Past My Defenses (Taming the Pack series) (Entangled Ignite)

by Wendy Sparrow

  “Yes. It is,” Dane said, not making eye contact with her.

  Well, chances were, a horde of Lycans had been out searching last night, and whoever had found the body had turned it over to Travis. It’d be hard to explain why you were out roaming the woods in the middle of the night if you weren’t with the police looking for a missing person.

  “You’ll be staying here?” Sheriff Terry asked at the door.

  “Yes,” Dane said.

  “Probably,” she admitted. She’d be here, whether she was really wanted or not, good and protected. Caged—all over again.

  Chapter Ten

  The downside to dating someone with volatile emotions was when they went silent—when they shut off those emotions. When the sheriff had left, she went from testy and temperamental to quietly brooding. She could be thinking anything, and he didn’t know her well enough to stop her from doing something crazy and getting herself killed.

  “Vanessa?” he tried again.

  She was sitting in front of her laptop, scrolling through what looked like documents for her work, but it seemed to him that she was scanning it far too quickly to actually be reading it. It seemed like it was more of an excuse to avoid talking to him. “Hmm?”

  “What are you thinking?”

  “I told you, I’m just working on stuff. I was supposed to go in to work today, but things were too crazy.” She didn’t look up as she said, “It’s getting late, and you haven’t had much sleep. You should go to bed.”

  “Only if you are.”

  The smile didn’t go beyond her mouth as she said, “Sounds like we wouldn’t get much sleep if I did.”

  Maybe he could prod a reaction out of her—anything was better than this flat shutout. “Are we saying because of your snoring?”

  In the reflection of the laptop, he saw her roll her eyes. “I have allergies.”

  No, that was a huge under-reaction compared to before. No good. He grabbed the computer chair she was in, spun it around, and leaned over her, his hands on the arms of the chair. “No.”

  There was a spark of anger in her eyes, but then her gaze shifted away from his. It pissed him the hell off. He liked facing her head-on—like two opposing armies fighting for the same ground. Nothing felt like victory when your opponent retreated like they didn’t even want the land anyway. “No what?”

  “No to whatever you’re thinking—to whatever you’re planning.”

  “I’m just sitting here working.” Like hell she was. There was no way she was accepting all this without more of a fight. He’d seen the flash in her eyes and heard that growl when the sheriff was here. There was no wolf you’d be able to take from its den and fence in somewhere, without more of a fight than she’d put up. Which meant she was saving her energy for something else—something else that might get her killed.

  She was back to pretending she wasn’t a wolf…just in a different way.

  He shoved backward as he stood, and the chair banged off the desk behind her. “So, we’re back to treating Dane like he’s either an idiot or crazy. Because that worked so well for us the first time.” Then, in one of his prouder moments, he stalked off down to the mudroom. At least he wasn’t losing his temper with her. Besides, it’d been a while since he’d cleaned his guns…or tuned his bike. There were plenty of things he could do to stay awake.

  …

  Vanessa closed her eyes and sighed. That could have gone better. Then her eyelids shot up and went wide when she heard him unlock the gun cabinet downstairs. Okay, apparently that had gone worse than she’d even anticipated. Holy freak, Dane! She’d disarmed someone before—that one time in Reno, but hell, didn’t she have enough people trying to kill her? She spun in the chair to watch the top of the stairs. Her brain made a bunch of split-second plans. She’d have to move fast, disarm him, and then they’d sit and talk like a rational couple—or they’d fight and make out and she’d hide his guns.

  Okay. So, maybe she hadn’t been subtle about her planning things. But people often had devious plans they hid from their significant others. It was part of being in a relationship.

  And at least she wasn’t running away from him…or she’d at least come back here for her medication if she did.

  Dane. We can make this work. I swear, we can.

  She sat there, waiting, her heart pounding in her throat…and then she heard him set the gun on the mudroom’s table along with a box of items. He pulled one of the stools over to the table.

  Oh. Huh. Hopefully this wasn’t a slow build to homicide.

