Stuck in Between (Bound by Your Love)

by Bennett, Blakely

  Lost in thought, I almost screamed when Bond slid open the shower door.

  “Can I join you?” he asked, propping himself up against the wall.

  “No,” I said, covering my breasts with my arm. “I don’t think you’re quite sober yet. Go make a pot of coffee and I’ll drop you at your place as soon as I’m ready.”

  “Did we—”

  “Absolutely not! You were passed out when Red brought you here.”

  “Are you sure about the shower? I can soap your back for you,” he said, scanning my body up and down.

  I physically responded to his gaze, my nipples pushing against my arm. “Got it covered. Please shut the door on your way out,” I said, pointing in the direction of the bathroom door.

  Heavily, he pushed himself upright and trudged out.

  What the hell! I hurriedly finished up in the shower and slipped on a pair of bright purple shorts and a red top with a colorful, funky owl decal. I gathered my purple hoodie, keys, and phone and shoved them all into my black and neon Mayan backpack.

  Traipsing into the kitchen, I fixed myself a cup of coffee and perched on the island. Bond sat forward on the couch with his arms on his knees.

  “Headache?” I asked.

  “The worst.”

  “Want something for it?”

  He tilted his head up and for a moment I was scared what he might say. He glanced away and said, “Sure.”

  “Here you go,” I said, tossing the bottle of ibuprofen I kept in the cabinet. “Care to tell me what happened with Blue last night?”

  “I have no idea.”

  “Red won’t tell me, but it didn’t sound good.”

  “Terrific,” he said, followed by a long sigh. “I can’t believe I have to sit through a staff meeting today.”

  “Yeah, bad timing.”

  “Sorry I abandoned you last night.”

  “No, it’s okay,” I said, sitting down next to him. “I can imagine what an ordeal it was for you. I wanted to punch your brother and have no idea how you refrained.”

  Running his hand through his long hair, he said, “I feel like I keep letting you down.”

  “Let’s not worry about us right now, okay?” I strung my arm over his shoulder. “We need to get you home so you can shower before your meeting. Want another cup of coffee to go?”

  “Thanks for taking care of me.”

  “Of course, we’re family. If not by blood, by friendship and that counts more in my book. Plus, I really didn’t do anything but let you sleep on my couch.”

  “I want to be better for you.”

  “Yeah, well, we all want a lot of things, but let us just focus on the possible, okay?”

  “I’m serious, Jacqs.”

  “Let’s talk about this when you’re sober and rested.” I stood up, taking our coffee cups into the kitchen. I refilled his mug and drank the last of mine.

  Later we rode in silence, and I could feel my heart breaking over all that Bond must be going through. I wanted to help him, but I didn’t know how. Wiping out that kind of pain and tragedy seemed impossible.

  Bond got out of my car in front of his apartment building. Stooping down to talk to me through the passenger side window, he said, “Thanks Jacqs. Let’s get together this week. Okay?”

  “Yeah, sure. I’ll see you Wednesday at Red’s, right?”

  “Yeah, but maybe we can see each other before that.”

  “Listen, if you need me, you know where to find me.”

  “I love you, Jacqs,” he said, standing up.

  “I love you too. Take care of yourself.”

  He rested his hand on the door ledge and I thought he was about to say something else. He tapped it twice and shuffled away.

  *****

  I struggled to keep it together as I knocked on Lainie’s door.

  “Hey girl,” she said but took a better look at me. “What is it?” She embraced me and I broke down in her arms. She led me over to the couch and lowered me down. “Did you sleep with Bond again?”

  I shook my head as the tears spilled out of my eyes.

  “Red?”

  Shaking my head again, I could feel Lainie relax a bit.

  “Okay then, when you can speak, tell me what’s happened.”

  I inhaled a couple of shaky breaths and said, “Oh, Lainie, I’m falling for Red and I still love Bond. And now I know why Bond is the way he is.” I held up my hand before she had a chance to protest. “I know you don’t care for Bond because of all the pain I have been through with him but I’m here, needing your support, and I’m asking you for two things.”

