Cap_A Reed Security Romance

by Giulia Lagomarsino

“Wanting me isn’t the same as being in this with me. I don’t want to worry that as soon as the baby’s born you’ll go chasing a story. What about when the baby is a year old? Are you going to run off during its birthday party?”

  “I could ask you the same. Why is it that my job is less important than yours?”

  “It’s not about mine being more important. It’s about you being the child’s mother and being there for the important stuff.”

  “So, if you got called away on an assignment on one of those days, it would be fine?”

  “It’s different. I own the business and sometimes I have to be the one to deal with things.”

  “This is why I didn’t want the baby. I didn’t want to be the one that had to sacrifice everything when I wasn’t the one that wanted it.”

  I stood up and paced the room. “I don’t know what you expect from me, Maggie. I don’t know how to read your mind. Just tell me what you fucking want!”

  “I want to know that I’m not the only one sacrificing my career for this child. This isn’t the 1950’s where the wife stays at home and dutifully takes care of the house and children. I’m a woman that wants to have a career and I don’t want kids to be the end of my life. I’ve made the decision to keep this baby, but I won’t be the soul caregiver for it. If we do this, I need to know that I have a partner that is willing to sacrifice just as much as I am. I need to know that when I have a story I’m working on, you’ll support me and give me the time to work, just as I’ll do for you when your job gets hectic.”

  “My job is always hectic! I run a security firm. You were there. We all had to go into hiding because of someone that came after us. I had to fake your death!”

  “So, you’re saying there’s no wiggle room?”

  “I’m saying that I’m the owner and I can’t just stay home because you feel like running off to play detective.”

  Her face steeled over as she stood from the bed. “I think we need to table this discussion for now. Obviously we’re not going to work anything out today, so you might as well go back home.”

  I looked at her incredulously. “That’s it? After everything that’s happened, you’re kicking me out?”

  “I’m not kicking you out. I’m saying we need to stop before one of us says something that we can’t take back.”

  “I’m not worried about that.”

  “I wasn’t talking about you. Your chauvinistic attitude leaves a lot to be desired right now.” She grabbed my arm and dragged me to the front.

  “I can’t fucking believe this. After everything we’ve talked about, everything that’s happened in the last twenty-four hours, here we are again, you pulling back from me.”

  “Sebastian, we have so much to work through and it’s not going to get solved overnight. I swear that I want to work on this, but you need see things from my perspective also. I need to figure out where I go from here, so why don’t you go home and I’ll call you.”

  She shoved me out the door and slammed it in my face. I felt like a one night stand that had just been thrown out. I didn’t understand it. She was the one that had freaked out and almost killed our kid and now she wasn’t willing to bend. She was going to have to grow up and stop chasing dreams if we were going to bring a child into this world.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Maggie

  “THAT MAN IS so infuriating,” I said to Harper as we sat around eating ice cream with the girls. I had come to them since it didn’t make sense for them to all come to me. “I understand that he wants me to commit, I really do, but since when does the woman have to give up everything to have kids?”

  “It’s like feminism never happened,” she said as she took a bite of her own ice cream.

  “I’m not even a feminist. I’m not all about woman power and all that crap. I just don’t see how me having a vagina automatically makes me the main caregiver. Hello? He has two hands and he’s relatively intelligent. I don’t think having a penis renders you incapable of taking care of a child.”

  Sarah snorted and dug into her ice cream. “Think again. As soon as I had the second set of twins, Drew was all about getting rid of Cara and having me stay home. Why should we pay for a nanny when I could be doing it? And I get it. It does make sense. I wasn’t in love with my job or anything, but it was something that was mine and I could be proud of at the end of the day. It’s not like his job is so fabulous. He’s a construction worker and that’s fine. He likes it and that’s all that matters, so why did I have to give up my job?”

  “Do you wish you had it back? I worry that I’ll give up what I love and then resent him.”

  “I guess it’s not about giving up the job. I didn’t love it like you did. It’s about feeling like I was forced into it,” Sarah said.

  Cece poured a glass of wine and sat back in her chair. I glared at her, but she shrugged. “What? It’s not like I’m knocked up right now.” She held out a glass to Harper, but she pushed it away.

  “Oh my, God. Don’t tell me you’re pregnant too,” Cece said.

  “Found out last week. Jack doesn’t know yet. Honestly, I’m not very happy this time around. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to have another baby, but the timing is bad. Our house is already too small for the boys. And now there’s going to be an almost five year age difference between the second and the third. It’s crazy. I thought I was done with babies and diapers.”

  “Anyone else have any news to share?” Cece asked.

  “Don’t look at me. I just popped out twins and no more are coming out of my hoo hoo.”

  Lillian cleared her throat and smiled. “Looks like we get to raise our kids together.”

  “Why didn’t you tell us?” Harper screeched.

  “I only found out a little over a month ago. I was actually a little freaked out. Rebecca is just about eight months old. I can’t imagine having another one around so close in age.” She looked at Sarah. “I don’t know how you do it.”

  “In some ways, having twins is easier because they do things at the same time. It all depends on if your kids are good sleepers or not. That’s the one thing you really have to nail down or you’ll be miserable. Break Rebecca of any bad habits before the baby comes or you’ll be screwed.”

