Cap_A Reed Security Romance

by Giulia Lagomarsino

  I made my way to the bedroom and almost broke down in tears, but I willed myself to be stronger than that. I grabbed the few things I brought with me and packed them in my bag. When I was done, I looked around the room one last time and turned for the door, but Sebastian was standing there in all his handsome glory.

  “Sinner said he was going to take you home.”

  “Yeah, he said that your mission was successful and I could get on with life.” I shrugged and looked at the floor.

  “Do you know when you’re going to the clinic?”

  I shook my head. “I have to find one first. I haven’t really looked into it yet. I don’t know how long it takes to get in.”

  He nodded but didn’t offer anything more. After another awkward moment of silence I walked toward the door and was just stepping around him when his hand skimmed my waist and gripped onto my hip.

  “I need one thing before you go.”

  I nodded to him and watched him watching me. His fingers slid along the hem of my shirt and then he was lifting the bottom of my shirt and kneeling in front of me. His hands rested on either side of my waist and his thumbs brushed against my belly. He slid one hand so that it rested right across my stomach and left it there for a moment.

  My heart pounded as he leaned forward and placed a soft kiss to my stomach. “I want you to know that I wanted you, little one. I want you to know that you were loved,” he whispered.

  It about broke my heart to hear him talking to his child like that. Almost enough to make me say screw it and tell him I would keep the baby, but I knew that wouldn’t solve anything. I would still feel the same tomorrow and wish that I hadn’t been so weak. I would hate myself forever for doing this to him and I knew I would never forgive myself for hurting him, but I also knew that I could never live with bringing a child into this world that I didn’t want.

  He kissed my belly one last time and stood, refusing to look me in the eye. I adjusted my shirt and walked out of the room and out the front door with Sinner.

  ✯✯✯✯✯

  Sinner dropped me off at my house, but didn’t stick around. After his time away, he just wanted to get back to Cara. I couldn’t blame him. If I had someone waiting for me, I’d want to be with them also. I looked around my house and wondered why this just didn’t feel like home, no matter how hard I tried. I was beginning to think that the worst thing I could have done was walk away from Sebastian, even though our problems wouldn’t have been solved with me staying. It was hard to walk away from someone you loved and decide that the relationship was no longer working. So, even though I knew it was best, I was still having doubts that I would get over him.

  “Girlie, open the damn door.”

  Not even two minutes home and they were hear to harp on me. I swung the door open to a very pissed off Harry and a weepy Aggie.

  “Hi, I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you what was going on.”

  “We went to your funeral. Aggie was crying so hard we had to leave early. Then she hosted a reception for you.” He shook his head in disgust.

  “It wasn’t my choice. Sebastian said we had to do it so it looked like I was really dead. I’m sorry that we couldn’t tell you, but I promise it was necessary.”

  “You tell that fella of yours that if I ever see him again, he’s going to get an ass whooping.”

  “Oh, Harry, stop. She’s alive and that’s all that matters now. When he told us how you were killed,” she shook her head as she closed her eyes. “I was so upset. Poor Harry here hasn’t gotten any whoopee since we heard you died. I’ve been so heartbroken.”

  “That’s..um..I’m sorry?”

  “You should be. Do you remember Mrs. Craggle down the street?” I nodded. “She started coming after me again. I thought I was going to have to beat her off with a broom. For the past two years she’s seen me with Aggie, but lately, I’ve been out on my own. I almost put on a wedding ring just so she would think I was taken!”

  “Like I said, Harry, I’m really sorry that you had to deal with that. I’m sure it was tough.”

  “Tough? That woman has no front teeth. Have you ever talked to her? I almost covered my head in Saran wrap so that I could stay dry.”

  I was really trying hard to hold in my laughter. Harry seemed more distressed by Mrs. Craggle than the fact that I was supposedly dead.

  “Dear, are you alright after everything?”

  “I’m fine,” I promised her.

