A Soft Kiss in Winter

by Lily Graison

  “Noo jist haud on, lad!”

  Ewan’s booming voice drew him to a stop, one hand on the open door. “What?”

  “Deputy Clemmons got both of ‘em locked up. No need to go looking fer ‘em.”

  His thoughts were a jumbled mess. What was he doing? He couldn’t kill them regardless of how badly he wanted to. He’d hang for it for sure. He turned back to Ewan. “What happened?”

  Ewan puffed his chest up. “Those two chased the poor lass all the way to town, screaming her heid off all the way. I was doing my rounds through town, you see, same as I do every night. One can’t be too trusting of folks these days. Why my ancestors—“

  “Grandda!”

  Ewan glanced at Rose, blinked and said, “Oh, right. Victoria.” He turned his attention back to Gideon. “Like I was saying, I was doing my rounds. With the marshal gone and all, I figured I’d need to walk a bit longer than usual and I’m glad I did! I’d turned to head back through when I heard screaming and my blood ran cold, I’ll tell ya. I thought a bean nighe had found me until I rounded the corner and saw her running through the field. They had her on the ground fixin’ to do her harm but I stopped them! Why, I nearly cut ‘em in half wit’ my sword!” He raised his chin, his chest puffing higher. “Don’t you be worrying none, lad. I saved that sweet lassie from harm that night.”

  Ewan's accent was so thick Gideon barely caught most of what he said but he’d heard enough to know the men he’d searched half the mountain for had attacked Victoria. Again. He didn’t even have to see their faces to know it was them. Every horrible thing he could imagine them doing to her flew through his mind and every one of them made him sick to his stomach. He should have been there. He should have let Graham take Marshal Lincoln up the mountain while he stayed here and protected her but pride had led him to make the biggest mistake of his life. He’d wanted the pleasure of capturing those two bastards and beating them to within an inch of their lives hoping he killed them in the process. His stupidity had cost Victoria this time.

  He clenched his jaw tight, then released the pressure. “Is she at your house? I need to talk to her.”

  Ewan glanced at Rose who suddenly found her shoes fascinating. “Well, the lass was in a bad place, you see. She was so shaken up Doc Tibbens had to give her something just to calm her down a bit but the next day, she was still crying an widnae stop and it broke my heart to see her in so much distress. So, I did what any man would do.”

  “Which was?”

  “Well, I sent her home to her maw! Stagecoach rolled in and I put her on it, told the driver to take her to Guilford and see she made it on to the train. She’s been gone two days now.”

  She was gone?

  The air left his lungs in such a rush, it felt as if someone had punched him in the gut. He stared at Ewan who was looking between him, Graham, and Rose, mumbling words he couldn’t understand.

  Gideon turned and walked out, the cold breeze blowing down the mountain freezing his flesh to match the ice he felt flowing through his veins. He lifted his face to the sky and inhaled deeply. He could smell snow in the air. Clouds filled the sky as he stood there staring up and he’d watched the weather for so long, he knew a storm was rolling in. The cabin was destroyed and winter was settling over the mountain. Soon, the road out of town would be impassable and the heavy snows would cover the valley for as far as the eye could see.

  And he’d be alone.

  Graham exited the store and patted him on the shoulder. “Come on, Gideon. Let’s head back home.”

  There wasn’t a home there without Victoria. It was just a house. Home is where your heart is and his was no longer there.

  Chapter 24

  December 25th, 1884

  * * *

  There wasn’t a person she’d encountered that hadn’t smiled and told her how wonderful she looked. If they only knew her heart lay in shambles inside her chest, they’d think differently. Most of the praise came from business associates of her fathers. She knew the words were lies, especially since she’d tried so hard to get the dark circles out from under her eyes without much luck. As happy as she was to be back home, surrounded by her family, a part of her was missing.

