Universal Alien

by Gini Koch

  “Right,” she said doubtfully. “But what if something happens to them?”

  “Are these special mirrors?”

  “No,” she said impatiently. “I mean Jamie and my real mommy and Jamie’s daddy. They need me to watch.”

  “Are they in danger?” We were always in danger, so the odds were good for a big yes.

  “No. But they could be. They’re trying to fix things and stop bad people like you always do. And my mommy’s not like you, Mommy. She needs me to watch.”

  It took everything I had not to agree with her. But if this Jamie was ever going to have a chance at, if not a normal life, then a more engaged one, this was a moment of truth. “No, Jamie, she doesn’t and they don’t. I know it feels like if you don’t watch everyone all the time then bad things are going to happen. But the truth of the multiverse is that bad things happen all the time. Many times to good people. And though we want to save everyone and make sure nothing bad happens anywhere, that’s not actually possible.”

  “But it’s not fair!”

  Ah, the rallying cry of children. I hugged her again. “I know, sweetheart. Life’s not fair. But if we fight and do our best and take care of each other, we can sometimes even the odds. You brought me here, and I’m going to even the odds for your family, I promise. And your mommy is going to fix things in my world.” She certainly couldn’t make them worse, of that I was sure. “And my Jamie’s daddy will protect her, and your daddy will, too. But I have to protect you and your daddy and family here. And to do that, you have to help me.”

  “How?”

  “By being brave and trusting that everyone can survive without you watching them for a while.” I kissed her head. “Besides, your mommy and daddy need you to show them that you do love them, and not just by watching the many thems in the mirrors, but by being with them and focusing on them here in this world more. Can you do that? Can you be brave enough to take a chance and deal with this world, only for a while?”

  “But I like my job,” she said in a little voice.

  “And it’s an important job! I’m not saying to never look into your mirrors again. But there can’t be danger happening every day. Even in my world, we get days when nothing happens and we’re sort of bored.” I loved those days. They happened so infrequently.

  “No,” she admitted. “Most days nothing much bad is going on. But I like watching everyone. You especially.”

  “Aw, thanks. And, I know it’s all interesting. It’s like the Jamie Channel all the time, with slightly infinite variety.”

  She giggled. “I like the Jamie Channel.”

  “I know. But you need to watch the Real Life Right Here Channel, too. I know you can, because you’re my daughter, and you’re Nana Angela’s granddaughter, and we can do anything we set our minds to do.”

  “I guess so.” She sighed. “How long will we be gone?”

  “I’m not sure. A few days maybe.”

  She nodded. “Okay. But it’s going to make it hard—” She stopped talking and looked as if she’d just had a brilliant idea.

  “Make what hard?”

  Jamie shook her head and didn’t answer. Instead she got up and trotted over to her bed. There was a big Hello Kitty backpack on the bed. She started to put some toys into the backpack. Decided I wasn’t going to get an answer out of her on what other thing she felt was going to be harder if she left her mirrors.

  Took one more look and watched the worlds swirl past. I could understand why Jamie didn’t want to stop watching. I didn’t really want to stop, either.

  But we had a world to save, and I had my mother’s murder to avenge. I got up and helped Jamie pack.

  “Will you do a favor for me?” I asked her as we finished up.

  “I guess.”

  I laughed. “I’m not trying to trick you. Can you talk more to your brothers and everyone else while we’re gone and you’re not watching?”

  “I guess. Why?”

  Took her hand and headed downstairs. “Because it will mean a lot to all of them. And that’s part of taking care of the people you love—doing things that make them happy. And you talking more, really interacting with them, will make them happy.”

  “If you say so, Mommy. By the way—take the kitty with you.”

  “Your backpack?”

  “No,” she said as we rejoined the others in the living room. “Not Hello Kitty. The kitty.”

  “Um, okay. I guess.”

  Chuckie picked Jamie up. “I’m so proud of you for coming with Mommy like a good girl.” He gave her a kiss. Jamie kissed him back and Chuckie looked so happy it made my heart hurt.

