by Brian James
Table of Contents
Title Page
Dedication
Copyright Page
Chapter 1 - Message in a Bottle
Chapter 2 - No Such Thing!
Chapter 3 - Setting Sail
Chapter 4 - Top Sneaky Mission
Chapter 5 - Right On Course!
Chapter 6 - Spreading Cheer!
Chapter 7 - Lookout!
Chapter 8 - Caught Red-Hatted!
Chapter 9 - ’Tis the Season for Giving!
Chapter 10 - Merry Christmas!
For Santa, in thanks of all the gifts!—B J
Merry Christmas to Aunty Paula, Uncle Glen,
Jonathan, and Lauren!—JZ
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Text copyright © 2008 by Brian James. Illustrations copyright © 2008 by Jennifer Zivoin.
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Chapter 1
Message in a Bottle
“Blimey!” I shouted as I came onto the deck of the Sea Rat and saw my best mate Gary leaning over the rail. One slippery step and he’d be shark bait for sure!
I raced over as fast as I could. That’s because Gary’s not only my best mate, he’s also the clumsiest pirate kid who ever sailed the seas.
I grabbed his belt and yanked him away from the railing!
We both stumbled back to safety. I
wiped my forehead and let out a big breath. “That was a close one,” I told him.
“Aye,” Gary said. Then he reached under his pirate hat and scratched his head. That’s what he always did when he was confused. “Arrr, what was a close one?” he asked.
“You almost fell overboard, that’s what!” I said.
Gary shook his head. “I wasn’t falling,” he said. “I was just leaning over so I could toss that bottle really far.”
“Aye? What bottle?” I scratched my head.
Gary pointed over the side of the ship. I took a peek. There was a bottle floating out to sea. “That’s my Christmas list,” Gary explained. “I hope Santa gets it in time.”
“Great sails!” I shouted. I’d been having so much fun since coming to the Sea Rat for Pirate School that I forgot all about Christmas! “When is Christmas?” I asked.
“It’s only three days away,” Gary told me.
I GULPED!
I hadn’t even made my Christmas list yet. So I started pacing the deck and tapping my head. That’s how I did all my best thinking.
Just then, Vicky and Aaron came up on deck.
“Ahoy,” Vicky shouted. But I didn’t shout anything back. I was too busy thinking.
“Arrr! What are you doing?” Aaron asked, pointing at me.
“Pete’s trying to come up with his Christmas list,” Gary told them.
Vicky wrinkled her nose and gave Aaron a funny look. Then Aaron gave her the same funny look back. That’s because they’re twins. Twins share the same funny looks.
“Aye?” Vicky asked. “What kind of list is that?”
“Shiver me timbers,” I said. “You mean you guys never heard of Christmas?”
They both shook their heads back and forth.
“Is it another one of Rotten Tooth’s stinky chores?” Aaron asked.
Rotten Tooth was our teacher at Pirate School and the ship’s first mate. He was the meanest pirate on the seas. Plus, he didn’t like us one bit. He was always coming up with gruesome new chores for us to do. But even Rotten Tooth couldn’t ruin Christmas.
“Arrr, Christmas isn’t a chore at all,” I said. “It’s a holiday!”
“Aye!” Gary said. “On Christmas, Santa Claus gives every kid whatever presents they ask for.”
“Aye?” Vicky clapped her hands and smiled really wide. “This Santa guy sounds like a shipshape mate,” she said.
“Don’t be daft,” Aaron said. “Nobody goes around giving kids treasure just because they ask for it. These guys are trying to yank our timbers.”
“Arrr! You don’t know that,” Vicky yelled. Then she squinted her dark eyes into a mean look.
“Arrr! It’s a true fact,” I told them. “Santa goes all around the world and gives gifts to kids. But only if they’re good.”
“Hogwash!” Aaron said. “I never got anything!”
Vicky started to giggle. “That’s because you’re never good,” she said. Then we all started to laugh, except Aaron. He folded his arms and huffed.
“Arrr,” he grumbled. “You never got a gift, either.”
“Maybe Santa didn’t give you any gifts because he didn’t know what you wanted,” I told them. “You should make a list, too.”
“Aye!” Vicky agreed.
Aaron frowned. “It still sounds like a trick to me,” he said.
That’s when Inna came skipping across the deck. She was always the last one ready for school. That’s because she’s the only pirate kid in the whole wide world who took a bath and brushed her hair every day.
“Ahoy,” I said. “We’re all making Christmas lists. Do you want to make one?”
Inna shook her head. “No, thanks,” she said.
“Aye?” I couldn’t believe my ears. If anyone liked presents, it was Inna. “Why not?”
“Because she knows it’s a bunch of muck, just like me!” Aaron answered.
Inna put her hands on her hips and huffed. “You’re a blunder brain,” she told Aaron.
“So you do believe in Christmas?” Vicky asked.
Inna stomped her foot. “Of course I do,” she said.
