Universal Alien

by Gini Koch

  “First?”

  “The first casualty under my command. And you never forget your first, and I’ve never forgotten you. I didn’t get to know you, but I did get to avenge you. I killed Mephistopheles.”

  “You saying I owe you?”

  Shook my head. “Different universe.” I took his hand and ran us back to the Lincoln Memorial—sure, we ran across the water, but if he was going to have to barf again, why not have a cool experience prior?

  Reached Lincoln and sat on the top step while Cox retched. “So, I get it, you’re an alien,” he said as he recovered.

  “No. Pay attention. I’m a human, who’s—”

  “Right, right. Married an alien, the kid did this to you. Why are you here?”

  Oh well, no time like the present. “We have a Sith Lord active on our world. I was switched with the ‘me’ in this universe because the Sith Lord is also in this world and he’s after ‘my’ husband in this world. I need to stop him here. And then get home and stop him there. But I’m here, and I think I’m here for more than just one save. I think I’m supposed to do what I’ve been doing since I discovered aliens were real and really on the planet.”

  He sat next to me. “You want to take the Sith Lord down and out.”

  “Right. We call him the Mastermind. He’s not really a Sith. He’s a human, actually. But it makes the explanation a little easier.”

  “Yeah.” He shook his head. “You’ve got the powers, I can say that. Makes your story a little more . . . believable.” He looked around. “Why did you come out here so late at night?”

  “Early morning really, but who’s counting? I had a nightmare. Most of the time when I dream it’s not someone giving me hints, but sometimes it is. This was one of those times. I think everyone else I care about that’s still miraculously alive in this universe is going to die if I don’t do a commando raid without them.”

  “Doesn’t sound wise to do that alone, ma’am.”

  “It’s probably not. But . . .” Finally, the tears I’d been holding back showed up and rolled down my face. Stripes got out of my purse and into my lap. Cuddled him and tried not to make his fur all wet. “Everyone’s dead. Or they’re teaching grade school or something. My mother is dead, and I want to ask her what to do so badly. My whole team is down to three guys, all of whom I love and none of whom can I stand the idea, let alone the reality, of losing.”

  Cox pulled out a handkerchief and gave it to me.

  Sniffled as I wiped my eyes. “Thanks. Well, Mossad will help, but three of them are friends of mine in my own world. And I don’t want more people I like to end up dead here.”

  “Why are you taking the cat along?”

  “He said I could have a sidekick and a mascot.”

  “He? The cat talked to you?”

  Decided not to answer this one honestly. I’d save the Dr. Doolittle news for later. “No, Mephistopheles. He seems to enjoy visiting me in my sleep.”

  “Really. You sure you didn’t just hit your head or something?”

  “Oh, I did, right before I rode the tornado here and wound up in Oz and all that, but A-Cs also have enhanced healing and I got that, too. Think of me as Wolverine with Boobs, but without claws, and you’ll be right.”

  “The cat covers the claws part.”

  Stripes purred that Cox wasn’t so dumb.

  “Yeah.”

  Cox cleared his throat. “I’m the lone survivor from my unit. No one from my Top Gun class is alive anymore. My dad died while I was deployed. Hit-and-run drunk driver. They never found the person who killed him. I got sent home on extended leave because I’m a decorated war hero and my mom was dying. Cancer a thing in your world?”

  “Yeah, we haven’t cured it yet.”

  “Well, it’s still a thing here, too. Though I don’t think my mom wanted to fight anymore, not without my dad. Only child, so no siblings, and we were never close with the extended family. And, to thank me for my service and my sacrifices, I’ve been assigned to a TDY that attaches me to the C.I.A.”

  “TDY?”

  “Temporary Duty.”

  “Ah. You looking forward to it?”

  “No. Not at all.”

  “Who are you going to report to?”

  “Some guy named Clifford Goodman.”

  Stared at him. “Say what?”

  “Why did you just get freaked out? Oh. No way! Is he your Sith Lord?”