  “Do we have everything?” Buchanan asked. Confirmation of everyone else being packed was given.

  “I haven’t packed. Anything.”

  “I handled most of it, Kitty darling,” Pierre said. “But just in case, you may want to take a quick look.”

  “I can do that.” Zipped upstairs at hyperspeed. Looked like Pierre had grabbed everything that made sense, at least as far as I could tell. Besides, I wouldn’t need as much or the same things as those staying with the Israelis.

  Did a quick search of the upstairs before I went back down. As I looked out the back hallway window I noticed that there was an orange tabby cat huddled on the windowsill. Based on what Chuckie had told me, this wasn’t the family cat. But it looked cold and hungry and it had no collar. And besides, Jamie had been pretty clear.

  Opened the window and the cat mewled pitifully at me. “Come on, Stripes, let’s get you into the warm.” The cat purred as I picked it up, and snuggled next to me. Zipped back downstairs. “Good thing I did a check. Meet Stripes.”

  Everyone other than Jamie stared at me in a confused manner. Jamie looked pleased. “Kitty, I told you, we don’t have a cat,” Chuckie said. “It must be a neighbor’s.”

  “I think it’s a stray.”

  “Then leave it here,” Chuckie said.

  I looked at Jamie. “No. We’re taking Stripes with us.”

  “What?” Chuckie sounded exasperated. “Why? We can’t have a pet, Kitty. We travel too much.”

  Stripes and I looked at each other. Then I looked back at Chuckie. “We’ll work it out. For now, Stripes comes with. He’s good without a carrier, but James, could you call ahead to the embassy? Stripes could really use some food.”

  “Oh, anything for you and your new sidekick, girlfriend.”

  “We have an issue with the cars,” Buchanan said, possibly to get us off the feline argument. “With the SUV destroyed, there’s no single car that can hold everyone.”

  “Then we divide up. Who’s the best driver?” Everyone looked at me. “Okay, so, does that mean I take the civilians, or does that mean I’m the one who’s going to run interference if needed?”

  “Interference,” Chuckie said. “You take the two-seater.”

  “I wanted the IS.”

  “I’m sure you did. However, it seats five, so I’m driving it. The kids will be with me. James will take the hybrid—it’s the slowest but he’s the best driver after you.”

  “Wow, in my world, James is the best. At pretty much everything.”

  “I’m touched,” he said as he finished texting. “Jakob says that you’re lucky Leah likes you. Cat stuff is being gathered for the sidekick. But I’m not indestructible and you seem to be, and the interference car has the most risk. Besides, I think someone who can run as fast as you can will lose her mind in a hybrid, no matter how good its acceleration may be for its class.”

  “Fine, fine, not really complaining. So, that’s three cars. Malcolm, did you drive here?”

  “Actually, no. I took public transportation because I was fairly sure my car was tampered with this morning.”

  “Great! Not that your car was messed up but that means you can drive the assassins’ car. It’l
l give us more space for the weapons, which we are absolutely taking with us, and anything else you guys have hidden about that we may need.”

  The men sighed and nodded. “We’ll pack the cars,” Reader said. “But we could take Peter’s car.”

  “We can, but I want to ensure we hang onto Raul’s car, too.”

  “What do you expect to find in it?” Chuckie asked.

  “An entrance.”

  CHAPTER 42

  AS MARTINI SPOKE, a bunch of birds that looked like peacocks and peahens on steroids appeared out of nowhere. Couldn’t help it, I screamed a little. The birds gave me hurt looks. “Swear to God, no one told me you were running a real zoo here.”

  Now all the animals looked hurt. Jamie crawled into my lap and hugged me. “It’s okay, Mommy. I told the pets you hit your head and might not remember them. They’ll forgive you.”

  Stared at Martini. “Bizarro World just reached new heights for me. Tell me what’s going on. Right now.”

  “You don’t have pets in your world?” Martini sounded shocked out of his mind. Decided he’d figured that Jamie knew what was going on, too. Or this news was so surprising he’d forgotten we were supposed to pretend we were married and that I was the mother she was used to.

