A Soft Kiss in Winter

by Lily Graison

  The past few days had been nothing but a series of waking, sleeping, eating, and having Victoria firmly demand he stay right where he was. He’d finally had to dress and ignore her to take a trip to the outhouse. You could only put off some things for so long.

  He wasn’t sure how many days—or had it been weeks now—they’d been here. He’d lost count, but it was long enough for him to know he didn’t mind the company. As demanding as Victoria was, he’d admit that he enjoyed every second she was in the room with him. She made him laugh, something he’d not found a reason to do in years. Seeing her smile chased away a bit of the misery he lived with and for a little while, made him forget all the things wrong in his life. She lit up the room and he’d never grow tired of the way she looked at him. The concern she showed for his welfare made him wonder if maybe she cared for him more than one would a stranger who was injured. It was probably wishful thinking on his part but he couldn’t get the thought out of his head once it was there.

  Hearing her move around in the other room made him want to rush to the bedroom door just so he could see her. He craved the sound of her voice and loved the way it filled the cabin. Her presence made it feel like a proper home and he’d laid there long enough to know he never wanted that to change. He wanted her in every way a man could want a woman. They barely knew each other but the thought of her not being here made him restless. He didn’t want to be here if she wasn’t. He wanted to keep her. It was as plain as that.

  Question was—did she want him back?

  Long minutes passed, not a sound heard other than the hiss and pop of the firewood. The light he saw shining near the bedroom door dimmed, the old strings under the cushion of the chair Graham always sat in, squeaking. His chair always made the worst sort of groans when someone sat in it. He’d recognize the sound without having to look.

  He pushed the blanket away and swung his feet onto the floor, holding onto the bedside table as he stood. He still felt weak as a newborn kitten but thankfully most of the pain had disappeared. He waited until he was steady before crossing the room, bracing his back against the door frame when he reached it, one hand on the other side so he wouldn’t fall.

  Victoria was in Graham’s chair, her feet pulled up underneath her with a blanket tucked under her chin. Her eyes were closed. It struck him then that since he’d taken that fever and started to recover, he’d been asleep way before nightfall most nights and woke well after dawn. He’d assumed Victoria had slept in the bed but the more he thought it, the more he knew he was wrong. She hadn’t been there. Had she been sleeping in that chair all this time?

  He gritted his teeth as anger swept through him. Why did he not realize she’d been out here? “Victoria?”

  She startled and lifted her head to look at him. “Gideon. Do you need something?”

  “What are you doing?”

  Her brows lowered over her eyes. “Going to sleep.”

  “Not in that chair you’re not.”

  She gave him a wide-eyed look. “The rug is still damp.”

  He looked at the rug on the floor he’d been sleeping on when she pulled him into the cabin after the mountain lion attack. After his fever and her bathing him in cool water, he imagined it was. “It might be but you’re still not sleeping in that chair. Take the bed. I’ll sleep out here.”

  She looked horrified at the mention of it. “You’ll do no such thing. You’re hurt. You’re sleeping in the bed, which you should be in.” She sat up, the blanket falling from her shoulders to pool in her lap. “Do you need help getting back across the room?”

  “No. I made it to the door just fine. Now stop changing the subject and come take the bed.”

  “I will not.”

  “Fine.” He turned and walked back to the bed and grabbed the blanket. By the time he made it back to the door, the anger he felt at himself was gnawing at him.

  She looked at him when he stepped back into the doorway. “Gideon, what are you doing?”

  “If you’re sleeping in a chair, then so am I.”

  “No, you’re not.” She stood, her chin raised defiantly. “I’m not letting you sleep in a chair.”

  “And I’m not letting you sleep in one either.”

  They stared at one another for long minutes, neither willing to budge, it seemed. The many nights they’d slept by the fire in the wilderness came to mind. What made this situation any different from that? The fact there was actually a bed shouldn’t matter. “All right,” he said. “If you won’t allow me to sleep in the chair, and I won’t let you sleep in one either, then you’ll just have to sleep with me.”

