Through All the Years

by Rod Carstens

Tom laughed and said, "Thank you Kate."

  Kate smiled. "That's more like it there cowboy. A little appreciation for the broad, thank you. Jack never has any matches in the house or keeps his lighters filled so a girl does what she has to."

  She ran her hand through his hair. Kate sat down in her own chair as Jack worked at the grill. She lit her own cigarette and tried to hand the lighter to Tom.

  "You can keep it as long as you remember where you got it," Tom said with a smile.

  Kate slipped it into her beach bag and met his eyes. She smiled then said to Jack. "Is anybody ever going to feed me?"

  "Shut up or I will make you fix the steaks." Jack said.

  Jack could not get over Kate. Bringing him a towel, a beer, lighting a cigarette for him, the banter about the lighter, he had never seen her act this way with a man. She was always the one playing the game and keeping score of every move. He did not know what was going on but it was very good to see her act this way. Whatever was in her background that had so formed her behaviors with men seemed to disappear with Tom. It was a very good thing.

  "I am as good a cook as you are, and you know it."

  "You should be. I taught you." Jack said over his shoulder as he put the steaks on the grill.

  "Remember the first time I tried to cook a whole meal?"

  "Yeah it was delicious but we didn't get to bed until midnight."

  "You know eating at midnight is very European. After all I am jet setter." Kate said.

  "You been to Europe twice on shoots and you call that jet setting? I came along on the one to Rome. Remember that little place we ate in the first night?"

  "And the hotel my God those beds. Neither one of us got any sleep that first night."

  "Yeah and you thought you looked like warmed over death the next morning for the first shoot." Jack said.

  "My God, Jack it took all the tricks in the poor make-up girls knew to get me looking human."

  "Right. You know how good you looked in spite of the drinking and carousing we did the night before. You’re just looking for a compliment."

  "A girl can try can't she?" Kate said.

  Jack and Kate laughed together at the shared memory. Tom looked from one to the other; their familiar banter was that of couple who had a long intimate history together. Suddenly he felt like a third wheel in the middle of a date. It was all too L.A. for him. Her holding his hand, the looks between them, she must just feel sorry for him. There was no way he could compete with a man like Jack. Not with his money and sophistication. He felt as if they were just being nice to a guy in a tough spot. He felt foolish for thinking that Kate could ever consider someone like him in comparison to Jack or any of the other L.A. guys she must know.

  "Honey, could you get the tongs. I forgot them," Jack said.

  "Sure babe."

  Kate jumped up and ran up the stairs. When she was out of ear shot Tom said.

  "Look I really appreciate everything you done for me. I will leave after dinner."

  "What?" Jack turned from the grill.

  "Yeah, I don't want to get in the way. You know."

  "No I don't know."

  "Come on Jack give me a break. You and Kate. I don't want to be a third wheel. I'd rather find somewhere else to stay."

  "It's not like that."

  Tom didn't say anything.

  "Tom, Kate and I have a relationship that is very special, but I can assure you it is not what you think. She and I care for each other. In fact we love each other, in a very unique way. I won't say it is like father and daughter, because it is not. But it is not what you think."

  "What is it then?"

  "Look Tom I have explained it as best as I can or will. And frankly it's Kate's and my business, but it is not like that and you are not in the way of anything. I can assure you."

  Tom was silent. He did not know what to believe. He wanted to believe everything that Jack had just said but it flew in the face of what he had seen. It did not add up to anything that he knew or understood. Again he thought Jack was just being nice to some young jarhead Kate had brought home.

  Kate came down the stairs tongs in hand. She immediately sensed the change in the tone between Tom and Jack as soon as she handed the tongs to Jack.

  "Hey what's going on here?" Kate said.

  "I was trying to explain our relationship to Tom. He was going to leave after dinner so we could be alone."

  "Oh Tom, please," Kate said in a dismissive tone.

  Tom stood.

