by Debra Elise
She choked out a laugh. Then another. She rested her forehead against the steering wheel and squeezed her eyes shut. She felt tears begin to form but shook her head back and refused to let them fall.
“I’m fine. Or at least I will be. I’m more worried about Luke. He took off this morning before I woke up. I have no idea what’s going through his head right now. I’m sick to my stomach thinking he’d believe Nate over me. But he’s been burned before and . . . I don’t know what to do, Kelsey.” Her words trailed off in a whisper.
Her head jerked up when she heard a knock on the passenger door.
“Shit, he’s here. I need to go.”
“Who’s here? I mean, there? Nate? Don’t talk to him, Lara. Just drive off.”
“No, it’s Luke.” She wiped her eyes and searched for a tissue to blow her nose. “I’ll call you later.” She tossed the cell on the backseat and opened the glove compartment and found a travel pack.
She was in mid-blow when he knocked again and jiggled the door handle. Damn, she needed just another minute and she took it. She made him wait so she could repair her face and make sure she didn’t miss any stray boogers. A girl had to look her best when the man she’d given her heart to, even if he didn’t know it, wanted to cuss her out.
She punched the button to unlock the doors and he folded his long frame into her tiny car. She looked at his face for a sign of what he was feeling, but he kept his eyes on the scenery in the front of the car.
“Sorry I didn’t leave a note. I’d hoped to come back from my drive and have a calm and adult conversation about what happened last night. But then I received a call from T.S. and that changed.”
She knew what was coming, but she asked anyway. “What did he say?”
“Seems your ex couldn’t wait for me to make up my mind about a payoff, so he went after a bigger prize. He’s threatening to take his story to the tabloids if T.S. doesn’t pay him off by tomorrow.”
Short of breath, she took a moment. She would fight for him, for them. “Luke, how could you believe I would be involved in Nate’s scheme?”
He didn’t answer. He kept his gaze forward.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Nate showing up at my house or the voice mail. I knew he was unstable but I had no idea he’d do anything like this. How can you think I would ever take him back?”
“How should I know, Lara? People pretend all the time, keep secrets, make false promises with no intention of keeping them. I expect everyone I know will disappoint me at some point. And as far as it comes to a woman sticking around or truly caring about me, not the pro athlete, not anything else . . . Jesus, I told you what happened with my mom.”
Her heart broke for him. Deep lines had appeared on Luke’s forehead and around his mouth. Lara wanted to smooth them away, make him see that not everyone was as he just described. She thought she had shown him that, but realized she’d given her body but held enough back to protect herself and her own insecurities.
Luke wasn’t using words to push her away; he lived and believed what he told her. She ached for him and for the boy who’d been taught early that being vulnerable to someone else would only bring pain.
He rubbed his face and ran his hands through his hair. There was no emotion on his face, just a jagged smirk as he continued. “God, I hate being a fucking cliché. I choose to be the one to leave first so I don’t have to deal with the drama, the rejection.”
His gaze locked onto her tear-filled eyes. “Is that what you wanted me to admit, Lara? That I’m emotionally incapable of caring, and I expect any woman I let get close to me will just end up leaving, like you’re leaving now? Because you knew the score going in, darling. This was temporary. Just two people screwing each other’s brains out until it was time for you to move to Seattle.”
No forethought, no regret filtered through her as she slapped his face. A dull pain throbbed through her hand, but she ignored it and would have hit him again if she thought it would knock some goddamn sense into him.
She’d always sensed that he carried a wound unseen. And she’d turned a blind eye to his reputation and played the game. And it had been a game . . . until it wasn’t. Until she’d realized she was falling for him and of course, it was too late to stop herself.
How could she overcome such a deeply ingrained belief when he now thought she was his mother’s equal? She may not know right this minute how to change his mind, but she had to try.
“Luke, I know you think I’m—”
“Do you really want to know what I think?”
“Let me finish, dammit. God, I can’t believe you’re going to take the word of a desperate man over me because it proves your point about women.”
“Which is?”
“That no one would want to be with you forever. That you’re not worthy of true love or a woman who never lies or uses you for their own gain. It’s an easy out for you, isn’t it? Play the I’ve-been-done-wrong card so you don’t have to commit to anything real. To anyone who might hurt you again. Well, I’m here to say there are no damn guarantees in life, but if you hold everyone to the same standard as your mother or that crazy bitch Syndi, then you’re going to end up alone and bitter.”
Luke was breathing hard and his body had gone rigid. Unyielding to the point that she was reminded of how she once described him when he was behind the plate. A gladiator with his armor, set to defeat the enemy. And now he looked at her the way he did his opponents . . . defeat them at all costs.
She was fast losing the argument without proof she wasn’t conspiring with Nate to bilk Luke out of a large sum of money. How could this otherwise intelligent man be so stupid as to not see that Nate was playing them both?
He didn’t respond to her accusation. She really didn’t expect him to. But she needed him to hear it anyway. They both sat staring out the windshield for a long time. Words still unspoken hung in the air to the point she was ready to beg him to believe her.