  She stood quietly and padded across the floor to the mudroom’s door. She wasn’t sure what he was doing, but she wasn’t about to let him play with guns when he was mad at her. At the very least, she wanted to make sure he wasn’t doing something crazy. She was the one in charge of bringing the crazy to the relationship. He was supposed to be all rational and crap.

  She was halfway down the stairs without alerting him to her presence when the sneeze started to build. A few more steps and she could see what he was doing and hurry back upstairs. But that damn cat had been down here, and the whole place reeked of it. Lucifer was continuing to bedevil her. Evil, evil, evil cat. Spawn of Satan. She rubbed at her nose, wriggling it. Don’t sneeze. Don’t sneeze. Just two more steps.

  The sneeze hit her with such force she almost fell backward, so she grabbed the railings.

  “Bless you,” Dane said—flatly. “I’m only saying that because I was taught to be polite, though.”

  Pulling her shirt over her mouth and nose, she walked down the remaining steps to find him cleaning his guns, without even looking up. Not that she wanted him cleaning his guns while staring at her, but having him this angry with her didn’t sit well. It hadn’t the last time either.

  When they argued it out, she felt like this all might work. They were working on things that way. But when he was sitting there simmering…

  She hadn’t even known Cheri despised her, and she almost didn’t care because Cheri was nothing to her. Dane was a far cry from nothing, and now he was so mad he wouldn’t even argue with her.

  “Do you want me to return your key?” Her voice sounded small and weak, and she hated that. For all the deference that was bred into her, this caught her by surprise—this desire to have his respect and favor. He wasn’t Alpha, not to the rest of the pack. Yet she wanted to treat him like one.

  “Don’t you dare, or I’ll go find a cat to rub all over you.”

  She blinked back tears that she hoped were from allergies, not because her heart was so invested. This man wanted to cage her, and he wasn’t even part of that other side of her life, nor did she want him to be…for good reason. She liked being able to do spontaneous and possibly foolhardy things. Like tonight, she was planning to patrol around her house and try to catch whoever wanted to kill her before they found out she wasn’t still there.

  The less he knew, the safer she could keep him—and besides, she didn’t have to answer to anyone.

  She spun around and went back up the stairs. Instead of pretending to work, she closed her laptop, turned off the lights, and went to stand by the front window where she could stare out into the darkness.

  Things were much simpler before Dane had come into her life. Now there were all these ups and downs.

  Five minutes later, he put away the guns and quietly climbed the stairs. When he opened the door to the darkened house, he called her name.

  “By the window.”

  She turned to watch him make his way toward her without turning on the lights. He thunked right into the corner of the wall, making her laugh. The laughing helped him pinpoint her location, and he slid his arms around her in a gentle hug. It felt so good—so very good—until the tickle started low in her nose and her sinuses screamed out “nooooo.” She sneezed into shirt.

  “Bless you. This time I’m serious. I’m done being an ass.”

  “Take off your shirt.”

  “Do you think that’s a good idea? I don’t kn
ow that it’s going to solve anything.”

  She sneezed again. “I think it’ll stop me from spraying you with sneezes.” Gross. That last one had been really wet.

  “Oh.” He yanked the shirt off and tossed it.

  But then he leaned in and hugged her again, and she pressed her face into his warm skin. Mmm. Why did things have to be more complicated than this? When they were down to this basic level of need, they understood each other. Oh, wow, he smelled so good. Fir trees, cinnamon, and warmth. Sweet and spicy. She hugged him tighter.

  “You can see in the dark, can’t you?” he asked.

  “Mmm.” Every inch of him. Every gorgeous inch.

  “And I know you can hear really well.”

  She froze.

  He laughed.

  Well, since he knew anyway… “Jordan and Cheri weren’t matched. That’s why they weren’t exclusive.”

  “Yeah, Travis told me.”

  “He did?”