  Their eyes met and held. Something heated flared in her green irises before she blinked. He wondered what she’d been thinking, his own thoughts veering toward territory it shouldn’t be. “It’s big enough for two,” he said. “The pallet of blankets we slept on in the forest wasn’t nearly as big. This will be no different. Well, except we won’t be freezing half to death.”

  She continued to stare at him before finally saying, “I suppose your right.” She grabbed the blanket she’d been covering up with and crossed to where he stood. His arm blocked the doorway where he held the frame for support. He lowered it and stepped back.

  Victoria took his blanket. “Let me help you back to bed.”

  He could have made it on his own just fine but he let her wrap her arm around his waist and held on to her shoulders all the same. He settled on the bed, watching her as she went to the other side and laid down and tried not to smile as she clutched the blanket to her chin.

  “Goodnight, Gideon.”

  He smiled. “Goodnight Victoria.”

  Like every morning she woke with Gideon at her side, Victoria was pressed against him, her head pillowed on one strong arm while both of his were wrapped around her body, holding her tight against him. The only difference from those cold mornings in the forest and now were, this time she was pressed against warm, bare flesh instead of the scratchy material of his shirt and that big bearskin coat. She splayed her fingers against his chest and inhaled the scent lingering on his skin. Why did it feel so good being in his arms like this?

  When he suggested she sleep with him the night before, for one brief moment, she’d thought he meant something other than sleeping but dismissed the idea right away. She may have soft feelings for him but that didn’t mean he returned them.

  But he is holding you close like a lover would.

  She eased back and caught her bottom lip between her teeth.

  “What are you thinking about so hard?”

  Victoria jumped slightly when he spoke. She hadn't realized he was awake. “How do you know I’m thinking about anything?”

  He reached up and tapped her chin. “Because you’re chewing on your lip. I’ve seen you do that more than once while thinking.”

  “Oh.” She leaned back enough to see his face clearly. “I’ve never noticed.” He stared at her for so long she averted her eyes.

  “Hmmm.” He shifted slightly, turning more to his side to face her. He stared at her mouth. “Speaking of lips—for some reason, I keep having this odd feeling that I kissed you.”

  Her pulse leaped. “What?”

  “I don’t remember much from the fever but I keep getting small snatches of memories and one of them is of me kissing you. Or did I just dream I did?”

  She hesitated before meeting his gaze. “It wasn’t a dream.”

  One corner of his mouth turned up. “Didn’t really think so. I remember it too vividly for it to have been.”

  His bandages looked stark white against the dim light in the room. Her hand still lay against his skin, her pulse starting to race with thoughts of the small kiss he’d given her. She was so close all she’d have to do up tilt her head up and lean in. What would he do if she kissed him as he’d done her?

  She flicked her gaze to him briefly but dismissed the notion. She couldn’t be so forward. He’d been in a fever-induced delirium. The kiss had meant nothing. Thinking
it did would only cause her pain so she had to let it go. She eased back out of his grasp and sat up, tossing her legs over the side of the bed. “I’ll go start the coffee.”

  Walking into the other room made it easier to breathe. Being so close to him was getting—frustrating. He made her skin tingle with the slightest touch, the sound of his voice felt like a soft caress and the way he looked at her at times…

  She bit back a sigh and pushed thoughts of him out of her mind.

  The fire had gone out, but the coals were still hot. She laid a few more pieces of wood, then went to light the stove to warm the leftover stew and start the coffee. She was so engrossed in all the small tasks she never noticed Gideon had followed her until she turned and saw him standing near the fire. He’d put on a shirt but he’d not bothered to button it and his feet were still bare. Looking at him now, one would not have thought he’d been so sick. His color was good, he even seemed to have strength the fever took from him back.

