American Fairytale (Dreamers)

by Adriana Herrera

  “My mom isn’t feeling up to going to Juanpa’s for dinner.” I ran my hands over my face, trying to shake off some of the worry. “She was doing so well for the couple weeks after the concert, but since Thanksgiving she’s been down again. She keeps saying she just needs to rest, but she’s depressed. It’s a real thing and she can’t just snap out of it.” The frustration of watching my mother get worse and worse without being able to do anything for her, was starting to get to me.

  “I wish she would see someone, but it’s like pulling teeth talking to her about this stuff. I thought we were getting somewhere in October with that group, but she stopped going after two or three sessions.” I closed my eyes and tried to calm down. Going to see my mom while I was upset too was not going to help matters.

  Tom sat down next to me and just his proximity did a lot to ease my nerves. “Maybe she’d do better with a one-on-one therapist. It’s hard opening up to strangers like that.”

  I lifted a shoulder at a loss of what if anything could help. “She was the one that said the group would be better, but when it came time to go she said she couldn’t make the times work with her schedule. She’s so fucking smart and strong, but so stubborn when it comes to admitting she needs help.”

  “Sounds like someone I know.” He said it in a teasing tone, which I knew was his way of diffusing the situation.

  “Shut up. I ask for help all the time,” I said, grateful for his attempt at humor.

  He put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me to him. “Next time you do it take a video so I can see it for myself.”

  “Very funny. Seriously though, I don’t know what to do with her. It’s not good for her to be cooped up in her apartment all the time. I told her we could stay in tonight, but we have to go out and do something for Christmas.”

  Tom widened his eyes and gave me a hopeful smile, like he had just come up with the best idea ever.

  “Why don’t you bring her when you come tomorrow? It’ll just be us. Priya and Sanjay will come for a bit, but they’re flying out in the afternoon to visit his parents in Ohio. I would tell you to come tonight, I’m going to Teevrat and Marc’s, but there will be a lot of people so it might not work if she’s not up for being in a big crowd. I didn’t exactly plan ahead this year, otherwise I would have hosted something myself.”

  His tone was casual, but I knew it had nothing to do with him being a bad planner. He usually went to the DR for Christmas with Libe, but decided to stay here at the last minute. For me. Tom was here for me, and maybe I could let him help for a change.

  “I could suggest that.” The more I thought about it, the more it seemed like a great idea. My mom would love meeting Libe, and it would be nice to have her with me instead of home alone.

  After a minute I moved over a little so I could rest my head on his shoulder. He kissed my forehead before scooping me up so I was practically on his lap.

  “Good.” His stepping up like this was making me weak with relief and gratitude.

  “Libe will have even more people to give her undivided attention, and I’ll get to see Dinorah again. I actually got a little gift for her.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him at the mention of a gift, and he held up his hands. “I stayed within your price limit for her gift too!” I’d put my foot down on gift giving limits, because my budget was not huge, and I knew how extra he could get.

  “Thank you.”

  “It’ll be nice to be together tomorrow. I hope it helps your mom to come and share the day with us.” He pulled me even tighter, brushing kisses on my brow, and all I wanted was to stay right there. I closed my eyes, hoping to rest a few minutes before going over to my mom’s. “Me too.”

  * * *

  “Feliz Navidad, Camilo!” I was about to take the stairs up to the apartment when I saw Antonio, the super of my mom’s building, walking towards me. I liked Antonio, he’d been working here for like fifteen years and was the most helpful guy in the world, especially when it came to my mom. I’d always suspected he had a bit of a crush on her.

  “Hey, Antonio. Feliz Navidad,” I said, genuinely happy to see him. He playfully slapped my attempt at a handshake away and gave me a one-armed hug and a pat on the back.

  “Are you here to spend Nochebuena with Dinorah?” he asked glancing up the stairs as if he expected to see her there. I nodded and looked up at my mom’s door, which I immediately noticed didn’t have the usual wreath this year.

  “Yeah, I am.”

  He made a sound of approval and then stepped a little closer to me, his voice barely above a whisper when he spoke. “Good. Listen, Camilo. I don’t want to worry you or anything, but have you guys figured out what you’re going to do about the rent increase?”

  Rent increase?

  I shook my head in confusion. “Mama hasn’t said anything about her rent going up.”

  Antonio grimaced and muttered a curse. “Your mother is a stubborn woman.” He held up his hands, like he knew he was about to jump deep into chisme territory, but was going in anyway. “You know how much I care about Dinorah, and I don’t want her to lose her apartment to this mess.”

  Lose her apartment?

  I opened my mouth to ask some questions, but before I could say anything, Antonio finished filling me in. “She’s always been a great tenant. If the owners heard I’m even talking about this I would have problems.”

  “Okay now, you’re really worrying me,” I said, already feeling the tension settle on my shoulders and neck.

  He looked around again and started talking again in a really low voice. “About ten months ago the owners sent out a letter saying they were going to increase the rent because of some of the ‘capital improvements’ they’d done to the building.” He made air quotes for the improvements part.

  “You know all the stuff they did in the common areas and the new elevator.”

  I nodded, still too stunned to talk.

