The Hollowed Tree

by R. K. Johnstone

  The audience, stunned into a brief passivity by these unexpectedly offensive and impenitent comments of the bear, began now to react with resentment. They took these criticisms personally, considering them both unwarranted and unfair. A low, growling rumble rose ominously into the air as they muttered among themselves the protests and curses of the unjustly accused.

  Muttering darkly something about '...press charges...take it into their own hooves!...' the bailiff, nevertheless, dutifully restored order to the seething audience. Silence fell over the courtroom once again. Now, as the bear prepared to continue, the crowd presented his broad back with a unified, homogenous frown of open hostility.

  "Begging the Warthog Court's, and the citizens of Hawg City's, pardon," he said with a conciliatory glance behind. The frozen, sullen stares which met his gaze were unreceptive. He cleared his throat and continued: "I say, begging the pardon of Hawg City if offense is taken to these remarks; it is only the truth, and if warthog court can't stand the truth, then I would doubt as to why you have the court at all!"

  "Haarumph!" the great horned owl grunted severely and took on a patronizing air. "My good Boston--if the court will please," he said with a deferential nod to the Magistrate and stood first on one claw then upon the other, movements well known to presage the expressing of an opinion. "The Hawg City court is established and conducted--haarumph--at the explicit--haarumph--direction of the Seventh Juridical, sanctioned by the jungle--haarumph--and supported fully by the Hawg City legislature--haarumph--haarumph! The court's legitimacy will not be brought into question, either at these proceedings or at any other! Haarumph! It is inviolable!"

  "Judge, if the Seventh says it's inviolable, then that's good enough for me; but inviolable or not, if the truth won't stand up in the courtroom, it ain't much good!"

  "Haarumph!" the owl grunted indignantly and hopped from one claw to the other.

  "Howsomever that is, anyway, I don't intend to question the court. I would agree we have got to have it, and it is about as good a thing as I have viewed in Hawg City so far; but I only meant to point out what anybody can see, and ought to say, if they know it. There's a time to keep quiet and a time not to."

  "Well said!" Percy exclaimed with uncharacteristic fervor and came to his feet. The frustration he had been experiencing since they first encountered the warthogs, not just as a result of the criminal assault in the savannah, neither due to its subsequent dismissal by the Magistrate, but even more so due to the unusual and abhorrent social practices and culture of the denizens of Hawg City, now all at once came to a head, rousing the great cat from his customary lethargy of insouciance. "The bear's right, confound it! There's no hiding the truth! You live in filth. You can hardly breathe, the air is so filled with the dust of warthog excrement and effluvium. You warthogs would seem to be unaware of the depths to which you have sunk, willingly, all of your efforts contributing rather to the worsening of these intolerable and disgusting conditions than their betterment. Worse yet, you have concocted and applied to this misguided society a collection of moral and ethical principals which is patently absurd. You abhor, and consequently have outlawed, an activity which to any other than yourselves seems quite the business of no one but the individual, and you go to great lengths to prosecute it; yet you are content to leave others, more properly the business of the courts, to go uncharged or even encouraged."

  The Magistrate was stricken speechless with wonder at this unexpected tirade. The spectators looked on in amazement. It was as if they were hearing the senseless, disconnected ramblings of a lunatic.

  "You have populated your city beyond its limits," the lion continued with passionate exasperation," ruined the savannah for us all, and your only solution is to further divide the space among your dwellings so that you can increase your population and worsen these intolerable conditions even more." Like a hose released under pressure, the lion's passion was spent. He assumed a calmer note, his final words stated quietly and on a falling harmonic scale. "And worst of all, you employ the pernicious, medieval practice of torture, by the use of that infernal machine, the Modifier."

  The mention of this dread device elicited from the spectators an involuntary murmur of sympathy. Horace, seemingly the only warthog with the presence of mind to respond, muttered to Grits Hamby out of the corner of his snout, "I was afraid of this...the bear's on a roll," and rose slowly to his hooves. He stood without speaking for a moment, and for the benefit of the spectators regarded the bear and the lion and the owl with calm self assurance.

