Kiss Me When I'm Dead

by Dominic Piper

  ‘So what did she say, Eleanor? Did you chat much?’ I’m starting to get butterflies in my stomach. I can almost see Viola entering the hotel room. I can see both women staring at each other, sizing each other up. Viola wondering how this client will respond to her touch, and Eleanor wondering when Natasha’s dad will turn up so she can go home; wondering how convincing her pretence will be and how long she can keep it up for.

  ‘The moment she came in,’ says Eleanor, ‘I think she thought something was not right. She looked at me and I noticed a tiny little frown flash across her eyebrows. Barely noticeable, but I saw it straight away. I think it was my age. I think she was expecting somebody older.’

  ‘That’s probably right,’ says Sakura. ‘Most of my clients are at least mid-thirties. Eleanor here was able to pass herself off as older on the telephone, but in person it would not be so easy for her.’ She looks at Eleanor and smiles. ‘You are too fresh-faced and innocent, my darling, too virginal and unsullied.’

  ‘That’s my cross I have to bear,’ replies Eleanor, amused by Sakura’s humour. ‘Natasha immediately put me – or should I say Mrs Amelia Finch – at ease. She was charming and lovely. I made us some hotel room coffee and she talked me through what would be happening with the tantric massage.

  ‘I’ll tell you what it reminded me of. It reminded me of the Avon Ladies that used to come to the house when I was in school, but more posh and definitely sexier. It was as if she was talking to me about some new line of face cream, as opposed to a multi-orgasmic G-spot massage. I must admit, part of me wanted to just lie down and let her do it to me. She asked if I would like her to be naked while giving the massage or just partially naked. I didn’t know what to say immediately, because I knew we weren’t going to get that far.’

  ‘But you said something.’

  ‘Yes. I said I’d like her to be naked. Then she asked me if I had any preference for the sort of oil she would use on me during the massage. I said I didn’t know, so she suggested using sweet almond oil scented with rose and neroli. That sounded nice so I agreed. I was starting to feel a little bad that she was going to all this trouble for nothing.’

  Eleanor has tears streaming down her face again, but she isn’t sobbing. Well at least that’s something. Sakura leans forwards and holds both of Eleanor’s hands in hers.

  ‘That is when you gave Natasha the money, yes?’

  ‘Yes. I handed her the envelope and she kissed me on the cheek and said she was just going to pop down to her room to get everything ready and she’d be back in a few minutes. She suggested that I take a shower and get into a robe. Well I hadn’t planned on that. Of course, Mr Coleman hadn’t planned on it either, neither of us had, so we hadn’t discussed it.

  ‘I couldn’t think what to do. It would spoil Mrs Amelia Finch’s image if Natasha came back to the room and I was still dressed and sipping hotel room coffee. I didn’t know what to do. The real Mrs Amelia Finch would have just got undressed and had a shower like Natasha said. She’d be under a hot spray of water and she’d be getting excited and maybe even aroused at the thought of what was to come. And here was I wondering what the hell to do next.’

  ‘So what did you do, darling?’ asks Sakura.

  ‘This is going to sound crazy, but when I heard her knock on the door again, I took my top off so that I was just in my bra and skirt. I let her in and she looked surprised. I told her that I was more than a little shy; I was incredibly uptight about this and about sex in general. That’s why I hadn’t got undressed yet. I was having a teensy-weensy panic attack. Then I had a brainwave; something that would make that sound like a plausible story.

  ‘I told her that I’d ordered a bottle of champagne from room service. She said that that sounded like a good idea. She said she liked champagne. She had a big bag with her now and she said that she was going to go into the bathroom to get changed. She was very nice. She said that there was no need to rush, that we had all night. She said that she would make it good for me, that I could relax, and that I would never forget it and I would never forget her. As she went into the bathroom, I breathed a huge sigh of relief.’

  God Almighty; I’m going to have an anxiety attack listening to this. Eleanor lights another cigarette. The tears are still streaming down her face. She sips at her coffee, though it must be cold by now.

