Universal Alien

by Gini Koch

  “I love a man who can learn. Now we creep down the hallway, weapons at the ready, looking for traps and such, and expect to find bad things trying to kill us at the end. Or, as I like to call it, routine.”

  CHAPTER 71

  “OKAY,” Cantu said, “what I expected. Since you’ve incapacitated the people I would have sent first, who’s leading?”

  “Me.” Hey, none of the guys I worked with normally were here to shove me behind them, Jeff in particular. And the person with both hyperspeed and field experience should be going first anyway. “And I’m not going to apologize for incapacitating our potential cannon fodder. They’re less of a danger to us this way.”

  “I’m not arguing, and since you’ve broken right through that glass ceiling, lead on, Missus Reynolds.”

  We headed out me first with Stripes on my shoulder, my purse over my neck, and a gigantic gun in my hands. Then came Cantu, Cox, and Alfred bringing up the rear. Would have preferred Cox back there, but I still wasn’t sure that we could trust Cantu, so wanted Cox keeping an eye on him.

  Showing that I could be taught, I looked carefully for tripwires and such as we moved forward at a snail’s pace. Sure, I wanted to run in and save everyone, but I knew better. The Cliff here didn’t know me, but he’d clearly memorized the Bond Villains’ Guide to Wealth and Power and I didn’t want to fall into the shark tank simply because I’d been too eager to engage.

  Alfred’s goggles were the greatest here. Not only could I see, but I could actually spot the areas on the walkway that had pressure plates on them without having to use Alfred’s Super Duper Smarty-Pants Phone. Meaning the plates weren’t as hidden as the elevator mechanism had been. Had no idea what this meant, so chose not to worry about it.

  We were able to inch around or jump over all of the traps, though there were a couple where Cantu and Cox couldn’t have done it without me and Alfred assisting. Hoped we wouldn’t have to run back the way we’d come, because I wasn’t sure I could spot and avoid these again, especially if I was going fast.

  As we neared the doorway I could hear sounds. In addition to my improved hearing, the earpieces definitely made distant sounds easier to hear. So I could make out that people were talking.

  Got a little closer and I could confirm the voices—Cliff, LaRue, and Chuckie. This boded, not that everything hadn’t boded already.

  Reached the point where I could hear clearly, which was conveniently right before another pressure plate, which was placed about twenty feet from the door. Put my hand up and everyone behind me stopped moving. The doorway was at one end of the next room, because all I could see was the wall on the left, which had nothing much to mark it as interesting, and the far wall, which had a lot of scientific-looking stuff, but nothing that I could identify. I couldn’t see anyone, but I could indeed hear them.

  “They’re taking forever to get here,” LaRue said. “Make one of them scream and maybe they’ll hurry up.”

  “Leave my family alone,” Chuckie snarled.

  “Oh, Cantu and his men will be along shortly,” Cliff said. He sounded incredibly smug. “And, really, Chuckie-boy, there’s nothing you can do for yourself, let alone your adorable little moppets here. I’m just sorry that your wife was off having an affair behind your back and so is going to miss all this.”

  “Keep away from her, too,” Chuckie said.

  “Oh, we’ll find her,” LaRue said. “If you’re lucky, we’ll find her with her boyfriend and you can watch her choose saving him over you.”

  Wondered if they’d somehow found me and seen me meet up with Cox. However, from what Chuckie had said to me, it was clear that he and Other Me had some trust issues based on his secret career. So this was probably just the bad guys going for a weakness, not them having any clue about reality.

  “You’re both so full of shit,” Buchanan said.

  “You’re just jealous that she’s not screwing you,” Cliff said.

  “Can I give the kids some candy while you all argue?” a woman asked, with sarcasm dripping. Recognized who was speaking—Bernie. Meaning that Cliff and Company had attacked the Israelis to get their assassins back, and had scored my family and friends in the process.

  Rage could be a bad thing if uncontrolled, but I’d learned that it was my friend. The more enraged I was, the more my A-C talents worked exactly as I wanted them to. Christopher had spent a lot of time working with me on being able to bring up the skills when I wasn’t mad, but he’d never had to help me when Rage was riding along as my copilot. And Rage was now with me in full force.

