Out of the Ashes

by S. M. Lynn

  “Okay that’s it.” I shout. I can’t stand but I can definitely shout. “I don’t know what you’re playing at with all your little comments the last couple of days and all this shit you’ve been pulling since the airport but it has to stop. We agreed to be professional and keep it that way. And now here you are in all your… you know and with no shirt and the towel and the hair and ah, hell.” Should have quit while I was ahead.

  His grin doesn’t falter; he just stares back at me. His eyes look as hungry as I feel right now and he is definitely not looking at the food. “Celeste,” his husky voice just above a whisper. I look up into his eyes and for a moment I think he may kiss me. His gaze drifts from my eyes to my lips and back again before he moves away and takes a seat next to me. I turn to face him, my knees just brushing his as he continues, “There’s something I need to talk with you about but I’m not really sure how to say it or how you will react.” His mood turns more serious and makes me somewhat nervous. I have no idea where he’s going with this. I had my performance evaluation last week and he seemed very happy then. So happy that my bonus was off the charts in fact but here he’s with the ‘we need to talk’ speech. If something is wrong, why would he wait until we were all the way in England before he said anything? Ugh, this man stirs me up like no other.

  If we were a couple, I would be afraid that this is the break up speech by the tone of his voice. When I look into his eyes though, I see something else, something completely different from the tone in his voice. They are bright, happy, so perhaps the new is good. “There’s something I’ve been keeping from you and I can’t stand lying, well not really lying, but not telling you any longer.” I push away from the table even though I’m starving and have only had a few bites of my dinner.

  “I need to go take a shower.” I say standing up, finally getting some control in my legs.

  “Celeste, wait. I’m serious. I need to talk to you.”

  “I know. But I said I need to shower. You eat; I’ll shower and then we can discuss whatever it is you need to tell me.” I’m running again but I can’t help it. I’m too afraid that whatever he has to say is about his relationship with Rebecca. Maybe they weren’t together before when I asked but it is clear that their relationship status has changed. I’m just not ready to face hearing him tell me and wrenching my heart even further from my chest.

  I turn and go into my room and turn on the shower. Once under the warm water, I discover that despite the fact that he’s keeping something from me; the ache between my thighs at the sight of him earlier and deep tension in my core haven’t gone away. There’s no way I can sit with him, close to him shirtless, no less, with this going on. It’s wrong but I can’t stop my hands. They have a mind of their own now. I close my eyes and let the water wash over me; while I picture Ian devouring my body. Once again I explode into my orgasm, only this time I’m not as quiet as I tried to be on the plane. Screw it, he’s already heard me orgasm once today; why not make it twice?

  I dry off, towel drying my hair as best I can; at least it won’t drip everywhere, and wrap the super fluffy hotel robe around my naked body. Since I can’t go strutting around shirtless; he’ll just have to use his imagination. Does he even think about me like that? He didn’t say anything about the comments he made when I confronted him; just changed the subject and said he needed to tell me something.

  My brain is flooded with a new realization. If what he needs to say is about Rebecca then he’s probably just been teasing me with his comments and his behavior. Sick and twisted but that must be it; he didn’t mean anything by his comments and now here I have… and twice and… head meet hands.

  And that’s how he finds me more than 10 minutes later. Sitting on the end of my bed wrapped in nothing but a hotel robe, my dignity in pieces, shaking my head in my hands. “Okay, I don’t think it’s that bad.” He says trying to reassure me. He thinks I’m upset over what he’s been keeping from me. Secrets with me are the easy thing; I mean I don’t like them but “hello pot, I’m kettle”. I understand that sometimes they are a necessary evil.

  When finally I look him in the eye again, I see he’s taken a seat next to me on the bed. Me, bed, shirtless Ian; this has bad news written all over it. “I-I-I’m fine.” I stutter out. “Perhaps we should go sit in the living room. You know neutral territory.” He glances at me, licks his lips and then glances around the room. As if coming to the same conclusion I have, he stands and grasps my hand and pulls me into the living room. Once we enter I hear soft music in the background, Passenger is singing about knowing you love her when you let her go. Ian sits on the sofa bringing me down next to him; we are turned toward each other so our knees are touching but otherwise there’s plenty of space between us.

  “I lied,” he starts. “The day you came into the initial interview. I lied. See,” he runs his hands through his hair. Oh shit, this must be really bad. “I’m sorry I’m just not sure how to begin here.”

  “Just take your time; I’m sure its nothing and everything will be fine.” But inside, I’m not sure and while I want him to tell me, at the same time I’m not sure I want him to.

