Rebecca’s mind was churning. “Dottie, who else knew that my mother was baby-sitting for the Ryan family that night?” She leaned forward, urgency in her words. “Who else besides Charlie?”
Dottie frowned in thought. “No one, that I know of. Only Charlie.”
Another piece of the puzzle seemed to drop into place. “Dottie, do you know if my mother ever wrote a ransom note to the Ryans?”
Dottie shifted her weight, then fidgeted with her rings again. “Well, I can tell you she didn’t want to.”
“You mean she did write that note?”
“Yeah, honey, she did.” Dottie sighed. “She thought it was a good idea at the time.”
“What do you mean? If she didn’t have anything to do with Jesse’s disappearance, why on earth would she write a ransom note? Did she expect to get money out of the Ryans?”
“Becca honey, I know your mama might not have been the most mature or responsible mother in the world, but one thing you gotta know is that she loved you.”
“No, she didn’t,” Rebecca said firmly, swallowing the boulder that seemed to have formed in her throat.
“Oh honey, yes, she did, and I’m sorry you’ve thought otherwise.”
Rebecca didn’t want to talk about this, didn’t think she could. She looked at the older woman carefully, wondering if she was deliberately changing the subject.
“Dottie, what does my mother loving me have to do with the ransom note she wrote to the Ryans?” This was not making sense now.
“Your mama may not have had much schooling, hon, but she wasn’t stupid, I’ll tell you that. It didn’t take her long to figure out—like you just did—that Charlie was the only one who knew that you kids were home alone. He never showed up at the Saddle Falls Inn that night. Your mama waited for him for close to two hours, but he stood her up.”
“Where was he?”
“Don’t rightly know. Don’t think anyone knows.”
Rebecca filed the information away, then plunged on. “So why did my mother write the ransom note?”
“Because she was scared, honey. Scared out of her mind. A little boy was missing, and even though she didn’t know nothing about it, she feared that Charlie had something to do with it, feared he was gonna implicate her in some way. Well, honey, think about it. She was the boy’s nanny and he was the man she’d been dating. She was afraid if anyone found out—”
“You mean the authorities?”
“Yeah.” Sighing heavily, Dottie went on. “Becca honey, try to understand how scared your mama was. She had no family, no friends other than me, and a little girl to take care of. She was suddenly caught up in something she had nothing to do with, all because of a man. She thought she could go to jail if the cops found out she’d been seeing Charlie when that little boy disappeared. Thought the authorities would think they planned it together or that she’d helped him, when she didn’t. She had nothing—nothing to do with it. Her only crime was being in love. And trusting a no-account fool man.” Dottie sighed, then absently brushed a crumb from the table. “So she wrote the note, thinking it would throw the police off, make them believe the boy was being held for ransom.”
A deep, aching sadness enveloped Rebecca. “She must have been terrified,” she said softly, trying to understand how her mother must have felt.
Although she didn’t condone her mother’s actions, she was beginning to comprehend them.
“She was, hon. She was.”
“Dottie, let me ask you something.” Rebecca chose her words carefully. “You said my mother loved me. Why do you say that? The day after Jesse disappeared, when the police picked my mom up for questioning, I was taken into custody by Social Services. I never saw my mom again. She never tried to find me or contact me, not even when she was released after the police questioned her. I spent my entire childhood in an orphanage, waiting for my mother to come get me. And she never did,” Rebecca added sadly, brushing the tears from her eyes.
“Oh hon.” Dottie reached for her hand and gave it a gentle tug. “Now you listen to me, and listen good. Charlie was waiting for your mama when she was sprung from the police station. He wanted to know what she’d told them. Course, she couldn’t tell them anything, cuz she was afraid she’d be implicated. But Charlie didn’t believe her. He told her that she’d better not ever tell what she knew, and if she did, if she ever breathed a word about him or anything that happened that night, why, you’d disappear just like that little Ryan boy.”
“This man threatened my mother?” Staggered, Rebecca clenched her fists impotently in anger. “Are you telling me this man threatened to harm me if my mother told the truth about that night?”
“Yes.”
