No Shame

by Nora Phoenix

  “I’m damn close,” Charlie said, his voice throaty.

  “Me too. I’m shifting a gear up. Need to pound that ass.”

  Pounding, he did. The first thrust was so powerful, it rammed Charlie’s cock into his mouth even deeper. Both guys let out a simultaneous groan of satisfaction. Brad braced himself, eagerly awaiting being filled on both ends. Miles’ fingers dug in, his cock slamming home hard now. Brad’s body shook with the intensity.

  “Coming…” Charlie warned, a mere second before he fired off a round of hard thrusts into Brad’s mouth. As if choreographed, Miles did the same in his ass. Charlie came first, flooding his mouth. Brad swallowed furiously, gave up when Miles came in his ass with a mighty roar. His body went slack, the cum dripping out of him everywhere.

  Miles spun him on his back, attacked his mouth with a soaring hot kiss. Brad moaned, rutted against him with his hard shaft. Miles swiped his mouth clean, fucking his mouth until Brad about ran out of breath.

  “Fucking hell, you taste good,” Miles told Charlie. He licked his lips. “I could taste you all over his mouth. Come here.”

  Their mouths met an inch away from Brad’s, but the funny thing was that he wasn’t jealous at all. He didn’t even want in. No, he was fucking horny again, and getting more aroused by the second as those two started making slurping noises. His hand traveled to his dick, found it slick with precum and trembling with need. He jacked himself off with furious, hard strokes.

  “Fuuuuuck,” he sighed only twenty, maybe thirty seconds later, his ball emptying violently. The orgasm barreled through him, leaving him weak and panting. Holy fuck, he’d come twice in one day. That in itself was a fucking miracle.

  “Was that good, babe?” Charlie asked, smiling.

  “Fuck, yeah.”

  Miles nuzzled his neck from behind. “One last thing I forgot to tell you. From now on, you can’t come without my permission, unless you’re playing with Charlie. If you do come, I’ll have to discipline you, you understand?”

  Brad was a fucking mess with cum, snot, and saliva everywhere, not to speak of his ass that was stinging like a motherfucker. Yet he was the happiest and most relaxed he’d been in years. He leaned his head back, kissed his man on the mouth.

  “Whatever you say, Daddy.”

  15

  Josh woke up before Connor did, a rare occasion. At first, he wasn’t sure what had woken him, but when he shifted slightly he knew. They’d had another session with Master Mark yesterday, and he’d taught Connor how to use a cane. Fuck, Josh’s ass had been on fire, the pain beyond what he had experienced so far.

  Connor had noticed it, had safe worded them both with a code yellow and had slowed down considerably. Josh had never been more aware of how well Connor could read him. Master Mark had been impressed, too, and had praised them both for how in tune they were.

  It had just been too much, too overwhelming. It was a different kind of pain than spanking or paddling, much sharper and deeper. He’d flown high, soaring in subspace, until the pain had become too much. But damn, it had been a good session.

  He loved going there with Connor, loved learning more about the Dom/sub lifestyle that brought them both so much pleasure and peace. They were experimenting with all kinds of things and were both learning more about their preferences.

  The shibari, for instance, hadn’t done much for either of them. Josh was by nature a patient man, but the slow process of tying him up hadn’t fulfilled his craving for being used. Master Mark had taken some pictures of Josh after Connor had tied him up according to the instructions, and on an intellectual level Josh thought it beautiful, but emotionally it didn’t do shit for him. Luckily, Connor had felt the same.

  The cane, however, he definitely wanted to try again, and Master Mark had suggested they’d try a whip as well. Josh couldn’t wait. The regular sessions he was now doing with Connor were helping tremendously in keeping his PTSD symptoms manageable.

  He shifted again, his ass burning hot against the cool sheets. Connor had put lotion on it, as he always did after a session, but it sure didn’t help much this time. Josh suspected he was sporting some serious marks.

  Next to him, Connor groaned. “Why are you awake? It’s too early, baby, go back to sleep.”

  “My ass hurts.”

  Connor turned on a soft lamp and took Josh back in his arms, his hand gently patting Josh’s ass. He kissed Josh’s head. “Was I too violent?”

