Justice Falling

by Audrey Carlan

  “Pizza is my very favorite!” Tanner shoveled a huge chunk of pizza into his mouth. Camille was in awe as I poured glasses of champagne, then a glass of cider for Tanner. The lights from the theatre signs sparkled and bounced off the crystal glasses, breaking the light all around us into rainbows of color.

  “This is…there aren’t words. Why?” She looked around and petted her son’s hair.

  I tinkled our glasses together and looked into her eyes. “Because this, Precious, is where I fell in love with you. Right here where you spun around in a circle and looked at me as if I was the man of your dreams.”

  “You are the man of my dreams,” she confirmed.

  “And you’re the woman of mine. That’s why I wanted to bring you here to make it official.” I got down on one knee. Her eyes immediately filled with tears as she put her fingers to her lips. She looked around at all the bystanders that were stopping to watch the show.

  I pulled the ring from my breast coat pocket and opened it. Her eyes took in the size of the ring. “Camille, I have loved you almost since I laid eyes on you. I want to live my life parallel to yours. I want to raise your son and make him my own. Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

  “Oh my God, Nate. Are you sure?” She never ceased to amaze me, always asking if I was sure I wanted her.

  “I have never been more sure of anything in my life. I love you and want you to marry me. Say you’ll be my wife?”

  Tears spilled down her cheeks as she got down on her own knees, cupping my face. “It would make me the happiest woman in the world to call you my husband. I love you, Nathaniel Walker. I always will.”

  I placed the ring on her finger and she gasped. It seemed large on her finger, but I didn’t care. I wanted every bloke within a ten foot radius to be blinded by my undying love for her. With a flourish, I pulled her up to standing and kissed her. In that kiss I left all the loneliness of the past and proved that she alone was the only woman for me.

  “Yippee. Mommy’s going to be marry-did!” Tanner squealed and hugged our legs. I held onto his little shoulder and kissed my girl one more time. She made that little mewl sound that I knew was solely for me. Then I crouched down again.

  “Remember, when you asked me if I was going to marry your mum and I said I didn’t know?”

  He nodded, head bouncing up and down.

  “Well I am. And you remember when you asked me if I was going to be your daddy if I married your mum?”

  He nodded again, his big bright blue eyes misted over.

  “Well, sport, I’m going to be your Daddy. Would you like that?”

  “Really?” Tears fell down his little cheeks and his nose reddened.

  “Oh, baby.” Camille cried and hugged her son. His eyes never left mine.

  “Yes Tanner. I want to be your Dad if you’ll let me. What do you say?”

  “Can I call you Dad?”

  My voice choked. I had to be strong. I swallowed, pushing the lump down my throat at the sincere hope I heard in this little one’s voice. “You can call me whatever you want.”

  “I want to call you Dad.” his voice broke and tears ran down his cheeks. I pulled him into my arms, making sure not to hug him too tight.

  “I love you, Tanner. I’m going to be the best father to you and husband to your mum. Okay? I promise.”

  “Okay, Dad.” Camille gasped, and I choked back the tears at hearing him use my new title. “Can I have more pizza now?” he asked and wiped his nose along his shirt sleeve.

  Camille and I laughed as did the half of New York that had stopped to watch us.

  “Yes, son. You can have more pizza now.” I fluffed his hair and served my boy another slice.

  The three of us sat as one little family. Camille stared at her ring and picked up her glass. I picked up my own and Tanner held his up. “What should we toast to?” Camille asked.

  “To us. Mum, Dad and my son.”

  Tanner beamed and we all clinked our glasses, sealing the toast with love and a bright future.

  Chapter 17

  When a woman becomes engaged, something changes. A confidence that you didn’t have before fills your essence, adds a bounce to your step, and seals a smile to your face. That’s how I felt. Like a confident, happily-in-love woman who had the whole world ahead of her. Nate gave me that last week when he put a shiny diamond ring on my finger, declared his love for me on the streets of New York, and asked me to be his wife. As if that wasn’t enough, he even asked Tanner if he could be his father.