  Her mother gave her hand a light squeeze. Victoria looked at her and tried to smile but failed. Her mother didn’t notice. She was beside herself with happiness that her daughter had come home. Her mother had never looked so happy and every guest who walked through the door and greeted them said as much.

  The reception line was longer than usual. Victoria wasn’t sure if it was due to the fact her parents had invited more people this year to their annual Christmas party or if more were showing up uninvited because they’d heard she’d returned. The runaway daughter of Randall and Charlotte Langford was scandalous gossip. Being the reclusive daughter of one of the richest men in Chicago and running away with a blacksmith’s son would fuel wagging tongues for years to come. Her name was probably thrown around more than anyone else’s had been in months.

  Her father had promised to have her marriage to Thomas annulled, her last name changed back to Langford, and said life could go back to normal, but she’d refused his offer. Life would never be normal again, regardless of what her last name was. She couldn’t forget her past and pretending it never happened changed nothing. She was still the widow of Thomas Stanford, the blacksmith’s son, and ex-lover of Gideon Hart.

  Thinking his name caused a lump to form in her throat and made the back of her eyes burn. She’d cried so many tears over Gideon she didn’t think she had any left but apparently, she did. Her chest ached, the pain taking her breath as her heart twisted behind her ribcage until she pushed thoughts of him away. She hadn’t seen or heard from him in weeks but the pain was as raw and fresh as if she’d left Silver Falls yesterday.

  She curved her lips into what she hoped passed for a smile and greeted another of her fathers business associates. She smiled and nodded at every single guest that came through the foyer and Victoria counted the minutes until the door was closed and they could join the others. Being idle gave her time to think and thinking led to more heartache.

  When the last guest was greeted, Victoria made her way through the house, nodding her head at those who acknowledged her, saying a quick, ‘Hello,” to those who greeted her. She was stopped more times than she could count and even though no one asked, conversations steered in directions she knew were meant for her to tell them where she’d been. Her life was no one’s concern so she excused herself as quickly as she could and prayed no one else would stop her. Two hours after greeting the last guest who came through the door, she finally made it to the back of the house.

  She breathed a sigh of relief when she stepped into the library. She shut the door behind her, leaned against it and wrapped a hand around her stomach as she tried to catch her breath. Being around so many people had never bothered her in the past but the house felt claustrophobic with so many crammed inside its walls.

  Music filled the air, along with the voices and laughter of her parents’ guests and as festive as the party was, she wanted no part of it. She’d begged her father to cancel but he’d refused. Having her home again gave them more reason than ever to celebrate so the party would go on as always.

  She’d always loved this time of year. All the lights and parties and all the people who greeted them in the streets had made the Holiday’s worth anticipating but now, she would have given every penny of her inheritance to be back in the sleepy little mountain town on Silver Falls, where everyone knew everyone else. Where the streets were dusty, the houses were constructed of nothing but wood slats instead of red brick and nature provided a beautiful backdrop that threw rainbows of colors across the mists surrounding the waterfall.

  A little town she’d said goodbye to and forgot to collect her heart from on the way out.

  Victoria crossed the library and opened the double doors behind her father’s desk. The air was cold as it blew inside. She inhaled deeply, filling her lungs
.

  Snow covered the gardens behind the house with a light blanket of pure white. The lights from inside the house shined through the windows and illuminated the gardens in warm, amber light.

  She stepped outside, the snow crunching under her feet. She wrapped her arms around herself to hold off the chill and made her way to the center of the garden. The fountain had been drained, the lady who stood in the center still smiling as she tipped her pitcher over that now spilled a few icicles instead of water.

  The bench was covered and wet and she wished she’d thought to grab a cloak. It was cold but after being in Silver Falls and sleeping outside in the snow, she could withstand the cold a bit longer than she’d been able to before heading west. She sighed. That quickly, her thoughts were once again in Silver Falls instead of here in Chicago where they should be.

  During the train ride over the hundreds of miles of wide open countryside that took her further away from Gideon, she’d promised herself not to think of him. To harden her heart where he was concerned or she’d grieve his absence for the remainder of her days. Weeks had passed and she still couldn’t erase him from her memories.

