by T. A. Brock
“—I know how I feel and…and…yes? Did you say…yes?”
She blinked watery eyes and nodded.
“Yes,” he breathed, caressing her cheek. “Yes. Okay. Yes. You’re sure?”
She laughed and it wasn’t smooth at all. It bubbled and burst forth. “Of course, silly. There’s nothing I want more. I love you.”
He held his breath and his eyes roamed her face, searching. Then he let out the breath and it was a sound of pure relief. The kind of relief where you just sag because you’ve been carrying a weight for so long and now it’s gone. “I love you too. More than you know.” His eyes squeezed closed. Slowly, his lips grew into an excited smile. “You said yes.”
“Yes.”
“Yes!”
“Right.”
“You’re going to be my wife.”
“Yes.” She giggled until he cut off the sound with a kiss that promised the happily ever after she’d always longed for.
Chapter 6
LEIV ABANDONED THE PITCHER he was filling and took the stairs as fast as he was able. Raina’s cries gave him Superman capabilities and he barely touched the steps. He crashed through the bedroom door ready to fix whatever caused the aching sound coming from her. But there was nothing to fix. Raina’s mouth was jacked open in a feral scream. Brown tears streamed down her cheeks to land on her pillow, but she wasn’t awake.
He ran to the side of the bed and tried to shake her awake but nothing halted the screams of terror. What was happening? Something wasn’t right. She should wake, and there should be no crying, or fear, or whatever, because there should be no memories.
Leiv stepped back and tried to think through the noise. She was breathing. That was a good sign. It meant she would rise. Eventually.
Raina’s scream faded into a sob and then fizzled out on a whimper.
He couldn’t fathom what had caused her screaming, but it didn’t matter because his heart broke for her anyway. For everything she’d endured. If she was reliving any of that in her sleep, he could understand her reaction. But according to the book, she shouldn’t recall any of her human life.
He crouched near the bed, brushing the hair back from her face. She flinched at the touch, but then the creases in her forehead relaxed. “You’re okay, love. You’re safe,” he whispered, tasting the lie. She wasn’t safe with him. She never had been. Not when the damned Oracles pulled his puppet strings.
He thought of that monster, Hannah. She’d ruined the only good thing in his life, his relationship with Raina. He blamed her, but not only her. He’d become as much a monster as she was. He’d let her do this to him, to Raina. He’d let her use him to turn their love into something twisted.
A small white-haired woman was waiting on Iraina’s doorstep when he brought her home from the falls. Head in the clouds, Leiv hadn’t even noticed the stranger until he dropped his keys and bent to pick them up.
He stopped his whistling. He could tell just by looking at her she was a zombie, but her scent told him she was very, very old.
“You cannot simply marry a human,” the woman snapped, as an introduction.
Iraina stiffened, the arm looped through his, growing tighter. “Excuse me? Who are you?”
The woman’s light gray eyes flicked to Iraina and back to Leiv. “Read the book. The law says she must be turned. There’s no other way.”
Leiv felt cold to the bone, and not the kind of cold a zombie relished.
Iraina tugged his arm. “What’s she talking about?”
He glanced at her but couldn’t make words come out of his mouth to explain. He recalled the section in the tome about turning Saves, but he hadn’t thought much of it. What a stupid rule. Surely, they wouldn’t enforce it.
The woman took a step forward. “Don’t make me send the Reapers,” she hissed, and then swept past them.
“Leiv, what—”
“Get inside,” he urged.
“But who—”
“Inside.”
Iraina glared at him but finally pushed through the door. Once they were inside, Leiv shut it, locked it, stepped back, and stared at it. His mind was a pinball machine, trying to make sense of the Oracle’s visit.
She cleared her throat. “Explain.”
Slowly, he turned to see her standing with arms crossed, and one hip cocked. For a moment, the sight distracted him. She was the image of beauty wrapped up in a sassy little package, and she was his.