  I hummed along with a tune I had playing on my iPod as I dusted our desks. Nate and Tanner were playing soldiers in his room down the hall. Tanner’s squeals of laughter were music to my ears. In the past three weeks, he’d changed so much. No longer was he timid with Nate. He, too, seemed to be filled with a confidence driven by a secure and stable home life.

  Smiling happily as I cleaned, I shifted the mess of papers and files on Nate’s desk, trying to put them in some semblance of order. Something caught my eye. My name. I sat down in his leather chair and tugged the bright red folder from the messy stack of files. Yep, Camille Johnston–Full Investigative Report was neatly typed on the flap. On the top of the file was a yellow sticky note with a Stark Investigations logo and a Manhattan address, phone, number, and website.

  In almost illegible writing, I made out the following:

  Walker –

  Hope this info gets you the girl.

  -Johnny

  What the hell was this? Nate had me investigated? Why? When? So many questions ran through my mind as I opened the file. Inside were approximately ten to fifteen sheets of information. The first was a summary of the rest. I scanned the first page noting my name, address, a picture of my driver’s license, my employment history, however brief. Page two had a copy of my high school transcripts, my current college coursework and grades. The next couple pages were marked “confidential” and were a history of my foster care. It clearly showed each home I’d been placed in from birth through age eighteen. A social worker’s commentary about removing me from abusive homes was noted.

  As I read the pages, the memories of that life slammed into me. My heartbeat sped up as I read through each account of abuse and the corresponding hospital or child psychology visit. It was worse when I was younger. I didn’t remember the broken arms, legs and bruises. There was even a full written statement from my Kindergarten teacher. She was convinced I was being beaten and called child protective services, who paid a visit to the home. The home turned out to have ten foster kids living there and two sisters who were prostitutes.

  Jesus. It was shocking how little I recalled. The pages included Doctors’ reports after I was pulled from each home, confirming I was still a virgin, my hymen intact. Reading this part particularly turned my stomach. A heavy ache in my gut, chest, and heart made me feel weighted, rooted to the chair. I was barely able to move as memories poured over me. Years of abuse, regret, and sadness came back in a thunderous wave that choked me. My stomached churned and I grabbed the trash can and retched the remains of my breakfast into the can. Dry heaves wracked my body. As I came back to the here and now, I felt a cool cloth on my forehead.

  “It’s okay, love. You’re okay.” Nate’s voice broke through the terror of reliving my past. I gripped him to me, holding on so tightly I may have bruised him. He didn’t care. He held me tighter, whispering sweet nothings, petting my hair, back and sides until I calmed down. I grabbed a tissue off his desk, blew my nose, then slumped back into the chair.

  “What happened? Why did you get sick?”

  I took a deep breath and searched his eyes. Nothing but concern and love stared back.

  “How could you?” I grabbed the file and shook it in his face. He looked at it as if he’d never seen it before.

  He grabbed the folder, read the name and saw the note. His eyes widened. “Precious, this is not what it looks like.”

  “Really? Because it looks like you had me investigated. Why
? Why would you do that?”

  His hands curled around my biceps and he brought his face close to mine. “Listen to me. Yes, I had you investigated. That was right when we met.” I stiffened in his arms and tried to pull away. “No, no way. You are not running. You are going to listen.”

  “Talk fast,” I grated through my teeth, anger and hurt filling my tone.

  “I admit to having you investigated. Only it was when we first met. You didn’t want to go out with me. Christ, I had to chase you at every turn. And I…shite, Camille. I really wanted to know you.”

  “So you had my privacy exploited. Betrayed my trust? Why didn’t you just ask me what you wanted to know instead of reading my entire life in here?” I tapped the red folder.

  “I didn’t. I swear. I haven’t read it. Johnny delivered it months ago. It’s been sitting on my desk this whole time and I’d forgotten about it. I swear to you on all that’s holy I didn’t read it!” His tone was pleading and laced with fear. “Camille, I promise on our love, on Tanner’s life that I did not read that file.”