  “Victoria.”

  She closed her eyes as his voice whispered through her mind. How long would it take to forget about him?

  The snow crunched beside her and she turned quickly, startled. She blinked as her vision blurred and she wiped away tears she hadn’t realized she’d been shedding.

  “Victoria—“

  “What are you doing here?”

  “Beg your pardon?”

  Victoria bit her tongue, chose her words carefully. “Forgive me, Mr. Calloway. You startled me.”

  He smiled, the lines on his weathered face deepening with the small action. “Please, call me, Ned. If we’re to be married—“

  “Married?” Her breath caught.

  “Of course. Your father arranged—“

  “—But that was before—“

  “—It matters not.” He smiled and took a step closer to where she stood. “My feelings have not changed. Regardless of your past, I’ll still take you to wife.”

  Victoria stared at him while his words repeated through her head. He still thought they were to be married?

  The smile on his face vanished, his eyebrows lowering a fraction over his eyes. “Your father assured me nothing has changed with our previous arrangement. My marriage proposal is still wanted, is it not?”

  Her father still wanted her to marry Ned Calloway? Her stomach rolled. Even if she’d never met Thomas or Gideon, Ned wouldn’t have been her choice for a husband. Once upon a time, she’d thought he might have been a better choice than Thomas but not now. The man was old enough to be her father. He was influential, owned a large home and, if the gossips were correct, had more money than anyone in Chicago, but she still had no desire to be his wife. Not in a thousand years would she want to be. She never wanted to be anyone’s wife if she couldn’t have—

  She inhaled a deep breath, closed her eyes and blanked her mind before releasing the breath, along with all her worries. When she opened her eyes, she smiled. “Ned,” she said. “I appreciate your generous offer but I’m afraid I’m—

  “I know of your past. It makes little difference to me as long as you don’t take a notion to run away with anyone else once we’ve wed.”

  She nearly laughed. Who would she run away with? They were interrupted when someone called for Ned to come join them back inside. A business associate, he’d said, who had important information for him. It must have been more important than she was at the moment and she was glad for it. He excused himself and hurried back across the courtyard to the house, leaving her alone in the snow-dappled garden.

  The air gusted as she watched him go back inside through the dining hall doors. She turned back to the library—and froze.

  “I didn’t mean to intrude.”

  Victoria’s heart slammed against her ribs so hard, it became hard to breathe.

  “I can leave if you wish.”

  She opened her mouth three times to respond but nothing came out. Words failed her as Gideon started across the courtyard. She drank in the sight of him. Gone was the oversized, bulky bearskin coat. He’d replaced it with a long wool coat that looked much like the ones most men in Chicago wore. He wore no hat. His hair still hung near his shoulders and his full beard had been trimmed close to his face, and every step he took, her heart pounded a little bit harder.

  When he stopped in front of her, she sucked in a breath and managed to say, “What are you doing here?”

  For the hundredth time that night, Gideon wondered if he’d made a mistake in coming.

  He’d walked up to the house with every intention of introducing himself to Victoria’s father but instead found himself in a crowd of people so thick, he’d stood in the foyer for nearly ten minutes wondering if he’d be thrown out when someone noticed him. No one did. He also had no idea which of the men who passed by him was Victoria’s father.

  Doubts crept in the longer he stood there and a small voice in the back of his head whispered for him to leave but running away is what got him here, standing in a strange house in a strange city, looking for the woman he let get away.

  He’d made his way through the house, weaving through throngs of people until he’d finally saw her dart into a room at the end of the hall. By the time he’d made it there, she’d been outside, talking with an older gentleman. He’d hung back, trying not to intrude on their conversation, but overhearing the man mention marriage brought him to the double doors. The moment he’d seen her, he’d done nothing but stare. She looked so different from the bedraggled girl he’d rescued on the mountain. Her hair was pulled into a series of complicated twists of curls and braids, her silk gown made her appear regal and showed off curves he didn’t want anyone else to know she had. She’d never looked so beautiful. Hearing her continued discussion of marriage to a man not himself left him wondering if his hesitation in coming had cost him everything.