  Josh put his hand on Connor’s chest, as always marveling in his man’s sheer strength. “Nah. It’s different, deeper, but it will help me focus throughout the day.”

  Connor’s hand brushed his hair. “It will help you remember who you belong to as well,” he said.

  Josh smiled. “Yes, Connor. You know I’m yours, baby.”

  Connor’s muscles tightened, and he was quiet for a few seconds, apparently mulling something over. “Do you want him?” Connor asked.

  Josh had a quick intake of breath. There was no doubt who the “him” was. He turned on his side so he could meet Connor’s inquisitive gaze completely open. “Yes.”

  Connor swallowed. “You love him.”

  “Yes.”

  “Did you always?” It wasn’t the most eloquent of questions, but Josh understood.

  “I think I did, but I didn’t know it. My love for Indy, it’s different from what I feel for you, or for Noah. With Noah, it’s this secure love, the knowledge that he’s there. Aside from the fact that we fucked, he’s like a brother to me, my rock and strong protector. With you… Fuck, Connor, my love for you is this big thing that fills me completely. You’re a fire that consumes me whole, and I love it. Our love is bold, dominating, big, and demanding. Indy, he’s…” Josh’s eyes turning soft, dreamy. “He’s the breeze that cools me down, that gives me air to breathe.”

  Connor’s eyes widened as the truth hit him. “You don’t love him, you’re in love with him.”

  Josh bit his lip, but still met his eyes. “Please, don’t be mad, Connor. I didn’t do it on purpose.”

  “Do you still love me?”

  He looked so insecure, and it broke Josh’s heart. The last thing he wanted was to ever hurt this man. “Fuck, yes, babe. So very much. It’s different, and I know I’m doing a sucky job of explaining it, but I love you both.”

  “Do you still want to be with me?”

  Connor was holding his heart out, more vulnerable than Josh had ever seen him. “Yes,” Josh whispered. “If you’ll still have me.”

  Connor’s blue eyes were full of doubt, much like they had been when they had first met. “I don’t know how to do this, how to love you less so I can let you go.”

  Panic filled Josh. “I don’t want you to let me go.”

  Connor kissed him. Devoured was a more accurate description. Fuck, how could Connor think Josh would ever want to lose this? He wanted him, wanted them both. Connor’s tongue attacked, dueled with Josh’s until Josh surrendered, like he always did, letting Connor invade him.

  Finally, Connor seemed to have his fill—at least for now. He pulled back, studied Josh once more. “I didn’t mean letting you go, baby. I could never do that. I meant letting you go to him. What if you end up loving him more? What if you choose him?”

  Tears filled Josh’s eyes. “I’m not choosing. I love you both. I’m so sorry, Connor. I never meant for this to happen.”

  “I know, baby. I know. It’s… I’m trying to understand it. I can see it, how much you need him, too. And he’s a good man, baby, he is. What you two have is special, but… I’m not jealous so much as scared. I don’t know how this would work.”

  Josh’s heart rate slowed down a little. “I don’t know, either. But we can figure it out together. You, me, Indy, and Noah.”

  Connor swallowed. “Noah, he’s on board with this?”

  Josh nodded. “Yeah. But it’s easier for him, since he’s shared Indy with me from the start.”

  “I don’t get that, because he’s crazy jealous if ot
hers so much as look at Indy.”

  Josh smiled, because it was so true. “I know, but Indy and me doesn’t bother him.”

  “I don’t think the sex would bother me,” Connor said.

  “Would you feel better if you could watch us? I know you like that.”

  Connor’s cheeks flushed. “Don’t get embarrassed, babe,” Josh said softly. “I love it. Makes me feel less of a freak.”

  “I think I would like that, yes. How were you and Indy planning on moving forward?”

  Josh gently shook his head. “We don’t have a plan, baby. We’re not doing anything until you’re one hundred percent okay with it.”

  Connor kissed him softly. “I think I am, but baby, will you ask me permission when the time comes?”

  “Yes, Connor. Always.”

  An hour or two later he was in the kitchen, preparing breakfast with Indy. Noah and Connor were already at the huge kitchen table, happily reading their newspaper. Josh loved Sunday mornings when they were all together for an unhurried, extensive breakfast.

