The Unfailing Light kt-2

by Robin Bridges

  “Sounds lovely,” I said, trying to participate in the dinner conversation. “Who is her escort?”

  Both of the Bavarian princesses looked at each other and shrugged. Erzsebet leaned closer to me. “She did not tell us his name, but I believe it is one of the tsar’s imperial guard. She is the guest of the Demidovs, so it may be one of the Demidov princes.”

  I cringed, remembering the death of my brother’s friend Demidov last year. He had died at the hands of Princess Cantacuzene and her Dekebristi.

  “Aurora is so jealous!” Augusta said with a giggle. “She is trying to get her grandmother to take her to the ball, but her grandmother says that her education is more important!”

  I glanced up at the front of the room, where Madame Tomilov and the other faculty were finishing their dinners. Sucre was standing there, speaking with the headmistress. They both looked over at me. I felt a queasy feeling in my stomach. It wasn’t caused by the cabbage.

  Madame Tomilov stood up and followed Sucre into the kitchen. I asked Erzsebet and Augusta to excuse me and put my dinner plate up.

  I was making my way across the dining room, toward the kitchen doors, when Elena spotted me. “Katerina Alexandrovna! Where have you been?”

  Then I saw Sucre leave the kitchen with a hunting rifle.

  Had I betrayed Alix?

  “I have to find Alix.” If I waited until midnight to speak to her, it would be too late.

  I hurried back to our room, but she was not there.

  Aurora was curled up in her bed, studying her German. She didn’t even bother to look up. “Would you mind closing that door? There’s a horrible draft in the hallway.”

  “Have you seen Alix?”

  She shook her head. “Not since yesterday, but she must have been here this afternoon. Some of her things are gone. Katerina Alexandrovna, will you please close that door?” She shivered.

  I slammed the door behind me as I left. I did not know if Alix had run away or if someone had been rustling through her things. I knew Elena was dying of curiosity about the box Alix kept under her bed, but I did not think she would stoop to petty thievery.

  I hoped Alix was keeping herself hidden. I decided to look for Sucre next. On my way back downstairs, I passed the library. The frightening cold seeped out from the room, touching me out in the hallway. I wanted to hurry past, thinking of the warmth in the kitchen, but I heard a sob inside, and stopped.

  I peeked in the library and saw Augusta crying in the far corner. “Mon Dieu, what’s wrong?” I stepped across the threshold and hurried over to her. “Augusta?”

  “I can’t stop the tears. It all seems so pointless.”

  I wrapped my arms around her. “What is so pointless?”

  “Life. My life is pointless. I would be better off dead.” She sniffed against my shoulder. “Everyone else would be better off if I were dead too.”

  I shook Augusta by the shoulders. “What are you talking about? You are being ridiculous!”

  She shook her head. “I think I’ve known it all along, but it all became clear to me just now.”

  “Just now?” I looked around us, bewildered by her sudden emotions. “Since you came to the library? We’ve got to get you out of here.” I stood up and tried to pull her up with me.

  Augusta was not being helpful. She tucked her arms around her knees and rocked back and forth. “I’m so cold … so cold.…”

  “Where is your sister? She could not bear it if something happened to you, Augusta. And what about your mother? Your father? Your two little brothers?”

  She was crying but would not move. I grabbed her by the arms and began to drag her across the floor.

  “Just let me be!” she sobbed.

  “What is happening?” Elena stood in the doorway, eyes wide at the spectacle Augusta was making of herself.

  “Don’t just stand there,” I hissed. “Help me get her out of this room!” I could feel an enormous gloom settling on my shoulders. As if life itself was too heavy a burden to carry. The ghost’s despair was beginning to affect me as well. Was this how she had killed the kitchen servant? “We have to hurry.”

  Elena sighed heavily and grabbed one of Augusta’s arms, while I took the other. Together we dragged her out of the room and into the hallway. She was still sobbing.

  I dropped down to hug her. “You’ll feel better now. It was only the ghost making you feel so miserable.”

  Elena stared at us and looked back into the library. “I thought the ghost was gone. I thought after the Christmas holiday, things seemed more like normal.”

