Deception by Design

by Tara Wentz

  Kellen sat pensively, chewing on her lower lip. She had no idea what was going through Joshlyn’s mind, but sensed it was something big.

  Joshlyn sat up. “Why don’t you come in, Kellen. We need to talk.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Kellen followed Joshlyn into the house and waited while she closed the door, set her things on the table, and turned back around.

  “Go ahead and have a seat,” Joshlyn indicated with a sweep of her hand at the couch. She had hoped this day would never come, but deep down knew it would. It was now or never because she doubted she would have the courage later.

  Kellen sat precariously on the edge of the couch, waiting for Joshlyn to tell her what was going on.

  “Would you like something to drink?”

  Kellen shook her head. “No, thank you. Can you just tell me what’s going on, Joshlyn?”

  Joshlyn stared into Kellen’s eyes. The worry was clearly evident and Joshlyn hated herself for making Kellen feel the way she was, but it couldn’t be avoided. She took a deep breath and turned her back on Kellen. There was no way she could tell her what she needed to say while looking her in the face.

  “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and I think we need to cool things off.”

  When there was no response from Kellen, Joshlyn took a quick glance over her shoulder. Her chest ached at the forlorn look on Kellen’s face. She rushed ahead, determined to say what needed to be said. “I’m not saying I don’t want to see you at all, Kellen, I’d like to remain friends.”

  Kellen felt her heart sink. Of all the things she expected Joshlyn to say, this wasn’t it. She opened her mouth to speak, but couldn’t find the words. Instead, she sat dumbfounded, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Joshlyn stood stock still with her back still turned.

  Kellen was so stunned she couldn’t even blink. Her mind was having a hard time comprehending what Joshlyn was saying.

  “Uh, wait a minute, back up.”

  Joshlyn turned fully around to face Kellen now.

  “Can you please sit down so we can talk about this?” Kellen asked, patting the surface next to her.

  Joshlyn shook her head. “I’d rather stand and say what I’ve got to say.”

  Kellen stood and moved in front of Joshlyn. “What about me? What about what I have to say, Joshlyn?”

  “This isn’t about you, Kellen.”

  “Excuse me? How could this not be about me when I’m the one you’re breaking up with?” Kellen exclaimed, growing angrier by the minute.

  “I don’t expect you to understand.”

  “Well, that’s a damned good thing because I can assure you that I don’t understand.” Kellen started pacing in back and forth in front of Joshlyn.

  “Kel, please—”

  “Don’t,” Kellen rasped. It was hard enough listening without her using the shortened version of her name.

  “Just tell me why, Joshlyn,” Kellen begged, stopping in front of her.

  Joshlyn’s spine stiffened as she crossed her arms across her chest. Her defensive posture spoke volumes.

  “I have my reasons, Kellen, and that’s all you need to know.”

  Kellen took a step closer and grasped Joshlyn’s upper arms in her hands.

  “Fuck reasons, Joshlyn. The least you can do is give me the courtesy of an explanation. Don’t I at least deserve that?”

  Joshlyn jerked her arms away from Kellen’s hands. She felt the heat rise in her neck and up into her cheeks. This isn’t how she wanted this to happen, but if Kellen wanted a fight, she’d get one. Damn, why couldn’t she just leave it alone!

  “You don’t have a Goddamned clue about anything, Kellen. You think you’re so high and mighty, but let me just tell you a little something, you aren’t, so climb down off that ladder and get your head out of the clouds.”

  “What? Who the hell do you think you are?” Kellen exclaimed.

  “You wanted answers, well, I’ll give them to you because you certainly can’t figure them out for yourself.” Joshlyn was on a roll and as much as it hurt to do this, she knew she couldn’t stop now. Please forgive me, baby. I didn’t want to hurt you like this.

  Kellen fumed. This was going from bad to worse in a matter of seconds. Her breathing was coming in short gasps now.

  Joshlyn leaned closer to Kellen. “Listen to me very closely, Kellen Reynolds. You will never be more than a drunk’s little grease monkey!”