  “I mean with the baby. You know, you should really be back with that handsome man of yours. When I was pregnant with my first, Lord, the morning sickness was terrible. But after it passed, I was always climbing on top of my husband to get a little loving. I swear there were times I thought I might spontaneously combust if I didn’t get a little sugar.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind.”

  “You know, there’s a book out on different sexual positions when you’re pregnant. It has some very interesting ideas.”

  “Why do you have that?” I asked.

  “Well, when you’re pregnant, you have limited mobility. It’s not that different at our age. Harry and I find the book quite useful.”

  “You know, Aggie, I was thinking you would have useful information about pregnancy that didn’t include favorite sexual positions.”

  She waved a hand in dismissal. “You can read about that in any of the thirty or so books on the market. This book is a landmine. I’ll bookmark my favorite pages for you.”

  “Great,” I said with the fakest grin ever. “You know, I’m a little tired, I think I’m going to go lay down.”

  “You do that, dear. Just remember, when you can’t fall asleep because of that baby, a good orgasm will do the trick,” she said as they were walking down the steps.”

  ✯✯✯✯✯

  A week had gone by since I left the safe house. I had been sitting around doing absolutely nothing. I didn’t have the energy to get up and do anything and I didn’t have the desire either. My appointment to go to the clinic was scheduled for later today and I still hadn’t showered or even attempted to look like a human.

  “Maggie!” Pounding at the door drew me out of my staring contest I was having with the wall. “Maggie, open the door.”

  I got up and slowly made my way over to the door. When I opened it, I burst into tears and was immediately wrapped in the arms of my friends, the ones I had left without so much as telling them goodbye.

  Harper, Alex, Cece, Lillian, and Sarah were all pulling at me and trying to get their hugs in. Finally, Cece stepped back and broke up the love fest.

  “Alright, let’s give the girl some space.”

  “Why the hell did you just leave us like that?” Harper asked.

  “I’m sorry. I know it was a terrible thing to do,” I said in apology. Harper looked at me liked I’d grown a second head.

  “Okay, who are you and where’s Maggie? It was a terrible thing to do? The Maggie I know doesn’t take shit from anyone.”

  “I’ve been dealing with some stuff lately.”

  “We know. You’re pregnant. Cole told me and I told everyone else.”

  “Did he also tell you that I’m not keeping it?” I asked as I stared down at my hands.

  “Yep, which is why we’re here. You should have called us sooner, wench.” Cece took my hand and dragged me over to the couch. I glanced at Alex to gage her reaction, but she didn’t seem upset at all.

  “I didn’t want to say anything, especially to you Alex. I know what you guys have gone through.”

  She waved a hand at me. “Please, don’t even bring that up. Cole seems to think that every woman needs a baby. Me man, you woman. Come here and let me fertilize you.” She said in a low voice.

  We all laughed, but I needed to be sure she was okay. “But I thought you wanted a baby.”

  “It would have been nice to have one, but after a while, it just got to be too much. Trying took all the fun out of everything. It became about when I was ovulating and my basal body tempera
ture, which I’m still not sure what that means. I didn’t want it as much as he did. I just wanted to have a normal life with him. Honestly, I don’t think a baby would have made my life better. I think it would have been too stressful. I just want things to stay the way they are.”

  “Cole’s pissed at me. He overheard me talking with Kate about the abortion.”

  “He needs to mind his own business. What you do has nothing to do with us.”

  I looked over at Lillian. “What about you? Am I going to hell if I do this?”

  “First of all, it’s not my place to judge you. This is between you and God, if you believe in him. Second,” She held out her hand to me and place something in my palm. When I opened it, I saw a simple cross on a necklace. “I don’t believe that God gives us anything we can’t handle. If you do this, you’ll find a way to get through it.”

  “So, none of you care that I’m going to do this?”

