INTRODUCTION
WARNING: This book contains explicit descriptions of sex acts between adults who are not married or otherwise partnered. Most of the information applies to heterosexual acts. If you are looking for cheap porn, this isn’t the place; but it is definitely not childrens’ reading. The sex described leads to the author’s conclusions and then leaves the door open for you to decide if trading spouses/partners is for you.
Information about the semi-secret world of swingers and swinging should be readily available to those just embarking on that adventure or even just considering it. In general, what do swingers do? Swingers are participants in sex with others who aren’t spouses, partners or other significant others. Swinging implies that both partners know and either participate in or at least agree to the activity. Swinging is an activity that has occurred secretly and publicly for many, many years. In the past, it’s been called “wife swapping,” “wife trading” and other titles along those lines. For many these days, it is simply called “the lifestyle,” suggesting that there’s nothing wrong with it; it’s just an alternative to the traditional married or attached couple who are sexually monogamous. Some adamantly maintain that it’s not just an alternative way of living but adultery. The counter argument is that it’s not adultery if both members of the couple know what’s going on and agree to it. Is swinging wrong? Read the following profiles of the activities and people my wife and I encountered and decide for yourselves. Each chapter except the last two is a telling of an experience with a real couple or group, married or attached. The final chapter relates our conclusions. Geek talk: Social scientists would say that this is not a statistically valid study because of the small sample size and lack of rigorous statistical methods. They’re right. This volume is what they would call “anecdotal,” meaning that the information comes from personal experiences and not rigorous scientific method. Right again. But we truly believe that these profiles reasonably reflect what’s out there.
How do active and potential lifestyle participants meet other couples? One very popular way is on the many adult websites. The two that we are most familiar with let you be a member absolutely free. And technically that’s true. But if you want to initiate emails via the site or look at pictures deemed to be nude, you have to be a paid member. How much does it cost? That varies by site, with the per month cost going down as you commit for longer periods of time. If you think that, maybe, you might be interested, try free memberships to get a feel for the sites. After you become frustrated with how little you can do, you will shell out the bucks or quit. If you get a paid membership and then decide it’s not for you, you won’t get a refund. Having mentioned “couples,” it will be useful to define the term. Sounds kind of dumb; everyone knows what a couple is. Not so much anymore. For people of my generation, a couple is a man and woman, both heterosexual, and probably married. For our kids the world goes crazy. Couples aren’t necessarily married and it seems to carry little or no stigma. From there it’s any combination you can think of. The vast majority of couples that we have seen list a “straight” male (strictly heterosexual) with a “bi-curious” or bi-sexual woman. Curious means either that she is curious about sex with another woman or that she has tried it and isn’t sure what she thinks. Bi-sexual means that she likes women in addition to men, often as much or more. Some would prefer a man but if none are available and an attractive woman is, she will go for it. Some women don’t really fit either of these categories but are willing to participate if the other woman wants to. To the credit of the committed bi-sexual women, I have never seen any pressure on my wife to participate. Each small act, like a quick tongue on a nipple, is followed by “Is that okay?” And the combinations go on from there: two gay men; two lesbian women; a gay man with a lesbian woman; men looking for sex partners (male or female) for their wives to enjoy while they watch; women who want to humiliate their male partners who have small penises by making them watch their having sex with very well endowed men; men who try to recruit extra men for their partners because they can’t keep up with them sexually; and profiles recruiting an extra man who must be BBC, or Big Black Cock. I have never seen a profile looking for a white or Hispanic man with a very small, unreliable penis. There is even at least one profile of a group of kind gentlemen who are willing to volunteer their services to women who want to experience the feeling of a gang rape. What a great bunch of guys!