  "Goddamnit I am not some kid. I may not be a Hollywood type, but I am not going to be treated like I am some kind of high school kid, who's not old enough to fucking understand what is going on around here."

  "Tom please," Kate said, her concern growing. This had never occurred to her and it should have. She should have explained their relationship to him before now. She knew she and Jack could look like a couple but she had not thought it through. She could kick herself.

  "Fuck this. I am not going to be made a fool of. Look you have both been very nice. I think it is best if I leave." Tom said.

  Tom ran up the stairs.

  CHAPTER 25

  "You had better go talk to him," Jack said.

  "What the hell do I say?"

  Kate was completely thrown by what she would say. She had never thought about their relationship. It had just evolved over the last years and she had never tried to put it into words. They had never talked about it; she and Jack had just fallen into something very special.

  "The truth."

  "What are you talking about?"

  "Stop kidding yourself about him. You like him and want him to stick around to find out just how much."

  "Jack goddamnit. I told you..."

  "You can fool yourself but you can't fool me. And you didn't fool Mama Mac. There is something going on between you two. Even if you don't understand it yet you had better try to make it clear to him or you'll always regret it."

  Kate suddenly wanted Tom to stay very badly. She knew something was happening between them but she had avoided trying to figure it out. Then she brings Tom to the beach house with Jack. She had not thought of it through Tom's eyes.

  "Jack..."

  "Put yourself in his place. He was probably going to the prom a year or so ago and now he is in the middle of a war just trying to make through the day alive. He brings the body of his best friend home to bury and he meets you. Not only does he meet you but also you are nice to him and help him through the funeral. Then you take him to a beach house he has probably only seen pictures of in magazines. An older guy who you seem to care a lot about owns it and we act like we always do. You know what people out here think of us. What do think he thinks? He got less of frame of reference than people we know and they don't believe us. Your smart, put it together."

  Kate ran up the stairs trying to think how she was going to explain to him something she was not sure she could put into words. She realized that it was suddenly very important to get this right. She realized just how much she did not want him to leave. He was in the shower when she got to the bedroom.

  "Tom please let me explain." Kate said through the door.

  Tom did not answer. Kate paced as she waited for him to come out. She cursed herself for not listening to Mama Mac. His reaction only confirmed what Mama Mac had said. He had begun to care about her long before she had sorted things out. She was just trying to take care of him. Then on top of that not to have even tried to explain about Jack was really asking for trouble. She had gotten lost in just how wonderful it felt to be with him. So easy and natural she had not thought of how she and Jack must look to Tom. She had been very stupid.

  When he came out he out he just had towel wrapped around his waist, what Kate saw startled her. She had not noticed the scars on his body before in the fading light of the sunset; now in the bright light of the bedroom she saw not only the ugly purplish scar on his side he had shown the Army Lieutenant, but also now she noticed a number of still healing n
icks and lacerations on his legs. His right arm had a nasty red scar almost on his shoulder. Here was the price that he was paying on display in front of her. It was the body of a warrior. It made everything he had told her about the war real, in a way it had never been before. She had the urge to take him in her arms, and give him the comfort only a woman could give a man. It was the pure feminine urge, born of a millennium of women caring for their men coming back from wars.

  "Look you do not need to explain anything, it is none of my business." Tom said.

  "Would you please shut up, long enough for me to explain." Kate snapped. "Then you do as you please, "

  Kate stood there a moment trying to compose herself. She was angry with herself not at Tom. She should have explained things; he had enough on his mind without trying to figure out her and Jack's relationship. She had a hard time understanding it most of the time.

  Tom was pulled up short by the fierceness of her reaction he finally stammered. "Ok."