  I shook my head. There was not enough time to explain everything. I got back up on my feet. “Do you know where Erzsebet is? I think she should take Augusta back to their room.”

  Elena glared at me. “Come on, Augusta. Let’s see if we can get some hot cocoa before we go to bed.”

  “Let me get it for you,” I offered. I needed to get to the kitchen anyway to find Sucre.

  “Merci, Katerina,” Augusta said. “You are the best friend.”

  Elena’s look was venomous.

  “Thank Elena too,” I said quickly. “I would not have been able to pull you out if she hadn’t been here to help.”

  Augusta threw her arms around Elena’s neck. “Merci!”

  Elena’s face softened a little as she hugged the Bavarian princess back. “You’ll bring me some cocoa too, won’t you, Katerina?” she asked over Augusta’s shoulder.

  “Of course.” I turned and hurried toward the kitchen.

  The dining hall was empty and dark, with only two gaslights along the wall still lit. As I walked closer, I heard two deep voices speaking French within the kitchen. One was Sucre. The other sounded familiar but I could not quite place it. Slowly and silently, I pushed the swinging door open, just an inch. I covered my mouth to hold in my shock. The fae cook was talking to Papus, the French wizard.

  “Did you find the beast?” Papus was asking.

  “Not yet, but I know who she is now,” Sucre answered. “I suspected her all along, but now I have proof.”

  Papus shook his head. “And it is truly a student? The grand duke may not care, but I have a problem with killing a child.”

  “You need a werewolf’s heart for the ritual, do you not? What does it matter about the body it comes from?” Sucre spit on the ground. “All werewolves are killers. I am sworn to hunt every last one down.”

  Papus sighed and nodded wisely. “C’est vrai.”

  “You will have your wolf’s heart before the night is over.”

  “Magnificent. The grand duke will be pleased.”

  I felt my blood run cold in my veins. No. It wasn’t possible. I blinked back tears and slowly, silently, let the swinging door close. I had to find Alix and warn her. Was George a part of this horrible plot? I refused to believe it. Papus had to be talking about one of the other grand dukes.

  I couldn’t even begin to think about what the Frenchman’s words implied. I had to protect Alix first. I should never have trusted Sucre. Dark Court or Light, one should never trust the fae.

  CHAPTER FORTY-ONE

  I searched all over the school grounds but could not find Alix. It was close to our curfew, and I knew Madame Tomilov would be checking to make sure everyone was in their beds. I had to return upstairs.

  No one else was in our room. It was eerily, unnaturally quiet. I turned around and tried to leave, but the door was stuck fast. I could not escape.

  Over the sound of a thousand fluttering bird wings, I heard the strands of Iphigenia’s aria in my head, soft and mournful. I was overwhelmed with a sudden feeling of unbearable sadness. My legs were suddenly weak, and I slid to the floor. It hurt my heart and made my breath catch. “Why?” was all I could think to ask. “What made you want to die?” Because at that moment, dying was all I could think of as well.

  There was no answer. Just the drumming of a heartbeat, slowing down. And slowing down. But it did not stop completely. It was maddening. I had the ins
ane urge to stop it. Stop it. Stop the beating. Make it stop.

  Filled with a bitterness that was tinged with regret, I thought of my parents and my brother. They did not need me to ruin their lives. There was no way I could protect them. None of the girls at Smolny had any need of me. Some of them were starting to fear me. I did not want to be considered a monster. I felt sick to my stomach. Like I’d swallowed something black and poisonous, and it was spreading slowly throughout my body, slowing me down. It spread from my chest to my belly, then down my arms and legs.

  Stop the beating. I hugged my arms around my knees, rocking slowly, keeping in time with the heartbeat. The tiny candle flame on the bed stand was dying, and the shadows in our room were deepening. It was exhausting, listening to that torturous heartbeat, and I thought how easy it would be to fall asleep, how nice it would be not to have to wake up again.

  “Come with me …,” a young girl’s voice whispered above the muted heartbeat. “Katerina Alexandrovna …,” she coaxed. “It’s beautiful here.”

