want to…. No!
She straightened her spine and met his gaze, daring him to push her further.
He turned the key and pulled out onto the road without a word. The lights of the hospital glowed ahead of them and not a moment too soon.
A dull headache throbbed behind Pansy’s eyes, and there was a slight tremor in her hands. It had been too much to ask that she could have continued to live her life the way she chose, without attachments, without explanation.
Sure it was lonely, but these last few tension filled weeks left her exhausted. “Look, can we not talk about my past. I prefer to live in the present.”
Several empty parking spots were near the hospital entrance, and Kade pulled into one. Climbing from the truck, he started toward the large glass doors at the entrance. Halfway to the building, he stopped and stood staring at his boots. After a moment, he turned to face her. “I’ve missed you, Pansy.”
CHAPTER FIVE
Not looking back to see if Pansy followed, Kade strode through the halls of the hospital. It’s not like she could get lost in this small building, and she’d done well enough on her own all these years. She hadn’t needed him at all.
Why he’d thought she might this time around he didn’t know. All this time he’d wondered how she was doing. It had occurred to him she might have found another love, but call him stupid, he hadn’t taken the idea seriously. Not really.
Through the years, when he’d shaken out his memories of Pansy, he’d preferred to think of her waiting for him, even though he’d known she wasn’t.
Sometimes he was a corn-fed idiot!
He was rounding the corner next to the surgery suite when a hand grabbed his arm.
Pansy stood, fingers warm against his skin, with a frown on her face. “So let me get this straight. You’re mad because I didn’t jump up and down, excited to be seeing you again, when Micah introduced us, but it’s okay that you didn’t tell me you recognized me? What kind of crap is that?” The scuffed toe of her old red boot tapped the floor in irritation, and her fingernails skimmed across his skin as she pulled her hand away.
Kade stepped into an empty waiting room and pulled Pansy with him. The soft blues and browns of the upholstery and paint were designed to sooth, and he needed all the tranquility he could find.
When he turned to her, the sight of the woman he’d known took his breath away. Pansy in the café was eye-catching, but without the costumes, wigs and make-up, she was the prettiest woman he’d ever seen. He raised his hand to touch her cheek, but decided that wouldn’t be a smart move. Walking to a row of chairs, he sat down, waiting until she joined him.
“I’m not mad. I don’t know what I am, but the sight of you, the real you, scrambled what little brain I have left.” He reached for her hand, hesitated, then picked it up. The skin of her palm was a soft contrast to his calluses. “You haven’t changed.”
“Everything about me has changed.” Her tone was abrupt, but there was a slight hitch to her voice as she freed her hand from his grasp. “I’m not the girl you knew.”
If he didn’t move away, he’d keep touching her, and he couldn’t think when his fingers came in contact with her soft skin. The water cooler in the corner of the room gurgled, and Kade had a sudden desire for a drink. The cool water didn’t help much with the fire that burned inside him, but getting a drink bought him time to think. He lifted the paper cup to his lips, watching her over the edge. “I’m sorry I hurt you.”
“You have no idea.” The words came out so quiet he almost didn’t hear. She walked to the window and when she spoke again, her voice was strong. “That was a long time ago. Forget it happened. I have.”
“You said you lost a baby. When was that?” It couldn’t be his. She’d said it wasn’t, and Pansy wouldn’t lie about something that important. Besides, someone from home would have told him. Somehow he would have known.
Pansy waived her hand in dismissal. “Sorry, but that subject is off limits. We came t
o see how Cary and Micah are doing, and that’s what I’m going to do.”
Kade stood alone in the doorway, watching Pansy stride down the hall. Filled with more questions than he’d had before, he had no choice but to follow her. He’d been amused when he’d first seen her dressed as Cleopatra. He wasn’t amused now.
What if he had been the father of Pansy’s baby? Was he ready to settle down and live like a normal family? For the first time in his life, bull riding wasn’t at the forefront of his thoughts. He wasn’t ready to retire—was he? He’d found fame and a little fortune as a rodeo cowboy.
But without a bull riding championship, he was just another nobody.