  “Got it in one.”

  “You have proof?”

  “Dude, of course not. That would make things far too freaking easy. I’d like to get some before I take him out, of course, because I like to be really sure. However, in my experience, the bad guys love to monologue while they have you or an innocent at gunpoint, and that’s when you tend to get all the damn proof you need.”

  “Bet if you had an inside man who’s cool under fire and smart enough to know when to duck and when to shoot it would help you out.”

  “Couldn’t hurt. But there’s lots of risk, not the least of which is being killed. Or, much worse for someone like you, being branded traitor.”

  “You’re not a traitor if you save the world. Even if the world thinks you’re a traitor when you save it.”

  “I like how you think. The Sidekick role is still open.”

  “Not anymore.” He stood up and helped me up. Then he hit attention and saluted me. “Lieutenant Commander William Cox reporting for duty, ma’am.”

  CHAPTER 52

  I SALUTED BACK. “We’re informal around here, Bill. Call me Kitty.”

  He grinned. “Absolutely, Kitty ma’am.”

  I laughed. “Ah, the start of a beautiful friendship.” Stripes yowled softly. “You’re cat approved, but we don’t have a lot of planning time. The positive is that if you’re being assigned to Cliff as a special post, then he’s going to show up to meet with you. In addition to his other sterling qualities, Cliff is a mole in the C.I.A. because he’s now the head of the Corporation, better known as the Cuban Mob. He’s ordered hits on my mother and all of her extended team.”

  “Which is down to those three guys you don’t want to lose?”

  “Yes. But I never want to lose one of my side. As I learned early, though, what I want isn’t what I always get. So, let’s remember that while I want to take Cliff down, I don’t want you to die to do it.”

  Cox gave me a small smile. “I appreciate that, ma’am. The best commanders don’t want to sacrifice their troops willingly.”

  “Batman doesn’t leave Robin and Megalomaniac Girl here doesn’t leave Megalomaniac Lad, regardless of his universe of origin. Though I don’t think I can give up hope and give you Tim’s name for reals.”

  “Really? That’s your superhero name?”

  “Sadly, it’s incredibly accurate. There isn’t a crazed mad scientist or cackling evil overlord I can’t make a love connection with. My original Megalomaniac Lad, in this world, is teaching kindergarteners and doing fabulously with it, ergo, he’s not really available. I have high hopes for you, though, Bill, because you made the leap for why Cliff’s name freaked me out without missing a beat.”

  Cox grinned. “Always good to impress your superiors right away.”

  “Super, Lunatic Lad. Let’s strategize, because that’s probably wise, since it was also suggested that a frontal attack wasn’t a good idea.”

  “Excuse me, Lunatic Lad?”

  “It’s that or Megalomaniac Lad Version Two Point O. Or Evil Genius Lad, Bonkers Lad, Crazed Bond Villain Lad, or similar.”

  “Huh. Lunatic Lad it is, then. Just don’t share that name with anyone I know personally.” Cox looked thoughtful. “Outright assassination’s out, right?”

  “Right. There’s a ‘me’ in this universe—we’re pretty sure she’s switched places with me and is in my world, handling things, God willing. But sh
e has to come back here, just like I have to go back there, at least I hope so. And that means she can’t come back to discover I’ve turned her into an assassin.”

  “Plus the people you’re trying to protect would be affected, especially since you have no proof that this Cliff’s done anything wrong.”

  “Correct. I just have no idea of what to do. I’m fine with sneaking around, I just don’t know where to do it. I mean, other than at C.I.A. headquarters.”

  “He’s not running his operation from there. But he’s also not going to trust me on the first day. Probably not for a long time—my record wouldn’t indicate that I was willing to become a traitor.”

  “Why are you being assigned to him, anyway?”

  “I honestly have no idea, ma’am. It’s supposed to be a perk, a cushy post where I can just show up and not have to do much every day, while at the same time getting a lot of face time with important people.”

