by T. A. Brock
She was lying on her side, staring at the door as if she hadn’t moved since he left.
“Here’s some water,” he said, lamely. He filled the glass on the nightstand and offered it. “You’ll feel better if you drink.”
She nodded, rising to sit, and took the glass. Gulping, she finished it in three swallows. “More,” she rushed to say, and he couldn’t help a slight grin as he refilled her cup.
Six more glasses full and the gallon was gone.
“I’m so thirsty.”
“I know,” he said. “It’s normal. The more you drink, the faster it will pass.”
He went for another jug, and she finished that one too.
“Okay.” She panted like a cross-country runner. “I need a break.”
Leiv nodded.
She laid her head on the pillow—his pillow—and stared warily up at him. “What happened? Why can’t I remember anything?”
He’d had plenty of time to think about what he would tell her, but now that the time had come, he couldn’t think of anything good enough. Some version of the truth seemed best.
Leiv knelt next to the bed so he could look into her eyes. “You were changed into a riser. Do you know what that is?”
“Yes. I do. You’re one.”
“When you turn, you lose the memories of your former life.”
Her brow furrowed, a tight bundle of confusion. “But I remember you. I know you.”
He nodded. “That’s different. We’re connected.”
“Connected. We’re special?”
He couldn’t stop himself from tenderly brushing the stray hair away from her cheek.
“I suppose we are. Here, drink some more.”
After consuming another gallon, she had more questions.
“All the answers are in a book,” he told her.
For the first time since rising, she smirked. “Isn’t that always the case?” She looked so much like his Raina that he almost forgot she was no longer human.
“Usually.” He went over to the dresser where the big book lay, and brushed his fingers over the cover. At different times, he’d loved and hated it. Now, it was time to pass on the contents.
Carrying it to the bed, he showed her. She was still too weak to hold it for long, but she flipped through the first couple pages.
“The Tome of the Living Dead?”
He nodded. They could’ve done better with the title, but it was what it was.
He waited as she skimmed pages. “This will take forever to read.”
“It’s intense,” he agreed. “But it will answer any questions you have.”
She raised a skeptical eyebrow. “Any?”
Leiv nodded.
“So, if my question is what the hell is up with us? Why do I have feelings for you that you don’t return? This book can answer it?”
Pressing his lips together so he wouldn’t scream at the untruth, he leaned forward and flipped the pages until he reached the section about Saves. The section that had filled him with so much hope when he was newly turned.
While she squinted at the ancient writing, he slipped from the room. Sinking against the wall, he breathed deeply. All he could do was wait for her to put the pieces together and hope that she didn’t run.
Chapter 8
DAYS PASSED, AND RAINA regained her strength. She spent most of her days satisfying her need for hydration, which she knew was a result of being recently deceased. Her first meal as a riser had been interesting. The thought of eating raw meat hadn’t been all too appealing, but when Leiv brought her into the kitchen and she smelled it with her new zombie senses, she found it irresistible. It was as if she hadn’t eaten in her whole life. Technically, she hadn’t. Her new life, that is.
When she wasn’t hydrating or eating, she was reading the book. Specifically the section Leiv had pointed out. It was lengthy, and much of it hard to understand, but she knew she had been—still was—Leiv’s Save. She’d also learned that there were two kinds of Saves: mated and familial. She wasn’t sure yet which one she was, but the idea that she might be a familial Save to Leiv made her blush with embarrassment. At how she’d thrown herself at him. How he’d reacted. But as much as she read, she couldn’t figure out which one she was.
Today, she was reading more about familial Saves.
Since female risers do not possess the bodily functions necessary to carry and therefore bear young, a substitution is made in the form of a familial Save, which can be assigned by the ancient ones. After forming the required attachments to the riser and making the necessary changes, the familial Save is taken into the riser’s tribe as their child. In some cases, an Oracle will assign two or more familial Saves to a female riser. In some cases, familial Saves may also be assigned to male risers.
Raina’s heart pounded so hard she could feel it in her eyelids. Female zombies couldn’t bear young. That meant she would never have a child, a baby to hold and call her own. She couldn’t remember any of her human life but somehow she knew, felt, that she’d always wanted to be a mother. Now, she would never have that chance.
Putting the book aside, she reached for her water. She held the glass but didn’t drink. Her mind was bouncing from feeling angry to distraught to panicked. Her reasons for feeling like this were a mystery. She didn’t even know until reading the passage that she would want children. How unfair that she’d been changed into something barren. Had she given her permission? She was afraid to know the answer. A person should have a choice in the matter.
Pain, hard and sharp, shot from her head to her toes. What was this?
Her vision was different. Everything that once had color was now shades of brown. Everything that was white was now yellow.
Agony. Terror overtook her as she realized she couldn’t move. The glass of water dropped, crashing loudly to the floor. Something was very wrong. She had to get Leiv.
Trying desperately to make her limbs move, she slipped in the water that had spilled. Her skin absorbed some and the pain lessened a fraction. Just barely enough for her to scream.
“Leeeiv!”