What do swingers actually do during their encounters (often called “dates”)? Apparently everything under the sun and then some. To categorize swingers, the tamest are those who want to watch other couples having sex via cameras attached to home computers. Next tamest are those who want to watch other couples having sex in person but only have sex with their own partners. Or their equipment is dated and they are content to watch what they can no longer do. Next come (no pun, really) the “soft” swingers who want to play around with other people but with no insertion. To culminate the evening, they may finish with their own partners. Then come the “real” swingers, who spend playtime, as it’s often called, strictly with the partner of the opposite couple or with multiple partners. After initial pairings have been decided, couples (unlike groups – more about that later) retire to separate beds or the same bed. Lots of people claim to really enjoy watching their partners having sex with others. In my experience, very few people want to treat their temporary partners as real people and try to get to know them as such. Most seem only to want immediate sexual satisfaction, carving another notch on the bed post. As you will see in the profiles, there are some nice people out there, and a host of underhanded, hidden agenda scumbags with egos way taller than any mountain. You want to know specifically what swingers do? In my experience, they do the normal foreplay activities: kissing, touching and (for most, it seems) oral sex. Speaking of oral sex, I have yet to meet a man who said he didn’t enjoy providing oral sex. Women, I thought, were different. I read an account of a woman who said, “He gets it on his birthday and our anniversary. That’s it.” Based on that, I figured my wife was pretty much the norm. For the first few years of our marriage, she thought the whole idea disgusting. Then, after having enjoyed receiving oral sex from me, she grudgingly began to provide it. After a few more years she actually began to enjoy it. The next and last step can be genital sex. But wait! There is a whole bunch of stuff that people claim they want to do. Anal sex is a biggie. A very unscientific survey asked women what they thought about anal sex. A typical response from adults (you know, over 40) was “no way, out only” (poop out and nothing inserted). Then there were the undecided. At the other end of the spectrum, one woman said something like, “Oh yeah. That’s the only way I’ll do it.” Anal sex carries its own set of health issues, but that’s something to talk to a medical professional about. Lifestyle creativity is not limited to two people at a time. There are threesomes (two men and a woman or two women and a man), or for group sex, “more-somes.” One couple on a site was not interested in meeting a couple who could be friends. Their idea of a good time is moving carefully through a room to avoid stepping on copulating couples or groups. From there it goes on to stuff I will never understand, like bondage and master/submissive relationships. And let us not forget hall passes. Some partners have permission, especially while traveling on business, to bag anyone they can. We all know there are diseases to be had with indiscriminant sex. Some couples will only have sex using condoms. Others will only have sex without condoms. You’ll see some of that in the profiles. Everyone claims to be disease and drug free (DDF is the common term) and expect their partners to be the same. A statistics professor of mine said there were “liars, damn liars, and statisticians.” To that
you can add “profile writers.”
The essential facts of the encounters are all true. A few details have been changed. As with all but one couple, each was “met” via an adult lifestyle site. On-line profiles typically contain sexual preferences, favorite sexual activities, unfulfilled fantasies, favorite places to have sex, and the like. There is also biographical information like body type (don’t believe most of the ones that say “athletic” or “petite” unless there are pictures and weight numbers to back up the claims), marital status, presence of children and age. Regarding age, most couples are looking for people reasonably in their age groups. If you’re looking for teens, there are a few, often with older partners. Looking for thirty-somethings through forty-somethings and the well runneth over. If you want a fifty-year-old the water level in considerably lower. In your sixties? You can see the bottom but the water is more like mud.
Why did we get involved and why did we get out? Due to some medical conditions and related medicines, Mr. Happy wasn’t very happy. His periods of joy were few and far between. We hoped that we could meet a couple who would be good friends, be “safe” sexually, and provide the needed spark to put our intimate relationship back on track. Did we find what we were seeking? Read on and you will see.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
1. Joe and Bobbie – The Grand Scam
2. Ron and Candi – Great People With a Little Problem
3. The Party – A Real Education
4. Matt and Barb – Really Nice People; a Weird Story
5. Robert and Cynthia – Oh, How do I love Me; Let Me Tell You How wonderful I Am
6. Alan and Denise – Just Plain Weird
7. George and Jackie – Nice People But Lots That Went Wrong
8. David and Wendy – The Giant and the Pixie
9. Lynn and Karen – What You See is Not What You Get
10. Everett and Linda Sue – Enough for a Psychiatrist’s Lifetime Work
11. Frank and Mandy – Friends Until the Sex Stops
12. Leonard and Barbara – A case of Abuse and Stupidity
13.Others
14.Conclusions – Risk Takers and Body Snatchers
Chapter One
Joe and Bobbie – The Grand Scam
I wish we could plead “young and innocent.” “Middle aged and suckers” is more like it. We met Joe and Bobbie on an adult web site. They said they were interested in friends and sex if things went well (trading spouses for full intercourse). From the pictures and profile, it seemed as if Joe would be tall, with a slight belly. He claimed the ability to please his bed partners. He also had a lot of cultural interests he wanted to share (city symphonies, etc.). He was well endowed, with lots hanging there even when totally relaxed. In general, he was a good looking guy with plenty to offer the woman wanting “well hung” (a common requirement). Don’t know about the cultural aspects; we never got that far.
Bobbie was supposed to be attractive, with a nice figure, and eager to please. She was photographed with excellent posing and looked cute in the picture. I should have paid more attention to the personal statistics column of the on-line profile. She was about five feet two inches tall and weighed in at 165.
Joe and Bobbie lived in a smaller town a ways from us. They invited us down for lunch. This is very common. Meet at a restaurant, have a meal and decide if you like the couple. If you’re the host couple and like the visitors, you can invite them over. If hosts think they like the visitors but aren’t sure, they can suggest another non-home activity. The visitors can then accept a given invitation or make up an excuse and head out of Dodge. The site we mainly used allowed you to block other users. That way, if you really didn’t want any further contact, you could block the couple’s messages from coming through.