“Aye? Then why don’t you want to make a list?” I asked.
“Because I already made one,” she said. “I always make my list the first day after Christmas. That way I know Santa will get my list first, and he won’t run out of what I want.”
“Arrr, that’s good thinking,” I said.
I was going to do that next year. But first things first—I still didn’t know what to ask for this year. I didn
’t want to ask for just any old present. I wanted the perfect present. It was going to take some tough thinking to figure it out!
Chapter 2
No Such Thing!
“ARRR! Pay attention!” Rotten Tooth growled.
His stinky breath blew right into my face. It made me turn as green as his hair. I had to pinch my nose to keep from getting icky sicky all over the place.
“Line up and stow yer gabbing!” he ordered.
“Aye aye,” we mumbled. Then we gave him a pirate salute. That’s because he was the boss of us and pirates always salute their bosses, even if they are rotten.
“Ye scurvy barnacles have wasted enough of me time,” Rotten Tooth roared. He always thought we were wasting his time. Only this time, it was sort of true. He was trying to teach us how to plot a course at sea, but we were too busy thinking about presents.
“Arrr! Plotting courses is boring!” Aaron grumbled. “Teach us how to swashbuckle and we’ll pay attention.”
Rotten Tooth squinted his eyes really small. I thought for sure he was going to make Aaron walk the plank! “Mayhap you’d rather scrub dishes in the galley?” he threatened us.
Aaron GULPED.
“Arrr, maybe we should ask Santa for a new teacher,” Vicky whispered to me.
Only she didn’t whisper it quietly enough.
Rotten Tooth had the best hearing of any pirate on the Sea Rat. I didn’t even have time to giggle before he snatched us both up by our collars.
We DOUBLE GULPED!
“Are me ears waterlogged or did I hear ye mention Santa?” Rotten Tooth snarled at us.
We nodded our heads up and down.
Then . . . THUMP!
Rotten Tooth dropped us to the deck, right on our butts!
“AVAST! Listen up, pollywogs!” he shouted to all of us. “That Santa stuff is a bunch of muck!”
“Gullyfluff !” Inna shouted. She marched right over to Rotten Tooth and tugged on his pointy beard! A lot of the times, Inna was a fraidy pirate, but for some reason she was never afraid to stand up to Ol’ Rotten Guts! “Santa is as real as this ship!” she told him.
“Aye,” I agreed.
“Yeah, AYE!” Gary and Vicky said.
Even Aaron nodded his head. I’m not sure he really believed. He just didn’t want to be on Rotten Tooth’s side.
“It’s a story for wee babes, not for pirates,” Rotten Tooth said. “Ye are wanting to be pirates, right?”
I nodded.
“Arrr, we’re not babies!” I said. “We’re already shipshape pirate kids. In fact, Captain Stinky Beard says we’re already shipshape pirates, not just kids.”
“Right, he did,” Rotten Tooth said. “And since ye are pirates, I don’t want any more of this Santa talk getting in the way of ye duties, savvy?”
“Aye aye,” we mumbled.
Rotten Tooth went back to teaching our lesson. He pinned a map to the mast. There was a dotted line zigzagging across it. He said plotting a course was really about keeping the ship on the dotted line.
I tried my best, but I just couldn’t pay attention.
I wasn’t the only one, either. My mates were daydreaming, too. If Rotten Tooth took his eyes off the map and saw us, he would blow a gasket for sure!
Just then, Gary raised his hand.
Rotten Tooth hated when we asked questions. But rules were rules, and the rules said he had to call on anyone who raised his hand. “Arrr, what is it?” he asked.
Gary scratched his head. He fixed his glasses and stared at the map. “Um . . . do you think Santa plots a course to get to all the kids?” he asked. “Because if he plots a course and we keep sailing, he won’t be able to find us!”
Rotten Tooth’s face turned bright red. I thought I saw steam come out of his ears.
“ARRR! THAT DOES IT!” he roared. He tore down the map and pointed below deck. “I warned ye! Now it’s off to the kitchen for ye lot!”
We moaned and groaned. But orders be orders, so we headed off to do our chores. I still didn’t know what I wanted for Christmas, but I did know something else. It was NOT going to be easy to get Rotten Tooth into the holiday spirit!
Chapter 3
Setting Sail
“Sink me!” Vicky said as we entered the kitchen. There were stacks of dishes everywhere!
“Aye, this is going to take forever,” Gary complained.
Inna glared at him. She got really mad whenever we had to do anything gross and dirty. So she grabbed Gary’s hat, pulled it down over his ears, and bopped him on the head. “Arrr, this is all your fault!” she shouted.
“Aye,” Aaron said. “All your silly Santa talk got us in trouble.”
“Blimey! It’s not silly,” I said. “It’s serious business.”
All of my mates gave me a surprised look.
“I’ve been thinking, and what if Gary’s right? What if Santa can’t find us? On my old ship, we were always anchored on Christmas.”