  “Huh. You have a smartphone? I do, supposedly, but it’s Other Me’s phone and I forgot to ask what the security code was, so I can’t actually use it.”

  Cox laughed as he pulled out his phone. “Who are we calling or what do you want to look up?”

  “Let’s find out all we can on Clifford Goodman. I think he’s originally from Florida.” Sure Chuckie, Reader, and Buchanan had done their research, but I didn’t have it, and besides, what Cox and I might find could be different, or mean something to us that it didn’t to them.

  Cox fiddled with his phone while I petted Stripes. “You hoping to handle things tomorrow, or, rather, later today, ma’am?”

  “Oh, the sooner the better, yeah. I mean, I’d go murder this guy in his sleep, but I know that’ll just mean that he has a backup plan in place that destroys even more people or turns power over to some giant Axis of Evil. This guy is a great chess player. Though not as good as my chess player.”

  Thought about this. I could beat Chuckie at chess. Not all the time, of course, but often enough. So, did that mean I just needed to challenge Cliff to a chess game, as if I were challenging Death?

  Posed this question to Cox, who snorted. “He’d just cheat, ma’am. Someone like this, who’s a traitor to his country and on a vendetta as well? He’s not going to play fair in any way, shape, or form.”

  Pondered this most likely accurate assessment. Then remembered why I’d come to the Lincoln Memorial in the first place. “I think I know how he’s not playing fair. Or how we can cheat, depending.”

  “Good, ’cause the internet’s giving me nothing beyond the bland and obvious on our Potential Mastermind.”

  “Then let’s just see if aliens were on Earth long, long ago, in all our universes.” Put Stripes back into my purse and trotted down the stairs at regular human speeds, Cox coming with me.

  Went around to the side of the building. The foliage looked the same as how it was in my world. So far, so good. Hunted around in the dark—A-Cs had better vision than humans and improved night vision as well. But it was still pretty damn dark out.

  Cox produced a penlight. “Always prepared, ma’am.”

  “You rock, Bill.” Took the penlight and kept on searching. Found what I was looking for in a short while. The entrance to the underground tunnels. Put my purse over my neck, just in case, took Cox’s hand in my free one, and headed down into the dark.

  “How did this get here?” Cox whispered as we walked down the slope.

  “Put here ages ago by aliens. The Z’Porrah. They look like dino-birds and have nasty attitudes. Earth’s far out distance-wise in terms of the galaxy—I think they and other aliens were using Earth as their experimentation station, or maybe even their zoo. The Z’Porrah and the Ancients weren’t friends—think of the Ancients like shape-shifting galactic missionaries. But they were pro-humans or at least apes—or, based on the A-C system, anything willing to walk upright and on two legs—and the Z’Porrah basically hate our guts. Both races have affected Earth’s evolution, and the Ancients for sure affected the Alpha Centauri system as well.”

  “So there’s really a lot of intelligent life out there?”

  “More than you can imagine, honestly. Fortunately or not, depending on your viewpoint, none of them are here right now. In my world, the Ancients crash-landed in Roswell in the nineteen-fifties.”

  “We have those rumors, too, ma’am.”

  “In my world, they’re real. But per the guy who’s my husband in this world, the idea that aliens have visited us here is just a hoax.” We were no longer going down, and the path was flat. It was also familiar. The tunnel looked exactly as it did in my own world. Meaning that somewhere in here were Z’Porrah power cubes. If I could figure out how to get one, we’d be golden. However, it had taken a cube to get into the dead zone rooms during Operation Destruction, and I had no real hopes it would be different here and now.

  “How many universes are there?” Cox pulled me out of my power cube coveting.

  “More than I think we can comprehend. If my physics or astrophysics or whatever is right, anytime there’s a significant change, it creates a new universe. If you consider how many different populated worlds there are, it quickly becomes impossible to count. Infinite variety and free will means infinite potential. However, the significant change in my universe seems to be that the Ancients tried to visit again, and they didn’t make a return trip here.”