  “What are you doing here?”

  His gaze touched every inch of her face before he met her eyes. They were glassy. Whether it was from the wind or tears, he didn’t know. “I came to collect what you took from me.”

  Victoria’s eyes widened. “What I took from you?”

  She shivered when a gust of wind blew through the garden. Gideon removed his coat and draped it over her shoulders. “You shouldn’t be out here without your cloak.” He pulled his coat closed and hooked a button so it wouldn’t fall off.

  “I needed some air.” She stared back at him, a look of disbelief on her face. “Gideon—what are you doing here?”

  He’d planned what he was going to say to her on the long train ride across the country but now that she stood in front of him, he couldn’t remember the words or the order he’d practiced them. All the pretty words he was assured would win her back were gone. The reasons he was here were simple, though. “I’m here for four reasons, Victoria. I can’t imagine you wanting to hear them after everything that’s happened but I’m here to tell you all the same.”

  She said nothing, but she also wasn’t trying to leave. That alone gave him hope she’d hear him out.

  He cleared his throat. “I know Graham told you about Nora but he didn’t know all of what happened that night. I couldn’t tell him. I couldn’t tell anyone. It’s why I stayed up on that mountain. I know you think it was an accident but the truth of it is—I really did kill her. It wasn’t a complete accident like I told Graham it was. I’m responsible for her death. I killed my 14-year-old sister and I’m still trying to live with the guilt and failing miserably.” He met her gaze and knew that concerned look in her eyes would soon turn to horror. “You’ll think differently about me once you hear what really happened. That reason alone is why I never wanted you to know. The way you see me will change once you know.”

  She was shaking her head. “It won’t,” she assured him. “But tell me anyway.”

  He nodded, the
night playing in his mind’s eye again, the pain and regret he felt over it making his chest ache. He licked his lips and stared at the buttons on the front of his coat. “I was taking my turn at staying home to care for Nora—“ He stopped talking, his jaw clenching tight. “Graham was up on the mountain and I should have been home that night, but Becky Peterson offered a bit more—entertainment—than my kid sister did so, when I should have been home tending to her, I was in the back of a hay wagon with a girl half the boys in town knew in ways her pa would have shot us for had he known.”

  He looked up at her. “When I saw those men attacking you, it was as if I was there all over again. The night Nora died has played inside my head so many times I can still smell the smoke that lingered in the air and instead of hearing you scream when I came upon your wagon, it was her I heard.” He met her gaze. “Had I been home that night, those men wouldn’t have had a chance to get inside our house. I wouldn’t have had to come home to find them—“

  He took a few deep breaths, and went on. “I tried to stop them, even managed to haul the bastard on top of her away but one of them jumped me and we both went flying.” His stomach clenched, bile crawling up his throat as the night played out inside his head again. “Nora was still screaming and hearing her cry like that, knowing what they’d been doing to her—“ He looked at her, tears stinging his eyes. “The one I was fighting slammed me against the table and I grabbed the lantern and threw it at him. It bounced off his chest and shattered against the wall. The oil splashed onto the bed—and Nora—and it was too late. The fire spread so fast—“

  Dragging his hand over his face, the guilt caused the memories to bloom into full color as if it were happening again right before his eyes, her screams for him to help her echoing inside his head. “I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t get close enough to Nora to put the flames out so I stood there, frozen, and watched as my baby sister screamed my name and burned to death right before my eyes all because of me. I never told Graham I threw the lantern. I told him it was tipped over in the fight. I didn’t tell him I wasn’t even there when they broke in. All these years, he thought it was just an accident but it wasn’t. I killed our sister and I’ll hear her screams to the day I die.”