  Brad walked into the kitchen, his face predicting heavy thunderstorms. Max followed him, sticking close as always. Uh oh. Trouble in paradise, apparently.

  Brad’s meltdown a few days earlier had confirmed what Connor had reported from a conversation he’d witnessed between Brad and Miles about Charlie: the three of them were involved with each other, though the exact dynamics hadn’t been clear. No wonder, as it had to be fucking complicated building something solid between three people. Josh would know, what with his heart belonging to Connor and Indy both.

  The whole thing with Brad did seem to have had positive effects, though. Miles had told them he was experimenting with a daddy-dynamic with Brad and had asked them not to interfere. Josh had utter respect for Miles for figuring out that was what Brad needed, though it had to make their threesome even more complicated.

  Still, Brad had come back, had basically moved into Miles’ room with Charlie. At some point, they’d have to talk about long term arrangements, but for now, Noah and Indy didn’t seem to mind to be in the guest room next door to him and Connor. On the contrary, sharing a bathroom had proven to be quite…entertaining. Connor’s exhibitionist side was coming to the surface more and more, and Josh fucking loved it. Connor had displayed so many inhibitions, his proud, insecure man, but he was shredding them one by one.

  “Good morning,” he said to Brad, who quietly took a spot all the way at the end of the table.

  “Morning,” he replied, but Josh couldn’t make out if he was curt or shy. Like him, Brad was an introvert, so Josh never took his gruffness personally. Then Brad shifted and a flash of pain painted his face. Josh bit back a grin, because he knew exactly what was causing Brad’s mood. Apparently, someone had needed a reminder of who was in charge.

  “Good morning,” Miles offered, stepping into the kitchen as well, followed by Charlie.

  Friendly greetings flew around the kitchen.

  “Brad, what can I get you for breakfast?” Miles asked.

  Hmm, interesting dynamic, Josh observed. Brad submitted to Miles, but he didn’t take care of him as Josh did of Connor. It was the other way around. Again, this made sense. Brad didn’t react to Miles’ question, though.

  Miles took two steps forward, yanked Brad up by his arm and was in his face. “I asked you a question. Are you gonna answer me or do you want to walk around with a red ass all day? Do not challenge me, boy, because I will spank the shit out of you all over again, and they’ll all get to watch. I’ll ask one more time: what can I get you for breakfast?”

  Brad swallowed once, then his shoulders came down. “Scrambled eggs, please, with toast.”

  Miles didn’t back off, stayed an inch away from him. Apparently, he wasn’t satisfied yet.

  Brad sighed, the embarrassment on his face clear. “Scrambled eggs, please, Daddy, with toast, please.”

  Miles nodded. “Sit your ass down and don’t talk until breakfast is served.” He waited till Brad had sat down again, avoiding everyone’s eyes. “What would you like, love?” His tone to Charlie was completely different, full of kindness and love.

  What did Charlie think of this dynamic, Josh wondered. He hadn’t interfered when Miles had confronted Brad, and he looked relaxed, amused even.

  Josh finished the bacon he’d been frying for Connor and Noah, to complement their eggs and sausage. Meanwhile, Indy was cutting fresh strawberries into small pieces, his tongue peeping out from between his lips.

  “Here’s your grease for the day,” Josh said, serving Noah and Connor both a full platter. His man sure loved his bacon, as did Noah, but Josh only made it on the weekends. He wanted to watch out for their cholesterol and all that.

  “Thanks, babe.” Connor looked like he wanted to smack his ass, but thankfully remembered Josh was still smarting and held back.

  Josh took out two tall glasses, while Indy grabbed the granola and the yogurt and handed Miles the eggs to start on their scrambled eggs. Josh made layers of strawberries, homemade granola, and greek yogurt. It looked nice, if he said so himself, and it would taste even better.

  “Thanks, baby,” Indy said and gave him a quick kiss on his cheek.

  They took spots next to each other, their elbows touching.

  Indy let out a sweet groan after the first bite. “Damn, this is good. Try this,” he said to Noah, leaning over the table to hold out a bite for him on the spoon.

  Noah took it, tasted. He shrugged. “I like my bacon better.”

  “Cavemen, that’s what you two are. Regular fucking cavemen. Barbarians,” Josh muttered.