As Kade entered the maternity waiting room, his problems melted away the moment he saw Micah grab Pansy and pull her into a hug. The skin of his friend’s face was gray and drawn, his eyes bloodshot.
Micah let Pansy lead him to a group of chairs.
“I don’t like the looks of this. What happened?” Kade moved closer to his friend but remained standing.
“Man, I was so scared. Cary had trouble having the baby, and the doctor did an emergency Cesarean.”
“But she’s okay? The baby’s okay?” Kade hadn’t known Micah’s wife long, but after years of misery and deception by his ex-wife, Cary had found a way to make his cousin happy. That counted for a lot.
Micah started to answer, but had to clear his throat. “The baby’s fine, but Cary kept bleeding. They gave her a transfusion. They might have to give her another.”
“Tell me they got the bleeding stopped.” Pansy blinked back tears and cleared her throat. Micah didn’t need to see either of them fall apart.
“For now, but they’re having trouble getting her blood pressure to stabilize.”
“Oh, Micah,” Pansy took Micah’s hand and held it between her own.
Micah nodded. “The doctors said barring complications she’d make a full recovery. It’s the complications part that bothers me.”
The look on his face confirmed he wasn’t sure he believed the medical personnel. “If they told you Cary’s going to be fine, she’ll be fine. Doctors don’t lie about things like this.”
Something in the tone of Pansy’s voice told Kade she was speaking from experience.
Micah leaned back in the chair and rubbed his face with his hands. “I can’t lose her.”
The desolation on his friend’s expression broke Kade’s heart. What did you say in a situation like this? No use telling him not to worry. That wasn’t going to happen. No good saying she’d be okay when they weren’t sure. “Want a cup of coffee?” At least that would give him something to do.
Eyes closed, Micah only shrugged.
Pansy glanced at him then looked away, swiping at a tear. “I think coffee would do us all good.”
The next hour dragged along with Pansy trying to keep a conversation going. They’d run out of the smallest of small talk when they heard a high-pitched voice coming from the hall.
“Shit, I forgot to call Clinton. He and Millie are bringing Willa to meet her little brother.” Micah dropped his head into his hands, giving in to exhaustion. “I don’t want her to worry.”
“Pansy, you stay with Micah. I’ll cut them off.” He hurried to the doorway and caught the group before they saw Micah. “Hey, Willa Wild. Let’s go see your brother. He’s in the nursery.
Clinton looked at him, his brows drawn down in confusion.
Kade gave his head a small shake and took the little girl’s hand in one of his, and Millie’s in the other. “Big sisters can see their new brother this way.”
Willa Wild broke free and skipped back down the hall.
“What’s going on?” Millie asked, her voice just above a whisper.
Kade stopped. “There were some complications, but I think Cary is going to be okay. Micah, on the other hand, I’m not so sure about. I think we need to keep Willa with us for awhile.”
Clinton put his arm around Millie’s shoulder and pulled her close. “Show us the way. We’ll take her out for ice cream later if we need to.”
Millie nodded her assent, and they followed Kade to the nursery.
Willa vibrated with excitement at the prospect of being a first-time big sister. Bouncing like Tigger, she tried to get high enough to see through the large window. “I can’t see him. Can you see him? I want to see him.”
Kade lifted her—she weighed less than a bucket of grain—and they looked through the glass together, trying to read the name cards attached to the beds. It wasn’t necessary. There were only five babies in the nursery. Four were wrapped in pink.
“There he is.” Kade pointed at the tiny bundle in blue.
Willa lifted her small hand and waved to her brother then leaned in until her turned-up nose was squashed against the glass. “Hi, Rodie.”
Kade looked at the little girl, a smile finally working its way out. “Rodie?”
Willa’s carrot red hair floated around her head as the grin, missing two teeth, lit her face. “Yes. Rodie Owen West. I picked out the name myself. Well, Pa helped.”
“Rodie Owen?” He gave Willa Wild a high five then a low five. “Good job, girl.”
“How soon do you think I’ll get to hold him?” Willa turned back to look through the window. She raised her hand and placed the palm against the glass.
A nurse from inside waved to them then picked up Rodie and held him closer to the window. The baby opened his eyes for a moment then yawned.