  “You’re a mean, ugly lady,” Jamie said defiantly. “Our mommy’s going to come and make you sorry.”

  “This is a bad time for you to act like a normal kid,” Bernie snapped. Heard the sound of someone getting slapped and then heard Jamie start to cry softly. “I say we kill this little bitch first. I’d like to kill someone or something, after what they did to us. And she does look just like her mother, so that would be extra satisfying.”

  “Stop hurting my sister, you big bully!” Max shouted. This earned him a slap, too, but he didn’t cry.

  “You’re going to be sorry,” Charlie said defiantly. I could tell he was terrified, but he was still being brave. Was so proud of all three of them. “You can hit me all you want but you’re still going to lose.” Yet another slap. If I thought I’d hated Bernie before, it was nothing compared to how I hated her now.

  “Leave my children alone,” Chuckie said, and I could tell his teeth were gritted. “You want to hurt someone? Hurt me, not helpless children.”

  Heard the unmistakable sound of someone being punched in the gut. “How was that?” This was from Raul. At least, I thought it was Raul. He sounded kind of slurred and as if his teeth were gritted even more than Chuckie’s.

  “You’re so brave,” Reader said.

  “No, just returning the favors you gave us earlier,” another man said. Was positive it was Lopez. Heard another punch being handed out and heard Reader shout. It was a kiai though, so hopefully that meant he wasn’t badly hurt.

  “Can I hit the other one, just to make it fair?” Sanchez asked as I heard Buchanan make the “ooof” sound associated with getting punched in the gut. Goody, the Evil Gang was all here. And, just possibly, they didn’t have any hostages other than those I’d heard.

  How Dad, Aunt Carla, Caroline, and Pierre, let alone everyone else, had escaped capture I had no idea. Chose to believe they’d escaped, as opposed to the alternative, which was that they’d already been killed in the attack. Rage said that it was going to focus on the latter option, just because it made Rage want to sing the song of its people. And that song sounded a lot like Kill ’Em All, which was also a great album from Metallica. Shared with Rage that I felt we should both “Seek and Destroy.” Rage gave me a high five.

  “Stop playing around,” Cliff said, sounding bored. “Plenty of time for that later. We need everyone here so that we can finish this once and for all with no loose ends. We’re ready to roll out my master plan, so I want to be sure that all the t’s are crossed and all the i’s are dotted.”

  “The woman, she’s not normal,” Lopez said. “You can’t forget about her.”

  “Oh, we haven’t,” LaRue said. “But, really, she’s the least of our worries right now. However, you can check and see what’s going on with our visitors. It’s taking them far too long to show up.”

  “Nothing’s been triggered,” Cliff said. “Stop worrying. They’re probably just trying to figure out where to go, since there’s all of one way.”

  Realized what Cliff’s weakness was—he’d spent too long being the smartest. He had the person he viewed as his only rival captured and essentially helpless, and that was making him sloppy.

  However, this was a chess game. And the thing I’d learned about chess was that even when your opponent seemed overconfident, it could actually be a
ruse to make you foolhardy.

  So it could easily be that Cliff knew we were in the hall and was baiting us. Because Lopez didn’t come to the doorway. Meaning the assassins had told them about me and what I’d done to them. Meaning that all the boyfriend crap was to bait me into racing in there to protest that I was a good, faithful wife.

  There had been a grate in the first room, too high up to investigate. However, there could easily have been a camera up there, meaning that Cliff knew that all of us were here. And he also knew we were weaponized in some way.

  But all the assassins really knew was that I was hella strong. And while Alfred had used hyperspeed while we were in the room, what it would show on camera is him suddenly having a duffel where he’d had nothing before. Meaning that Cliff might think we possessed some sort of super attractor or had had the duffel camouflaged.