  I felt like I was in the twilight zone. We had talked about kids many times before, but I had never been a part of the talk. I was always thinking how lucky I was that I didn’t having any whining, poopy kids. Now I was going to have to deal with all of it and I was totally unprepared.

  “Sean seems to think that I have to make up for all the years when I was a virgin. I swear, he walks through the door and pounces.”

  “Be happy you still have the energy for it. Now that I stay home, I only want sex in the middle of the day when I still have energy. So, I think, okay I’ll take care of myself with the vibrator and get in the mood for when Drew gets home. Then when he gets home I think, ‘meh, I already took care of myself today. I’m good’. It’s kind of sad, but by the end of the day, the kids have just exhausted me.”

  Cece took another bite of ice cream and pointed at Sarah. “I hear you there. I always thought that it would be more exhausting to work and then come home and take care of the kids, but being around them all day really takes it out of you. If it weren’t for Logan being so persuasive, I would be just like you. I swear he takes my vibrator so I won’t be able to pleasure myself.”

  “How often do you and Cole have sex?” I asked Alex.

  “Every day,” she shrugged.

  “Seriously?” Harper said. “How do you still want it that often?”

  “He keeps it interesting. Besides, we don’t have kids, so we only have ourselves to worry about.”

  “So, you’re really okay with not having kids?” Lillian asked.

  “Yep. We tried, it didn’t work, and I’m moving on. I have no desire to spend a year going through IVF or even adoption. I’m sure it’s worth it, but I guess I just don’t want it that much. And, I can still drink wine,”
she smirked.

  I envied her. As much as I was coming around to the idea of having this baby, it was still foreign to me. I wanted that look of freedom that she had, that I used to have.

  “So, are you going to move back around here, Maggie?”

  Cece brought me back to the conversation and brought up yet another uncomfortable subject. “I don’t know. We haven’t worked anything out, so I don’t know what I’ll end up doing. Everything’s just so screwed up right now. I don’t know how we’re going to work it out.”

  “Can I make a suggestion?” Harper asked and I nodded. “You have to decide what you’re willing to do whether or not Sebastian is in your life as more than your baby daddy.” I cringed at the term, but she continued. “You can’t base your decisions for the rest of your life on whether things will work with Sebastian. You need to decide what’s right for you first. If you try to change for Sebastian, you’ll never be happy.”

  ✯✯✯✯✯

  I had asked the girls for recommendations for a good OB/GYN and finally scheduled my appointment. If I was going to do this, I needed to get on top of things. I called Sebastian to let him know about the appointment because I wanted him to know that I was taking this seriously. He insisted on coming with me, so now we were both sitting in the doctor’s office, waiting for the doctor to come in.

  “You didn’t have to come,” I said for the tenth time since we got here.

  “I wanted to.” He leaned back in the tiny seat that really looked like a child’s chair with his large frame seated on it. “Why did you choose to see any OB here?”

  “Why not here? I got recommendations from the girls.”

  “I know, but you still live in Pittsburgh. Why wouldn’t you just see one closer to where you live?”

  I shrugged. “I guess I’m trying to think about where I’m going to live once the baby’s born.”

  “You’d consider moving here?” His shocked expression said that he was not expecting that it would have been an option.

  “Of course. Look, I know that I’ve been selfish about wanting my space and figuring everything out, but this is your kid. Living an hour away wouldn’t be very convenient for you to see it.” Then, just to piss him off, I added, “Besides, I’m not doing this alone. You’ll have to put in just as much time as I do.”

  He didn’t look upset at all by that. In fact, he looked pleased that I wanted him that involved. The doctor knocked at the door and then entered, smiling.

  “It’s so nice to meet you. I’m Doctor Gourneau.” He extended his hand and I shook it.

  “Maggie Curtis. This is the baby daddy, Sebastian Reed.”

  Sebastian growled and narrowed his eyes at me. What? I mouthed at him.

  “I’m not the baby daddy. I’m the father of your child. I hate that saying,” he muttered.

  I smirked and turned back to the doctor who looked amused.

  “I see this is your first pregnancy. Congratulations. I’m sure you have a lot of questions, so let’s get a few things out of the way and then you can fire away.” I nodded and listened as he explained what my diet should be and what foods to avoid. He talked about what I might experience and different things I could do to counteract the nausea.

  “I see here that you’ve had some issues with dizziness?” I nodded. “Have you actually passed out or is it just lightheadedness?”

  “I’ve passed out a few times.”

  “A few times? I thought it was only twice?” Sebastian asked. I turned red and looked away from him and back to the doctor’s questioning gaze.

  “Three or four times,” I said as I cleared my throat. “I have a friend that’s a doctor and she suggested that I get tested for anemia.”

  The doctor nodded and wrote down some notes. “I would say your friend is spot on.”

  Sebastian fumed next to me as the doctor continued on with other things that I needed to know. I did my best to ignore the raging beast next to me, but it wasn’t that easy.

  “Why don’t we go ahead and listen to the heartbeat? You just need to lie down on the table and lift your shirt.”