  I heard her sigh. “So beautiful …”

  I sighed too. I wanted to be someplace beautiful. My life was ugly. Full of pain and sickness and so much ugliness. I had to leave. I had to escape. A pale girl was slowly taking shape, and showing me the path. Her hair was so blond it was nearly white.

  “Who are you?” I asked. “Please tell me your name.”

  Her thin, colorless lips curved slightly. “Sophia Konstantinova.”

  “Sophia, how lovely,” I mused aloud. The heartbeat was still beating slowly, vibrating in my chest. I wanted to rip my skin open, set the beating heart free. It felt like a caged animal in my chest, struggling to get out.

  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. My own heartbeat had slowed to match the slow cadence of the one I now realized was coming from the pale girl. How could she have a heartbeat if she was a ghost? My head swam in confusion. She was dead, wasn’t she?

  Her gray eyes were almost colorless and she stared at me, holding something behind her back. “It will be beautiful, Katerina. I promise.”

  Slowly she pulled her hand out to show me a faintly glowing rope. She had carefully looped it into a noose.

  I shook my head. This was not what I wanted, was it? It was so hard for me to think. To remember.

  “This will be easy,” she murmured, and stepped closer. Without asking, she lifted my hair off my neck and held the noose over my head. “You have to stand up, Katerina. Only for a little bit. It will be over quickly. You’ll see.”

  I didn’t want to hurt anymore. I didn’t want to think about anyone I loved anymore. The pain was too much. What was the point in caring for someone when it only brought them pain? I let a sob escape. I was ready to lay all of my burdens down. Every last one.

  Sophia smiled, and this time her lips parted just enough for me to see the horrid black fangs.

  I was back on my feet in an instant. My heart sped up, beating its own rhythm. I took a step backward. “Why did you kill Olga? The girl in the kitchen?”

  “She took my doll! The one Natalia kept safe for me in her room. That peasant girl stole it when Natalia left.”

  “Who is Natalia?” I asked. There was nowhere for me to hide from her.

  “She was my friend! And you took her from me! You and that horrible beast.”

  Natalia Metcherskey, I remembered from her headstone at the cemetery. Had Madame Metcherskey been Sophia’s friend when they were both little? I could not imagine Madame as a young student here, dressed in the brown and blue Smolny uniforms. Had she seen what had happened to Sophia? What a terrible thing for a little girl to witness. And then to grow up with your best friend a ghost. Perhaps Sophia had not been so violent in the beginning. Perhaps she had slowly lost her sanity as the years passed and her friend Natalia grew up. I almost felt sorry for the ghost.

  “Why do you want me dead, Sophia?” I asked, glancing around for a way to escape.

  Sophia’s laughter sent chills down my spine. “Silly girl,” she said. “I want everyone dead.” She flew at me, her arms stretched out and ending in icy claws.

  I backed away from her and her rope, rolling across the floor and bruising my shoulder. I still could not see her cold light, so there was nothing I could reach for, or grab on to her with. I could feel her cold presence, though, and her touch was like a spike of ice straight to my bones.

  “You are the necromancer my father wants,” Sophia said as she danced around me. “I want you to stay and play with me here. Forever.”

  I felt sick. “And who is your father, Sophia? When were you born?”

  “I am daughter of Konstantin Pavlovich, tsar of all the Russias.”

  I should have expected this all along. Somehow, I should have known the ghost was connected to the lich tsar. “And who was your mother?” It wasn’t Princess Cantacuzene. And Konstantin’s first wife, a Coburg princess, had returned to her home country without ever bearing him any children. Sophia had never been recognized as Konstantin’s legitimate child.

  She stomped her foot. “My mother would have been queen of Byzantium and empress of all the Russias. I would have been a grand duchess.”

  “But you weren’t. Konstantin hid you away at Smolny long ago, Sophia Konstantinova.” Slowly, I backed away from her, edging along the wall. She still blocked my path to the doorway. I wasn’t even sure if the door led back into the Smolny hallway anymore. I was not even sure where I was. Limbo? Hell? “Tell me your mother’s name. Had she been a Smolny student too?”

  Sophia’s eyes blazed white-hot. The rope she held seemed to stretch out in her hands and actually reach out for me. I had nothing to defend myself with. No reason for her not to rush forward and attack me.