  Dane threaded the fingers of one of his hands through her hair and massaged her nape slowly. She leaned into him. It was pathetic. He turned her into this dependent, needy thing. Only it didn’t feel that way, which was probably worse—her body and brain didn’t realize how pathetic she was being.

  “Yep, Travis answered a lot of my questions. He was really helpful. Your taxpayer dollars at work right there.”

  She laughed, but the deep breath that went with it dragged more of his scent into her. If she stayed near him much longer, she wouldn’t be able to leave him to go on patrol so she could catch her killer.

  “Hey, let’s go to bed. I’m exhausted.”

  She let him drag her to his room and even went through the motions of getting ready for bed. They took turns in the bathroom, and then brushed their teeth side by side like an old married couple. He’d packed her fleece pajamas and suggested it might be cold enough she wear a sweatshirt overtop them. Apparently he wanted as many layers between them as possible. She wasn’t sure whether to be flattered or frustrated.

  When she was crawling into the giant bed, he said, “I might go sleep on the couch at some point.”

  His words sank her heart, and she stopped and sat. It had seemed better between them, even though she’d accidentally spit on his hand while she’d been brushing her teeth. He’d laughed…and not in a homicidal rage sort of way. It had seemed better, and now he couldn’t even stand to be near her? His signals had to be a lot more obvious if she was expected to understand them. “You’re that mad?” she whispered.

  Laughing, he leaned over and grabbed her wrist, pulling her toward him across the bed. “Not unless you mean mad for you. I’m not getting any sleep because I can’t stop thinking about you. I’ve reached zombie status.”

  “Oh…I can sleep on the couch.” Well, that was much better. That would make it easier to sneak out anyway.

  He stared at her, his lips thinning to a straight line. For a moment, she worried she’d said that bit about sneaking out aloud. Or maybe he already knew her that well. “I’m tempted to handcuff you to the bed.”

  She grinned. There was a visual that could cheer her up no matter what was on her mind.

  “Not for that,” he said, but his scent said he wouldn’t mind if it was for that.

  “Either way, I can get out of handcuffs.” All she had to do was shift to her furry state and step out of them.

  “Using what?” He glanced around the bed.

  Apparently, he hadn’t thought it out. Maybe that was a good thing. He didn’t look at her and see the creature inside. She’d never been ashamed of having an altered state, but it might seem freakish to someone on the outside.

  “Handcuff me to the headboard, and I’ll be out by morning.”

  “Won’t that be uncomfortable?”

  She snorted. “It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve slept in handcuffs, but I won’t be.”

  He pushed out of bed with a smile and went over to his closet.

  “You don’t keep them beside the bed?”

  “I keep them with my uniform, but I might need an extra set to keep there.” He threw a feral sort of smile over his shoulder. It made her heart speed up.

  A minute later, he was back with a shiny silver pair of handcuffs. He slid the ratcheting arm on one side through and through while smiling at her. It almost undid her resolve. But she didn’t want to spend every day looking over her shoulder and every night here because he felt it was necessary. They should both be free to choose each other…not this.

  “You ready?” he asked.

  She could smell the scent of arousal pouring off him like waves. And she closed her eyes and took it in. This wasn’t fair. If they’d met a year ago, and he was a Lycan—things would be so easy. Maybe they’d be so easy it’d get boring, but did they need the added complication of a murderer chasing her? In a new relationship? No, she didn’t think so.

  As she lay back with her hands above her head against the wooden spokes of the headboard, she said, “Most guys would be all over me when I’m like this—when I’m hot for sex.”

  He frowned as he crawled across the bed. “You said that one night that I could be anyone, and that’s just…fantastic. Just what I want in a relationship. Being the right gender. I’m not even sure if two-legged is a requirement.”

  She closed her eyes so he wouldn’t see the hurt in them. He made her fragile like this. She was vulnerable. She actually cared what he thought of her. Poor porcelain Vanessa. It sucked.

  And she couldn’t run away.

  She was caged.

  “Hey,” he said softly as he leaned over her. His breath feathered across her skin. Mmm. One of his fingers stroked a line down her jaw to her chin. “Sorry. I just want it…right between us.”