  Joshlyn couldn’t have pushed her point any further home than if she’d stuck it on the end of a knife and drove it into Kellen’s chest. Tears immediately sprang to Kellen’s eyes as she struggled to catch her breath.

  Joshlyn turned and walked to the door; grasping the handle, she pulled it open.

  “Now, get out.” God, just go…please don’t make me hurt you anymore.

  Kellen didn’t know how she managed, but she pulled her keys out of her pocket and moved towards the door. She stopped in front of Joshlyn as the tears fell from her eyes.

  “Why, Joshlyn?” Kellen asked, but she really didn’t expect an answer. She dropped her head and stepped outside. The door closed behind her and as the lock clicked, she felt the last push of the knife enter her chest.

  ****

  As soon as the door closed, Joshlyn dropped her head against it. Shit, shit, shit! She’d driven tonight and now Kellen was on the other side of the door with no way home. She glanced out the peephole and could see Kellen standing in the middle of the sidewalk. Squaring her shoulders, she opened the door.

  “Kellen.”

  Kellen turned just enough to acknowledge her.

  “Do you want me to call you a cab?”

  Kellen hadn’t even thought that far ahead. She glanced down at the useless keys in her hand and tried to take a deep breath. Right now, she was trying to wrap her head around all that just happened. Joshlyn broke up with her, insulted her, and now wanted to push one last button by trying to be nice.

  “Don’t bother, I can find my own way home,” Kellen responded and turned her back on the one person she really thought she could trust.

  “Fine.” She wants to be stubborn then she can find her own way home. Damn, she was infuriating! Stubborn, infuriating and ugh…sexy as hell!

  Joshlyn slammed the door, relocked it, and dropped to the floor. She buried her face in her hands. “Oh my God, what have I done?”

  She let the tears fall. She cried for all the things she couldn’t control and even more for the things she could, but was too terrified to even know where to begin. She wept until she was out of tears and sat hiccupping.

  How would she ever be able to face Ami? Surely Emerson would talk to her and she’d find out soon enough about the break up. Maybe it was time to move on. A change of scenery wouldn’t be so bad. Keep kidding yourself, Joshlyn. You know the last thing you want to do is move again.

  “Fuck,” she spat, slamming a fist to the floor. Slowly Joshlyn got her feet under her and pulled herself up from the floor. She made sure the door was locked and turned the front light out. Heading down the hall to the bedroom, she stopped in her office to shut down the computer for the night. As she leaned down, her eye caught the stack of pictures still sitting on her desk. She straightened back up and pulled them towards her. They were duplicates of the ones she’d given to Kellen. Right on top was the one of Kellen smiling right at the camera.

  Joshlyn ran a hand over the image in front of her. “I hope one day you’ll forgive me,” she whispered.

  She set the pictures back on the desk, shut the computer down, and turned the light out. Walking the last few steps to her bedroom, Joshlyn unbuttoned her shirt and pulled it off. She stripped out of the rest of her clothes and let them drop in a pile on the floor. After slipping into a t-shirt, she sat on the bed, pulled open the drawer of her nightstand, and took the wooden box into her hands.

  “This is the last time I get involved with anyone. I can’t take this kind of pain again,” Joshlyn said quietly. She opened the box like she had so many
other nights, but this time she moved the objects around and pulled the lone article from underneath the stack of papers. She didn’t need to read the article that essentially ruined her life. She knew it word for word.

  Dropping the article back into the box, she closed the lid. She took a deep breath and, screaming, she flung the box across the room. It splintered the instant it hit the wall, sending pieces of wood across the floor.

  Joshlyn’s insides were in turmoil. Part of her felt a little bit of joy at flinging the offending box away from her and the other part felt like it was going to throw up. If only life could be so easy.

  She turned out the light and scooted down under the covers. Sleep would be a long time in coming. Joshlyn didn’t know if she would ever forget the look on Kellen’s face. The last comment Joshlyn made was flat nasty, but she wanted Kellen to run and never look back. It would be easier for the both of them.