  “What?” she said, resting back against the couch and crossing her legs.

  “If possible, can you please leave your judgment in the other room? You can go back and fetch it after but for just today, I need your help, advice, and support.”

  She sat up straight and said, “I’m always supportive! I just hate to see you keep making the same mistake over and over. Bond doesn’t deserve you and I have my reservations about Red too.”

  “See what I mean?” I said, shrugging.

  She chuckled and said, “Yes, okay. What’s the second thing?”

  “You can never, and I mean ever, repeat what I’m going to share with you about Bond. I’m not even supposed to know.”

  “That’s a given, who would I tell?”

  “I’m just saying.”

  “Okay, I’m listening,” Lainie said, moving to face me.

  “Bond was in a car accident years ago and his fiancé died in the crash. He was charged with manslaughter and served three years.”

  “What the fuck? How do you know?” she said, throwing her hands up in the air.

  “Lily told me. And what’s worse, last night was the anniversary.”

  “Holy shit and you guys went to that hoity-toity party. Is his family completely insane?”

  “Apparently. I went off on his brother and parents. Donny picked yesterday because he was sure Bond would never come. Unfortunately, Bond’s father threatened to cut him off if he didn’t show.”

  “Wow, I’m not sure what to say. It really does explain so much about Bond’s dysfunction in relationships.”

  “Yeah,” I said and took a deep breath. “I did a stupid thing though.”

  “Just one?” she said, laughing and slapping her leg.

  “Very funny,” I said, trying hard not to smile along with her. “I’m serious though. The night after Bond and I had sex, I went to Red’s party as you know. I told Bond that I was interested in someone else.”

  “Meaning Red?”

  “Well, yeah, but I didn’t really know how I felt about Red at that time and I was just so pissed off with Bond. I wanted to goad him. However, now Bond’s back in pursuit mode and I’m completely confused.”

  “I thought you mentioned that he wanted to try again a few weeks ago.”

  “Well, what I meant to say is in hardcore pursuit mode.”

  “Gotcha. So, where are you with Red?”

  “Falling for him.”

  “And Red?”

  “If I’m to believe him, and I do, he has wanted me for a long time. Years.”

  “I’m sure that’s probably true.”

  “What?” I practically shouted.

  “Well, come on Jacqueline, he’s worked so hard to keep you at a distance.”

  “Am I the only one who had no idea?”

  “Probably.”

  “Damn,” I said. Tears threatened to spill again as I stood up. “Should I make us some breakfast while we keep talking? I need the distraction.”

  “Sure. I have some fresh cut fruit that would go well with French toast.”

  Opening Lainie’s refrigerator, I found the eggs and cream. “Do you happen to have an orange?” I said as I rummaged in her fruit drawer. “Found it.”

  “So what are you going to do?” Lainie said, leaning on the counter near the stove.

  “I don’t know what to do. I want Red. I mean, I really
want Red,” I said as I grated some orange peel into the eggs. “I haven’t felt so turned on and attracted to someone since I first met Bond, before he broke my heart the first time.”

  “I guess you’re not planning to tell Bond about Red today.”

  “Most definitely not.” After sprinkling cinnamon in the eggs, I dunked the first piece of bread in the batter. “I don’t even know how we go about that. I told Red that Bond and I kissed at his parent’s party.”

  “You kissed Bond?” Lainie said, shaking her head.

  As I pan fried the French toast, I said, “I had just found out about his past and he kissed me. I love him, Lainie. I’m not sure if you get that part but it’s always there. Even when I want to punch him in the nuts for taking me for granted, there’s another side to us. The friendship, the caring. He’s family, just like you are. And now I know his secret and why he’s so damn fucked up. It just makes it all much more confusing.”

  “Having the knowledge will not change his behavior,” she said, taking the plate I held out to her.

  “No, but now I understand it. At least I don’t have to take it so personally.”