  In this world, there were no superheroes, after all. Just Alfred, who’d spent decades hiding, and me. They didn’t know what hyperspeed was, because humans couldn’t see someone going as fast as the two of us could. And there was no way any human would be able to see me going at Full Rage Level. And since Bernie had slapped Jamie, I’d gone well beyond that level of rage.

  Put the big gun down carefully, took Stripes off my shoulder, and handed him carefully to Cox. “There’s a pressure plate two steps away,” I said in the softest whisper I could. Cox and Alfred both nodded. Cantu opened his mouth and I put my hand over it. “Beyond that I’m not sure. Stay here and don’t come in unless it’s obvious that I need you.”

  Really wanted to hear some music. Didn’t think I could take the time to dig out the iPod. But Alfred had said the transmitters worked via our brainwaves. Concentrated. For this kind of battle, I wanted the song I’d used when I’d taken out the former Diplomatic Corps in the Parisian dungeon.

  The sounds of Tina Turner’s “Steel Claw” started up. Amazing. No wonder Alfred had every patent in his name in our world—he was a freaking miracle worker.

  Picked up my big gun. Then, Tina rocking in my ears, I took a deep breath, jumped over the pressure plate, and kicked my hyperspeed up to eleven.

  CHAPTER 72

  MANAGED TO KEEP my jaw from dropping, but only just. “What’s up, Kitty?” Stryker asked. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

  The Ghost of Bad Fashions and Worse Hygiene Past, but managed not to say that, either. “Just been a long day.” That was certainly true.

  “We’re in a hurry,” Martini said.

  Stryker rolled his eyes. “When aren’t you?”

  “Don’t mouth off to him like that,” I snapped. One of the guys, who was wearing sunglasses, jerked and swiveled his head toward me. Right, that was Yuri Stanislav and he was indeed blind. He also looked a little freaked out.

  “You’re in a mood,” Stryker said, shooting me a baleful look. “Still a little sensitive about screwing things up with Australia?”

  “You’ll fix it,” one of the other guys, who faded memory told me was Ravi Gaekwad, said. The Beauty Queen was sitting on his desk and it appeared they were an item. No accounting for taste, but whatever. At least Ravi looked normal. Looked at Stryker again. Ravi looked incredibly good by comparison.

  “Thanks. We need to get moving,” I said to Martini, in part to avoid staring at Stryker. He hadn’t looked like this for years now, not since I’d convinced him that a bestselling author should take a modicum of care with his personal hygiene and wardrobe.

  To see that what I considered First Iteration Stryker was apparently Only Iteration Stryker in this world was unsettling at best and horrifying at worst. And the hope that maybe he wasn’t an author here was dashed by looking at the shelf above his head—where all twelve books in the Taken Away series were prominently and proudly displayed.

  “Right.” Martini hustled us over to what looked like a big computer server but which, when the front was opened, turned out to be empty. Martini fiddled with something I couldn’t see and I realized there was a gate inside. Clever. Why they had to hide it in their own building was beyond me, but like so many things alien, I just went with “whatever.”

  “We’re set for a noon meeting, meaning they’re going to let you guys break bread with them,” James said. “This is good. But we’re pretty sure they expect us to blow it again. Plan for press to be there in full force.”

  “We’ll handle it.” I would have defended our plan, such as it was, but I was too busy eavesdropping on the guys Martini said my CA called Hacker International. They were speaking softly, but I caught the gist—Yuri thought I sounded wrong. And he wanted to call Tito in to check and see if I was an android.

  The other four were readying to tackle me in an effort to ensure that I couldn’t harm anyone or steal Jamie. Which was rather heroic, all things considered. However, it would mean that, in order to explain what was really going on, we’d have to tell even more people what was going on, and I knew that wasn’t in anyone’s best interests.

  Yuri hadn’t reacted to the first thing I’d said. He’d reacted when I’d told Stryker not to be rude to Martini. Meaning that it wasn’t the sound of my voice but the words I was saying or the tone I’d used, or both, that had made Yuri react.

  Time to go back to high school, which Charles and I had been in when he’d first found Stryker. “What are the five of you whispering about like you’re in grade school?” I asked as I went over to them. “You’d better not be watching porn on our time.”