“He looked at me. He knows me.” Willa’s voice was filled with awe.
“Looks like he’s tired from being born,” Millie said. “How about if we go to the Dairy Queen for a blizzard to celebrate?”
“Can I see Cary?” Willa looked into Kade’s eyes then she wiggled trying to get down.
“She’s resting, Willa. It’s hard work having a baby.” Kade put the little girl on her feet.
“Uncle Kade, you know my name is Willa Wild.” After he nodded, she took Millie’s hand. “Can I have a sundae?”
Millie looked from Kade to Clinton then back to the little girl, a forced smile on her face. “Sure, you can have anything you want. We’re celebrating the day you became a big sister.”
“That’s an important day for sure.” Clinton took Willa’s other hand, and they walked to the elevator. The last thing Kade heard was Willa telling Clinton and Millie how she was going to teach Rodie to ride her horse.
As the elevator doors slid shut, he turned to go back to the waiting room. Moving along the hushed hallway, he passed the chapel and for some unknown reason, stepped inside. He’d never been on close speaking terms with the big guy. Hell, he hadn’t give God much thought for years, but it couldn’t hurt to ask, could it?
After a short, and he hoped good-enough prayer, Kade hurried back to Micah. Let there be good news, or at least, not bad.
~*~
The first twelve hours after the baby was born crawled by like a hobbled sloth. Pansy’s worry for Cary increased with each passing minute until her muscles were rigid with tension and fear. For the first time in years, she’d found someone she trusted, and now she was in danger of losing her friend.
She heard muffled footsteps coming down the hall and jumped to her feet when Micah entered the waiting room, bracing for bad news.
“Dr. Carter just finished examining Cary. They’ve stabilized her, thank god.”
Pansy hadn’t been a demonstrative person for years. She’d kept to herself, not getting attached to anyone, but now she pulled Micah into a gigantic hug. If the waiting had been bad for her, it must have been excruciating for him. She tried to say something, but her throat was full of tears and thankfulness, so she hugged him again.
“Cary’s is going to have to stay in the hospital for a few days.” Micah dropped into a chair, stretching his long legs out in front of him and his arms over his head. “God, I’m glad that’s over. I thought I was going to lose her.”
Pansy sat beside him, leaning down to make eye contact. “But
we didn’t lose her. She’s going to be fine.”
“Now I have to figure out what to do with my Willa.” Micah sat, his forearms on his thighs, his head hanging, a position she’d seen the man in far too often since this started. “Millie and Clinton would take her, but they both have jobs to do.”
“We’ll handle it.” Kade sat up from where he’d been sleeping on the floor. “You stay here with Cary, and we’ll take Willa home.”
“I can’t ask you—”
“You didn’t ask. I offered.” Kade stood and poured himself a cup of coffee. “Pansy’ll help me out.”
Pansy instinctively shook her head no. The way her throat constricted when Kade volunteered them for babysitting duty made it impossible to swallow. Since she’d lost Maxie she’d kept as far away from children as she could. It was too painful.
She pulled in a deep breath and gave herself a mental talking to. Now was not the time to give in to her fears. “Count me in. It’ll be fun.” It would be fun in a pain-filled, break-your-heart kind of way.
At least her voice didn’t convey her true feelings.
Micah raised his head, his eyes red-rimmed, but he apparently bought her story. “Thank you.”
Pansy waved her hand in a nonchalant manner, the exact opposite of the panic raging through her at the thought of being responsible for an eight-year-old. “Pffft! Kade and I can take care of one little girl. No problem.”
Micah quirked an eyebrow, no doubt worrying about the way she and Kade would take care of his daughter.
Kade laughed. “How hard can it be? She’s just a little girl.”
Micah shook his head. “My daughter could sweet talk Putin into giving up the Russian presidency. Did she tell you what she named the baby?”
“Rodie? How’d she come up with that?”
“Cary and I had almost settled on Carter Rodie. Rodie was my mom’s maiden name.” His laugh was soft. “Like we’d have the last say.”
“It was nice of you to let Willa have a hand in naming her brother,” Pansy said.
Sweet Cowboy Kisses (Sugar Coated Cowboys Book 2) Page 6