  “Okay, I’ll just start at the beginning. That day, I was getting ready to go meet a client for lunch. I was coming through the lobby and realized I forgot the proposal upstairs so had to rush back up which I knew would make me late.” Explains why he decided to finally hire a personal assistant. “When I got back to the lobby, I felt it. I don’t know what it was but it’s like the air was charged. I could feel it. I looked over and there was this woman; she was bent slightly at the waist to pick something up off the floor so I couldn’t see her face but her legs. Oh my god, those legs still haunt my dreams.” Is this going somewhere? Not sure how much I want to hear about his mystery woman and her goddamn gorgeous legs. Oh wait, this is starting to make sense now. He is seeing someone; it’s just not the someone I thought he was. I try to remain composed as he continues. “When she stood back up I could see that the rest of her was just as perfect as those legs. Her long blond hair hung down her back. It took all of my self-control not to walk over there and pull her to me just so I could run my hands through it. I’ve never wanted someone so much in my life. Until she turned around… Then I wanted her even more. She was, is beautiful. The most stunning woman I’ve ever seen. I couldn’t let her get away. I rushed over to the desk nearly knocking over a vase on the way and asked Danielle about her. Danielle told me she was here to interview with Rebecca for the open accounting position.”

  At that point, he knows the cat was out of the bag; there’s no more denying who the woman in his story was but I still couldn’t come to terms with it. Me? He had me the night before and disappeared before I awoke. There’s never been any discussion at all of the night we spent together. Even now he isn’t mentioning it, perhaps he’s ashamed. I’m torn between flattery and anger. I’ve been falling for this man for months and now here he is admitting to me that he hired me because he wants to be with me or maybe it’s because we had already been together. God, this is so confusing. Finally he continues, “I went immediately to Rebecca and told her we needed to have a meeting, now. She said she had a candidate, a very good candidate, waiting for an interview and I told her the person would just have to wait. I needed to see her now. After I told Rebecca that I had to be the one to interview you, I knew her suspicions were up but I didn’t care. I didn’t care how it looked, I just wanted you and I didn’t care what I needed to do to get you. I had Connor bring you up to the penthouse conference room while I finished talking with Rebecca and the rest...

  “Well, you know the rest. Just please, please understand that I know how superficial it looks but I did see your resume; I know how smart you are. And when you talked about always wanting to be a part of Jacobs Enterprises, feelings aside, I knew you were the perfect person for this job. I really did need a personal assistant, case in point leaving important documents behind on my desk.” I don’t know what to say. I should feel indigent, bet
rayed even. But he hadn’t lied, not really. When I asked him why he wanted me, he told me all the things he’s telling me now. I just didn’t understand the question I was actually asking when I asked it. He, literally, wanted me for all those reasons. In the pause, I notice the music in the background change to Blake Shelton’s Over. Taking my silence as a cue to continue, he says, “Over these last few months, I have been able to see more of you. Inside of you, and I think that’s perfect too. You are funny, witty, opinionated, and stubborn sometimes even. I just know that over these few months my feelings for you have grown past what I physically felt the first time I saw you. And I wanted to make sure you know that. And now you do.” Clearly it’s my turn to do some talking but what could I say. My emotions were in the ringer.

  “But why then?” He looks confused. “Why did you just leave after we slept together without a word and what about what happened between us in the club and in the car after the gala? Why did you run from me only to turn around now and embrace me? You must see how confusing all this is for me. Why did you say it was a mistake?”

  “Celeste, those were your words not mine. That first night, I was drawn, no pulled, to you. When I saw you with that other guy, I knew I had to do everything in my power to make you mine. Plain and simple I wanted you. I wanted to know the sounds you would make when I was inside you; the sounds you would make when I made you come. You have no idea how beautiful you are. But things were, are, complicated for me.” He runs his hands through his hair but doesn’t elaborate. “As for the club, I didn’t follow you there. That was just a happy, a very happy, coincidence but once I saw you I’ll admit I watched you the whole night which it turns out I’m glad I did. It took every ounce of my control not to kill that man right there in front of all those people.” He takes a deep breath before he continues, “I was so confused over your reaction. Even though we’d already been together, I didn’t know if you felt anything for me. I mean we hadn’t discussed it. You never brought it up so I thought maybe that was best kept as memory and locked away. The kiss after the gala answered that for me but then I could tell you were uncomfortable because I’m your boss. I was so conflicted as to what was the right thing to do. I just thought you didn’t feel the same as I did or that maybe I was moving too fast or maybe being your boss meant I couldn’t have you like that. I decided that night that if you working with me was all I could have I would take it because I wanted to be around you, to be near you.”