  "I must confess," he said with thinly veiled sarcasm after a suitable interval had passed, "that I fail to see what these criticisms of Hawg City, and their accompanying gratuitous, snide, and derogatory aspersions upon the warthog culture and species, have to do with the serious violations of a city ordinance by this bear, the armadillos and the squirrel. If I may, I would remind the accused that the consequences of these actions are serious--including as they do significant time in the Hawg City Penitentiary, a session with the Modifier, or both. Perhaps the good bear would like to approach the bench for consultation with the Magistrate to amend this regrettable, and very likely ill-fated, digression from the objective of these proceedings?"

  "No," Boston said firmly, shaking his head. "I do not want to approach the bench. You're right, these charges are so insignificant that I haven't even seen fit to address them."

  "I will though!" a shaky voice spoke up from the side. Egbert rose to his paws and, wild-eyed, approached the bench. He began in a shrill voice: "Your honor," he faltered. "Mister Magistrate--the bear, indeed, seems to consider our fate an inconsequential detail. So it would seem compared to the admittedly very great questions of the moral precepts, principals, and ethics of the warthogs." The squirrel wavered uncertainly for an instant, then, mustering a reserve of fortitude from somewhere within, plunged on ahead with increased confidence in an almost perfunctory tone: "The warthogs have charged us on a mere technicality of violating their local ordinance; they concede to us as much. Dispense with the charges, as well as with the bear's perorations, and let us be about our mission!"

  "Haarumph!" Honorashious grunted. He had recovered adequately from his previous chagrin at being bested in the courtroom and directed a shrewd gaze at the Magistrate. "The business of which, I might add, the court is well aware," the bird said, hoping to keep this line of discussion from proceeding further.

  The Magistrate rapped sharply and frowned.

  "Order'n the court!" the bailiff shouted and glared at the owl. "You're interrupting testimony!"

  "Careful Jedge," the Sergeant Major muttered under his breath.

  Egbert, however, failed to make the intended inference: "The lost boy and the Hollowed Tree," he said.

  Honorashious regarded him wrathfully.

  The spectator warthogs, if they were amazed before, entered now into a state of complete befuddlement. A murmuring buzz of confused whispers filled the courtroom.

  The Magistrate snorted, grunted, attempted without success to look confident, and, finally, rapped sharply with his hoof. Horace narrowed his eyes and watched Percy carefully, as if waiting for something. In this manner several moments elapsed in the courtroom, during which all of the principals hesitated, uncertain of how to proceed. Twice, the bailiff silenced the audience. Then, the barrister turned to Madame DeKooncey, who had sidled up to the table sometime earlier at the beaconing of Grits Hamby.

  "Madame DeKooncey, would you please to address the bench?"

  34. The Sentencing

  Madame DeKooncey stepped forth as requested, though with the gravest of misgivings. Behind her she felt the eyes of Grits Hamby lodge in her hide like twenty-penny nails in a two-by-four. Just as she had feared, Percy Theodilious and the Seventh had called the practices of her institution into question. Now, she would be expected to wriggle out of the inevitable conclusions and shoulder any blame upon herself. The possible consequences could be most serious, including even a jail sentence.


  "Madame DeKooncey," Horace asked with lawyerly kindness, "I think it would be most appropriate for you to inform the Magistrate of the nature of your role in the scenario unfolding in this courtroom today."

  The Matron glanced at Horace, took a breath, and complied.

  "As Matron of the Hawg City penitentiary and jail," she said, "I have responded to official warrants for the arrest of several individuals by incarcerating those individuals and transporting them to these premises for hearing before the Magistrate."

  Madame DeKooncey halted, as if she considered that this perfunctory response was an adequate description of her role. Horace snorted impatiently.

  "Yes, but on what charges?"

  "Non-consensual assault, and the carrying of weapons."

  "Non-consensual assault being a perfectly legal activity within the confines of Hawg City, yet cited here on a warrant, signed by higher authority, which left you no choice but to incarcerate these individuals, an interpretation supported by the decision of the Magistrate in our previous case."