  As she stood there staring at him, she noticed one other change as well. That haunted look she was so used to seeing in his eyes was gone. Whatever burdens he’d been carrying weren’t weighing on him as they had been. In reflection, neither were hers. She no longer woke afraid nor went to sleep worried about tomorrow. She was sure Gideon was the reason for that.

  “Is there any wood left outside?”

  His voice drew her from her musing. “You shouldn’t be out of bed.”

  “I’ve laid about too long as it is.” He looked at her. “Is there wood?”

  “Not much,” she said. “I’ve been trying to keep the fires small so we didn’t run out.”

  He nodded and looked back at the flames. “I’ll chop more after I’ve eaten.”

  “No, you won’t.”

  He looked over his shoulder and smiled. “Have you always been this bossy or is this behavior something new?”

  “I’m sorry.” She blushed. “I don’t mean to be. I just don’t want you to—“ She paused before saying more. She wouldn’t think of him dying like Thomas had, nor would she say it out loud.

  He crossed the room to where she stood and put a finger under her chin so she’d look at him. “I’m not going anywhere, Victoria. I won’t leave you.”

  She let out the breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding. “I know, I just get scared…”

  “You don’t have to be scared anymore.”

  His thumb brushed against her bottom lip, his gaze lingering there for long minutes before he lowered his head, his lips brushing against her mouth so softly, she wasn’t even sure she could call it a kiss. “Why did you do that?”

  He was still close, his warm breath felt against her lips. “Because ever since I remembered kissing you, I can’t stop thinking about doing it again.” He looked her in the eyes. “Tell me to stop and we’ll pretend it never happened.”

  Pretend it never happened? Not likely. Him kissing her was all she’d been able to think about since the first time he’d done it. Her heart was pounding now from nothing more than that one small brush of his lips against her own. Telling him to stop would never happen.

  Her lack of response must have been enough for him to realize she wasn’t going to stop him. When he leaned down and kissed her a second time, it wasn’t soft and demure as the first had been. He pushed in to taste her, his tongue licking inside her mouth as the hand on her chin slid into her hair to cup the back of her head and hold her close. She leaned against him, angling her head as his other arm wrapped around her back.

  Her heart pounded inside her chest, her knees going weak as she bunched the material of his shirt in her fist. The kiss grew longer, his hold tighter, while every nerve in her body fired at once to leave her desperate for more. Had she been wrong about his feelings? This wasn’t the kiss of a man who wasn’t interested. His growing erection pressing against her belly was proof of that. He kissed her as if starved and that wild pulse beating between her legs traveled the length of her body and caused her nipples to ache. She leaned against him, wrapped her arms around his naked waist and pressed her breasts against his chest before pushing her hips more intimately against him.

  He groaned and pulled back, panting for breath. Not a word passed between them, their hold on the other still tight as they stared at one another. There was a question in his eyes, but his stomach growled and the intimate moment was shattered. She laughed. “I guess you’re hungry.”

  “Hmmm.” His thumb brushed her lip again. “I’m starving.”

  He couldn’t stop staring at her. Victoria sat across from him at the table and as hungry as he was, the reheated stew wasn’t nearly as interesting as she was.

  Those bee-stung lips of hers were still kiss swollen and he held back a smile knowing he’d been the one to cause it. She never once looked up. The slight pink tint to her cheeks made him wonder if kissing her had been a mistake. He’d shifted the mood between them with that kiss. He still wasn’t sure why he’d done it. Well, that wasn’t true. He’d done it because he’d wanted to. Truth be known, he wanted to do it again. Wanted to feel her pressed against him, holding him as if she never wanted to let go.

  Her fear of something happening to him could mean a lot of things. Being left alone for months on end had to leave her anxious that it might happen again, especially after he took fever like her dead husband had. But he’d like to think it was more than that. The way she’d kissed him back said that maybe it was. She hadn’t stood there passively. She’d gripped his shirt and pulled him closer, angled her head and sucked his tongue into her mouth with such abandonment, he’d grown hard in an instant. When she pressed her hips against him, he’d wanted to carry her to the bed and show her exactly what she was doing to him—and never let her out of it again.