“The only reason I knocked on your window is because my car ran out of gas. Could you drive us back to my place and we can both finish what we have to say and you can pack your things.”
Stunned, Lara’s mouth hung open and she stared at Luke’s profile. He refused to look at her. “Fine, I’ll drive you home. But I already packed my things. I wasn’t planning on sticking around since you took off this morning without so much as a good-bye.”
He didn’t say a word. Just a quick nod. She wanted to scream. A more stubborn man she’d never met.
The drive back to his house was an eerie repeat of last night. Luke jumped out as soon as she put the car in park. Oh no, he wasn’t getting off that easy. He didn’t get to give up on them and neither would she. She grabbed her bags from the trunk, followed him up onto the porch and into the house.
“Look, I understand you need something more than words alone, Luke. I’ll take the hurt as much as it rips my heart, but I will do anything to make you understand that being with you has been everything I wanted and nothing I expected.” Lara resolved to keep the tears from flowing and stood waiting for him to respond. To just say something, anything.
Let out of his crate, Indy had cowered by the couch during their heated discussion but now trotted over to her and whined. He’d sensed the tension and wanted reassurance. She bent down and rubbed behind his ears and crooned to him.
“What about the promise he said you made to him?”
Luke had snuck up on her and was now standing within inches, yet so far away.
“There was no promise and I never said anything to him about you other than that I was your PT. I repeat, he’s a pathological liar, Luke. An alcoholic who will do or say anything to get what he wants.”
“I want to believe you, Lara, I do.”
“But?”
He shook his head and stared into the distance. “But, I need some space. Time to think this through. Hell, I need to call T.S. and figure out what we need to do about the demand for money.”
“Fine. Bu
t ask yourself this. Why in the world would I choose him over you? All the time we’ve spent together. In and out of bed. The fun we’ve had. Don’t you know me well enough by now to see that everything we shared was based on not just desire but honesty?”
He didn’t say anything. Didn’t turn to look at her. Damn, he was stubborn.
Lara felt sick. Sick that things were ending this way and sick that she was saying such hurtful things to wake him up. God, she loved this man but she didn’t know how else to get through to him.
If words wouldn’t do it, she needed to come up with actions to speak for her. She had to show him he was worth fighting for; that she would stay even when life had shown its worst.
“Seems we’re in a pitchers’ duel. You want me to believe you were never working with Nate to get money out of me, and I wanted what I knew better than to hope for . . . a woman who’d pick me over everything else.”
“How convenient for you, Luke. You once again get to walk away from a relationship and blame it on the woman.”
“Well, the truth hurts. I’m done with this conversation and I thought you were leaving?”
In that moment Lara decided she wasn’t going anywhere. She saw through his bullshit and for once he wasn’t getting his way. She stepped into him and presented her heart in all its naked vulnerability to the one man worth fighting for.
“I changed my mind.”
“You what? Wait, I . . .” Luke gaped at her, hands on his hips, and shook his head. “Forget it. We’re through.”
“Says you. I’m staying and we’re going to figure this thing out with Nate, and then I’ll forgive you for thinking the worst of me, but it’s a one-time deal. Take it or leave it.”
“I can’t believe I’m hearing this.”
He looked so cute when he was off balance. And she was ready to forgive him—almost. The mother issue was definitely a shield he used when things became too serious, and she’d figure out a way to prove to him she was nothing like her.
Besides, he had another week of rehab to finish before the doc cleared him from the disabled list. She would see her contract through with the Outlaws, even if he didn’t want her there.
“You heard me, Garibaldi. I’m staying and you owe me thirty minutes on the elliptical.”
She walked toward the stairs to the basement and looked over her shoulder. He hadn’t moved. A look of bewilderment on his face and a barking dog at his feet. Indy, it seemed, approved of her decision.
“Oh, and just so there are no more misunderstandings, our relationship is now strictly professional until I prove to you I had nothing to do with Nate’s blackmail attempt. I’ll put my things in the guest room.”
Lara walked with her back straight, head held high, and prayed he gave her just enough time to let her into his heart for keeps.
Four days before Luke’s suspension was up, Lara was no closer to proving her innocence than she had been the night of Nate’s declaration. She and Luke barely spoke but he’d worked harder than any other patient she’d ever had.
On Thursday evening of her last week with Luke, it was leaked to the press which rehab clinic JR was staying in. Lara didn’t think too long on her decision. After working with Luke at the stadium’s facilities on Friday morning she drove them back to his place and packed an overnight bag.
She found Luke in front of his big screen TV watching, what else, a baseball game. “Can I have a minute?”
He didn’t look at her. He hadn’t looked at her unless absolutely necessary since the night Nate had ruined her life for the second time.
“Yeah, sure. What’s up?”
“I’m leaving.”
He muted the game and turned to look at her.
“You’re leaving?”
“Yes, uh, the hospital wants me to come in for a second interview and I need to leave today. So . . .”
“So.” He looked back at the screen, but didn’t turn the sound back on.
Her heart ached. She didn’t want to let him know where she was going just in case JR refused to see her. And if she tried to talk things through with him again she ran the risk of making things worse.