  ****

  Kellen paid the cab driver and hurried up the walk. As she fit the key in the lock, she could hear Chigger barking. She moved through the door and on autopilot, she went through the kitchen and let the dog outside. She stood in the kitchen, not really knowing what to do. Of all the things that could have happened tonight, she never expected Joshlyn to hurt her the way she did. She could forgive Joshlyn of almost anything, but wasn’t sure she’d ever forget the last comment. Hell, even the grease monkey part didn’t bother her, but linking her with the man she despised hurt the most.

  Kellen let the pup back in and closed the door. She wandered back into the living room and spotted the newly hung pictures on her wall. She stepped over to one and ran a finger over the smile on her face. It was meant for the person on the other side of the camera. Joshlyn. That day was one of the best days she could ever recall. Kellen felt the pressure of anger building inside her again. How could Joshlyn throw what they had away so easily? Furthermore, why would she want to throw it away? Kellen was having a hard time making sense of something that shouldn’t be so unfamiliar to her. After all, being left behind was nothing new. Dejected, Kellen’s shoulders slumped.

  Her mother left, her grandfather left, and now Joshlyn was gone.

  Kellen dropped down on the couch and curled into a ball. Once the tears started flowing, Kellen couldn’t stop them. She cried harder than she could ever remember crying. Her soul felt shattered in tiny pieces. She ached in places she didn’t know could ache.

  At some point Chigger hopped up on the couch and curled up beside her. Eventually her tears waned and dried. She wasn’t sure how long she lay on the couch and honestly didn’t care. She really didn’t care about anything at this point.

  The dog whined and nudged his way under her arm.

  Kellen sniffed. “Except you; I do care about you, you little faker.” She scratched his neck and ran her hand over his head. “I knew you could jump up here.”

  Chigger turned over on his back, waiting for Kellen to rub his belly.

  “What am I going to do, boy?” she whispered against the pup’s head. She closed her eyes, praying that when she woke up this would all be a dream, a very bad dream.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Joshlyn lay in bed, ignoring everything going on around her. The phone rang several times, but she let the machine answer it. She had no motivation whatsoever. The world could crumble around her and it would be an insignificant drop in the bucket as far as she was concerned. Sighing, Joshlyn rolled to her back. The only thing she wanted to do was try to forget that last night ever happened. Breaking up with Kellen was the second hardest thing she ever had to do. Sweet, beautiful, loving Kellen. Tears gathered in her eyes and dropped silently onto the pillow below her head.

  “Laying here in bed all day isn’t going to make getting over Kellen any easier,” Joshlyn mumbled. “Might as well get up and do something productive.”

  Tossing the covers aside, Joshlyn sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed. She traipsed to the bathroom and brushed her teeth. After spitting the toothpaste out and rinsing her mouth, she set the cup down and glanced in the mirror. The dark circles under her eyes exemplified exactly how she felt. Miserable. She dripped some eye drops into her tired and scratchy eyes.

  Joshlyn pulled some cotton lounge pants on and headed to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. She passed the answering machine along the way and erased the messages without even listening to them. While the coffee perked, she leaned against the counter, staring off into nothingness. Before Kellen came into the picture, the mundane tasks in her everyday life were easy to deal with. She didn’t have to answer to anybody and her actions only affected herself. Now everything had changed. No matter how she tried to explain it, she was sure Kellen wouldn’t have understood. Rather than take a chance, Joshlyn knew she had to end it. Whether forgiveness was in her future, she couldn’t stand the thought of it affecting Kellen in any way.

  A knock on the front door drew her attention. She walked to the door and peered out the peephole. Joshlyn dropped her chin to her chest and sighed. This was not who she wanted to face. Maybe she could just not answer the door and they’d go away.

  “Joshlyn, I know you’re in there so you might as well open up,” Ami hollered through the door.

  Damn! Go away…please just go away.

  Ami banged on the door a little harder. “Your car is in the driveway and you’re not answering the phone. Come on, Joshlyn. Open the door and talk to me. Please?”

