If Only: McKenzie Cousins Book 5

by Buchanan, Lexi

  But the reason why I would stay walks through the kitchen door, laughing with his son. Tanner places a kiss on Charlotte’s lips before moving to the sink to wash up. Derek greets Charlotte, his eyes on me over her shoulder.

  “I have work to do,” I say, standing and inching closer toward my escape.

  Tanner frowns, keeping quiet as I disappear.

  I avoid looking at Derek.

  Inside my drawing room, I inhale the familiar scent of paint and charcoal. Moving around, I take the covering from the last painting I have to finish. It’s my favorite by far, because I’ve added a man astride a horse in the distance. This was an addition I’d made after talking to Geary on the back porch, it was a welcome addition.

  As soon as I’m happy with it, I’ll leave and head home to Lexington.

  8

  Derek

  Dee has arrived for dinner and I can’t help the longing I feel for it to be Madison who is sitting beside me instead of across the table with her cousin.

  All afternoon I’ve been unable to forget the feel of her under my hands or the way her soft skin had broken out into goose bumps when I’d brushed my lips over her shoulder. I’d wanted a lot more, and as my eyes stray across to Madison, I know that I’ll always want a lot more.

  “Dad,” Tanner hisses under his breath.

  When I pull my gaze to his, he looks between Madison and Dee with a frown marring his brow. “So, Dee, Dad tells me you haven’t been in town too long,” Tanner states. “How are you liking it? Not too quiet for you?”

  Dee gives a sly smile and replies, gripping my arm, “I was afraid I might get bored, but luckily for me, I’ve found your father, who keeps me plenty entertained.” Her reply is smooth with a hint of sugary.

  Tanner opens his mouth to say more when Charlotte grabs his jaw and brings her mouth to his before whispering soft words.

  Madison looks embarrassed and keeps her face turned away while she continues to play around with the food on her plate. I frown as I realize she hasn’t eaten anything, but just spent dinner moving it around her plate with her fork.

  Dee wraps herself around my arm and I have to fight the urge to shove her away. She isn’t the one I want, and I hate having someone clinging to me. So very slowly, I untangle myself and get to my feet so there is no other choice but to let me go. She frowns, which I ignore.

  “I have a few phone calls to make, so I hope you don’t mind me excusing myself.”

  Dee is the only one to respond. “I’ll come with you,” she says smiling. “We need time to ourselves for a change.”

  Inwardly wincing, my eyes immediately search out Madison who has gone pale under her light tan. I sigh heavily. “I’ll see you to your car.”

  Not giving Dee much of a choice, and knowing I’m being extremely rude to a guest, I can’t stop myself from propelling the woman outside.

  “Why are you always so keen to get rid of me, yet always asking me to come to dinner?” She digs her heels in.

  “I’m sorry, Dee. My head is all over the place and I’m not sure I can do this—whatever it is—with you anymore.” I bend and kiss her cheek. “You’ll find someone else.” I awkwardly pat her on the shoulder, not feeling a thing for the woman in front of me.

  My heart already belongs to the woman in my kitchen, who I can’t ever have.

  Dee’s mouth tightens in anger, but then a false smile appears on her lips. “I don’t give up that easily.”

  I’m left watching her drive away wondering how I got myself into this mess in the first place. In fact, I know how. Madison McKenzie. Her smile. The swirl of emotion in her gaze. How her long dark hair softly caresses her shoulders. The way her body moves, making my mouth water.

  Madison McKenzie has a lot to answer for.

  Feeling angry at myself and the woman for tempting me so damn much, I slam back into the house and up to my office, making sure the door is locked. I need to be alone even though I did sense Tanner wanting to talk to me. He’s my son and I’m always available for him, except tonight, I need to be alone to think.

  I do know that I need to get over this obsession I have with Madison because it isn’t healthy for me or her. When I see her with Geary, all I want to do is sling her over my shoulder, carry her to my bedroom, and never let her leave. That certainly sounds good for a man who hasn’t had the touch of a woman in years.