  ‘About five minutes later, Natasha came out of the bathroom. She was dressed in a lovely silk kimono robe. She looked so gorgeous. The robe was, I don’t know, I guess you’d call it ivory. The colour, I mean. It wasn’t see-through, but you could see through it, d’you know what I mean? It looked like it had been painted on, particularly around her breasts. I liked it. The fabric fell beautifully. It occurred to me to ask her where she got it from, but I didn’t in the end. It was tied with a sash belt, but seemed designed to fall open when she leaned forward. It’s as if it was caressing her body as she walked along.’

  Eleanor leans forwards and looks Sakura in the eye. ‘She seemed so nice. She wasn’t that much older than me. I know the way she spoke to me was an act, I do that act myself, but apart from all of that I could imagine us being friends, being in the same business and everything. I could see beneath the act, is what I mean to say. There was a nice person underneath that act.

  ‘She went into the bedroom and set up this little burner device which she used to heat up the oil for the massage. After a few minutes, this lovely smell filled the bedroom and the rest of the room. She put a thing like a big, thick pale green towel onto the bed. The bed was big, but this hung over the sides. She put a white sheet on top of the towel. She kept bending over while she did all these things and the robe kept falling open. I know this was part of the whole thing, you know? It was to titillate the client. She pushed the bed a few times to see how firm it was. I was wondering when the hell this guy, her father, was going to turn up.

  ‘I could see what she was doing. The whole atmosphere in the bedroom was getting intoxicating. The rose and the neroli from the warmed-up oil, the perfume she was wearing. I didn’t know what it was, but it was very musky.’

  ‘It’s called Ferme tes Yeaux,’ says Sakura.

  ‘So there I was, still wearing a bra and my skirt. I took my shoes off and left them outside the bedroom. I was wearing these four-inch heels and my feet were stating to ache, so it was quite a relief to get them off. They were Pleaser Fabulicious ones and you know what they’re like.’

  I smile at her. ‘I never wear anything else.’

  She laughs. ‘God. How tall would you be in those?’

  ‘So Natasha was preparing the massage things in the bedroom.’

  ‘Yes. Then there was a knock on the door. A quiet knock. Not like room service would do, d’you know what I mean? This was a secretive knock. For a crazy moment I was thinking that it must be the champagne, then I remembered that was just a story. I remember being quite relieved. I was thinking that all of this would be over soon and I could go home.’

  She looks in her coffee cup to see what’s left, then unsteadily places it back on the saucer. She lights another Cigaronne and looks at the lit end.

  ‘It’s going to be hard for me to describe to you what happened next. It all took place really fast. There are bits of it that I can’t remember very clearly. I’ve been dreaming about it, to tell you the truth. I’ve been dreaming about that whole evening. Some mornings I wake up and feel relieved because it was all a dream, then I realise it wasn’t and get this terrible sinking feeling. I keep getting bits of what happened mixed up and in the wrong order.’

  She bites one of her fingernails. Her nails are so perfectly manicured that I want to reach out and stop her, but don’t. She keeps swallowing, as if she’s got a bad taste in her mouth that she’s trying to get rid of.

  ‘Don’t worry about the order of things or being precise, Eleanor. Just tell me what happened as naturally as you can. Backtrack if you have to. I won’t mind.’

  She inhales some cigarette smoke and then presses the
balls of her hands into her eyes. She breathes in and out rapidly, as if she’s starting to hyperventilate, but then she stops.

  ‘I opened the door and there was Mr Coleman and this old guy. This had to be the father. He smiled at me. He seemed very nice. A bit like your favourite granddad. But his eyes were dead. He was staring right through me. You know how some people do that? It was as if I wasn’t there for him; as if I didn’t exist.’

  I ask her to give me a quick description of the father. She does. There could be no doubt that it was Raleigh, or his identical twin.

  ‘Mr Coleman smiled at me, as if we were old friends. He put a finger up to his lips for me to keep quiet. It was as if we were in on some lovely surprise for someone or other. A birthday surprise, maybe. The father guy came into the room and looked around as if he’d never been in a hotel room before. He smelled of old-fashioned aftershave or cologne or whatever. Mr Coleman followed him and quietly closed the door behind him, but not quietly enough, because Natasha heard it and asked if that was the champagne. Mr Coleman nodded to me and I said yes, it was the champagne.