  "Jack got me my first gig and has watched over me in this town ever since. That means more than I could ever explain to you. It is almost like the way you and Mac took care of each other. This town eats young girls everyday, even tough guys like me. They end up in some very bad dead ends without a way out. But Jack has had my back the whole time. Jack has pulled my ass out of the fire, or made a phone call and had somebody backed off, more times than I can count. Jack does date girls my age, all the time, but that is not what our relationship is about. He has never even tried. I have my own place, but I live here or his apartment as much as I live there. He never been married and doesn't have children, but I'm not a daughter substitute. In fact, I'm not sure there is a name for what we have together, but we have it. I'm not ashamed of it; in fact I'm lucky to have whatever it is we have developed. I've had lovers, god knows. But he's never been jealous or possessive. And he is no slouch with women. It is what it is and neither of us are ashamed or hide it. Like I said I am damn lucky to have him in my life."

  "Kate I just...are you seeing anyone?"

  "Look I'm not some little high school girl playing hard to get, not by a long shot, trust me. I am not playing coy. I don't do coy. But what Jack and I do or don't have has nothing to do with you and it is none of your business."

  Tom just stood there. "You did not answer my question."

  "Of course I am seeing a couple of guys. I'm a model in LA for Christ's sake. I got guys coming out of the woodwork, but there is nobody that I am serious about. No one I am seeing regularly."

  Kate watched his reaction closely. She had decided to come at him hard. She didn't think she had time for long talks. She needed to break through get him to listen. He lived in a very hard world and she thought she needed to treat him that way. Tom did not say anything. Good, she thought, she had pulled him up short and made his think. Better stop right now and hope for the best.

  "Look I am so past high school girl games I can't tell you. So trust me buster, when I say, if I did not want to be here, I wouldn't be. If I did not want you here, you would not be here. Now that is all you are getting out of me now. Put on some clothes and lets see if those steaks are ready."

  CHAPTER 26

  Tom dressed slowly. He found some blue jeans that fit and a dark blue collared polo pullover. He had not thought of where or what he would do after the funeral. Taking care of Mac and the funeral had been this huge wall that had to be scaled, and he had simply not thought of what he would do once he was on the other side of the wall. He didn't want to go home. He only wanted to go home went he came back for good. If he went now, it would be too hard, seeing his mother and friends. He had seen guys who met their wives or sweethearts in Hawaii on R&R they were never the same. It only got harder. No, he did not want to go through that, but this all seemed like something out of a movie, a beach house in Malibu, surfing, a beautiful model and a rich writer. He could not feel more out of place than if he had been dropped on another planet. But where was he going to go. Go to some motel, and hang out? Go to Pendleton, and stay in the barracks? Yeah, that is what he wanted, more of the Crotch, liberty cards, and lifers. He didn't know anybody in LA besides Kate and Jack, except Mama Mac and Corner Boy. He could go back to Watts but that was as foreign as this was to him.

  On top of all of this was Kate. She was not like any girl he had ever met before. Not just because of her beauty or career, but because she seemed to play no games with him. She had been a friend, and confidant through all of this. She had even gone through the funeral with him. She had never complained once. Despite who she was she had been respectful, kind and helpful to Mama Mac. She had put up with his fears. Sharon, his girlfriend in high school, would never have done any of that, in fact he didn't know a girl from high school that would. But Kate was no girl she was a woman.

  She was a beautiful model and actress. She had a career and a successful one at that, even at her age. What had he done except enlist in the Marines? He had no idea what he was going to do once he got out. He felt more than a little intimidated by her success, and what it had taken to get where she was. Then there was Kate and Jack's relationship, as she had said it was nothing he was familiar with and he had not frame of reference. What Kate had said made sense and it certainly did not seem contrived. She seemed as genuine as always. Maybe she was telling the truth. He believed that if she did not want to be here she would not be, nor would he be here if she did not want him there. But where was all of this going she was a successful model and actress and he was a corporal in the Crotch, those two things did not go together.