  “Uh . . .” Looked down at Jamie.

  Who beamed at me. “It’s okay, Mommy.” She looked over at Martini. “Daddy, can I go play in my room?”

  “Ah,” Martini gaped. “Sure. Yes, Jamie-Kat, go ahead.” Jamie kissed us both, then trotted off into our bedroom. One of the fluffy balls of fur was on her shoulder.

  “Well,” Malcolm said, “that was interesting.”

  “I’m so lost.”

  Kyle cleared his throat. “The dogs are Dudley the Great Dane, Duke the Labrador, Dotty the Dalmatian, and Duchess the Pit Bull. Your parents were into the whole same first letter for all the fur babies thing.”

  “The cats are Candy and Kane,” Len held each one up, “and Sugarfoot. Oh, and you can talk to them.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “All of them. These are Poofs.” Len pointed to the furballs. Noted he had one on his shoulder, as did Kyle. “They’re from Alpha Four, just like the Peregrines,” he indicated the big birds. “Bred to protect the Alpha Four Royal Family.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Oh, right,” Martini seemed dazed. “We forgot to mention that. Didn’t seem relevant earlier.”

  “Jeff’s a prince,” Kyle said conversationally, as if this was no big deal. “So is Christopher. Jeff could have taken the throne on Alpha Four but he stayed to be with you.”

  “Wow, that’s really romantic.”

  “You thought so, yeah,” Len said. “We’ve heard about it enough, at any rate.”

  “I see that sarcasm remains a go-to move in the multiverse.”

  “Wherever you are, Kitty, so is the sarcasm.” Len grinned. “Sorry, and I realize you’re thrown, but the Poofs and Peregrines are great. Jamie insists on having all the Embassy pets that aren’t on some kind of guard duty with her at all times. Hence why they’ve been at daycare all day, too.”

  “The animals do guard duty?”

  “Yes, well, the dogs to a degree, but the alien ones absolutely,” Malcolm said. “The Peregrines are able to go invisible. So are the Poofs. They all have hyperspeed. They’re also willing and able to not only take a bullet for you, but in the case of the Poofs, to ingest it and spit it out later. Oh, and the Poofs have a giant size, too. Might be a good idea to show her now,” he said. To a fluffy ball that somehow appeared in his hand.

  His Poof mewled, then jumped down out of Malcolm’s hand and went Martini-sized. At this size, it had a mouth full of razor-sharp teeth. It purred at me—loudly. Then it went back to small and back into Malcolm’s hand. “Thanks, Killer,” Malcolm said to the Poof. It purred at him.

  “Uh, how many, ah, Poofs and Peregrines do we have?”

  “Twelve mated pairs of Peregrines,” Len replied promptly. “They were a gift from the King of Alpha Four. We’re considered an Alpha Four principality, by the way, and the Peregrines are a subtle reminder of that whenever politicians get uppity. We have more Poofs than anyone can count. Poofs are willing and able to eat people. The Peregrines can probably take on an elephant and win, let alone something smaller.”

  “The male Peregrines normally shadow their, ah, assigned protection targets.” The way Kyle said this, I got the impression the Peregrines didn’t feel they were “owned.” “Unlike the Peregrines, the Poofs are androgynous and supposedly only mate when a Royal Wedding is coming, but you can’t prove it by Earth Poofs. They mate all the time, as near as we can tell.”

  Two Poofs jumped into my lap and started purring, but in a worried kind of way. One mewled at me. “I’m sorry. I don’t know who you are.”

  “Harlie, the Head Poof, who is technically Jeff’s,” Len pointed to one that looked no more or less impressive or cute than the others. I could spot differences, though I wasn’t sure how I was doing it. “And Poofikins, which is your Poof. Even though they’re supposedly only for the Royal Family, the Poofs attach to whoever names them. And they sort of choose their names, based on what you say to them when you, ah, meet. Jamie’s Poof is Mous-Mous.”

  “And you say I can, what, Doctor Doolittle it and talk to them?”