He met her fiery eyes. How could he tell her this in a way that wouldn’t have her running for the hills? No, she loved him. She’d said she wanted to see all his ugly parts. This was definitely ugly. Treat it like a Band-Aid.
“According to the law, we can’t be together unless you are turned.” Just saying the words made his throat burn, but Iraina…she looked like she’d been slapped.
“Turned. Into a zombie? Like you?”
He wanted to reach for her, wrap her up, and act like this wasn’t real. But maybe…maybe she would want to live like he did. Maybe she could see the good in it. Maybe she loved him enough to make this leap. He’d thought the hardest thing he’d have to do today was ask her hand in marriage, but now he was asking her to change into something inhuman.
Grabbing on to the courage that came from knowing she loved him, he stood tall and gave her a single nod.
But then it happened. For the first time since finding her, he truly felt less than, not good enough, ashamed. All because of the expression on her face: disgust.
Inside, he crumbled. Every cell in his body had a new name, and it was Despair.
“You mean risers and humans can’t…mix? What kind of law is this anyway?”
“Zombie law. I don’t know their reasons. It just is.” He breathed shallowly, wishing there was some source of water nearby.
Iraina’s lower lip trembled. “I don’t want to change, Leiv. I like what I am. D-Don’t you?”
The uncertainty in her voice helped him see through his own feelings. This was a lot for her to take in. He stepped closer, touching her cheek. “Of course I do. I love what you are.”
“Then there must be another way,” she said, oblivious to his wounded heart.
He gazed down at her. Black hair like night, eyes of navy streaked with gray. She was for him. He was for her.
He’d tried so hard not to love her. And then to only love her from afar. Lastly, he tried to leave her. But it was too strong, this thing of nature some called the pull. With or without it, he hadn’t wanted to anyway.
By some kind of miracle, she loved him too. Even with all his flaws, she loved him. No matter that he was something other, something lesser.
She was his, she accepted him, even loved him, but she was clear on one point: she didn’t want to be like him.
He caressed her cheek and watched it color under his fingers. She was so vital, so alive. How could he take that away from her?
He wouldn’t.
The decision solidified in his soul. The Oracles would understand, surely, if he explained how badly she wanted to remain human. Certainly, they wouldn’t force them to part simply because they were different.
He nodded. “We’ll figure something out. I promise.”
She gave a relieved sigh and wrapped her arms around his waist. The contact helped a little. Yes, it hurt to know she didn’t want to be like him, but he loved everything about her. If she turned riser, she would change. Besides, he would never ask her do anything she didn’t want to.
“I want to be with you, have a life with you, but I don’t want to lose any of me. Do you understand?”
“Yes.” He could understand that. What worried him was, he didn’t feel the same. He would lose all of himself to her and not even bat an eye. Nothing of him mattered, if she wasn’t near. In the recesses of his mind, he knew these were dangerous thoughts.
“Everything will be all right,” she whispered, her lips against his neck.
For some reason he believed her.
“I’ll never hurt you like that, Raina.
I swear it.” He meant it.
It wouldn’t come to that, he thought. He wouldn’t have to make the choice to turn her or live without her. After fifty years of waiting, of loneliness…Fate wouldn’t be so cruel.
It would be all right. She’d said it.
He believed it.
He wished he hadn’t.
Staring down at her now, it was hard to believe the way things had turned out. He’d always intended to keep his oath, but it had come down to a life or death situation. It came down to one loss…or two.
We can kill them both, if you prefer. Hannah’s words would forever haunt him.
But if he chose to end it this way, he wouldn’t really lose Raina. She’d come back. So he’d chosen to lose only one. And now, he wasn’t sure if he could live with himself.
The high pitched screeching sounded like owls mating. That was the only thing he could compare it to. Except in this case, it never seemed to stop.
Doc Price stoked the fire that warmed the tiny cabin and checked the milk he was warming on the stove. He tested a drop of it on his wrist. Too cold. The little bugger—he needed to think of a name soon—wouldn’t take it unless it was just perfect.
