Through All the Years

by Rod Carstens

  Chapter 6

  Honolulu Airport

  Eastern Flight 1278

  1968

  "Kate it's nice to see you again." The stewardess said as Kate boarded her flight. She had made the flight so often during the filming that the crew now knew her by name. She could hardly wait to get in her seat and into the air. She was so exhausted she knew she would sleep most the flight back.

  "Hey, Susie how are you?" Kate said to the stewardess.

  Kate found her seat in first class, and settled in. The plane was almost completely full, when a young man in a tan uniform boarded the plane. Susie took his ticket and frowned.

  "There must be some mistake. This is a first class ticket."

  "I don't know. It's the one I was given." He said.

  "Military standbys don't sit in first class. I'll up grade someone from coach."

  The young man just shrugged. He was lean, muscular and tanned. His hair was cut very close to his head. He had two stripes on his sleeve with crossed rifles underneath. Kate could not see his face.

  "No you won't, Susie."

  It was the pilot of the plane. He had just stepped out of the cockpit.

  "He will be seated in first class, and receive the same service everyone else does. Do you understand me?"

  Susie's face turned red and she stammered. "Yes, Captain."

  "I put him in first class."

  The pilot turned to the young man and said, "I made sure your friend is on board. You can be rest assured he was well taken care of."

  "Yes sir, I was watching. I saw you. Thank you sir," The young man said.

  "No thanks necessary, Marine. I was a naval aviator before I started driving these buses. Now, why don't you take your seat?"

  The young man turned around moved down the aisle. Kate watched him as he looked for his seat. He moved with the grace of an athlete. He was about Kate's age with all American boy good looks, yet there was a leanness to his face that made him look older. It was his eyes that struck her. It would be those eyes that Kate would remember through all of the years. They were the saddest eyes Kate had ever seen, in anyone no matter what their age, eyes that had seen too much and now were very old. To see those old eyes, in such a young handsome face startled her. It was then she realized, that the seat next to her was the only one left in First Class.

  He slipped past her and sat down, without saying a word. In fact he did not seem to notice her. That was something Kate was not used to, and it took her back. He buckled his seat belt and sat staring out the window into the night. Neither said a word, as the flight took off and reached cruising altitude.

  Kate was curious men did not ignore her. She decided to try one of her favorite tricks, the old could you spare a light trick. It was an old one but it always worked. Once the "no smoking" light was turned off, Kate reached for a cigarette. She made a show of digging through her purse for her lighter. Without saying a word the young Marine reached down and pulled up his pants leg. In his sock were his cigarettes and a lighter, a simple stainless steel Zippo, with a gold Eagle Globe and Anchor symbol on it. It was dented, scratched, and dirty. Without a word he flipped it open and offered her a light she accepted the light and said.

  "Thank you. Your lighter looks like it's been through a lot." Let see what you got cowboy, Kate thought, I provided the opening.

  He stopped and examined as if he were seeing for the first time.

  "Yeah, I guess it has."

  He turned back to the window to stare out at the night. Kate was a little frustrated she had given him an opening but he wasn't taking it. Who was this young man that he would not pick up on an opening? Now she was curious.

  “Why do you keep it in your sock?"

  "A Marine thing."

  Kate noticed that the young Marine had almost three rows of ribbons on his chest. "Have you been to Vietnam?"

  Those sad old eyes looked at her a moment before he said.

  "I was there yesterday."

  Kate did not know what to say. All her games suddenly went out the window. There was no smart come back for that one. Vietnam was something on television to Kate; it was not a place you were yesterday. She was not political, the way many in the industry were. The war was just something in the papers. She had no friends who were affected, but she was now sitting next to someone living it. Again he turned back to the window and said nothing.

  Finally, she asked,"Then you are going home."

  "No. I have a three weeks R&R."

  "What's R&R?" Kate asked.

  "Rest and relaxation."

  "A vacation. Then what?" Kate smiled.

  "I go back." He said without any real emotion in his voice.

  Three weeks then he went back to war. He had said as if he had told her he was going back to school after a summer break. She found herself being pulled by this quite young man sitting next to her.

  "Oh." Kate groped for polite words. "Do you have plans for your R&R?"

  "Yes, I'm escorting my best friends body back to his family so they can bury him."

  CHAPTER 7

  Somewhere over the Pacific

  Eastern Flight 1278

  1968

  Kate was stunned. What could she possibly say to that, she had just spent the last few days making sure she looked good, and here was this young man her own age who was dealing with experiences she could not imagine. He wasn't complaining about his fate he had simply stated his it as a fact. A fact that could get him killed and had gotten his friend killed. He had turned back to look out the window. Kate tried to turn away, tried to go back to her world but she could not. She could not get past what he had just said and all that meant to him and to the family and friends of the young dead Marine. She forgot all her games. This young man lived in a world where the games carried much higher stakes. She felt silly and childish for trying to flirt with him out of boredom. What do you say to something like that? She sat smoking silently for some time, completely at a loss. Susie, the stewardess, came by taking drink orders.

  "Can I get you something Kate? The usual?"

  "Please."