  She did too. Well, part of her did. Part of her wanted it right now, quick and dirty, and maybe even violent. She opened her eyes and met his gray ones as he slapped the handcuffs on. She sucked in a quick breath. Oh, yeah.

  “I have a set of handcuffs I could bring over.” She liked the hungry look he was running across her. “You look part wolf.”

  He grinned. “Because I look like I might bite?”

  “Exactly.”

  He leaned down and nipped at the skin below her ear. The moist heat from his mouth sent a shiver skating across her skin, and the momentary pain flushed her body with heat. Hot shivering… Mmm. If only they weren’t just playing. “You’d make a good Lycan…and I’d be a bad Lycan.”

  His laugh was dark and deep and sent more of those heated shivers dancing. Tipping back, he flipped off the light. “But you’d know if I was a Lycan, wouldn’t you?”

  She sucked in a deep breath before she answered. Phew. Wow. That was amazing and dissatisfying. She’d never been so gloriously frustrated. “Probably. Lycans smell different—wilder, but sometimes it’s easier to spot a Lycan among wolves than among humans.”

  “So, I could be, and you wouldn’t know?”

  “I’d know,” she said. For one thing, he wouldn’t be keeping his distance right now. The drive to procreate would overpower his hesitations. Scent-matched couples were excused from meetings with the pack during the female’s “time.” Last year when she was in heat, even without the scent-match, every unattached male had fought to go on patrols with her—which is how she’d ended up with Jordan and made that mistake that she was paying for in spades. The other males had literally started fighting each other—even the ones who really wouldn’t have been interested the rest of the year. Brawls had started.

  And Dane had made her put on extra clothing.

  And Dane was thinking of sleeping on the couch.

  He was definitely not a Lycan. Her being fertile might not ever mean anything positive for him in fact—it certainly didn’t now. It was a complication.

  Uh-huh, that doused the lust, and all the echoes of those shivers died abruptly. She could swear the handcuffs even felt more snug.

  Trapped.

  “I should go open the door to the bathroom so
we’re not stumbling around in the dark,” he said. He immediately kicked the edge of the bed frame and swore.

  “Yeah, you’re a Lycan all right,” she said drily. “Watch out for the edge of your dresser.”

  He put a hand out and touched the edge of the dresser, smiling in the dark. “Apparently your night vision is much better than mine. You don’t need a light on.” He opened the door regardless and turned back. The shaft of blue light from the open doorway fell across the bed, bathing it all in a soft twilight color. He stopped and stared.

  Hell, he was gorgeous.

  Mine.

  Maybe.

  For now.

  He licked his lips as he stared.

  The scent of his arousal drifted by her and made her breath catch in her throat.

  “If you keep looking at me like that, neither of us is going to last the next two weeks,” she whispered. She’d have to sleep in the shower with the cold water running. No female in heat could be expected to battle this. These urges were natural, and this was an unnatural attempt to stymie them. Not to mention frustrating as hell.

  Say screw it, Dane.

  Tell me you can’t resist me.

  Make me believe we have something between us that you want enough to put up with the rest of this.

  I’m yours, dammit.

  Give me a reason to stop running.

  “Is that how long we have?” He made his way back, without stumbling this time.

  “Uhh. Maybe,” she said, licking her lips. “It’s not exact.” It felt like it’d be another two weeks. A long two weeks. A cold two weeks.

  He climbed back into the giant bed. She’d previously thought no one needed a bed this size, but now it held all sorts of possibilities. Maybe everyone really needed a bed this size. In two weeks. Now, it just gave him lots of space to keep away from her.

  “Covers on or off?”

  “Off, I’m always a little warmer right now. Hormones.” Also, it would be one more thing to get out of without waking him. She was doing this for them, not just for her—she had to keep telling herself that. They needed to be able to choose to be together, and to be a couple without all this extra strain. Plus, it wasn’t exactly easy to behave like a normal couple when one of you was being hunted for your organs.