  “Or they did and they didn’t crash.”

  Stopped walking, pointed the light at the wall so it reflected, and stared at him. “What do you mean?”

  He shrugged. “The movies suggest it all the time. That if an alien actually showed up here, the government wouldn’t extend the olive branch of friendship and peace, they’d capture it and study it forever.”

  “It’s like that on my world, too. Or it was. The A-Cs are powerful enough that the governments let them move in, in exchange for scientific and technological help and so forth. But even so, we don’t go to human hospitals if we can help it.” And before we were outed, an alien being admitted to a human hospital was a terrifying idea, for more than just the fact that it would prove aliens were on Earth.

  “Is our technology less advanced than yours? In this world, I mean.”

  “No, not really. Huh, I see where you’re going with that question. I know for a fact that there are things we have that are A-C created at their cores. And they’re here, too.” We went back to walking. “You don’t have parasites.”

  “Sure we do. Tons of ’em.”

  “No, I mean from outer space. Parasitic superbeings. Interstellar jellyfish things that turn mammals into monsters. So does that mean that Mephistopheles didn’t destroy his solar system in this universe? Or that Alpha Four never figured out how to put up an ozone shield and so the parasites attacked that system?” Shuddered. “That would mean they’re all . . . dead or monsters. At least monsters as we and they would see it.”

  “I point to that cell phone you can’t unlock, ma’am, and say that, if in your world you know it’s got alien tech in it, then it’s got alien tech in it here, too.”

  “So, which aliens came here? And where are they now? I’m the only person who’s got superpowers so far as anyone I’ve run into knows.”

  “How many people have you asked? You’re hiding, right? I mean, you told me, but that’s because of our connection, such as it was, in your world. And you’ve probably had to tell some others since you, what, did a body switch?”

  “Nope, we changed universes, more like how it happens in Star Trek and Bizarro World—like we went through some cosmic portal and stepped out into each other’s worlds. At least, that’s how it was for me. I’m just spitballing on how it was for her.” But I hoped it had been the same, because there were three little kids here who shouldn’t grow up without their mother. “But yeah, I’m not announcing I’m a superhero.”

  “Because you know what’ll happen to you.”


  “Well, that and I also don’t want our enemies to know what I can do. But there aren’t aliens on this world.”

  “How do you know?”

  “There’s a, for lack of a better description, Universe Wheel. I can see it, sometimes, sort of see all the many versions of me in all those worlds, and I kind of know what they know, while at the same time I don’t. But I get the general gist. And the main general gist I’ve gotten, in addition to who I’m married to in each of these worlds, is that there’s only one world where I know that aliens exist and are on the planet—mine.”

  “I think the key word in that sentence is ‘I.’ You not knowing they’re here doesn’t mean they aren’t here. It just means you don’t know about it.”

  The thought that Jeff could be here, on this planet, was exciting. But what if he was married to someone else? It would be likely. However, I could see people moving at hyperspeed and I hadn’t. So, if A-Cs were here, what would they be doing? Not saving us from being run off the road, that was for sure. But then again, that wasn’t their job in my world—why would it be their job here?

  Realized that I wanted, desperately wanted, the A-Cs to be here, on this Earth. I wanted it almost as much as I wanted to protect everyone, stop Cliff and LaRue permanently, and go home.

  We were walking, not running, in part so that I wouldn’t have to make Cox sick for no reason, in part to conserve my strength, and in part because in my world there was someplace close by I figured we needed to find or at least verify as being there. As we rounded a corner, Cox grabbed the light, turned it off, and shoved us up against the wall.

  Spotted what he already had—there was light shining out of a room up ahead of us. And I was pretty sure that said room was one I was familiar with and had actually been hoping to find. The secret lab and the final resting place of Gaultier’s Army of Hot Zombies.

  CHAPTER 53

  OF COURSE, Gaultier was supposedly a great guy in this world. But LaRue was the same as ever. So the odds were in favor of my not liking what was behind Door Number One.