  “I thought about it for a little bit after I found out I was pregnant,” Sarah confessed. “When certain circumstances came to light, I thought, maybe I would be better off. Of course, it was a fleeting thought for me, but that doesn’t mean that I didn’t seriously consider it for a short time.”

  “But you wanted them?”

  “See that’s the thing, I truly did want them. If you don’t want the baby, that’s a decision only you can make.”

  “How is Sebastian dealing with all of this?” Harper asked.

  “We broke up. He said that he would support me, but he didn’t agree with it. I asked if he would go with me to the clinic, but he said he couldn’t do it.”

  “I get that he doesn’t want this, but if he supports you, he should be there for you,” Harper said.

  “I can’t really blame him. He wants the baby. I can’t blame him for not wanting to go and stand by as they kill it.”

  “Maybe not, but still..”

  “So, when’s your appointment?” Cece asked.

  “This afternoon.”

  “Seriously? Were you going to go alone?” she asked.

  “I was going to take a cab.”

  “We’ll be there with you.” Lillian said as she took my hand.

  “I was so afraid that you would all hate me,” I said quietly as tears filled my eyes. I swiped at them angrily and growled my disapproval. “These damn tears. I swear, I’m like a leaky faucet these days. I cry over everything.”

  “It’s the curse of all women. We weren’t built like men. We’re unfortunate enough that we have to have boobs, periods, emotions, childbirth..” Sarah ticked off on her hand.

  “Don’t forget the sweaty beast, menopause,” Harper said.

  “It’s something to look forward to, I guess,” I said, trying to sound a little more upbeat. “So, tell me what’s new with all of you. It’s been a few months.”

  “Well, the twins are doing good,” Sarah said with an uncomfortable shrug.

  “Which set?” I asked.

  She laughed and they all seemed to relax. “Both. I left them with Drew while I came here. There was no way I wouldn’t be here.”

  “You left four kids with Drew? How is he dealing with that?”

  “I heard him on the phone talking with the guys. He was trying to wrangle them into helping him out,” Sarah said with a smirk. “It should be interesting when we go back.”

  “I left Rebecca with Cara. Sean had to work today, so Cara offered to watch her. I really needed the break. I start back at school next week and I needed a day of freedom before it all gets crazy again.”

  “What are you going to do when..after this is over?” Harper asked.

  “I guess I’ll try to get another job with a paper. I’ve been freelancing, but I’m going to need something more steady.”

  “You don’t sound too happy about that,” Lillian said.

  “You know when you think you want something more than anything and then when you get it, it’s not that great? That’s what this feels like. When I came back here, I thought I would get back to work and find myself. It didn’t really turn out that way. I didn’t find anything but more sadness. I don’t have a clue what’s wrong with me. Why can’t I ever just let him in?”

  “Maggie, you may not want to hear this, but maybe you two just weren’t meant to be together. I mean, when you think about it, you could date dozens of men before you find Mr. Right. That doesn’t mean that the other men were terrible people or that there was something wrong with you, it just means you weren’t a match. Maybe Sebastian was just a pitstop on the way to true love,” Cece said.

  “I think you may be on to something. Sean told me that when Vira stopped by and begged him to choose her, he told her that she was always holding back and that when she found the man she was supposed to be with, she wouldn’t feel she needed to hold back anymore. That would be the man she was meant to be with. Maybe that’s the way it is for you too. You just need to find the man that makes you want to tear down those barriers you’ve put up.” Lillian was sweet, but I had a feeling it was not quite that simple.

  “That could be, but I also think it has to be a conscious decision to let someone in. I think Sebastian was the right man, but I didn’t make the right choice. Now, I’ve lost him for good.”

  The girls stayed with me until it was time to get ready for my appointment. When it was time to leave, they rode with me and then sat in the waiting room as I went into my appointment.

  “Alright, Ms. Curtis. You’ve been through your counseling session and have been informed on all your options. Are you sure this is what you would like to do?” the doctor asked.

  “Yes,” I said firmly.