  I held his gaze. He didn’t flinch, twitch, or anything that would lead me to believe he was lying.

  “I’m not okay with this!” I shoved against his chest. He stepped back giving me the space I desperately needed. I picked up the file. “I need some time alone. Either you can leave or I can.”

  Nate’s eyes widened. “Just for a time. Not forever. I won’t let you leave me forever. Not for something so bloody asinine. It was a mistake, Camille. A stupid fucking mistake. I regret it! I didn’t know I’d fall in love with you. I didn’t know!” he roared hands in the air. Then his shoulders slumped and he took a deep breath. “Tell me you’re not leaving me?”

  The wealth of sadness in his eyes almost destroyed me. “I’m not leaving you. But I need some space to think about this. To read this file alone. Do you understand?”

  He nodded solemnly. “If you want me to leave, I will, but I’d rather stay here with Tanner. I can’t bear to be away from both of you right now.” His words broke me. I went to him cupped his cheek and kissed him briefly. A small touch to let him know I still loved him.

  “I’ll be back later.”

  “When?” His request sounded desperate, uncertain.

  “When I’m ready. When I’m not so angry with you. When I have perspective again.”

  “Fine. Your men will be here when you come home, waiting for you. I love you more than anything, Camille. Please don’t make this more than it is. A sodding mistake. Okay?”

  I nodded, not trusting myself to respond. I needed time to think, to understand and forgive. My whole life I’d spent running. Right now, I planned on taking a step away with every intention of coming back.

  With a heavy heart, I went into Tanner’s room and told him Mommy had an errand to run. Then I went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth and cleaned up after my vomiting spell. When I got to the living room, Nate stood with the door open, holding my coat. God, I loved him to insanity but I was angry with him.

  When I walked to the front door, he pulled me to him and covered my lips with his own. He didn’t allow me to pull away. Instead he dove deep with his tongue, pressed our bodies together tightly and kissed the daylights out of me. My entire body filled with light, connected to his. Without him, life was dark. In his arms, the sun shone so bright I needed shades. He patched all the doubt, worry, and concern I had about his love, his intentions with one simple kiss. I pulled away.

  “I love you, Nate. I will come home. I just need a little time.”

  “Take the time you need just…come back.” His soft blue eyes were bursting with sadness. “I love you.”

  “I love you more. I’ll be home soon.” I turned and left.

  Instead of hailing a cab, I decided to walk the streets of New York until I came upon Central Park. There I sat on a bench and looked out over the wide expanse of green. It was a lovely spring day in the City. There were people playing catch, throwing a Frisbee, and walking their tiny dogs. Most were pint sized. You didn’t see a lot of big dogs in New York. If we got a dog we’d get a dog. A large one, like Butch, Hank and Aspen’s dog.

  After spending a few minutes talking myself down and taking in the scenery, I pulled out the file.

  Nate said he didn’t read it and I believed him. I had to. What was a relationship without trust? Besides, we’d survived bigger betrayals than this. My stripping for example, and keeping Tanner a secret. Those were pretty large secrets and Nate had been hurt. We’d survived those trials and tribulations and come out on top. We’d get past this one too.

  I looked down at my left hand. The huge reminder of Nate’s love sparkled and glowed on my finger.

  Nate loved me. I knew it with my whole heart. I was not going to let his stupid mistake take our happiness away from us. What was done was done. Re-living my childhood through a variety of medical reports and social worker comments wasn’t pleasant but it was my past. It wasn’t possible to change it. I needed to get over my childhood and start anew.

  My life now was far removed from the broken orphan I was. I had a job, was going to school, had a beautiful son and a man who loved me for me. The future was now and I was happier than I’d ever been.

  With a renewed confidence, I opened the file, and flipped to the last few pages. One was my hospital stay when I gave birth to Tanner and a copy of his birth certificate.

  The last two documents were an absolute shock. My birth certificate with my real parents’ names filled in, not blacked out.

  I held my breath as I read my mother’s name.