Seconds ticked by before he rushed through the door.
“Raina!” He skidded to a halt before her, falling to his knees. “Your eyes…you need water.”
She struggled to breathe as he scrambled to the nightstand to refill the cup. Before she could entertain another thought, Leiv pried her jaw open and poured water down her throat so fast she choked. Then he dropped her and went to get more. Again, he poured it too fast and it ended up soaking the front of her shirt. She didn’t care though. It was sweet relief and she needed more. Two more glasses and her hair was doused, every inch of skin seeking and devouring the liquid he offered.
Finally, she could breathe. The pain was just an annoying throb now, but she still needed more water.
“You aren’t drinking enough,” he said, angrily. With shaking hands, he brought her another glass.
She downed it. “More,” she croaked.
When she was finished, they both sat in the floor, breathing heavily. Raina glanced at Leiv. The expression on his face was unnamable but she thought she saw something she hadn’t seen before: desire.
He spotted the book. “What were you reading about?”
“Same thing I’ve been reading about for a while. Saves.”
His mouth formed a hard line. “You were angry. That’s why your eyes turned.”
She nodded. “I need answers that book can’t give. Are we…what are we?”
His mouth opened but nothing came out.
“Are we mated? Or familial?”
“It doesn’t really matter which we are.”
“It does. To me, it does. Everything about us matters.”
Leiv stared at the floor, clenching and unclenching his fists.
“Why won’t you help me? Why won’t you talk to me?”
“I’ve done things, Raina. Things you wouldn’t approve of.”
“How do you know? You said I’m different
. You can’t know what I would approve of.”
His eyes widened with hope, and then dimmed again. But there was something there. She reached for his hand and he let her thread her fingers through his.
“Let me in.”
He seemed to consider it. The war on his face was epic.
“I knew you before, and this wasn’t what you wanted. You didn’t want this life, and I forced it on you.”
Raina swallowed, the knot in her throat threatening. “I know you too. And you must’ve had a good reason for turning me into this.”
“I did. It was this, or you were going to die.” His face crumpled. “I couldn’t live with that. I—me—I couldn’t live with that. You could. And I ignored what you wanted because I didn’t want to live without you. Now you know.”
Raina was torn in two with his confession. He’d killed her. He’d saved her. Her murderer. Her savior. How could the two be the same?
“I forgive you,” she blurted.
His gaze snapped up. “What?”
“You heard me. I forgive you. You hurt me, but you saved me, and you’re forgiven.”
“You can’t—”
“I can. Forgiveness is mine to do with as I please.”
“Raina…”
“I want to start over. I’m here, you’re here, and according to that book, we are a family. A tribe.”
So much time passed before he brought her hand to his lips and kissed. “All right, my Raina. We start over.”
The next few weeks were tenuous but there was so much to learn, Raina kept busy. Leiv taught her how to use a dagger, told her everything he knew about the Oracles, and went over the most important points in the book. He showed her the best ways to prep meat and all kinds of tricks for finding water on short notice. They went over self-defense moves until her muscles ached, but it wasn’t bad because all she had to do was drink extra water and the pain went away. The resilience was one of the biggest perks of being newly risen.
She still didn’t have the answers to all her questions, but they would come with time. Leiv was far from an open book. He was reserved, but he was trying. She could see that. Whatever had happened prior to her rising had been hard on both of them, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to know all the details.
When her mind wandered, she thought about her future Save. Leiv had mentioned that it could take many years before a Save was assigned, but Raina secretly hoped it would happen soon. Even though Leiv wouldn’t say for sure, she suspected they were mated. Which meant her Save would be their child. Her heart swelled to bursting when she imagined completing their family.
When she spoke of it, Leiv was close-lipped. Sometimes he even looked bothered. The last time she mentioned it, he’d pulled her into his arms and just held her. He wasn’t always affectionate so she didn’t know what to make of it until he’d pulled away, staring at her with haunted eyes. Time. Time would be their healer.
Today Raina was exploring their home. Leiv had left her with a tender kiss and a reserved smile. He’d been in town for a couple hours, and she was bored. She went room by room looking for any clue that could help her break through Leiv’s reserve. She’d snooped through his bedroom—which didn’t look like it contained much of him at all—and found some jewelry that she didn’t recognize. In the den was a library with several handwritten cookbooks. Squinting, she thought she recognized the script. The recipe was for cinnamon rolls. Strange that Leiv would have this when he couldn’t eat anything in the book.
Reshelving the book, she moved on to the guest bedrooms and found nothing useful.
As she was returning to her bedroom—which seemed to be the biggest room in the house—to take a shower, she passed the bookshelf in the hall and stopped to see what it contained.
Thumbing through the spines, she found an antique copy of Wuthering Heights. She knew this book…somehow. Was this a memory? Pulling it from the shelf, she carefully opened to the first page. But she only read one word because something else caught her eye.
She bent, peering through the books to the back of the shelf. There was…
Quickly, she removed several more books until she could see for sure. Yes, there was a doorknob sticking through a cutout in the back of the shelf.