  “Okay. Do you know how far along you are?

  “I think close to three months, but I’m not sure. I never went to the doctor.”

  “When was your last period?”

  “Um, a little over two months ago.”

  “Okay, then we’ll need to do a sonogram to see what’s the best option for you. Go ahead and get into the gown and lay back. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

  A nurse came in and gave me several bottles of water, telling me to drink them so they could perform the sonogram. I quickly undressed and put on the gown given to me. When I had finished all the water the nurse had given me, I sat in the cold room and wished that I had someone with me. I wasn’t sure if anyone was allowed back and I didn’t want to ask any of the girls to be a part of this. I fidgeted as I waited for what felt like an hour for the doctor to come back into the room. When she finally knocked, I prayed that this would go quickly so I could get this over with and move on.

  “Alright, sorry about the wait, but you have to drink a lot of water so we can see the images on the sonogram. It’ll help us measure the baby and see how far along you are.”

  She brought a machine over and spread some warm gel on my tummy and then brought a wand to my stomach, spreading it around. The rhythmic whooshing sound had me turning my head to the monitor. There was a little bean looking thing on the screen and she was clicking around it and then numbers popped up.

  “What are you doing?”

  “I’m measuring the baby to see exactly how far along you are. What procedure we do depends on how far along you are.”

  I nodded and watched as the baby moved around. She enlarged the screen and there it was. The baby had an actual head and body with little arms and legs. The head was huge in comparison to the rest of the body. I stared at it, completely mesmerized by the sight. That was Sebastian’s baby, my baby.

  “Okay, we’re good to go.” The screen flicked off as she moved the wand off my belly. The baby was gone from the screen and part of me wanted just one more minute to look at it before I did this.

  “Here’s what’s going to happen. I’m going to have a nurse come in and we’re going to give you some pain medication because you’ll have cramping when the procedure is done. I’ll insert a speculum into your vagina and we’ll numb your cervix. Then we’ll insert some dilating rods to stretch open your
cervix. Then I’ll insert a tube that will suction out the pregnancy tissue from your uterus. It takes about five to ten minutes and then you’re all done. You’ll bleed for up to a few weeks after, but you can only wear a pad until the heavy bleeding is over. I don’t want you to do anything but relax when you go home, but you should feel normal again by tomorrow. Do you have any questions?”

  I shook my head and laid back as she began prepping me for the procedure. She inserted the cold speculum into me and I winced as it stretched me. My heart started to pound out of control until I thought it might burst from my chest. Was I making the right decision? That baby in me was a real, tiny human that was Sebastian’s mini me. Once this was done, there was no going back. I would be killing our child. I had to do this. I didn’t want to be a mother. I didn’t want to have to change the way I lived for someone else. This was my life and I was going to live it the way I wanted.

  “Okay, I’m going to insert the tube now and we’ll begin.”

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Sebastian

  “WHAT THE HELL do you want?” I said to Drew as I swung the door open.

  “Sarah left me with all the kids and you’re going to help.” The older twins ran into the house and started jumping on the furniture. The younger twins were in car seats on the porch.

  “Why the hell would I do that?”

  “Because she went to see Maggie and since I’m stuck with the kids because of you, you’re going to help. Besides, I called everyone else and no one could help out today.”

  He picked up a car seat and shoved it into my arms. “Why are you giving me your kid? I don’t know the first thing about kids.”

  “They aren’t that hard, plus these can go in the pack n play for a while. I have to run to the car for the rest of the stuff. Watch the kids.”

  He took off and left me alone with two crazy three year olds and two small babies wrapped in car seats. At least I couldn’t do any damage if they were secured. I brought the car seats further into the room and put them in the corner out of the way. I looked around the room and knew from seeing Drew’s house that he was going to be bringing in two pack ’n plays and a shit load of diapers and other baby paraphernalia. I stared rearranging the furniture to make room for all the crap Drew was about to dump on my house.