  “That doesn’t mean you won’t,” she said and then took a bite. “Wow, this is delicious. I’ve never had French toast with orange peel.”

  “I saw it demonstrated on one of my cooking shows and thought I’d give it a try.”

  “At least one of us likes to cook. So what’s next for you?”

  We settled at the circular four-top table in the corner.

  “I have no idea.” I took a bite and continued, “Red wants me to come by after we’re done here. I had hoped to tell Bond about us so I didn’t have to carry around all this guilt. Why couldn’t I be more attracted to Stay? That would be much simpler.”

  “Stay’s a great guy. I’m sure he’d be interested in you.”

  “Really, Lane?” I said, pointing my fork. “I think he has more of a thing for you.”

  “Me? I don’t think so. I just don’t see him that way.”

  “Let’s not add more men to my docket, okay? I already have one too many.”

  “Fair enough. I’m not sure I have any words of wisdom for you. It’s a tangled mess really and I’m really interested to see how it all unwinds. I’m worried for you though.”

  “Yeah, I’m worried for me too. Thanks for listening.” I took a sip of water and asked, “So what’s new with you?”

  “I have another date coming up.”

  “Not on Wednesday, I hope.”

  “No, I plan to go to Red’s on Wednesday. You might need a referee.”

  “Very funny. So who’s this new guy?”

  She swallowed her last bite and said, “Not worth mentioning at this point.”

  “Please let me know when he is.”

  We cleaned up the kitchen, side by side and I felt calmed by Lainie’s presence. I knew her judgment stemmed out of concern. She wanted my happiness as much as I did.

  “I love you,” I said as we hugged goodbye.

  “I love you too and keep your shorts on today,” she said, laughing.

  “Okay, Mom.”

  Before I started the car, I texted Red.

  Me: Still okay to stop by? Any other casualties from the party?

  Red: No. House is all clean. Bond?

  Me: He still seemed under the scotch this morning, but the coffee helped. Let me stop texting so I can get to you.

  Red: Please.

  I crossed paths with Red’s house cleaners as I entered, holding the door so they could exit.

  “So that’s why your home is so clean,” I said walking into the kitchen. I stood there, awkwardly, not knowing what to do.

  “Sorry, I was just texting Bond back. He survived his meeting and was planning to crash for a while. That should give us plenty of time.”

  “Plenty of time for what?”

  “For us to spend time together.”

  “I’m emotional and confused, and I’m not sure I’ll be great company.”

  He sauntered toward me, lifting me up on the counter. “Let me make you feel better,” he said as he appropriated my lips.

  Swept up in his kiss, I savored his taste as if it was an elixir that could protect me from the realities that threatened to rain down on us. He settled himself between my legs and I could feel his desire. The kiss deepened and the heat between us became too much so I shoved him away from me.

  “Kissing doesn’t solve anything. I talked to Lainie, but she didn’t have any advice for me.”

  “Try me. Let’s sit outside. It’s beautiful out.” His warm smile encouraged me.

  “You must realize, you’re part of the problem,” I said, following him to the porch glider loveseat.

  “I’d hoped to be part of the solution,” he said, sitting down. “I’m not going to deny it’s complicated and there’s a good chance it will get much worse once Bond knows. What I need to know is what you want.”

  Slipping off my sandals first, I sat down next to Red and pulled my knees up onto the cushion. He stretched his legs out in front of him and rocked us.

  Looking down at my hands, I said, “Like I said, I wish it were simple.”

  He placed his finger under my chin and lifted up my face. “You need to decide if we’re worth it.”

  My throat tightened, tears filled my eyes, and I could barely speak. I felt like I could lose control at any moment. “I want us. I want you. When Lily told me about Bond, all I wanted was to hide in the safety of your arms and the calm I find there. I wanted to talk to you.”

  He pulled me onto his lap and held me against him. We rocked back and forth in the silence.

  “I love him too,” I said.