  If only the woman didn’t tempt me to so much, then maybe I’d be able to get on with my life the way I always have. I doubt I will ever be the same after knowing Madison. One day she will meet someone else and I’ll know all about it, with my son being married to her cousin.

  Pouring bourbon into a glass, I swish it around before taking a deep drink, relishing the burn as it slips down my throat. I pause with the glass to my mouth for another drink, when thunder rolls through the room followed by the sound of pounding rain. I continue to sip my drink, until the glass is drained, and the humidity slightly drops with the downpour.

  The rain is a welcome break from the weather we’ve been having, and as I walk out through my office doors onto the porch, I’m shocked, but can’t help the smile on my face when I spot Madison—dancing in the rain.

  Her nightdress is plastered to her body, the large swell of her breasts clearly visible through the thin material. My heart pounds as I briefly glance up to Heaven, wondering why I’m being punished with this sexy beautiful nymph before me.

  My eyes search out Madison and I want her with a passion I’ve never felt before. I shouldn’t even think the things I do, not about someone so young, but Madison is something else entirely.

  Soulmate.

  Shaking the thought from my mind, I step off the porch and move toward Madison with a purpose in my stride. She’s so beautiful that I can no longer resist her. I’m not sure I was ever meant to. I don’t even think about what I’m doing until I’m standing right in front of her, and she turns. When her eyes meet mine, her chest rises and falls with heavy breaths.

  My eyes caress her body, soaked to the skin. Rain water runs down her thighs and legs into the boots she wears on her feet. The short nightdress clings to her curves, clearly showing a dark patch at her mound, and as my eyes trail higher, the hard nipples surrounded by dark areoles.

  Neither of us speak, but as I reach out toward her, I find Madison in my arms. Her arms wrap tightly around my shoulders, her lips searching for and swiftly finding mine in a kiss so full of need that she nearly brings me to my knees. Her legs are wrapped around my waist as my hands find her bare bottom, pressing her against the hard throb in my groin.

  “Please don’t stop,” she begs, running her lips along my jaw to my earlobe, which she bites, causing a reaction in my cock.

  Turning with her in my arms, I press her up against the porch railing and pray like hell I don’t come like a teenager with the way she’s writhing against my lust filled body.

  Her teeth nip at my neck, which distracts me as her hand quickly opens my jeans and then I feel her small hand wrap around my hard as steel flesh. I can’t help the quiver that runs through me at her touch, or when she slowly strokes me, working me up even more.

  My head falls back on my shoulders as I let the rain pour over my face. At this point there are only a few brain cells still functioning, but enough to tell her, “I’m only offering tonight, Madison,” when I hold her gaze.

  She searches my gaze and I hold myself still, not wanting her to know how much I wish I could offer her every night for the rest of my life.

  Swallowing hard, she nods. “I’ll be with you anyway I can.” Her hand tightens around me and then with a slight wiggle, I feel the head of my cock pressing against the entrance to heaven.

  Holding her gaze, I thrust inside, clenching her ass in my large hands to hold her still. “Don’t move,” I pant. “God!” Groaning, I slowly pull back before thrusting forward again.

  “So good.” Moaning, Madison starts to struggle, and I realize she’s trying to get her nightdress off.

>   I rip the thing over her head and nearly come when her nipples rub against my chest.

  Madison reaches up and fastens her hands to the top of the porch, and with my hips pinning her, I find I have access to the plump breasts I’ve dreamed about.

  I don’t waste any time and cup the fullness, my thumbs rubbing back and forth over the aroused peaks. Madison becomes more excited and starts rocking against me. Her arousal pulses around my flesh, hot and wet, heightening my own arousal.

  My cock swells, stretching Madison until she’s an unbelievably tight fit, but when I dip my head and suck a large nipple into my mouth, her body convulses. Her wet pussy tightens, throbs, and squeezes my cock for all its worth.

  She sets me off.