  Joshlyn blew a breath out, unlocked the door, and opened it. “What do you want, Ami?”

  “Honey, you’re as predictable as they come,” Ami commented as she stepped into the living room.

  Joshlyn gave a harsh laugh. “Predictable, huh? I’m sure you won’t think that for long.”

  “What’s going on?” Ami asked, putting a hand on Joshlyn’s arm.

  “Listen, if we’re going to talk I need coffee. Want some?”

  “Sure.”

  Joshlyn led Ami into the kitchen and poured them both a cup of coffee. Setting them on the table, she indicated that Ami should have a seat.

  Ami sipped her coffee in silence, giving Joshlyn the time she needed to talk.

  Joshlyn was sure that Ami wouldn’t let the subject go so the sooner she said something the sooner they could move on. Problem was, she didn’t even know where to start.

  “Ami, I know you want some answers but I honestly don’t know where to begin.”

  “I don’t want to pry, but I’ve sensed for a while that you needed to talk.”

  When Joshlyn continued to hesitate, Ami continued. “You know that whatever you tell me will stay between us. You can trust me, Joshlyn.”

  Joshlyn felt tears threatening and blinked her eyes against it. She was so tired of always fighting the battle on her own. Being strong this time around was a lot harder than what she imagined. Slowly the tears she tried to hold back coursed down her cheeks.

  “Joshlyn,” Ami began. She couldn’t sit still any longer as her friend sat crying so she pulled her chair close to Joshlyn and wrapped her arms around her. “Ssshhh, go ahead and cry, sweetie.”

  Joshlyn cried so hard her body shook with the force. The despair she felt tore through her, leaving a gaping hole where her heart should be.

  Ami became very concerned with the intensity of Joshlyn’s emotions. Whatever happened was major. Eventually Joshlyn’s sobs subsided enough for her to talk.

  “I’m sorry,” Joshlyn sniffled.

  “Don’t be sorry, hon. You obviously needed the release and I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to do it in front of me.”

  “I don’t know what I’m going to do, Ami.”

  “About what, Joshlyn?”

  Joshlyn brought her head up and looked right into Ami’s eyes. “Kellen has stolen my heart and in return I broke hers.”

  Ami tried to stifle a gasp, but she never imagined this would be what Joshlyn had to say. “I just saw you girls last night. What’s happened between then and now?”

  Joshlyn struggled b
ecause right now she wanted to blurt everything out. How she’d not only broke things off, but hurt Kellen in the worst possible way. However, she also felt that if she were going to finally be honest with Ami that she needed to start from the beginning.

  “Ami, before we talk about that there’s something you need to know.”

  Ami sat up in her chair and observed Joshlyn for a moment. Her nervous hands were fidgeting with her coffee cup and her eyes were everywhere but where they should be.

  “How about we get another cup of coffee and you can tell me everything you want to share?”

  “Okay.”

  Ami took Joshlyn’s cup as well and refilled them both. She sat back down and waited attentively.

  “What I’m getting ready to tell you I’ve never told another soul. I… it’s important that I have your word that you won’t share this with anyone.”

  “Joshlyn, you know you have my word.”

  “Nobody, Ami, and that includes Kellen.”

  “All right,” Ami said, nodding.

  Joshlyn knew she couldn’t disclose everything, but there was still a lot she could say. Deep down she trusted Ami and getting a load off her chest was just what she needed.

  “Three years ago my life changed. I never expected it and certainly didn’t welcome it. I’m not the same person I was at that time, Ami. Some things happened that forced me to relocate, change my name, and begin a new career. I hope you will understand that I don’t want to delve into some of the details, but they were life threatening.”

  Ami sat in shock. The idea that this dear woman endured so much already was heartbreaking at the least. She felt afraid for Joshlyn, knowing that sharing this type of information would stir up past memories.

  Joshlyn continued after taking a sip of her coffee. “With that in mind you can imagine my surprise when Robin said she saw us on the television the other night.”

  “Wait, Joshlyn, you knew Kellen was interviewed and on the local news the other night. Why is what Robin said any different?”