  "Haarumph! A most decidedly unjustified interpretation!" Honorashious growled.

  "Speakin out of turn!" the bailiff roared angrily at the bird.

  "If--haarumph--you please, your honor," the owl said with ill-concealed contempt, "Haarumph--haarumph--the interpretation of these charges--like everything else in this city--coincides exactly with the opposite of truth! Haarumph!"

  The Magistrate rapped sharply with his hoof and directed a look of stern reproof at the owl.

  "We can deduce, Horace continued, raising his voice a bit and glancing warily at the owl, "that the charges were, leaving aside for the moment the issue of just or unjust, at least properly administrated, and that all aspects of the incarceration were in order. Yet the monarch, the honorable Perceival Theodilious, and the Seventh, have called into question the conditions of our penal institution."

  "So it would seem," the Matron said with fatalistic resignation.

  "Which are entirely and solely under your control?"

  The Matron hesitated. This was where it got tricky. Finally, she said shortly: "I report to the warden."

  "Grits Hamby?"

  "Yes. I report to the warden, Grits Hamby."

  Grits' eyes were riveted to the Matron's back.

  "Haarumph! If I may address the court," said Honorashious with scorn. The Magistrate nodded with reluctance; he had no choice in facing the Seventh but to adhere strictly to all of the procedural rules of the court. In a hearing before the Magistrate all parties were allowed to speak. "Haarumph--the course upon which the district attorney has--haarumph--embarked is not only tedious--haarumph--but is misguided as well--haarumph!" The owl hobbled from one claw to the other and twitched his ear tufts. "The practices of Madame DeKooncey's penal complex are known to all present--haarumph--and it is unnecessary--haarumph--to repeat them here. They are--haarumph--conducted at the explicit direction of Grits Hamby--" Grits snorted and, removing his eyes briefly from the Matron's back, narrowed them with seething malevolence upon the owl, "--the court, the legislature, and Hawg City Magistrate--haarumph--and this apparent attempt to place the responsibility solely--haarumph--or even in some way settle it more heavily, upon the shoulders of Madame DeKooncey--haarumph--would seem to be a diversion for the sole purpose of deflecting the Seventh from further pursuit of all of these several, important issues--haarumph--as possible violations of the rulings of the Seventh, as well as the laws and secrets--haarumph--of the jungle!"

  "We have wandered far from the good and proper business of this court," the Magistrate said. He was disappointed in the uncharacteristically clumsy efforts of the district attorney to wrap up the potentially contentious issues brought up by Percy and the bear. "The business of the treatment of our criminals--not to mention the ungenerous reflections upon our species--are questions for another day, another venue."

  "Haarumph!" grunted the owl, barely able to contain his disagreement. In deference his deep respect for the court, however, he withheld the most strenuous of objections until later.

  "As in the previous case," the Magistrate went on, "we will attempt to expedite the resolution of this one and so allow the monarch, and the Seventh, to proceed upon their mission. Captain Campbell." The constabulary officer stepped forth with a sharp click of the hooves. "You observed this party carrying weapons, and on your questioning none could produce paperwork authorizing them to do so?"

  "That is correct, you honor," the boar said in clipped tones.

  "And you further observed these individuals, i.e. Boston Beverly Excalibur, Egbert Acorn, the armadillos Jupiter, and Agamemnon--you further observed these individuals to unsheathe their weapons on several occasions during your brief attendance upon their entrance to the city and without provocation wave them in a threatening manner at innocent pedestrians?"

  "I saw them do so several times in the space of five minutes, your Honor."

  The Magistrate turned to the bear and the squirrel.

  "You hear the charges. Do you deny them?"

  "I wouldn't deny them," the bear said proudly.

  Egbert quivered. "I can not deny them nor can the armadillos, you Honor." The armadillos, refusing to deign so much as to approach the bench, could be heard snorting in disgust over at the side. "Yet the absurdity of these charges--mere technicalities--in the face of the commonly observed, officially condoned, and legal violence of the warthogs is contradictory, to say the least!" the squirrel finished in strident yet somewhat diplomatic tones, careful not to give offense to the Magistrate, from whom he had every reason to expect leniency.