  But he couldn't help the way he had begun to feel about her. He remembered what Mac used to say to him when things got bad. 'Fuck it, it don't mean nothing, 'cause there's a good chance you'll be dead tomorrow anyway.' Maybe he should just relax and enjoy things. He was going back to Nam, and if the operations were anything like Hue, there was little chance of him coming back in one piece. So fuck it. Let the good times roll. Live today, cause there was a good chance you'll be dead tomorrow. He could hear Mac in his head now. 'What in the fuck are you thinking you dumb honkie, relax and enjoy it.' He smiled at the thought, Mac was right. He needed to relax and enjoy the ride. He did not want to ever lose Mac.

  Tom came down the stairs barefoot. He sat down in one of the chairs and dug his feet into the cool sand. Kate and Jack were watching him closely for reactions to what had just happened. He seemed more at ease than before. He sipped his beer and watched the sunset over the Pacific.

  Finally Jack said. "How ya' doing Corporal?" Jack said.

  "Couldn't be better."

  Kate and Jack exchange a relieved glance. Kate had been staring at him since he had come down the stairs. She kept staring at him long enough that Tom began to feeling embarrassed.

  "What's the matter?" Tom asked.

  "Not a thing," Kate said with a small satisfied smile. "I just noticed that you clean up pretty good. I've never seen you in civilian clothes. In fact you're something of a stud there cowboy."

  Tom face tuned a bright red. He had never had a girl talk to him that way. Kate laughed and enjoying his discomfort and continued to stare. They all sat there silently enjoying the sunset and Kate kept staring at Tom until he finally said.

  "Anybody else need another beer?"

  "Yeah," Kate said finally breaking her stare.

  "As a matter of fact the steaks are ready. How's the rest of the stuff?"

  "Ready to go." Kate said and ran up the stairs to get the potatoes and salad. Jack and Kate had set up a small table with silverware and plates on the beach. Jack put the steaks on three plates. Kate came down the stairs juggling the potatoes, salad and a bottle of red wine, the last rays of the sunset were just disappearing as they put everything on the table and sat down. Jack poured wine for himself and Kate then offered some to Tom.

  "No thanks I'll stick to beer."

  "Here's to tonight. A special night with a new friend." Jack said.

  Tom clinked his beer can with Jack's. Then when he to
uched Kate's glass she held his gaze for a long moment and raised her eyebrows in a question. She was asking if all was settled. Tom had not felt this relaxed and welcomed since he had left home. Tom smiled and gave a small nod. Kate relaxed back in her chair her smile growing larger, her gaze never leaving Tom. Jack did not miss the exchange and he too smiled a small smile.

  They all dug in and began to eat. Kate watched as Tom ate. He seemed to relish every morsel. She glanced at Jack, and saw the pleasure it gave him. Jack was a very decent and special man, she thought. She was so lucky just to have him in her life. Kate ended up matching the two men by cleaning her plate.

  "She eats a like a bird." Jack said.

  "Yeah, a condor." Tom replied.

  Kate almost choked on the last piece of steak. During her coughing streak she gave them both the finger.

  "That is what I love Kate, she is such the lady," Jack said.

  CHAPTER 27

  They had finished the meal and were sitting quietly enjoying the ocean in the dying light of the evening. Tom got everyone beers from the cooler nearby. Hugging herself Kate said. "Guys, I'm freezing can we have a fire."

  "Sure." Jack said. He stood and walked into the dark. A fire ring with wood already stacked stood ready. Jack began to build a fire.

  "Can I grab you something?" Tom said.

  "Yeah, sweetie. There should be a nice shawl in the room where the surfboard is."

  Tom came back with the shawl. Kate and Jack had pulled the chairs up to the fire ring and Jack already had the fire started. Tom wrapped the shawl around Kate's shoulders. She held his arm there a second and squeezed his hand in thanks. The three sat there in silence for some time, feet propped up on the edge of the ring, staring into the fire. It was as if nothing existed outside their small circle of light. Kate looked from one to the other and thought how much they were alike, in so many ways. Maybe that is what she had first seen in Tom that made her like him almost immediately.

  "Anybody else need a beer?" Tom said.