  Name: Constance Camille Johnston. Age: 19, Status: Deceased

  My mother had died the same day I was born. I flipped the page and saw another certificate. It was her death certificate. Cause of death: Complications during childbirth.

  A tear dropped onto the sheet. I hadn’t realized I was crying. My mother, just a year older than I was when I had Tanner, had died giving birth to me. My father, or someone, had given me her name. It gave me a warm feeling knowing I shared a name with her. A picture of her driver’s license was attached to the report. Her long brown hair was wavy like mine and parted down the middle. Her eyes were hazel but it was hard to see in the small picture. Her smile was mine, big and toothy. She was beautiful.

  I took a deep breath and wondered what it would have been like to have been raised by this woman. What was her life like? Her family? Anything? I read her death certificate and found the names of my grandparents. Both were listed as deceased. My shoulders slumped.

  Then I realized I hadn’t looked at my father’s information. I flipped back a couple pages and read the name.

  Father: William Robert Devereaux, Age: 30, Status: Living

  That would make my biological father fifty-three now. I scoured the page showing my father’s last known address. He was in New Jersey of all places. Same city I grew up in. Why would he not have raised me? I scanned the information about William Devereaux, noting he had the same name as my new friend Tripp. Small world.

  As I continued reading that world got a whole helluva lot smaller. William Devereux was married when I was born and had two additional children now. Marcus Devereaux was currently playing football at Michigan State University, present age, 20. Tripp Devereux was working as a model for AIR Bright Enterprises and bartending, present age, 26. Last known address, downtown Manhattan.

  Holy shit.

  My body tingled. Panic ripped through the edges of my vision, turning the once blue sky a faded black. My eyes rolled back into my head. The last thought I had before the world went black was that Tripp Devereux was my half-brother.

  ***

  I slammed through the hospital doors into the emergency department. “Camille Johnston, my fiancée! Where is she?” I roared to anyone and everyone who would listen.

  A petite mousy woman dressed in scrubs came up to me. “Calm down. Right this way.” The nurse led me and Tanner through throngs of emergency personnel and beds separated by d
rapes. His little feet tripped in my haste to get to Camille. I pulled him up and onto my hip. He clung to my neck but kept silent. Finally the woman pulled a pink drape back and I saw my girl.

  “Precious, baby, what happened?”

  “Mommy!” Tanner cried reaching out his little arms to his mum. I set Tanner on the bed and he scrambled into her arms. She held him tight and kissed the crown of his head. I cupped her face and she smiled. She looked fine until I grabbed the back of her head and she winced.

  “What happened?” I barely contained my rage. If someone hit my girl, they were going to be dead.

  “I fainted. Hit my head on a park bench in Central Park.”

  “Why?” I shook my head not understanding. “Why did you faint?”

  She shrugged. “I think I had a panic attack.” The words hit me like a punch to the gut. She was so stressed out about what I did, the files on her, that she couldn’t handle it. I knew I shouldn’t have let her leave alone.

  “I’m so sorry. Camille.” I kissed her lips. “It’s all my fault. I should have never had Johnny investigate you.”

  My sweet girl shook her head and then grabbed at the back of her head. I looked behind her and felt the nasty bump she had.

  “I’m fine. Really. It wasn’t what happened. It uh…it was what I read in the reports that overwhelmed me.” She bit her lip and I sat on the side of the bed.

  I slid my hand along her calf and knee. “What was it?”

  “You’re never going to believe this. I’m still not sure I believe it.” She shook her head.

  “Try me.”

  She licked her lips again and I got the cup of water sitting on a table near the bed and poured her a glass. She took a sip. “I have two siblings.”

  My eyes widened. “Really? Did you find out who your parents were?” I knew that was something she’d always wanted to know but could never get the information.

  A sad smile stole across her face. “Yeah. My Mom is deceased. Died while giving birth to me. She was young; only nineteen.” I could tell the information had wounded her. Even when you didn’t know your family, finding out they were gone before you could know them had to hurt.