  Her hoarse cry of release and my whispered name on her lips causes me to come. I release so hard inside of her that my toes curl and every damn sensation is wrapped around my groin. Her pussy milking my cock continues and I’m experiencing the longest orgasm of my life. It doesn’t help that I’m beyond excited, having her naked and in my arms taking her own pleasure from my body.

  She clings to me, her breath heavy in my ear as she whispers, “What now?”

  My arms tighten around her in reflex. I want to tell her that she is to never leave me, but what I say is, “The night isn’t over.”

  9

  Madison

  Instead of the pouring rain, I now have the warm water from the shower pounding down my back as I watch Derek join me. The steam rises up as I stare at the man who holds my heart. My heart had broken a little bit when he’d told me he could only offer tonight, but I’d accepted it. One night wrapped in his arms, is more than I ever thought I’d have.

  Derek has an amazing body as he stands tall, his solid thighs have a light sprinkling of hair and as my gaze moves upwards, his rigid penis throbs from a patch of dark hair. The arousal I sense in him makes my body tingle with excitement.

  I want all of him.

  He closes the door behind him and reaching forward he cups the back of my neck, bringing our bodies together. His forehead drops to mine, his eyes struggling to stay open when my fingers caress both of his hips. With my nipples pebble hard and pressed against his chest, my body feels ready to explode. The things this man does to me with his closeness shouldn’t be allowed.

  Our breaths are heavy and when our mouths finally come together, I moan loudly, allowing him to capture the sound. One hand digs into his back to hold him close and my other slips between us, my fingers grazing against his erection, which jerks hard at my touch.

  Derek gasps when I do it again and our gazes hold.

  My fingers wrap around his solid length and my thumb brushes over the tip, rubbing his excitement into the bulging crown. His breathing becomes heavier, his penis harder…and then my hands are pulled away and I’m spun around. His large body presses me into the wall of the shower while his hands take hold of mine.

  He raises them above my head, pressing them to the wall. “Don’t move them,” he whispers, sending erotic shivers down my spine. His hands on my thighs, spread them and then I feel him pushing inside of me. Only the head is in when he holds himself steady. “Give me a minute.”

  His hands hold tightly onto my hips, his fingers gripping my flesh and then he’s thrusting all the way inside. I’m so full, but oh God, he feels so good. His hands slide up my torso and cupping my breasts, he pinches and rolls my nipples.

  I’m moaning loudly as I push back, wanting Derek to move, and he does. He slowly rotates his hips, touching every sensitive spot. It’s all becoming too much for me with the feel of him everywhere. A hand continues to play with my breasts while the other slips to my pussy, searching and finding the hard nub of my clit. He rubs, making me tighten around his flesh.

  Groaning, Derek hisses, “Feeling you. Touching you. Seeing your arousal coating my dick is so fucking hot.” He gently bites my shoulder and I come.

  My core ripples and pulsates around his hard flesh as wave after wave of pleasure rolls over me. Derek grunts, thrusting into me hard one last time and then I feel the warm jets of his release as my body clenches hard around him, prolonging his pleasure.

  I can hardly catch my breath as Derek slowly pulls from my body, his hiss of pleasure sounding too good to my ears. He turns me to face him as I sag backward against the wall. His face is serious as he stares, sadness appearing in his eyes. Reaching out, he cups my face, brushing a stray tear away with this thumb. “I want to make slow love to you on my bed.”

  Quickly dried from the shower, we get into his bed and I’m immediately pulled into his arms. The tenderness of his embrace, of his kisses, of the way he makes love to me for the rest of the night, causes me to fall even more deeply in love with him. Of course, I can’t say anything because I don’t ever want him to regret being with me.

  I fight back tears while watching the sunrise through his bedroom window, trying to have the courage to walk away. He promised me one night and we’ve had that, which was more than amazing. I’m also surprised because I don’t think he gave one thought to the fact that Tanner is under the same roof.

  Feeling Derek stir beside me, I quickly slip from the bed just in time to avoid his touch as he reaches for me. I hear the rustling of the cover while I keep my back to him and dart into the bathroom for a towel. My clothes are still wet from the night before.