“Why didn’t she just go to the authorities and tell them everything?”
Dottie laughed harshly. “Now, hon, who was going to believe an unwed mother with a history of trouble, who’d been dating a married man—a very prominent married man, I might add, whose wife’s family was connected at the state capital? Your mama feared if she went to the authorities and told them the whole story they’d think she was the one who’d done something to that boy.”
“She was powerless,” Rebecca said with a shake of her head. “Totally powerless.” The knowledge only fueled her anger and frustration, and made her feel an unbearable sadness for her mother and what she’d gone through.
“That’s why your mama never came for you, hon. She was afraid that if she came and got you, it would be too easy for Charlie to find you. She was convinced he was gonna do something to hurt you, and she didn’t want that to happen.” Dottie shrugged. “She figured at least if you were with the state, you’d be safe. They’d put you in a new home, maybe in another town, and then Charlie would never be able to find you. She didn’t even know where you were. She didn’t want to know, cuz she feared it was too dangerous for you. She didn’t come back for you cuz she wanted to protect you.” Dottie shrugged, reaching for Rebecca’s hand again. “Maybe it wasn’t the best thing for you, but at the time, she didn’t know what else to do.”
“That’s why she left town right afterward?” Rebecca suddenly understood so many things her mother had done. Not because she didn’t love her, but because she had.
All these years, all these wasted years! Rebecca had allowed her past to paralyze her, her misguided beliefs to cripple her. And none of it was true!
Feeling as if her whole life had been a lie, she struggled to hold herself together. Tears threatened. She needed to grieve for the mother she’d lost, the mother she’d never had. She needed to grieve for all the years she’d spent believing she’d been unloved.
Because of one selfish, dangerous man.
The emotions threatened to come tumbling out, but Rebecca knew she couldn’t let them loose, not here, not now, not yet.
“Yeah, hon, your mama skipped town right afterward. She didn’t even tell me where she was going, thinking it would be safer if I didn’t know. She just wanted to get away from Saddle Falls, Charlie and everything that had happened. To forget the past and start over.”
“Dottie, why didn’t you ever tell anyone this?” Rebecca demanded suddenly, surprising the older woman.
“Who was I gonna tell?” She shook her head, looking quite affronted. “Besides, no one ever asked.”
“The police never questioned you after Jesse disappeared?”
“Course not. Why would they?” She shrugged. “Not many people even knew your mama and I were friends, ’cept for Charlie and a few of the ranch hands who might have seen us out together.”
“Dottie, do you know what happened to Charlie?”
She shrugged. “Don’t know, hon. I left Saddle Falls shortly after your mama did, but I never did see him again.” She shrugged again. “I’m sorry, I don’t know.”
Rebecca nodded, trying to absorb everything. Her mind was whirling, trying to fit the pieces together. She couldn’t wait to get back to Saddle Falls, to tell Jake what she’d learned: that her mother, his nann
y, hadn’t even been in the house when Jesse was taken.
It wasn’t much, but it was more than they’d ever had before. And hopefully, it might help them find Jesse Ryan.
Chapter Ten
Rebecca was almost humming with excitement by the time she walked back into the little carriage house. She couldn’t wait to see Jake, to tell him what she’d learned. It wasn’t much, but it was a whole lot more than they’d had before. A solid lead that could be followed up on. One that just might lead them to Jesse Ryan.
After flipping on the lights, Rebecca kicked off her shoes and headed toward the kitchen table, her makeshift desk. Although it was now dark, some of the heat of the day had dissipated and she left the front door open, hoping for a cool breeze to filter through the screen.
Once in the kitchen, she dropped her briefcase with her notes and everything else onto the floor. Right now, she had one last piece of evidence to go through. The manila files she’d found in her mother’s apartment.
Grabbing the locked box and her notes, Rebecca searched her purse for the key, then padded back into the living room and sank down on the floor so she could spread everything out around her.
With shaky hands, she slowly unlocked the file box and pulled out the contents. She sat for a moment, absently running her hands over the file folder, trying to imagine what her mother had been thinking when she’d put these items in here.