  “Yes,” Martini said. “You can. You’re the only one they listen to, for the most part. I’m curious, though—your reaction to the Poofs and Peregrines I get, but why are you shocked by the dogs and cats?”

  “We spend half the year in Australia and half here. It’s not fair to an animal—both countries have quarantines and that would mean that any animal we had would spend half of its life in some horrible kennel. And once the pets we had when I was in high school died, Mom and Dad didn’t get any more. I guess because of what Mom really did. Maybe because we were traveling. I don’t honestly know, but I don’t know these animals, in any world. I haven’t had a pet since Charles and I got married.”

  The cat Len had called Sugarfoot came over and settled himself on my lap in between Harlie and Poofikins. Didn’t want to, but couldn’t stop myself from petting him and the Poofs. All three started purring.

  “I have a different set of questions,” Malcolm said. Only he wasn’t looking at any of the humans. Instead he was looking at one of the male Peregrines. “Bruno is normally always by your side, Kitty, whether you realize he’s there or not.”

  “Yeah,” Martini said. “So?”

  “So, does that mean when you grabbed Missus Chief and ran, was Bruno along for the ride? And if so, did he see what happened? And if he did, does that mean the animals are aware that this isn’t the ‘real’ Kitty? And if they are so aware, what else do they know that they haven’t told us?”

  All the animals, cats and dogs included, looked at Malcolm with the most innocent looks I’d ever seen. It was like a Sea of Animal Innocence. I had three kids. There was no way this was real.

  “They know something, I can tell you that.”

  This earned me some betrayed looks, some satisfied looks, and some “you go, girl” looks.

  “Interesting,” Martini said. “We thought that Kitty could talk to the animals because she was enhanced.”

  There was a knock, the door opened, and Richard came in. “Pardon me for interrupting, but Jamie asked me to come up.”

  “How?”

  “She’s good at asking for the com to be turned on, too,” Richard said, with more than a little twinkle in his eye. “She’s learned that from her mother. And I see that, based on the number of animals here, you’re discovering more exciting things, aren’t you, Katherine?”

  “More and more every second.”

  “I did hear what Jeffrey said, and, while most of you assumed that our Katherine’s talent was brought out by her enhancement, frankly, she was communicating with the Poo
fs well before she gave birth. No, I believe that this is just something Katherine is good at.”

  “What, my special skill is communing with the Animal Kingdom?”

  “The animals won’t harm you,” Richard said. “You’re their favorite.”

  “I’m not the ‘me’ they’re used to.”

  “They know,” Martini said. “I’m not as good with animals as I am with humans and A-Cs and all, but I can tell they know. They’re trying to make you relax and like them. It’s why the dogs haven’t all leaped on you like they normally do. Every single time they see you. Or me. Or anyone, for that matter. And why the others are keeping their distance—they don’t want to freak you out.”

  Duchess heaved a doggy sigh and jumped up onto the couch, between me and Martini. She settled in and put her head on my thigh. Two Peregrines came over and flew up onto the couch, on my other side, and settled next to me.

  “Are we posing for a picture?” Wanted to resist petting them, but I couldn’t. Used one hand for Duchess and one for the birds. They all seemed to like it. The two Poofs and Sugarfoot were all still purring.

  “Oh.” Martini looked a little upset.

  “What?” Richard asked him, as “Miss Missing You” by Fall Out Boy came on.

  “We’re asking her to get attached to things she can’t have in her real life,” Martini said quietly. “None of us in her world mean no Poofs or Peregrines. And, as she said, with their travel schedule, they can’t have a pet.” He cleared his throat. “We’re asking her to get attached—to the animals, to all of us—and then she’s going to go back and we’ll all be gone.”

  Everyone was quiet for a few long moments. And, as I looked at all these animals who were staring at me lovingly, and then at the men around me, I realized something shocking—I liked it here.

  I liked it here enough to stay.

  CHAPTER 43

  HOWEVER, liking it here or not, we had jobs to do. And the one I knew I could handle best was up first. Cleared my throat. “We’ll worry about that when we have to. Right now, Jeff and I need to get some rest.”