  I did as he said and then he spread gel on my tummy and moved the wand around. The same whooshing that I heard at the clinic filled the room and I watched as Sebastian stood from his seat and walked over to stand next to me.

  “Good heartbeat. Exactly what we want to see.” He started to move the wand off, but Sebastian put a hand on his wrist to stop him.

  “Can you leave it for just a minute?”

  The doctor moved the wand back and I watched as Sebastian swallowed hard and stared at my tummy. The sad thing was, he was more emotional about all this than I was. Maybe that was a bad sign.

  We went down to the lab after my appointment and I had blood drawn so they could test. I was promised results within twenty-four hours and a follow up from the doctor if necessary.

  “Do you want something to eat?” Sebastian asked as we walked back to our vehicles.

  “I’m not really that hungry. I don’t think I could eat anything more than toast right now.”

  He frowned as we stopped at my car. “That can’t be enough food.”

  “I can usually eat more by the afternoon. My stomach doesn’t really settle until then.”

  “Do you have to get back to the city right away?”

  “No, I don’t really have a whole lot going on right now. It’s been a crazy few weeks and I haven’t really gotten back to freelancing.”

  “So, what are you doing for a job?”

  “I’ll figure something out.”

  “Can we go somewhere and talk? You said in the office that you would consider moving here. Maybe we should talk about our options.”

  “Okay.”

  “Why don’t we go back to our..my house. We’ll have privacy there.”

  I followed him to his house and looked around as we stepped in the front door. The house looked basically the same as when I left. He hadn’t changed much, in fact, the little knick knacks I had put on his bookcase were still there.

  “I see you haven’t changed anything yet,” I said conversationally.

  “Haven’t had time.” Ouch. Well, that hurt. So, it wasn’t that he hadn’t wanted to change anything, he just hadn’t had a chance to.

  “So, what do you want to talk about?”

  “Well, for starters, where would you live if you moved back here?”

  I sat down on the couch and pulled my legs up under me. “I have to sell my house if I move back here. I can’t afford to keep it with the baby coming. Plus, with not really working much, I’ve pretty much drained my savings.”

  He scratched his chin and leaned forward to look at me. “What if you moved in here?”

  “Sebastian, I don’t think that’s a good idea. We have a lot to work out before we should consider something like that.”

  “Well, you just said that you’ve drained your savings, and with feeling so sick and the passing out..” He narrowed his eyes at me, letting me know he wasn’t happy that I had been hiding that from him. “I think it would be smart if you stayed here. I could take care of you and if you wanted your job back at Reed Security, you could have it.”

  “Doesn’t that feel an awful lot like picking up where we left off?”

  He nodded and his shoulders slumped in disappointment. “I suppose you could find an apartment nearby. I could pay for it until you sell your house.”

  “No, I’m not going to let you pay for my apartment.”

  “Well, then how do you plan on getting by since you basically don’t have any income or savings?”

  This conversation was making me angry. I liked my independence and it grated on me that he was pointing out that I was no longer making it on my own.

  “Freckles, I’m not trying to say that you’ve failed or anything like that. I forced you into hiding and then all the stress of what was happening with the baby, I don’t blame you for not working. I’m just trying to find a solution that works for you.”
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  I couldn’t argue with his logic. I had fallen into a bit of a pit with finances. Taking out loans wouldn’t be helpful and at this point, I wasn’t sure The Pittsburgh Press wanted me as a freelancer since I had failed to provide them with any useful articles.

  “Do you actually need me at Reed Security? I don’t want to take a job that I’m not needed at.”

  “Becky insists that she needs you and her opinion is like gold to me. She’s been running around like a chicken with its head cut off since you left. And now..” He let out a deep breath and ran a hand over his face. “Now with having to do repairs to the building and setting up new security measures, Becky needs a lot of help with just getting going again.”

  “I didn’t realize it was that bad.”

  “We haven’t made contact with Cazzo yet. He’s still out there on the run, so he must be concerned about something still. It’s been on the news about Reiner being taken down, so whatever he’s concerned about must be big enough to keep him away. We can’t take any new jobs until the company is secure again, so we’re losing money every day we’re not set up. So, yeah. Becky could definitely use your help.”

  “Okay, what if I stay here and work at Reed Security for the time being? It doesn’t have to be permanent. We can just see how things go.” He nodded. “I want things to work between us, but I obviously still have some issues to work out. That’s if you still want to try to work things out.”

  “I’ve got to be honest, I don’t know if we can, but I’m willing to try for our baby’s sake.”

  “I know I messed up a lot,” I said quietly. “I blamed you for a lot over the last two years and I refused to see my part in all of it.”

  “Maggie, that’s not our only issue.” He shook his head and I could see by his face that he was trying to reign in his temper. “You were going to kill our baby without considering my feelings. I know that you hate yourself right now for almost going through with it, but your initial reaction when you found out you were pregnant was to keep it to yourself. You were having all these feelings about not wanting the baby and instead of talking to me about it, you just decided that you didn’t want the baby. I wasn’t a factor at all. Tell me how I’m supposed to be in a relationship like that?”