  "My pleasure." Then her voice changing less friendly and cold, she said to the young Marine.

  "Do you want something?"

  "Yeah, I would like a beer, ma'am."

  Susie wrote the order down, and moved on. The young Marine with the old eyes just watched her leave.

  "I am very sorry for the loss of your friend." Kate said and then almost as an after thought, "My name is Kate."

  The young Marine looked at her for a long time as if he did not know what to say. Then said, "Thanks. I'm Tom."

  "I don't know much about the war. I'm not sure what to say or ask."

  "Nobody does. Mac and I are just a couple of grunts."

  "What's a grunt?"

  "A grunt is an infantryman. The ones who carry rifles and shoot people for a living," he said bitterness and sarcasm dripping from this voice.

  Kate stared into his eyes. She knew the right word to describe them now. They were haunted eyes. They were eyes of someone who had seen too much and carried it all with him. Again he had completely floored her, what do you say to someone who just explained in a very calm voice he killed people for a living. The stewardess brought their drinks. Kate sipped her vodka and tonic, while Tom guzzled a long thirsty pull from his beer. He noticed her silence and said.

  "I'm sorry. It's has been a long time since I've talked to a real girl. I didn't mean to say that the way it came out. It just that..well... Look, if I make you uncomfortable I'm sorry. I won't bother you anymore." Tom said.

  Kate looked into those old eyes, smiled and put her hand on his arm.

  "You don't bother me. I was afraid I was bothering you."

  Tom smiled a crooked smile and said, "I haven't been around a round eye in at least eight months."

  "A round eye?"

  "That is what we call an American girl. I'm afraid I don't know how to talk to someone like you."

  "I th
ink you're doing fine." Kate said. She realized he was genuinely having a hard time talking to her. It had to be an enormous culture shock to have been in Vietnam yesterday and today flying in First Class out of Hawaii. No wonder he was having a hard time.

  "What were you doing in Hawaii?" Tom asked.

  "I was making a movie."

  "Really? So you're an actress." Tom said.

  "I'm not sure yet. That was my first movie. Usually I do some modeling."

  Kate was almost ashamed to be talking about what she had been doing, when she could hardly imagine what this young man sitting next to her had done and seen.

  "That must have been cool."

  "It was. I had a lot of fun doing it."

  "Is there anybody I'd have heard of in it with you?"

  "You mean, I'm not famous enough for you?" Kate said.

  Tom seemed stunned and embarrassed for a second. "No, no I didn't mean that."

  Kate gave him a slow smile. "I know I was only teasing you. Chad Henning was the star. Have you heard of him?"

  "Yeah, I saw that last movie he did when we were back at the firebase."

  "What is a firebase?"

  "A base that is supposed to be safe place, sort of."

  They were silent for some time. Tom was staring out of the window into the fading light. Kate found herself not tired at all and suddenly not wanting the conversation to end.

  "Would you mind if I asked why you joined the Marines? I mean with the war and all. Everyone I know is trying to get out of the draft, much less enlisting."

  He was silent for a long moment as if he had never thought of why he had enlisted.

  "I didn't have much of a choice it was either the draft or enlist. Unless you were from a family with money, that could send you to college, or had some pull to get you into the Reserves or National Guard, you were going to get drafted. My dad died when I was thirteen, and my mom and I didn't have any money for college, and with my grades that really wasn't an option. I didn't want to wait, and get drafted with a bunch guys who didn't want to be there. So I enlisted. I had read a lot of World War II history about the Marines growing up, and I wanted to prove something to myself."

  "What was that?"

  "That I was tough enough to be a Marine."

  "Looks like you made it."

  He hesitated before he answered a crocked smiled crossed his face as if it were the first time he had considered what she had said.

  "Yeah, it does doesn't it," Tom said with a wry laugh. "But something else too. I knew I needed to grow up. I had no idea just how much."

  Tom turned away from the window at looked at Kate and said. "You know I have never told anybody that before. I sorry I don't even know you and I'm telling my life story."

  "No need to apologize."

  Tom turned to look back out the window as if he were seeing the sky for the first time. Kate sensed that in some way it was an escape from something, the thing that made his eyes so sad.

  CHAPTER 8

  They sat there in silence for some time. Each lost in their own thoughts. A question kept popping up that Kate wanted to ask him. A question she wanted to ask him but hesitated. It was a question that she was unsure how he would react to if she dared to ask it. Then she decided to trust the instant ease she felt talking to him.

  "Look you don't have answer this question but I have to ask."

  Those old sad eyes look puzzled.

  "What's it like? Being over there. Being in a war? I've seen the news and everybody talks about it, but I've never talked to someone who has really been there. A real soldier."

  "I'm not a soldier, I'm a Marine," Tom said.

  "Sorry. Like I said I don't know much."

  Tom looked at the Kate for a long time, as if he were trying to decide what to say, before he finally began to talk.

  "You're tired all the time, especially when you're in the bush, that what we call the jungle. You never get enough sleep. Somebody is always on watch. Even when you do sleep, it's only a half sleep. You're dirty like you have never been dirty before."

  He paused before going on as if trying to find the right words to describe the experience.