  “The increase wasn’t the same for everyone, but for some people it got up to a few hundred dollars more per month. The tenants were pissed, and said they weren’t going to pay it. So the management backed off and said they’d give people a year to get it together and pay it back. The deadline is coming up soon.” His brows dipped then, and I could tell he was worried about my mom. “Make sure Dinorah gets up to date on it.”

  He lowered his head for this part and his voice was so low I could barely hear him. “What they want is for people to start leaving those rent stabilized apartments, so they can lease them out for twice as much. You didn’t hear any of this from me, of course.”

  It was just like my mother to “forget” to tell something like this.

  “I had no idea any of this was going on. Thanks for telling me, Antonio. I’ll talk to her about it today.”

  I was so fucking tired of this gentrification shit. Where were people supposed to go? My mother had been in this apartment for twenty years, and now she was supposed to leave and go where? My head was pounding just thinking of how much back rent she’d let accumulate for an entire year.

  “No problem, I know she’s going to be pissed at me.” He gave me a rueful smile. “But this is some bullshit they’re pulling here. Since the old owner died and his kids took over, this place has gone to hell.” He shoved his hands into his pockets, looking disgusted. I didn’t even know what to say. I gave him a last wave as I walked up the stairs to my mom’s place.

  I had no clue how much her increase had been, but it was probably adding up fast.

  I got to the apartment and opened the door, and found my mom sitting in her dark living room smoking a cigarette. I noticed she was still wearing her pajamas. My mom sitting in the dark in her pajamas at 2:00 p.m. on Christmas Eve was not good.

  “Hey, Mama. How are we doing today?”

  She’d put out her cigarette when I walked through the door and stood up as I got to the couch.


  “Hola, papi.” At least she sounded glad to see me. I went over and hugged her. She felt thinner.

  I pulled back to get a good look at her. “Did you eat? I got some stuff to make us some sandwiches,” I said lifting the bag of food I’d brought with me. She shook her head and made like she was heading to the kitchen.

  “I’ll make them.”

  I stopped her and pulled her to the stools by the counter.

  “Why don’t you sit here and keep me company while I fix them?” Without a word she sat down. That, more than anything else, put me on high alert. My mom letting me wait on her without putting up a fight was a red flag.

  I was thinking of a way to bring up the thing about the rent increase without getting her worked up. I figured I could start with the bad news, and then throw in the invite to Tom’s to get her back in a good place. Since the night at the concert she hadn’t stopped going on and on about how much she liked him and how perfect he was for me.

  I started getting stuff out to make the sandwiches. I was going to make “Cubans” which had roasted pork, ham, Gouda cheese and pickles on a baguette. They were my mom’s favorite, so at least she’d have a treat while we discussed all the shit going on in her life. I was not one for beating around the bush, so I got right into it.

  “Mama, I ran into Antonio downstairs.” She gave me a look like she knew where the conversation was going, but she stayed quiet. “Why didn’t you tell me about the rent increase?”

  She lifted her shoulder and reached for the cigarettes on the counter. “Those cabrones, they’re getting subsidies to replace old elevators and fix up hallways and then they pass us the bill.” I handed her a glass of passion fruit juice from the fridge and she took a tiny sip before pushing it away. I withheld a sigh.

  “They’re increasing my rent by eighty dollars for each room.” I did quick math in my head and my stomach sank. “I have two bedrooms. With the kitchen, living room and bathroom that’s four hundred dollars more every month. How am I going to pay for that? I’ve been in this building for twenty-one years and haven’t been late with my rent once. Not even when we were really struggling that first year we came up from Florida, and I was paying back all those credit cards that man took out in my name.”

  I winced at the mention of Ramon, because whenever we had a difficult conversation, that fucker always had to come up.

  “I’m just so tired, Milito.” She sighed and closed her eyes. “I requested an unpaid leave at work, for right after the New Year. It’s been so stressful there,” she said, rubbing her temples. “I haven’t been doing great emotionally either. I felt like I was going to lose my mind if I didn’t take some time off. I was hoping to maybe go see someone, or try one of the groups for real this time.”

  The relief I felt from hearing her actually say it made me weak.

  “I know I need some help. It’s like these shadows have been slowly creeping in, and now they’ve been with me too long. I need to let some sunshine in.” She looked up at me then. “It bothers me that I’m so down all the time. I can’t even be with friends.” She looked over at the wedding photo of her and my dad she had on the mantel.

  I left the food on the counter and came to put my arm around her, when I saw her eyes fill with tears. “Oh, Mama.”

  “Your daddy would have turned sixty-five this coming March.” She smiled as a fat tear rolled down her face. “He always said as soon as he turned sixty-five and retired he was going to take me on a trip up the coast, and bring me to New York City. Who would have thought I’d end up here without him? So far from where we started our family.” Her voice gave out after that and I wiped her eyes, pulling her closer. I just listened, letting her finally say the things she hadn’t been able to in so long.

  “I haven’t seen his grave in twenty-one years. That man robbed me of so much time, and I’m weary, Milito.” She looked up at me. “I was hoping to go down and see him during my leave, maybe take the train down there.”

  Shit.