  I’m not sure how I’m supposed to act or feel right now, having never been in this situation before. Who am I kidding, I’ve never been in love before and that makes all the difference.

  “Madison?” Derek says, sounding confused. “You don’t need to rush off. What’s going on? Come back to bed, it’s still early.”

  My eyes dance toward him before I head toward the door where I pause, unsure. “You said we could only have one night.” I deeply inhale hoping my tears don’t fall until I enter the privacy of my own room. “It’s morning now.” Before I fling myself back into his arms and beg for a lot more, I flee.

  I hear my name hissed as his door closes and I only just make it behind mine before the tears fall. My body aches from the night we’ve shared, and I can still feel him inside of me. He was so big and hard every time that I’ll probably feel him for a week. My heart has always been smitten with him, and at the back of my mind, I’d hoped that he would realize, his was too.

  10

  Derek

  The scolding hot water that pounds down my back in the shower does nothing to make me feel any better. It’s a form of punishment, but I’m not sure anything other than telling Madison how much I love her can fix this.

  At this point in my life I should know better, and I thought I did, which is why I’ve stayed away from anything with her for so long.

  What happened had been inevitable though. I see that now. But what should I do now? Say fuck it and tell her she belongs with me for the rest of our lives, or let her go and watch her spend the rest of her life with someone else?

  Slamming my hand down hard on the off button, the water comes to an abrupt halt. I grab a towel and after drying off I head back into the bedroom, my eyes lingering on the bed, and the covers in disarray.

  My eyes see Madison naked with her head thrown back as I show her with my body how much I love her. She’d given me everything last night, just like I gave her. I hadn’t kept anything back and I tried to show her instead of using words, how much she means to me.

  In the end I’d been a bastard and let her think I’d taken what I wanted, and now it was over.

  I don’t know what I was thinking when I’d told her I could only offer her one night because even as those words had left my mouth, I’d known I wanted so much more.

  Fully dressed, I drop my ass to the end of the bed and shove my face in my hands, and that’s where I am when Tanner knocks, and enters once I give him the okay.

  The door closes, and I lift my head to find my son staring at me. His gaze makes me uncomfortable or it could just be the guilt.

  Sighing, I ask, “Ever
ything okay?”

  “I don’t know,” he replies, running his fingers though his hair, “I was hoping you’d tell me.”

  “I don’t—”

  “Don’t say anything if you’re not going to tell me the truth.”

  I snap my mouth closed and after a moment, I move toward him, and change the subject, “Let’s go and have breakfast.”

  Tanner pauses and follows me through the door, placing a hand on my arm. “Dee is downstairs.” He smiles. “I’m glad you have company.”

  Not meeting his gaze, I watch my son make his way downstairs while I follow at a slower pace. I certainly hadn’t missed what he didn’t say.

  It takes a few minutes to get comfortable in my own kitchen after I’ve poured a large mug of coffee.

  Tanner pulls his wife onto his lap, Dee perks up as I sit at the kitchen table and I take note of Madison’s absence.

  Placing the cup on the table, I dip my chin staring into it, my head and heart at war with each other.

  My head is telling me to date someone my own age, but my heart has already chosen.

  I lift my gaze and watch the way Tanner and Charlotte interact with each other, and I want that. I want that affection, and I want it with the woman upstairs.

  Tanner is my son and deep in my heart, I know he will eventually come around, and accept the decision I am about to make.

  Then there is the problem of Dee. It’s my own fault, leading her on to this point. Although in my own defense I did tell her at the beginning that I was looking for friendship and nothing more. I should have been even clearer, because she certainly was anticipating more.

  Knowing Madison is upstairs and probably upset, I can’t wait another moment.

  So, with a mumbled, “Excuse me,” I run back upstairs. I don’t even knock on Madison’s door, and just barge in.

  A sharp curse leaves my mouth when I find her at on the end of her bed, tears rolling down her face.