A profound sense of sadness engulfed Rebecca as she thought of her mother and what she’d gone through.
With a shake of her head, she slipped on her glasses, then opened the file. She had to remain cool and detached, completely unemotional, if she was going to do her job. And right now, that was of the utmost importance.
Slowly, Rebecca sorted the newspaper clippings into piles and began reading. She started with ones from the Saddle Falls News, figuring they’d have the most complete coverage, considering the Ryans’ prominence in the town.
The clippings were fragile and yellowed, but thankfully, still intact. She read each piece of newsprint slowly, carefully, then set it down, laying them neatly in a circle. She worked best when she had actual documents in front of her, something to look at and ponder as she tried to piece things together. It was a habit she’d learned in college, a way to keep everything fresh in her mind.
With a frown, she picked up clipping after clipping and read it. She hadn’t realized how much press coverage there was over Jesse Ryan’s disappearance. But the story had been carried in newspapers across the state, apparently.
It took several hours before she finished reading each and every one. Finally, Rebecca rubbed her tired eyes and sighed. The back of her neck hurt from being bent over to read, so she shifted to the couch and leaned against it, taking the file folder with her.
There were still several items to go through. She reached in the file again and yanked out a greeting card. It had been thoroughly stuck on something. Until now she had only casually read the clippings, unable to face anything more, fearing she’d find something that would confirm her mom’s guilt. Now that she knew the truth about her mother, she was anxious to read through everything. With a frown, she wondered why her mother would have kept an old card. What on earth could it possibly have to do with Jesse Ryan?
The moment Rebecca opened the card and read the signature, she knew. It was signed “Charlie.”
Rebecca’s breath caught and she stared at the twenty-year-old card. The message on the front was syrupy and sweet, but no doubt very romantic for the times.
Rebecca ran her hand over his signature. “Charlie,” she murmured. “Who are you? What did you do? What on earth did you do?” Quickly, she pulled the remaining contents from the file. There were several more cards from Charlie, confirming part of the story Dottie had told her. Now she knew her mother had indeed been involved with that man. Unfortunately, she had no further information than that.
“Rebecca?” Abruptly, Jake appeared in front of her, a worried frown on his face. “You okay? What are you doing?” He glanced around. The living room floor was littered with old newspaper clippings. His gaze took in the headlines and his heart pumped faster. They were articles about Jesse’s disappearance.
“Jake!” She jumped to her feet, still holding one of the greeting cards her mother had received from Charlie. “I’m so glad to see you.” She pressed a quick kiss to his mouth. “I have so much to tell you.” She shook her head, unable to contain her excitement. “You’re not going to believe where I’ve been or what I’ve found out.” She pulled him down to the couch, setting the greeting cards on the table.
Trying to shake off the tension he’d felt the moment he saw the newspaper clippings, Jake smiled, affectionately pushing her glasses up her nose. “Okay, I’ll bite. Where have you been and what have you found out?” he asked, absently reaching for a card and opening it.
Jake’s gaze narrowed as he read the signature. “Rebecca?” He turned to her. “Where did you get this? This card is to Margie, from someone named Charlie.”
Dawning awareness tightened his face even more. “Margie…that’s short for Margaret. Our nanny.” Shaking his head, Jake searched Rebecca’s eyes. “Where did you get this?” He glanced down at the faded card clenched in his fingers. “Where did you get a card that belonged to our nanny?”
Terror clutched Rebecca’s heart, and for a moment, she merely stared at Jake, unable to breathe, to speak.
Truth was her stock-in-trade; she’d never willingly or knowingly told a lie to anyone, not for a story, not for any reason. And she couldn’t lie to Jake now.
Not about this. She’d given him her word.
“From my mother,” she said quietly, lifting her terrified gaze to his. Her hands were shaking. She wanted to reach for him, to hold him and feel his warmth, but she didn’t trust herself to touch him.
“Your mother?” Confused, Jake shook his head. “I don’t understand, Rebecca. What does your mother have to do with any of this?”