  Indy’s hand found his, a gesture so simple, yet so profound. “It’s delicious.”

  Josh smiled. “Thank you.”

  They ate in quiet companionship, while Miles served both his men scrambled eggs and toast. The man was pretty handy in the kitchen, Josh had to admit. He wasn’t as good a cook as he himself was, but he could fix a decent breakfast or lunch.

  Charlie got his plate with a smile, but Miles held it out to Brad, obviously waiting for him to say something. Wow, he was keeping him on a tight leash, huh?

  “Thank you, Daddy,” Brad said meekly.

  “You’re welcome. You can talk again.”

  Josh chewed slowly, studying them. “We should introduce them to Master Mark,” he said to Connor.

  “Master Mark?” Miles asked.

  “He’s a Dom who’s teaching me and Connor about the Dom/sub relationship,” Josh said.

  “Really?” Miles said, leaning forward. “How does that work?”

  Josh did a quick check in with Connor to see if he was okay with sharing this, and he got the nod. “You have to fill out this huge list of what you like and what your limits are. He has this basement that’s basically a sex dungeon where you can play, or do a scene. He either watches and gives suggestions, you can ask him for specific demonstrations, or you can let him participate.”

  “He fucks you?” Brad asked, the first time he’d said anything after his run in with Miles.

  “He merely observes with us,” Connor said. “I usually don’t like it when others touch Josh.”

  Josh smiled, noticing the word “usually.” Connor had to be talking about Indy. “Do you like being spanked?” he asked Brad. They might as well discuss it in the open, right? After all, the guy was sitting with a sore ass in the kitchen, his daddy across from him.

  Brad shrugged. “Kind of.”

  Josh frowned. “What do you mean? You either love it, or you don’t.”

  Miles gave Josh a reassuring smile. “So far, Brad has only experienced disciplinary spankings. Daily. And he’s well on his way to getting a second one today. He hasn’t earned a pleasure-spanking yet.”

  Well, that made sense, considering their dynamic. “You’ll love it,” Josh assured Brad. “Trust me, if you already kind of like a real spanking, you’ll love a pleasure-oriented one.” He shot a radiant smile in Connor’s direction. “Connor can get me to subspace in
no time.”

  “What’s that?” Charlie asked.

  Josh smiled. Here he was, dishing out BDSM knowledge like he was an expert. Times certainly had changed. “It’s a pain-pleasure modus in your brain where you mentally check out and reach a level where you can take anything. It’s total peace, really. I can get there with a mix of steady pain and pleasure, for instance by spanking, or getting paddled, caned, maybe whipped, even fucked. Not everyone can reach it, apparently, but I don’t know why.”

  “Connor whips you?” There was true horror on Charlie’s face.

  “We’ve only bought one recently, but we haven’t tried it yet. It takes skill, so we have a session with Master Mark next week and he’ll teach Connor.”

  “If you do it wrong, it can leave lasting marks. There’s no way I’m hurting Josh, so I wanna get it right,” Connor explained.

  Charlie looked puzzled. “I don’t understand. You are hurting him, aren’t you?”

  “There’s a difference between hurting and pleasure-pain. My goal is to bring Josh pleasure through pain and a little humiliation, not humiliate or hurt him because I can. It’s what he needs, and I love taking care of him that way.”

  “Is that what you and Miles are doing as well?” Charlie asked Brad. Oy, how was Brad gonna answer that one? Josh wondered if Brad had even figured it out himself. This shit wasn’t easy, and they were just getting started.

  Brad seemed to think about it for a bit, but he didn’t look to Miles for help. “No, babe. I’ve been trying to analyze it, and I don’t have the full picture yet, but I want Miles to discipline me. I hate it when he does, but I need it and crave it at the same time.”

  “Brad missed out on a lot of structure, love, and attention when he was young, and he’s catching up now. He equals discipline with love—and it is, in many ways. I love providing this for him and taking care of him this way. But even then, it’ll be a while before he stops rebelling,” Miles said calmly.

  Josh was amazed at Miles’ insights in this. He would have never linked Brad’s obviously traumatic childhood to his needs as an adult, but now that Miles explained it, it made total sense.