  "As we have said before," the Magistrate intoned in a voice faintly scolding yet tolerant, "the expediency of these proceedings will not allow for the questioning of the laws and ordinances of Hawg City–which, however, I would maintain are perfectly good and right. Be that as it may, I am ready to decide this relatively simple matter, if the principals have finished, and if the Seventh and Perceival Theodilious concur?" The Magistrate looked inquiringly at the owl and the lion.

  "Hold it over jedge!" the Sergeant Major whispered excitedly to the owl.

  Percy, however, had come to view the proceedings as tiresome and had resumed his customary attitude of insouciance. "Get on with it," he said wearily, without so much as a glance of consultation at the furious owl. "Decide the case."

  Honorashious absorbed this slight with the placidity of a disturbed nest of hornets.

  "Haarumph--haarumph," he grunted. He gasped with apoplectic fury: "I would--haarumph--strongly recommend--haarumph--a stringent debate prior to ceding--haarumph--authority!"

  "Get on with it," the lion said with a disregard for the owl's objections which showed a total lack of respect.

  Honorashious grunted with indignation and the feathers twitched violently upon his head.

  "'E's gone and done it agin, Jedge!" hissed the Sergeant Major wrathfully.

  "Will the accused armadillos approach the bench," the Magistrate said solemnly. The bailiff poked and prodded the two recalcitrant armadillos over to stand with the bear and the squirrel before the Magistrate. "The charges are clear. You do not deny them?"

  The group shook their heads in what was, saving for Egbert--who exhibited a blatantly fawning countenance--an unrepentant, somewhat defiant unison.

  "Do any of you have anything further to add which might have a bearing on this decision?"

  Again they indicated the negative.

  "The charges of violating Hawg City ordinance five three seven zero against the carrying of weapons are not contested," the Magistrate said with a perfunctory rap of the hoof. A mutter of approval rose from the audience and as quickly subsided. The warthogs had been following these proceedings until now in total silence, giving to them their utmost closest attention. "The sentencing of all parties will proceed apace. The court must weigh in the sentencing the additional evidence presented by Captain Campbell that not only were the feather swords born by the accused, but also waved about in a mo
st threatening manner, indicating thereby a propensity to deploy said weapons. There is also unofficial, corroborating evidence which would indicate the actual use of said swords in the savannah upon the youths with which the court dealt in the previous case." A muffled exclamation of appalled indignation came from the audience. "In view of these considerations, the violations of this ordinance would assume a greater seriousness, and the punishment commensurate with the charges a greater severity, accordingly." A moment of somber quiet followed these grave words, during which the Magistrate encompassed the entire courtroom in his stern gaze.

  In measured, forceful tones he cited the punishment: "By order of this court, the accused are hereby sentenced to sixty days in the Hawg City penitentiary; said time in the penitentiary to be suspended on the basis of one day for each minute spent in the stocks of the Modifier, and in the presence of the general populace of Hawg City." The Magistrate gave a final sharp rap of the hoof, and the crowd erupted at once into a chaotic rumble of snorting and grunting and stamping of hooves expressive of their highest approbation.

  35. Closing Arguments

  Saving, of course, for Egbert, our guilty party absorbed this not surprising outcome with stoic, if wry, passivity. Egbert shrilled hysterically that he would do the time and the others could go on without him. Boston turned upon the lion and the owl a visage expressing the utmost in scornful contempt for what he considered in its lukewarm weakness an unconscionable lack of support, which even approached treachery. The Armadillos argued angrily with each other about their duties to the Seventh and why they had ever come upon such an ill-conceived, misguided, and hopeless endeavor in the first place.

  The bailiff, going about the business of putting their chains back on the criminals, shouted at the courtroom without effect. In the general chaos the Sergeant Major came out from his position beside the judge, and stalked about, angrily muttering the curses of a seasoned soldier and glaring menacingly at the jubilant crowd.