  “Surely the princess Cantacuzene was not your mother. How did you get along with her? Did she and your father visit you often?”

  The walls began to shake with Sophia’s fury. I had struck a nerve with her. Feeling a bit bolder, I pressed on. “She must have resented you a little. And I’m sure you resented her for stealing your father away to Poland.”

  “She was a blood-sucking demon,” Sophia hissed, never taking her fiery eyes from me. “She wanted me to become just like her. She wanted my very soul.”

  I’d managed to get halfway around the room. The door was very close to me now, but she still blocked my path. I tried to keep her talking. “But you didn’t let her, did you?”

  She laughed, and I could see no trace of sanity left in the poor girl’s mind. “Of course not! I stayed here and hid. Now she’ll never be able to get me.”

  “That’s true,” I said in an attempt to sound soothing. My mother always did it so well. “You’re safe now, Sophia.” I wondered if I should dare get close enough to try to pat her hand, or something equally comforting.

  She spun around and stared at me suspiciously. I guessed I hadn’t sounded soothing enough. “You’ll be safe too, Katerina. I can make it so Konstantin and Johanna will never hurt you.”

  I shook my head. “You don’t understand, Sophia. He can still hurt other people if I die.” I swallowed back the heavy lump in my throat. “People I care about.” I took another sideways step toward the door. “Please let me go, Sophia. Nothing will happen to you.”

  “No! I can’t let you leave!” The rope stretched out toward me again, this time snaking around my arms. It was so cold, it stung my skin. I cried out in pain and surprise.

  Cold light. There was a faint, bluish glow if I looked carefully. Not only could I see it again, but I could definitely feel it as well. I tried not to panic. The rope coiled tighter up my arm and slid around my neck. I had to try even harder not to panic. It wasn’t working. “Sophia, please.” I closed my eyes, trying to will the cold light to rise up in me and push back the binding of the rope. It fought back even harder. The noose tightened.

  Slowly she shook her head. “This is the way it has to be, Katerina. You must understand. Johanna will not give you up. Neither will Konstantin.”

 
I closed my eyes to try to shut out the stinging cold of the rope. It was unbearable. “But Johanna is dead. She cannot hurt anyone anymore.”

  “I don’t believe you. She said she would come back for me. They both said they would come back for me.”

  “Konstantin has been defeated by the bogatyr. He will not be returning.” I gasped as the rope loosened just a little. “Sophia, I want to help you. There must be a way to release you from this limbo at Smolny, so you can be at peace.”

  She giggled. “But I am at peace, Katerina. I want everyone here at Smolny to be just like me.”

  I sighed. I was tired of pleading with and coaxing her. “I cannot let that happen, Sophia. You are going to let me go, and I am going to make sure you never hurt anyone else here or anywhere else again.”

  She grinned, her black, razor-sharp teeth flashing ominously. “I don’t know what I’m going to do with you, Katerina. You make me so sad. I wanted you to stay with me, I wanted to protect you from Konstantin and Johanna, but I might let them have you after all. I’ll trade your soul for mine.”

  The rope uncoiled from around my neck and wrapped itself around my arms, pinning them close to my body with its stinging chill. I tried to take a deep breath, thankful I wasn’t being strangled anymore, but the rope had my chest bound tight. I could barely breathe.

  Sophia laughed again. “I’ll keep you just like that until my father comes looking for me. Then I will give him the best present a daughter could ever give.”

  I closed my eyes, trying to block out the freezing pain. I tried to fight down the rising fear I felt in my belly. It would serve me no purpose. So I fought the fear with my own cold light. It uncoiled around me, feeding on the blackest, ugliest emotions I could give it. Darkness to fight light. It felt unnatural, and utterly wrong, but it seemed to be working.

  “Nooo! What are you doing?” Sophia wailed. “You’ll ruin everything!”

  I opened my eyes and stared at the ghost. “Sheult Anubis.” Her own cold light became wrapped in my shadows, until there was nothing left of her to see. I felt nothing but cold. No emotion, no feelings toward her now at all. I did not feel sorry for hurting her, and yet I had no desire to harm or punish her either. There was nothing but a gaping void inside. And the freezing cold.