  ‘Then Natasha came out of the bedroom. I noticed that her robe had fallen open and you could see her breasts. I remember thinking how similar our body types were. I saw her take in the two men for a fraction of a second, as if they might be hotel staff who’d come into the room with the champagne, then her eyes widened. She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. From the expression on her face, I knew immediately that something wasn’t right. I’m talking in clichés, aren’t I?’

  ‘It’s OK, Eleanor.’

  She looks down at the floor, an expression of concentration on her face.

  ‘Her father smiled at her and said something I didn’t catch. He held his arms out, as if he expected her to run into them and give him a big hug. She turned and gave me a terrible look, as if I’d betrayed her or something. I’ll always remember that look. It was hideous. Then she just went berserk and launched herself at him, punching him again and again in the face and the chest. He had his arms up to protect himself like this.’ She crosses her hands in front of her face. ‘Then Natasha started shouting and swearing at him. She looked crazy. Then Mr Coleman got behind her and grabbed the back of her neck so she couldn’t move. Her father slapped her across the face and pulled the robe off her so she was naked. I started to feel ill. I didn’t know what was happening or what I should do.

  ‘He started shouting at her about how she was his property and how nobody ever, ever left him; ridiculous stuff like that. The he started to grab her body and it was like he’d totally lost control of himself. He was trying to kiss her and fondle her. She was struggling and kicking out at him, she even spat at him, but she couldn’t really do anything because Mr Coleman was stopping her from moving. He’d let go of her neck and he was holding both of her arms.

  ‘She wriggled and swore, trying to get free. It was terrifying and disturbing. I’d been rooted to the spot until then, but I started to think that I wanted to get out of there as fast as possible and sod the rest of the money, you know? This was getting violent, nasty and incomprehensible. I’d been in situations a little like this before and I was frightened. He kept on saying that it was his right to do this. He kept on calling her his property all of the time. I’m sorry if this isn’t entirely accurate, but it was all a bit of a blur. She kept on kicking and spitting and swearing and you could see he was getting annoyed with her.

  ‘Mr Coleman put his arms around her in a tight bear hug from behind. He was smirking. I looked around for my stuff. I could see my top, but it was over a chair about eight feet away. I felt stupid being in my bra when all this was going on, whatever it was. My shoes were near the bedroom where I’d taken them off and my bag was on a coffee table.

  ‘Then the old guy said to Mr Coleman to get me out and for him to go with me. He said that he had everything under control and would deal with everything now. Mr Coleman grinned and nodded his head at the old guy. He – the old guy – grabbed Natasha and was trying to drag her into the bedroom. I was surprised he was so strong, because Natasha looked pretty fit. I grabbed my top and put it on, and then I grabbed my bag. I was so relieved that I was being allowed to get out.

  ‘I asked Mr Coleman for the rest of my money, but he just laughed. I asked him again and he slapped me and told me to shut my fucking mouth or things would get nasty for me. You know that expression ‘seeing stars’? I finally understood what they meant by that. He slapped my face so hard that I could taste blood in my mouth. He really didn’t have to hit me that hard, you know? I think he enjoyed it. He was grinning like the cat that got the cream. I was shocked because I thought we were working together on this.

  ‘I was wondering if anyone else in the hotel could hear all this noise. Perhaps someone would call hotel security and someone would come up to see what on earth was going on, but they didn’t.’ She taps some cigarette ash onto the Arc de Triomphe again. ‘This sounds like it was going on for ages, doesn’t it. But it wasn’t going on for ages. It was all like a couple of minutes, tops.’

  I turn to look at Sakura. Her eyes are starting to fill with tears.