  “Ah, Kitty,” Yuri said. “Why don’t you let us hold Jamie for a minute?”

  “Because I don’t trust any of you not to drop her on her head. Seriously, what’s up with all of you?”

  “Sounds like Kitty to me,” Stryker muttered.

  “Yuri might be right,” a small Chinese guy who I was fairly sure was named Henry Wu said nervously.

  “I don’t know,” Ravi sounded worried. “Might be her. Might not be.”

  “Oh my God, seriously? This is what the powwow is about? It’s me. I had a concussion in case you didn’t register that. Sorry if I’m not making your days with witty banter right now. We’re in the middle of a crisis.”

  “When aren’t you?” the tall black guy, who memory shared was Big George Lecroix, asked. “But, just to make everyone feel comfortable, what do you call us?”

  “You mean besides my favorite idiots? Hacker International.”

  Big George shrugged. “Works for me.”

  “Great,” James said, coming over. “While we’ll have several hours to kill before your luncheon, let’s kill them in Australia, shall we?” He put his hand on my back and steered me back to Martini. “Now, if we can start going through and actually get to Sydney Base, that would make everyone, the President and myself in particular, happy.”

  “We’re ready, James.” Martini indicated that the others should start walking through. Which they did. The slow fade was unsettling to watch, so I didn’t.

  “Do we carry Jamie through?” I asked him quietly.

  “Yep. I’ll be carrying both of you.” He grinned and kissed the top of my head. “You never have to go through a gate alone unless I’m not around, baby.” Noting Yuri noting this exchange.

  It took what seemed like forever but really was only about two minutes for everyone else and all the luggage to go through. Evalyne and Phoebe wanted to go last, but Martini overruled them.

  “Are they trustworthy?” I jerked my head toward the hackers. If they were the same as or better than I remembered, then these were probably the best hackers in the world right now, meaning they were extremely smart in a lot of ways. Ways that might help me.

  “Your CA thinks so, yeah.”

  “Yuri suspects. I think I can keep them from blowing my cover, if it’s okay.”

  He sighed. “Make it fast.”

  Handed Jamie to her father and went over to the hackers. “Yuri’s right,” I said soft
ly. “But I’m not an android. I’m in Bizarro World, and your Kitty’s changed places with me. I don’t know how to get back and I’m not sure that she does, either. Can you work on that while we’re in Australia?”

  “I knew it!” Yuri said triumphantly. The others looked interested and freaked out in about equal measures. But none of them looked like they didn’t believe me, and that was good.

  “Keep it down and keep it to yourselves. And, see what you can come up with for inter-universe exchanges.” Refrained from mentioning anything about their clothing or personal grooming choices and hightailed it back to Martini.

  He gave Jamie back to me and swung me up into his arms. Held her tightly and leaned my face into him, and away we went.

  If the transfer from D.C. to Paris had sucked, the transfer from D.C. to Sydney was a million times worse. It took all I had not to throw up, but just when I thought there was going to be nothing I could do to stop from barfing, we stopped and hit solid ground.

  Opened my eyes as Martini put me down and took Jamie from me quickly. “We’re close to a bathroom,” he said quietly.

  Shook my head. “I think I can manage it. You’d think I’d get used to it, wouldn’t you?”

  He patted my back gently. “Some things make the gate transfers harder.”

  Before I could ask what those things were, the others were around us. “Let’s get everyone into housing,” James said briskly. “We may not be here for more than a few hours, but let’s be comfortable in that time. Everyone take about thirty minutes to settle in and then we’ll regroup and go over strategy.”

  Sydney Base looked a lot like what I’d seen of the Science Center, only smaller, as far I could tell. Australian A-Cs were just as gorgeous as the rest, so that was nice and normal.

  Housing in a Base wasn’t like at the Embassy, at least not what I’d seen of the Embassy. We were put into what was basically a really nice hotel room. Thankfully, we had two beds in the room—one king, one full. Had to figure the Operations Team had set this up especially for us, but I appreciated it.