Licking her dry lips, she laced her hands together and took a deep breath. The truth would set her free. She reminded herself why she’d come here, why she’d returned to Saddle Falls—not just to bury her mother, but to learn the truth of her past. She’d done that. She knew what her mother had done and why. Now she had to share the truth with Jake, no matter how painful, no matter the consequences.
The truth would set her free.
“Jake, Margaret Brost…was my mother.”
Stupefied, he stared at her, as her words reverberated over and over in his mind. He shook his head, certain he’d misunderstood her. This didn’t make sense. He continued to stare at her as her words finally sank in and everything inside of him went cold, icy-cold.
Margaret Brost was Rebecca’s mother. Her mother!
Unconsciously, his fingers tightened on the faded greeting card until it crumpled in his hand.
Rebecca had lied to him about who she was.
His heart felt as if it were cracking in two, then shattering into sharp little shards of glass, each one more painful the next.
Rebecca had deceived him. He wanted to close his eyes and will her words away. But he couldn’t— couldn’t deny the truth.
He’d been a fool, an absolute fool. Again. He’d trusted Rebecca, loved her. Loved her!
Jake surged to his feet, fury blazing within him. His chest felt as if someone had slipped a rusty dagger into it, then painfully twisted it. “You lied to me! Deceived me. Betrayed me and my family.”
“No, Jake, please listen to me.” Panicked, Rebecca stood and reached for him. She had to make him understand. He shrank away from her, a look of pure hatred and disgust on his face.
“Listen to you?” He spat out the words. “I already listened to you, once, Rebecca, remember?” His fists clenched, and he struggled to control the pain and anger scorching his body, his mind and his heart. “‘Jake, I promise I won’t do anything to hurt you or your family. You have my word!”’ He threw her own promise back at her. “Do you
remember saying that to me, Rebecca?” He stepped closer to her, crowding her, his mind a blur of pain. “Do you remember making that vow, asking me to believe you, to trust you?”
“Yes.” The word came out a shaky whisper.
“And I did believe you, Rebecca. I trusted you.” The sudden, gut-wrenching softness of his voice brought tears to her eyes. She would have felt better if he’d screamed, cursed or thrown something. But that desperate quietness nearly broke her heart. She’d never meant to hurt him. Never.
“I know, Jake, and I’m sorry.” She reached for him again, hoping her touch, the connection between them, would soothe some of his pain. “I couldn’t tell you who I really was, Jake.” Desolate, she shook her head. “I couldn’t tell you the truth.”
“Of course not,” he said bitterly. “That would have been far too honorable, right? So better to tell lies to get what you want. But then again, you had a good teacher, didn’t you?” He paused, wishing he could shut out the pain. “What did you do, Rebecca, come back to Saddle Falls to see if you could make a few more bucks off the Ryans’ misfortune?” Eyes blazing, he shook her hand off. “The story, that’s what all this was about, wasn’t it? The all-important story. That’s all you cared about, Rebecca. Was that the idea? Take the Ryans for one final spin? Finish what your mother started twenty years ago?”
Horrified, she stared at him, unable to blink away her tears. How could he think so little of her? How could he not know how much what they’d shared meant to her?
“No, Jake, that’s not true! I know it might seem that way to you, but that’s not the way it was.” She took a deep breath. “Jake, please believe me. I didn’t mean to hurt you, and had no intention of hurting your family.” Helplessly, she shrugged. “All I wanted to do was find out the truth about what happened the night your brother disappeared. To find out what my mother’s involvement was so I could finally have some peace.” Pushing her hair off her face, Rebecca struggled not to cry. “Charlie was someone my mother was seeing. Jake, the night Jesse disappeared she’d snuck out to meet him. Jesse was sleeping. Jake, my mother wasn’t even there when Jesse was kidnapped. When she came back after Charlie stood her up, Jesse was gone. You aren’t the only one who’s been tormented by what happened to Jesse.” Soft sobs shook her shoulders as tears slipped down her cheeks. She didn’t bother to brush them away. “My whole life I’ve lived with the knowledge that my mother might have been responsible for the disappearance of a little boy. Do you have any idea how that made me feel? The guilt and shame I had to live with?”
With Family In Mind (Saddle Falls Book 1) Page 18