  "We were out for almost a month on one operation, and my pants began to rot off, I was so dirty. When you're not walking your sitting in the dirt. When you aren't sitting on the dirt. you dig a hole in the dirt, and live in that hole. You eat C-rations and drink water. You are either so hot, that when you stop to take a break, steam comes off you like you just came out of a sauna, or you're freezing when it rains. And when it rains, it rains for weeks at a time. If you are in the field that means you are wet for weeks. Your feet crack open because they have been wet so long. Mac got evac'ed once because of his feet. He was always having trouble with them. Then there are the bugs and the mosquitoes. There are so thick you can't sleep no matter how tired you are. So you put on the bug juice they give you to keep them off. I have no idea what it made of, but it makes your lips numb if you get any of it on them. I think it was some kind of rule that once you are as tired and dirty, and wet and as uncomfortable as you possibly could be, that's when they would start shooting at you."

  Tom paused a moment before he continued. "When someone shoots at you, you forget about all the rest of it, because you're so scared. So it is mostly like being tired, dirty, and scared shitless. Mac used to call it, 'The Nam Life', because there was nothing else like it."

  When he mentioned Mac, he paused for a long moment.

  "You said you were best friends."

  "Yeah, when you are hot, tired, and scared all of the time, it really helps to have a buddy. Mac and I came into the unit together. It was at a place called Con Thien."

  Tom told her the story of how they landed at Con Thien. They had ended up sleeping next to one another under their sea bags at bottom of the bomb crater. Tom had accused Mac of having a teddy bear in his seabag he was holding it so tight. As Tom told the story he laughed and his eyes were not as sad. It was the first time Kate had seen him smile. He had a nice smile. The thought of the two of them hiding the bottom of a hole hugging their sea bags was enough to make Kate laugh too.

  "I'm sorry, but it is funny," she said not sure if she should laugh.

  "No, you can laugh, it is funny. And if you don't laugh when you can, then you will go nuts."

  They were still laughing together when the stewardess brought their dinner. Kate found it easy to talk to this quite, serious young man, as easy as anyone she had ever talked to in her life. Their dinner was the usual first class fare of steak and potatoes with all the trimmings. Tom stared at the meal in disbelief.

  "Is something the matter with your steak?" The stewardess asked. It wasn't Susie; she had found other things to do instead of serving Tom.

  "No, no. It great. I just haven't seen food like this in a very long time."

  "What do you eat Tom? You said something about C-rations."

  Tom cut his steak and chewed it with relish before he answered.

  "It's, the canned food that we carry. Stuff like ham and mothers, beans and weenies, peanut butter, and beef with spiced sauce but we call it mystery meat. Mac always said he thought the North Vietnamese made C's. If they couldn't kill us they were trying to make us so miserable we would leave."

  Kate laughed and watched as Tom devoured his steak. Somewhere it gave her a real pleasure to see someone enjoy a simple meal so much.

  "Beans and weenies? Mystery meat?" Kate said.

  "Yeah, beans and weenies are my favorites. They are little hot dogs and beans. But mystery meat well it is grey a gooey mush and nobody can quite figure out what it is."

  "How in the world do you eat the stuff?"

  "We all have little tricks to make it edible. We all carry hot sauce. If you put enough hot sauce on anything, it will kill the taste and you can usually get it down. I like to take the peanut butter and the jelly and mix them together, then put them on the bread that comes with one of the meals. The only problem is we get C-rations
are from World War II, and you kind of have to mix the peanut butter real good, because it has separated from the oil."

  Kate made a face at the thought of eating something that was over twenty years old.

  "Ham and mothers?" she asked.

  Tom hesitated then said. He ate more of the steak and potato then said.

  "Ham and motherfuckers. "

  Kate almost choked when she heard what he said. "Ham and what you said?"

  "Sorry but that is what we call them. They are really ham and lima beans. They taste so bad you can't eat them, no matter what you do to them. Whenever Mac got them he would see how far he could throw them."

  "See how far he could throw them?" Kate laughed.

  "One time we were on an operation and had been in and out of contact all day. Everybody was real jumpy when we finally setup for the night. Well when they handed out the C's Mac got Ham and Mothers. Mac was in no mood, so he threw the ham and mothers as hard and as far as he could. He looked just like he did when he threw a grenade. The rest of the squad saw him throw it. They thought Mac was throwing a grenade at something. So everybody hit the deck."

  Tom started laughing. "When they found out what he had thrown they decided the best thing to do was kill the stuff so it could not multiply. So we all began shooting at can. With all the firing the Lieutenant came running up thinking we were being attacked. We told him what had happened. At first he was really pissed, but he hated ham and mothers as much as Mac did. He made everybody cease-fire. Then he said, 'Watch this.'"

  "He got on the radio back to the fire base and reported that we were under attack. He requested a fire mission. We were all staring at him we couldn't believe he was going to do it. Then he started giving them coordinates. We were all going nuts the Lieutenant was calling in artillery strike on the ham and mothers. Well when the rounds began to hit everybody was yelling and cheering each time a round exploded. It was great. He blew a hundred meters of jungle into next week and those damn ham and mothers to hell."