  There was no way I could take time off to go with my mom to Florida until the renovation at the shelter was done and that wouldn’t be until March. I had to be here until everything was finished, for the off chance that something could go wrong. I also couldn’t risk my super inappropriate relationship with Tom coming out in the wash.

  “Mama, I’ll go with you if you want to see Dad’s grave. But I can’t take time off until the shelter’s done. We can go later in the spring.”

  She shook her head. “You don’t need to do that. I can do it on my own. You’re always watching out for me, papi, protecting me. I’m the parent here, aren’t I?” She was trying for humor, but I could tell she was back to feeling guilty.

  “Mama, you have always loved me unconditionally. Even when you couldn’t love yourself, you loved me. Please don’t say things like that okay? We’re a team, tu y yo, Mama.”

  She touched my face and smiled. “You’re so strong and happy these days. Tom is good for you. You look like a man who’s well loved.”

  I kissed my mom on the cheek. “He’s a good man, but don’t change the subject, Mama.”

  She pursed her lips like she was about to complain, but I pushed through.

  “No no no. En serio. I think you taking leave is great and about time. I can call up my friend who did the intake with you and ask if they have any groups starting in January. I also know a few therapists who would be awesome for you. I’m one hundred percent in support of this plan.”

  I placed our sandwiches on the counter and came around to sit with her. “Between our savings we can probably take care of some of the balance for the rent increase, and I can pay your rent while you’re off. The rest we’ll figure out together.” She was about to protest, but I held up my hand. “No, mujer, don’t you shake your head at me. You deserve this and I’ll make it happen for you. You’ve done so much for me. Please, Mama, let me do this for you.”

  I knew I’d worn her down when she sagged against the chair and threw her hands up.

  “Esta bien. How did you get so stubborn?” I made a face at her, and we both laughed.

  “Ma, I’m so happy you’re doing this.” I squeezed her hand, feeling hopeful about her taking some time to take care of herself for a change.

  “I need it. I hope I can make the best of it.”

  “I know you will.” I smiled, knowing she would love the next part of the conversation.

  “So your favorite Dominican millionaire asked if you would like to join him and his child for Christmas brunch tomorrow.” She perked right up at that. “Since I was already planning to go there, he asked if you’d like to come too. It’ll be pretty low-key, just the four of us, and maybe a short visit with his best friend and his wife who live next door.”

  By the time I finished my mom was beaming and nodding like crazy, then she clutched her head. “I have to go wash my hair and you need to help me blow dry it if we’re going to Tom’s for brunch. What should I wear?”

  I laughed at her sudden burst of energy. “Calmate, mujer, it’s just brunch at my boyfriend’s house.”

  She waved me off and put her sandwich down. “Come on, help me pick out something.”

  “Why don’t we eat first and then we can work on your makeover?” She smiled then and grabbed her sandwich, taking a big bite.

  “Milito, hijo, these are so nice. You make them just like I taught you.”

  Her mood was already turning and I felt like I had a ton of bricks lifted off my shoulders.

  I was determined to make sure she could have the time she needed to heal, no matter what I had to do to make it happen.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Tom

  “I’ll get it! I’ll get it!”

  I heard little feet running down the stairs and prayed Libe didn’t break her neck rushing to open the door for Camilo and his mom. She’d been pacin
g in front of the Christmas tree downstairs like a crazed chipmunk for hours, waiting until we were all together and she could open the rest of her presents. She’d gotten to open a couple right after she woke up, but a few others had been sitting under the tree for the past two hours, and she was about to blow a gasket.

  “Mi Milo is here, Daddy!” she yelled, as she saw me coming down the stairs. She’d started calling him “My Milo” a couple of weeks ago. If I hadn’t already been absolutely sure Camilo was the one, the way my kid looked at him whenever he was around would have sealed the deal.

  I came down the stairs and saw Camilo and Dinorah walking in. He was wearing a burgundy sweater with his usual skinny jeans and ankle boots. He had his hair in a French braid and looked relaxed walking in with a shopping bag packed with gifts.

  Dinorah took off her parka and I saw she was wearing a green sweater to match Camilo’s red one. He looked at her outfit and rolled his eyes. Like I couldn’t tell he thought she was adorable.

  Libe was standing back, trying to figure out how to approach the new adult in her space, but Dinorah immediately knelt down and extended her hand. She held a little Chewbacca toy.

  “Hi, Libertad. I’m so happy to meet you, I’m Milo’s mom.” She looked up at me and winked, as Libe took the small plush doll and squeezed it against her chest. “He told me all about you. He said you’re a big fan of Star Wars.” Libertad was nodding so hard I thought she was going to snap her neck.

  “Yes! I love Star Wars. I was Yoda for Halloween this year and I have a purple lightsaber. You want to see it?” She ran over to me, started to show me the Chewbacca then revised the plan and ran back to Dinorah.

  “Do you want to come to my playroom? I have my toys there and I can show you.” Then she widened her eyes, ran back to me, and signaled for me to bend down, so she could tell me something. “Daddy, we need to hurry up this presents time, because Dinorah said she needs to go and play with me right now.” She whispered the last two words with such urgency that none of us could keep a straight face.