Price glanced at the screaming thing in the corner. “It’s almost ready. Be cool.” Even if the ankle biter could hear him over the screeching, he wouldn’t understand.
A baby. He wasn’t equipped to care for a baby. He wasn’t a real doctor. They just called him Doc because he was good at patching up wounds.
Doc pulled the milk from the stove and brought it to the child, envisioning the precious few minutes of silence that would come when he was eating. He knew this condition was called colic. He also knew there wasn’t much to be done for it. That was basically the extent of his knowledge of newborns.
Using a straw and his pinky finger, he’d rigged a system for the baby to suckle. It would have to do until he could get down the mountain and find a bottle. For now, the little guy was taking to it like a charm.
“She thinks you’re a carrier,” Price murmured. “Thinks you can be the cure for zombies. For the ones who want to be cured, that is.”
The baby sucked at the milk, his big blue eyes blinking with each pull.
“But for her, you’d be poison.” The thought of Si dying at the hands of this child—at the hands of anything—sent equal parts of devastation and rage through his body. Seeing her set him back a notch. Kissing her might as well have slayed him.
He clenched his jaw. She’d brought the poison to him for a reason. She knew he’d do his best to care for it, to make it what it was meant to be: a chance for humans to fight back. Sure, he knew for the most part zombies were peaceable, living on the fringes, eating raw meat instead of people. Their desire was to coexist. Except for when it came to their Saves. Those humans, they wanted to turn. And if they wouldn’t turn willingly, they would force them.
It wasn’t right. As it stood now, humans only had a slim chance at remaining such if a riser had locked onto them.
A carrier would change that. A carrier would give humans a fighting chance.
Si had trusted him with this responsibility, and he wouldn’t let her down. He’d raise the child to know what he was, to know how to fight the zombies, to be a weapon.
Price blew out a breath. “Si, I hope you’re hiding well, baby. Because this child is going to be the deadliest poison,” he whispered, “and I think I’ll call him…Sam. Sam Price, welcome to the world where the dead live and the living die.”
Chapter 7
RAINA GASPED, COMING AWAKE to never-ending darkness. Always darkness.
Panic. Help him. Somehow. Must help him. She clawed at the blankets desperate to get free of her confinement. Trouble. Everything she loved was in trouble. She would lose it all if she didn’t get out of this stupid bed and do something about it.
In the distance, a baby wailed, and a memory surfaced. A pain, a push, a cry.
If only she could see. If there was just a little light maybe she could get somewhere. How could she help her baby if she couldn’t see where they took him? And Leiv…how could he do this? What had the Oracles done to her sweet Leiv? The look on his face had been pure torment—a trapped animal forced to hurt in order to survive. How would she ever forgive him?
Raina’s throat constricted in a silent scream.
She woke again, but it was dark still. How many times could she wake from the same nightmare only to find she was in it again?
The blond Oracle, she was evil, she was hurting Raina’s family. The baby…Leiv…help them, help them, help them.
Raina screamed, long and loud, and didn’t stop until she heard it with her ears and not just inside her head. Then she screamed some more. It was cleansing, erasing, closing chapters of her life that hadn’t yet been written and now, never would.
She screamed.
Screamed.
She awoke.
Blinked.
The first thing she noticed was daylight. In her heart, she knew she was grateful for it but couldn’t place why. It was like she was seeing it for the first time. Like she’d only known black before.
She blinked again, afraid to move anything but her eyelids.
Next, she tried her fingers. That was when she realized there was a hand holding hers. Carefully, she turned her head to see the one man who made everything better. She couldn’t imagine waking to a more perfect sight.
Leiv was here, and he was safe. She must have been dreaming. A nightmare. But she couldn’t remember anything. Didn’t know why she was so upset. The panic, the fear, the dread. But Leiv, she knew. Leiv was safe. Leiv was good.