We met Joe and Bobbie at the “great” restaurant they picked. Joe was dressed “nice casual” and Bobbie had on a flowing, casual gown. The restaurant was just plain weird. When I have lunch, I almost always want it to include some kind of meat. This place was more for the results of mowing the yard and adding strange salad dressing. Should that have been a tip off? We figured “Nah.” So they ate grass and weeds! They still seemed very nice. I guess they were taken with us because they asked us to come over. A little relevant information. My wife, Jan, is beautiful, very sexy, and willing to be a bit “bi” if it adds to the overall relationship. I have never scared puppies and have been told I am muscular and quite competent.
So off to their house we went. We had brought some chilled wine and they also had some on hand. We started with a pleasant conversation and some wine to create a relaxed environment.
After a while, our hosts suggested a board game. The object was to get rid of all your playing pieces before anyone else did. You gained points by what pieces the other players were still holding. After a few hands, the hosts suggested that we could change the game, “if we would be comfortable doing so.” The change was that the first to go out would not get points – but all the other players had to take off a piece of clothing. Jan was nervous but said okay. Shoes and socks, we later learned, are the first to go. Most women wear bras for this kind of game so they have more to lose before their panties come off. Bobbie was wearing a bra (but not for the reason I expected). Jan was not wearing a bra. Usually she does when we go out, but that day she had decided not to.
I must admit that I was terrible at this game that everyone else thought was simple, even Jan who loses at virtually any board game. As the weakest player, I was soon sitting there naked. Because I wanted Bobbie to be attracted, I sat in the most revealing way possible. It was kind of a turn-on when Bobbie took a few good looks. You don’t drop out when you’re naked. You just stay on exhibition and hope the other players will lose quickly. The thing that was nice about the game was that losing was still winning. Swingers are comfortable being nude, even with complete strangers.
After I became nude among fully clothed people, shoes and socks went first for Jan, then Joe, and finally Bobbie. Joe and Bobbie were lucky or crafty and Jan was soon down to her top (and bra I thought) and her panties. Looking closely at her cleavage, I realized that she was braless and very perky. If Jan lost again, I was afraid that she might chicken out. Not to worry. Jan lost another round. Only the first button seemed to involve a tiny bit of hesitancy. After that, Jan smiled and quickly undid the rest of the buttons, tossed the top aside, and proudly revealed a great set of firm 36C’s. Jan made sure she positioned herself so that Joe had a full view. She later said she wasn’t sure how she would react to showing her breasts to virtual strangers. Her smile told me she liked it a lot, which she later confirmed. Both Joe and Bobbie enjoyed the show. I, too, was not sure how I would react to another man openly staring at her. Having her topless and comfortable with it turned out to be a real turn-on for me.
Lady luck continued to avoid Jan. It was soon time for Jan’s sexy panties to come off. To my surprise, Jan eagerly slipped them off, modeled for all, and sat in a way that Joe could freely see all that was there. So here Jan and I were, naked and showing off, while the others still had on at least two pieces of clothing.
Joe lost his trousers and then his t-shirt, which revealed a reasonably muscular chest and a bit of a tummy. Bobbie had lost her dress by then but still had to lose bra and panties. The next round Bobbie lost and selected her bra (not all women do). She revealed that she always wore a bra so that her breasts would not stick to her ample stomach. Picture that if you dare. Luck turned and it was time for Joe’s underwear to go. He was definitely well endowed and Jan enjoyed the display. I was a bit jealous because I am not in his league. Jan’s smile again said what a great game this was turning out to be for her.
Finally, Bobbie was the loser and had to take off her panties. Her comment was that “it was not going to be pretty.” I was certain that she was being modest and I would enjoy the view. I was so wrong; she had to pull up her stomach to reveal her vagina. A note here. During the game, Joe suggested that he and I each suck on one of Bobbie’
s breasts. When we came up for air, Joe said, “Did you cum.” Her response was, “Only about five times.” They definitely were not great breasts but it was erotic to share them with her husband.
This would have been a good time for us to bail, but being first-timers we were kind of overcome with everything. We agreed that we would go into separate bedrooms with our new playmates. The condition I set was “touching only,” which Joe readily agreed to. But before Bobbie would head off with me, she said it was only fair for Jan to have her breasts sucked by Joe and me. Jan was way happy, saying she “could get used to that!”
It was then off to the bedrooms. Bobbie and I kissed a bit and then she attacked me with fast and furious oral sex. It felt okay. It was a violation of the rule, but I decided that if she aggressively broke the rule I would match her. I provided oral sex for a long time. Bobbie was surprised that I didn’t orgasm (cum in the vernacular), noting that “a quick blow job usually was all it took” to take care of her male partners. When she had had enough oral, we dressed. Joe and Jan were just dressing and seemed to have enjoyed themselves. Bobbie’s first question to Joe was “Did you get insertion?” I was a confused and not too happy camper. There’s a big difference between licking a vagina and inserting a rigid penis.
When Jan and I showered together and compared notes, I found that his version of insertion was just barely shoving in a tiny bit of a totally soft penis. At least he didn’t leave her any presents, liquid or bacterial.
Swingers: A Strange Breed of Risk Takers Page 1