  ‘So the old guy was slapping and punching Natasha and dragging her into the bedroom. She was putting up a hell of a fight. The whole thing was unreal. It’s like it wasn’t really happening and I was watching a film or something, you know? But part of me knew what was going on here. Part of me knew that it was some weird sexual thing that the old guy had for her and that he wanted everyone out so he could get on with it. I wondered if he was really her father. I think he was shocked that she was putting up that much of a fight. I don’t think he had expected that.

  ‘I was just going to get my shoes, when without warning Natasha landed a really good right hook on the old man’s jaw. He was, like, stunned for a moment, and in that moment she kicked him in the balls. I mean, she was bare-footed, but it still did the job, you know? It was freaky watching this because she was naked.

  ‘He groaned and his face went grey. At first, he looked like he was going to cry, then he looked angry; really angry. It was scary. He was bent in two for a few seconds, then he straightened up. His eyes were bulging out of his head. He balled his hand into a fist and punched Natasha hard in the face. Despite his age it was a really hard punch. I’m sure it would have knocked me out.

  ‘Then I’m not sure what happened. It looked as if she was leaning backwards and for a second she righted herself and was standing up straight again, then she lost her footing and she fell backwards and sideways. There was a little writing desk; wooden, quite solid. She hit the back of her head on it really hard and then she was on the floor. That was when everything went quiet and still, apart from the old guy’s panting.

  ‘Her head was at a really grotesque angle. Her mouth was hanging open and her eyes were open, too. I knew that she was dead straight away. It’s just one of those things, isn’t it, when you just know like that. It was really strange; one second she was being really feisty and fighting back and the next second…’

  Sakura has gone quite pale. She has her hand over her mouth and is trying to hold back several huge sobs. Eleanor looks at her in alarm and tears start to fill her eyes again.

  ‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry to have to tell you this. I should have done something, but I couldn’t. I don’t remember everything that happened after that. The old guy looked at Natasha and then looked at Mr Coleman. He bent down and started kissing her face and stroking her hair. He started running his hands all over her body, as if he was testing each square inch for signs of life. He was smiling and doing this fake laugh, as if everything was alright and she was messing around, pretending to be dead. He was pawing her and smacking his lips. It was creepy beyond belief.

  ‘I started to feel faint. I was thinking that he’d just killed his daughter and now he was acting like this. It didn’t seem normal. He kept saying that she was alright. That she’d just bumped her head. That she was still alive. That everythi
ng would be the same. That she’d still be his little girl and things would go on as they always had. Just loads and loads of stuff like that. I remember thinking that he was deranged. That was the word that came to mind. Deranged. Mr Coleman just stood there like he didn’t know what to do, like he was waiting for instructions.

  ‘The old guy looked up and looked straight at me, as if he was seeing me for the first time. Then he looked at Mr Coleman and said he should make sure I didn’t leave here. He had to think. I could feel my insides turning to jelly. Mr Coleman pointed at me and ordered me to sit down, so I sat down on a dining chair. Mr Coleman went into the bedroom to look around.

  ‘He kept watching me, to make sure I wasn’t going anywhere. I put on a bit of an act. I sat totally still and stared in front of me, as if I was frozen with fear. He picked up Natasha’s bag and put it on the bed. He started stuffing her things into the bag. I just knew that if I didn’t get out of that room right then I’d never get out. When you do this sort of thing you get tuned in to danger pretty quickly and I knew that I was in danger, and that every second that went by I would be in more danger.

  ‘I don’t know what made me do this, but I noticed that Mr Coleman was having a problem zipping Natasha’s bag up. He was swearing under his breath. I picked up my shoes and made a run for the door, hoping that they hadn’t locked it from the inside. But when the old guy realised what I was doing, he stood up and blocked my way.

  ‘He grabbed my upper arm really tightly. Again, I was surprised how strong he was. I still had my shoes in my hand. I dropped one onto the floor and used the other one to smack him in the head with it as hard as I could manage. I knew about using heels as a weapon. I knew they could be dangerous. I wanted to fucking kill him. I wanted that heel to go through his skull into his brain. He screamed and immediately released my arm. I got out of there as fast as I fucking could. I could hear him calling Mr Coleman, but he was calling him James, not Bill.’