Raina stood there staring at it, contemplating. The bookshelf was obviously covering a room. A room Leiv didn’t want anyone to find? What was hiding behind the shelf?
She bit her lip. She should walk away. Maybe ask him about it. She definitely shouldn’t move it and check out the mystery room.
Her body ignored her brain. Something told her whatever was behind the door was important, or had been.
The books were carefully stacked on the floor before Raina pulled the bookshelf out to clear the knob. With a deep, anxious breath, she opened the door and walked through.
Chapter 9
LEIV UNLOCKED THE FRONT DOOR and stepped in. It was hard to believe he was whistling again. Since Raina’s death and rising weeks ago, he couldn’t recall feeling so hopeful. Sure, things weren’t perfect. They were both wounded in their own ways, but they were working through things. He actually believed they could salvage their relationship.
Dumping the groceries on the counter, he pulled out the package of white roses he’d purchased. He filled a vase and set them in the center of the table, putting the meat in the fridge, and went looking for his Save.
He climbed the stairs, his heart pounding like it did every time he was away for too long. Seeing her, knowing she was safe, would put him at ease.
Leiv stopped cold on the top stair, the mud draining from his face.
The bookcase in the hall was pulled away from the wall, the door behind it ajar. He didn’t need to sniff the air to smell the salt of her tears. Her sobs could be heard from where he was.
His mind raced, his heart ached, dread was his new friend, but somehow he made his feet move until he was standing in the doorway of the room. The one room he never wanted to see again. The room that reminded him of where his choices led him. And her. Of the choices he’d made for her. Of mistakes he could never take back but also couldn’t find the will to completely regret. His bad choices allowed her to live; he couldn’t regret that.
Raina was a pile of limbs on the floor next to the rocking chair. As she sobbed, she held a fluffy cream-colored teddy bear and stared at the empty crib. She stiffened when his steps came closer.
“Tell me what happened,” she demanded. Even though her voice quivered, it was a command. He wanted to ignore it but she deserved better than that.
Leiv sank to the floor beside her, facing the crib. The sight made his stomach ache with sadness.
“Are you sure you want to know?”
She was quiet for so long. “I…had a baby? Tell me it isn’t true, Leiv. Tell me I’m mistaken.”
He stared at his hands, wishing they could do something to fix this. But there was no fix. Only consequences. “We,” he said, his voice thick. “We had a baby. A boy.”
She buried her head in the teddy bear and cried. Leiv brushed away his own tears.
“What happened?”
“We broke the law, Raina, and they wouldn’t stand for it. They were going to kill you if I didn’t agree to give them the baby and turn you.”
Her brown and yellow streaked eyes shot to him. “You gave them our baby?”
There hadn’t been much of a choice. The Oracles had decided their baby would die whether Leiv handed him over or not. The only difference was that this way, Raina lived. “Don’t you see, I had to?”
“No. No, Leiv.” She got to her feet and he followed. “You gave them our baby?”
“He was dangerous. It’s the reason for the law in the first place, but I didn’t know that. I didn’t know the consequences of our actions.”
“Dangerous? What do you mean?”
“He was a carrier. A carrier can decimate the zombie race. The Oracles are powerful and they wouldn’t stop until…until the threat was…”
Raina�
��s eyes went veiny and yellow. “Was what?”
He stared at her, not able to say the word, hating the tears he couldn’t stop, wishing he could be angry at anyone but himself.
“Was what, Leiv?”
His voice completely failed. “Eliminated,” he mouthed.
She let out a breath that sounded like her life was ending. He watched in terror as she clutched her chest, her knees hitting the floor. The sound coming from her mouth was indescribable. Agony. A wretched music made from her horror at his breathed word.
Leiv rushed forward, his only thought to help her. This was all too much. Just as he was about to touch her, she let out an animalistic growl that stopped him dead and threatened to shatter his tenuous control. Her face was streaked brown and gray, her skin drying out. She shook violently with anger, breath bursting from her nostrils, reminding him of a raging bull. Too furious. Too dry. She needed help but she wouldn’t let him do anything.
“Don’t…touch…me…”
“You need water.”
Yellowed eyes glared at him. There was nothing left of his Raina now, and if he didn’t do something quick, she’d dry out.
“Let me carry you to the tub. Please.”
The skin of her clenched hands began to peel back from the nails, thinning and splitting.
“Please,” he tried again, desperate, “you’ll never make it on your own.”
This was the worst case of dehydration he’d ever seen. It had to be excruciating.
Ignoring his plea, she made an attempt for the door. Her body dragged across the hardwood, her head canting to one side, her joints Tin-Man stiff. Again, he moved to help her but she snarled.
At the door, her body gave out, crashing to the floor in a tangle of paper-thin skin and brittle bones. Leiv didn’t waste any time waiting to see if she would approve or not. He scooped her up, his stomach twisting at how light she felt, and ran down the hall to the closest bathroom. As gently as he could in his haste, he set her in the tub and cranked both water faucets to high. The plug was in the bottom but the water level wasn’t rising. Every spare drop of moisture was going into Raina.