Leiv was home.
Her home. He was hers. She was his.
“Leiv,” she breathed his name like a prayer of thanks.
She crawled across the bed and into his lap, gripping tightly to his shirt. Closer, she needed to get closer. She shook uncontrollably as she buried her face in his neck and breathed him in. His breath skated across her cheek but it still wasn’t enough. It took too long for his arms to wrap around her, and when they finally did…she’d never felt more perfect than she did at that moment. Like the universe and destinies aligning. Like yin meeting yang. Like kis and met.
“Leiv,” she sighed again. “You’re here.”
His rasped “Yes” brought her head up. The pain in his eyes was unfathomable. She cradled his face with both hands and stared into the depths, hoping to find the source and root it out.
When that failed, she kissed him. At first his lips were stone, shutting her out. She couldn’t understand it. This was Leiv. He was hers. Why shouldn’t she kiss him? But then, he wound his fingers in her hair and kissed back. Strong, deliberate. Her chest pounded in time to the movement of his lips. He slowed, it slowed. Their kiss grew softer, more intimate. His touch was gentle, like she was delicate. She was so lost in the kiss, she almost didn’t notice the wetness on her cheeks.
Tears. Not from her, but…from him.
Raina pulled back and stared. Leiv’s eyes were closed tight, brown streaking his cheeks. Carefully, she wiped the tears away, vaguely aware of her body’s reaction to the liquid. It didn’t hurt; it just evaporated. She felt confused and helpless. Why was he crying?
“Are you all right?” she asked, not sure what to do, and hating to see him sad.
He nodded and more tracks appeared. “We can’t do that anymore,” he ground out.
“What?”
“Kiss. We can’t kiss anymore. Ever, understand?”
His words felt like a slap. Weren’t they…he was…hers. She was his. How could he say such a thing?
“But we…”
His eyes snapped open. “We what?”
“We are…” She didn’t want to say it. Everything seemed suddenly wrong. Wasn’t Leiv her safe place? Wasn’t he hers? That knowledge was so strong, it felt like a physical thing. How could she be wrong?
“We are what?” His voice was a razor’s edge.
“We’re in l
ove,” she barely whispered. Her chest hurt. “Aren’t we?”
His intense gaze shifted away without an answer.
“You need water,” he said instead. He carefully nudged her until she was lying back on the bed.
“But—”
“We’ll talk about this later. Right now, we both need to hydrate, okay? Especially you.”
She ached so badly. All she wanted was to rest, to be held by the one she felt so much for. What was happening? How could he not feel the same? What had changed?
His back was to her now, his hand on the knob of the door, but he stopped like a dog jerked to a halt on a leash when she whispered his name. “I know I love you,” she said, almost to herself.
He didn’t say it back. The door slammed with his exit, and it was the thunderclap of a heart fracturing.
Leiv carried six gallon jugs of water up the stairs and still couldn’t feel anything but the crushing weight on his chest. Raina, how she’d lunged into his arms, trusting when she shouldn’t, loving when she didn’t know what he’d done. It was more than he could handle at the moment. Part of him wanted to pretend nothing had happened. She wouldn’t know the difference. They could resume their love story and try for a happily ever after. But he would always know. And there was a piece of them missing now. He glared at the bookcase in the hall.
No, things could never just pick up where they’d left off. But maybe…maybe it could be something new. New feelings and declarations. New promises and goals.
He’d go first. His first promise to her: do whatever it takes to keep her life from being touched by the Oracles again. He’d train her to fight, educate her in the zombie law. She wouldn’t be at the mercies of the ancients again. This could be a brand new start.
Another morning, as Grams used to say. He missed that old woman desperately. He was the only one left who would remember her. Not even her cinnamon rolls would be passed on now. Only Raina knew the recipe and it was gone. Useless anyway, since there were no humans to eat them.
Leiv took several calming breaths before reaching for one of the jugs and entering their bedroom—Raina’s room now.