  “I know you do.” He paused and stopped the rocking. “Wait, are you saying—”

  “Look, I’m upset and I don’t know what I’m saying.” I scooted off his lap and pulled in my legs, wrapping my arms around them.

  “I’ve loved you for a long time, Jacqs.” He reached out and touched my knee, his energy penetrating in.

  “It’s too soon, it’s too fast.”

  “To the contrary, it’s long in coming.”

  “No.” I stuck my chin out in defiance.

  “No?”

  “Maybe if you didn’t know Bond and weren’t the hub of our group. Try as I might, I don’t see how this will work.”

  “And yet, here you sit with me. You aren’t at Bond’s; you’re with me. I’m not asking you to stop loving him, what I’m asking is for you to give us a chance to see what we can be.”

  I paused, taking in his words and said, “Have you really taken the time to think about what it will do to him? Your friendship? Our other friends? I mean really think about it? Because when I think about it I get so damn scared that I want to crawl in a hole and hide.”

  “Jacqs, believe me, I’ve thought about it for a long time and there is no clear answer. We’re going to have to ride this out together. Bond will be angry, and our friends will take sides. That’s the reality.”

  “I don’t know if I can handle it. It was so much easier before I knew about what happened to him.”

  “You knowing changes nothing. He won’t be any different tomorrow.”

  “That’s what Lainie said.”

  “I knew I liked that woman for a reason.”

  “Hey, wait!” I said, pushing on Red’s shoulder.

  “What?”

  “You told me that you’ve never been in love.”

  “It wasn’t an appropriate time to tell you how I felt.”

  “And now is?”

  “You told me first, Jacqs.”

  “I did no such thing,” I said, jumping up and causing the loveseat to rock.

  Red put his foot flat on the ground to stop the movement. “Come here.”

  “No,” I said, turning slightly away and folding my arms.

  “Get over here. Don’t make me chase you, you little pixie.”

  I sauntered up to him and stood between his leg
s. He ran his hands up my calves and over my thighs, playing with the hem of my shorts. Trailing his hands around my legs, he snaked his fingers under the back of my shorts.

  “You’re wearing underwear today?” he groaned.

  “My undergarments seem to be of great concern for you,” I said, squirming from his touch.

  “Spread your legs.” When I hesitated, he said, “Now.”

  I complied and he immediately tracked his fingers up the inside of my thighs, skimming my covered pussy.

  He teased along my panty line and pushed underneath, feeling my wetness. “So silky,” he said.

  “Ohhh,” I said, when he circled my clit.

  “Have you submitted to Bond?” he asked, continuing to finger my labia.

  “You … want … to talk … about him?” My legs shook as he ran repeatedly over my arousal.

  “I’m aware of his tastes.” He reached under my shirt and plucked at my nipples as he continued his other manipulations.

  “It’s … it’s hard to … miss them. They hang on … the wall!”

  “Jacqs?” he said, dragging out my name with obvious impatience.

  “No, I haven’t … oh lord, no … oh, that feels so, so good.”

  “Why?”

  I stared at Red and he stopped his touching. “Because I don’t trust him.”

  “You could have said, ‘because I didn’t want to.’”

  Breathing out deeply, I said, “I could have, but that wouldn’t have been the truth.”

  He grunted and resumed his play. “You will for me.” He pulled and pinched my right nipple and captured more moisture, coating my pussy. He took his time petting my clit, hitting all the right spots.

  Bringing me right up to the edge, I squirmed in my stance, bucking my hips in time with his rotations. “Oh … ohhh … oh hell … I’m so, so close!” He tugged on my nipple, sending me sky high. “Ahhh,” I yelled as I exploded, not caring about anything else. Life ceased to exist and just then lust ruled my world.

  He held me up as I recovered and said, “I want to see all of you. Please get naked for me.”

  Dazed and still wholly aroused, I lifted my shirt over my head and stepped out of my shorts, drawing my panties down with them.

  “You are beautiful, Jacqs.”