  She finished eating first and left the table, her back to him as she stood by the sink. This old cabin had never been home to anyone other than Graham and himself and that wasn’t even for the entire year, but seeing Victoria there in his kitchen made him want to change that. She looked as if she belonged there, as if her being here was as it should be. And Lord help him, he wanted it to be.

  As hard as he fought to hide away up here in the mountains, she was doing something to that carefully constructed wall he’d built around his heart. He’d given up hope of ever having what others did—of having a family of his own or someone who loved him—a long time ago. He didn’t deserve those things after what he’d done, so he spent most of his time here on the side of this mountain away from the world where he couldn’t cause anyone else a second of pain. But since finding Victoria, someone in as much need of saving as him, he wanted—

  Well, he wanted what every other man lucky enough to find a woman had.

  He wanted what he’d denied himself all these years.

  He wanted to love and be loved in return, to hold someone close and feel their skin next to his own.

  He wanted Victoria.

  She’ll not want you once she knows.

  He sighed. The voice he’d been hearing in his head for years reminded him to not want things he couldn’t have. It didn’t stop him from wanting them, though. Just looking at her made him wonder if he was wrong. If maybe she wouldn’t run when she heard what he’d done but the part of him that still loathed his presence whispered it’s usual taunt, reminding him he was a monster and not worthy of being loved.

  The stew had gone cold but he finished it anyway and carried the bowl to the sink. Victoria took it to wash without a word. He went in search of warm socks and his boots. As much as it would hurt, they needed firewood. He was dressed and looking for his coat when he walked back into the other room and realized Victoria wasn’t in the cabin.

  Stepping outside, he inhaled a breath of clean, fresh air. A light flurry of snow was falling. He took his time getting down the steps and around the side of the porch. He stopped when he saw Victoria. She was sitting a piece of wood up on the cutting block. He watched her for a few moments. The way she held the ax was awkward and h
er swing wasn’t hard enough to actually crack the wood.

  “You’re doing that all wrong.”

  She jumped and swung around to face him. “Gideon!” Her hand rose to lay against her chest. “You scared me.”

  “Sorry.”

  "It's fine," she said, "Just make more noise next time."

  He smiled. “I'll be sure to stomp around a bit from now on." He crossed to where she stood. "You’re holding the ax wrong.”

  “I am?” She looked at the ax in her hands before glancing back up. “I’ve never actually done this before.”

  “It shows.” Her cheeks turned a pretty shade of pink before he motioned her back around to face the block of wood. He stepped closer and wrapped his arms around her, placing her hands on the ax handle where they should be and lifted it to shoulder level. “You have to get the ax up high so you can force it down hard enough to crack the wood.” He placed his hands over hers. “And hold it here. Make sure you have a strong grip on it.”

  She nodded and he stepped away. Her second try was better. The ax head actually stuck into the wood this time but just barely. “That’s good. Pull it out and try again.”

  Her third attempt wasn’t an improvement. Her hands had slipped and her grip was all wrong again. He stepped closer and slipped his arms around her, and if he wasn't imagining it, she leaned back against him as he lowered his head. Those thoughts of keeping her whispered through his mind again. He inhaled the scent lingering in her hair and angled his head so his mouth was next to her ear. “Hold it like this.”

  He explained the process again but he wasn’t sure she heard him. She was breathing harder than necessary and he leaned in so close he could feel her against him from chin to knees. She turned her head. He could kiss her she was so close. His gaze fell to her lips. “Got it?”

  She nodded. “I think so.” Her soft reply went straight to his cock. He wanted to haul her back inside and see where the kisses he wanted to give her would lead, conscience be damned. He glanced at her lips, but stepped away instead of doing so. She may have let him kiss her earlier but that didn’t mean she was willing to give him more than that.