Inna scrunched up her nose and thought. “Arrr! Me too,” she said.
“Aye, me three!” Gary said.
Vicky’s eyes went really wide, and she turned to Aaron. “Maybe we were always at sea and that’s why we never got presents?”
Aaron crossed his arms and lifted his chin up in the air. “Maybe,” he mumbled. I could tell he still didn’t believe, but he had to admit it was possible.
“If that’s true, then Christmas is ruined!” Inna grumbled.
“Pirates never give up,” I said, shaking my head. “That’s part of the pirate code and good pirates always follow the code. All we need is a plan.”
“Aye, that’s a good plan,” Gary said.
“Aye,” Vicky agreed.
“Aye!” Inna said. “I’m not letting some pirate kid get my gifts just because Santa thinks we’re lost at sea.”
Then we all turned to Aaron.
“Arrr, I still say it’s a bunch of hogwash,” he growled. “But if there’s a chance to get some treasure, then I’ll help.”
“That’s the spirit, mateys!” I said.
We all put our hands into a circle and gave our pirate cheer.
“SWASHBUCKLING, SAILING, FINDING TREASURE, TOO.
BECOMING PIRATES IS WHAT WE WANT TO DO!”
Then we tried to come up with a plan.
“I know,” Vicky said. “If Santa can’t find us, maybe we can find him.”
“Aye,” Gary said. “I heard a Christmas story that said Santa lives at the North Pole.”
“Aye, that’s it!” Inna said. “All we have to do is get the Sea Rat sailing due north.”
Aaron rolled his eyes. “How are we supposed to do that, blubber brain?”
“Arrr! Maybe we could fill the sails with all the hot air in your guts, Captain Big Mouth!” Vicky shouted at him.
I didn’t like it when my mates fought.
I stepped between them and held up my hands.
“Hold your sea horses,” I said. “I have an idea. What if we plotted a course like Rotten Tooth showed us? Then we could distract the pirate on steering duty and switch the maps. Nobody would even know.”
“Arrr, but won’t Captain Stinky Beard get mad when he finds out?” Gary asked.
Inna jumped up and clapped her hands.
“Not if we throw a surprise holiday party for the whole crew,” she said. “No one can get mad if there’s a party. That’s a true fact.”
“Aye, that’s good thinking,” I said.
“I’ll plan the party,” Inna said.
“Me and Aaron will figure out a good distraction,” Vicky said.
“Aye aye!” I nodded. Usually they weren’t a very good team. But when it came to being sneaky, they were shipshape. “I’ll write a letter to Santa and let him know we’re coming. Plus, I’ll add our wish lists, so you’ll need to tell me what you want to ask for.”
“That’s easy! I want a sword,” Aaron said.
Vicky squinted at him. “I thought you didn’t believe in Santa?”
&
nbsp; “I don’t,” Aaron said. “But just in case he is real, I’m not going to miss out.”
“If he’s getting a sword, then I want one, too,” Vicky said. “I’ll need to protect the rest of us when he starts swinging it around like a monkey.”
“Aye,” I giggled. “And I’m going to ask Santa for a treasure map.”
“Arrr, why not just ask for treasure?” Vicky asked.
“Because,” I said, “it’ll be more fun to find it together.”
“Aye,” she agreed.
Then it was time to get to work.
Inna headed back to our bunks to make decorations. Aaron and Vicky snuck back above deck to scout around. I sat down at the dining table and started writing my letter.
Before I finished one word, Gary tapped me on the shoulder.
“Um, Pete?” he asked. “Aren’t we forgetting something?”
Gary pointed to the gruesome dishes covered with gruel.
“AYE!” I said.
Gary and I were going to have to scrub the dishes by ourselves. My letter would have to wait until we were done. Saving Christmas was going to be one dirty job, but it sure was worth it!
Chapter 4
Top Sneaky Mission
“Arrr, the coast is clear,” I whispered, poking my head out of our quarters and into the empty hallway. We’d waited for most of the crew to start snoring before we put our plan into action.
“If Rotten Face catches us sneaking about, we’ll be in big trouble!” Gary said.
“Arrr! Don’t be a scallywag,” Aaron said. “This is going to be easy breezy.”
“Arrr, I hope you’re right,” I said. Our plan was pretty tricky. Everything needed to go shipshape to pull it off.
I slipped open the door and made sure it didn’t creak. Then I snuck into the hallway. Inna, Vicky, and Aaron snuck behind me.
Gary snuck after them.
Then . . . WHAM!
Gary wasn’t very good at sneaking, and the door slammed shut behind him.
“Arrr! Way to go, blunder head!” Inna whisper-shouted.
“Sorry,” Gary mumbled.
“C’mon, let’s go, mateys,” I said and tiptoed down the hall. We could hear the other pirates snoring in their quarters as we snuck past. Then we raced up the galley stairs as fast and as quietly as we could.