“Listen, Luke, I know we haven’t resolved what happened with Nate, but I wanted to thank you for letting me stay here and finish out our sessions.”
“But now it’s time to go, I get it. I’m surprised you lasted this long.”
Luke stood to his full height and walked around the couch to where she stood. The limp was almost gone. He stopped within touching distance and looked her in the eyes for the first time in a week.
She leaned in and caught herself. She no longer had the privilege of touching him. But soon. She’d get the truth out of JR and find Nate and make Luke see that she had no involvement in their scheme. She needed him to look at her without mistrust and hurt in his gaze even if any chance of them being together again was an impossibility.
For her own sanity, she took a step back. Then walked over to Indy who was half asleep on his bed. She bent down and spent way too long rubbing behind his ears and crooning to him. She gathered her things where she’d dropped them at the threshold to the media room and looked back to see Luke still watching her.
“Maybe, we can still be . . .” She couldn’t say the word. Because she didn’t want to be friends. She looked everywhere except at him and walked toward the front door as silent tears fell.
“I have plenty of friends, Lara. It would have been nice to see if we could have been more. Take care.”
She didn’t know he’d followed her. He held the front door and waited for her to walk through. She didn’t want him to see her tears. She didn’t want to leave, but if there was any chance they could be more than friends then she’d do just about anything. She just couldn’t tell him yet.
CHAPTER 26
The flight into LAX was full. She sat next to a young mother with an infant and a five-year-old girl who was happy to talk nonstop about whatever popped into her head. Why did the ground look like a patchwork quilt? Where were the birds? Are they sleeping? Where are your kids?
She got off the plane with a headache and a picture in her head of what a baby with Luke would look like. Blond and chubby like the little boy her seatmate had nursed to keep from crying. It was funny, but the entire time she’d been with Luke she’d never once daydreamed about them having kids. Now that she might never win him back, that’s all she could think about.
The cab ride to the hidden rehab facility used up most of her cash. The winding drive into the hills outside of Los Angeles left her queasy. She arrived at the facility in desperate need of water and a nap.
She had no plan, not really. She knew she just needed to see JR, and since Nate was MIA, she’d camp outside the center if she had to. He could refuse to see her, but she was betting that he would. Placing himself in voluntary rehab had to mean he was looking for redemption and a clean life, right? And maybe part of that would include helping her.
“Miss?”
“Yes?”
The clinical director approached her with a movie star smile and flawless skin. Lara looked around for JR. Her hopes fell when she didn’t see anyone following the doctor.
“Hello, I’m Dr. Simmons. I understand you’re here to visit one of our patients, but I have a few concerns. As you know, Mr. Reese is a well-known athlete and his privacy is of the utmost importance to us.”
Lara’s head continued to pound. But she understood the doctor’s hesitance even after she’d spent an hour filling out forms and having her identity verified. JR had not listed any pre-approved visitors. Sad to think he didn’t have any family or friends to support him.
“Doctor, I appreciate you not asking me to leave as soon as I arrived. Has JR been told I’m here to see him yet or is he refusing to see me? Oh, and just to make things clear, again, I’m not here to interview him or sell my story to the press. I just need his help. I need him to tell the truth about an unfortunate incident with my, ah, friend. One of his former teammates,
in fact.”
The woman offered her an understanding smile.
“Yes. Well, I just want it made clear that you are not to upset Mr. Reese or cause any drama. He’s doing quite well with his treatment and I’d hate to see his progress interrupted.”
Lara’s hopes were fading. She wasn’t going to be able to see JR. She knew it was a long shot considering he hadn’t completed his treatment, but she couldn’t leave empty-handed. “Doctor, what if I wrote him a note explaining why I’m here? Would you deliver it? You have my permission to read it as well.”
She crossed her fingers behind her back and waited.
“You indicated you’re a physical therapist and worked for the Outlaws. Did you ever provide Mr. Reese with illegal substances?”
Lara’s jaw dropped. She had not seen that question coming. She shook her head and closed her mouth. Would this woman believe anything she said? “No, and as a matter of fact one of the reasons he’s no longer with the Outlaws is that he approached me for a banned substance and after I told him no, he fled when the owner walked into the room.”
She didn’t offer any more information. She’d keep to the facts and pray that it would be enough. That she wouldn’t have to beg this woman to let her see JR.
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“He’s in the visitor’s lounge. Follow me.”
“So he was sitting in there the whole time waiting to see me?”
“Yes.” The doctor smiled at her over her shoulder. “I needed to see your reaction to my question before I let you see him. I’ll give you twenty minutes.” She held the door open for Lara and shut it quietly after her.
JR stood and nodded.
“Hello, Lara.”
“Hi. Thanks for seeing me.”
“Sure. I’ve got lots of free time in this place. It’s nice to see someone other than the staff.”
He indicated an overstuffed chair across from him. “So, I guess you’re here to talk about Nate?”
“Yeah. Have you been able to get any outside news or watch any games?”
“Not yet. Part of the program. But I’ve earned visitations; otherwise they would have turned you away.”