  Now I’m on the verge of tears and it’s my turn to admit something. Not my biggest lie, no if I had my way that one would go with me to the grave; but there is still something I have to tell him. “I lied too.” I say quietly, lowering my eyes. “That night in the limo. I lied when I said it was a mistake. I thought I was only breaking my own heart. I thought you didn’t want me or at the very least if you did want me you would argue with me and tell me it wasn’t a mistake. God, you have no idea how I broke when you agreed with me. And you said you weren’t with Rebecca but I’d seen you with her and things looked very familiar, intimate, between the two of you.” He tries to interrupt but I’m not done. “I’m not blaming you, don’t take it that way; I just wanted you to know what I was thinking. Then over these last few months, the fissure in my heart has only grown because then I was just attracted to you, kind of like when you first saw me but after spending time with you seeing the man underneath, my feelings for you grew causing the split in my heart to grow wider and wider. I didn’t see a way it would ever mend. Then last night…”

  But I never get to finish the sentence. His lips are on mine before the words can come out. I thought the kiss in the limo was the height of passion; well then this is taking passion to the moon. First, his lips are soft but insistent then the kiss grows harder, his tongue opening my mouth seeking entrance. My tongue darts out to meet his; once again my hands are in his hair, though this time my fingers gently tug eliciting a groan from deep within his chest. The sound is like a current that runs straight to my core. I’ve never wanted a man like I want him. I would give him everything, well everything I could. Would that be good enough? Some doubt creeps into my mind but soon his hands are roaming on the outside of my robe and the question is gone from my mind. There’s nothing in my mind except Ian and how much I love him. Yes, love him. I’m not ready to tell him yet because that’s a whole other ball game but it’s how I feel.

  His hands make it down to the belt of the robe. And he pulls it free. There’s that groan again. “Are you trying to kill me?” I look up at him innocently like I have no idea what he’s talking about. “You’re fucking naked under this robe. All that had stood between me and your soft skin for the last hour is this bunch of cotton?” He honestly seems like he might be a little angry at the robe right now. He pulls back and I reluctantly take my hands from his hair and run them across his broad chest. Oh, this is as good as them being in his hair maybe even better. While he’s still fighting with the robe, I let my hands explore the hard muscles of his chest. His nipples are tight with excitement. Slowly I trail my hand lower going over each abdominal muscle and tracing the defining dent between each. He sucks in a breath through his teeth and stops what he is doing to focus on what I am doing. Then quickly leans over and scoops me up. I’m in his arms, his mouth on mine before I’ve even registered leaving the couch and we move quickly towards his bedroom.

  He enters the room, his mouth never leaving mine and with one foot kicks the door shut. I giggle remembering how he did that with my bedroom door that first night. He carries me over to the bed and lays me down. Then he stands back and drinks me in. The robe now doing nothing to conceal my nakedness. His eyes roam over the swell of my breasts, down my stomach, to the mound of throbbing flesh between my thighs. I ache for him. I need him on me, over me, in me. I need him to be everywhere on my body, and I need it right now. I sit up slowly and remove the robe, lifting my hips slightly to pull it out from under me. That hip raise earns me a most delicious groan from Ian. I turn my eyes back to him. His hands are at the button of his jeans. Dear Levis, have I ever mentioned how much I love button fly jeans. He pulls them open and I discover that Ian likes to go commando. Hey, I’m not complaining. His whole body is now on display for the viewing. So it is my turn to drink in the scenery. I start as he did at his chest only I grow a little bolder. I stand up and come face to face with him. If one of us moved just an inch our bodies would be pressed against each other but standing as we are now there is the tiniest space separating us. Using that space, I begin my descent down his body once again repeating what I had done on the couch but this time I have his full attention. When I get to the abdominals again, I can tell he’s growing impatient and won’t let me play my game much longer. I skim down lower and wrap my hand around him. God, he’s huge and perfect. His cock pulses in my hand. I run my hands down his length and cup his heavy sac. And that’s the end of my playtime. I’m suddenly lying in the middle of the bed with Ian on top of me.

  I couldn’t be happier with my position. “Ian,” I whisper. “I need to tell you something.”

  Those words stop him in his tracks and he looks down into my eyes. “What’s wrong, love?” His endearment makes my heart want to burst. “I just wanted you to know that, well, before that night with you it had been awhile for me.” I cast my glance down to his throbbing cock only to see it now appears even larger. “I know we’ve been here before and this may seem silly now. But… Well you’re huge; okay there I said it. Don’t you dare laugh at me.”

  “Celeste, the last thing I would ever do in a situation like this is laugh at you. Plus I would never think my size is a laughing matter. I’m glad you think I’m huge.” I pull his lips toward mine. “Whoa, whoa, whoa though, before you go distracting me I want to talk about what a while is. Are we talking a few months, a year what? And no I won’t be upset, jealous maybe, but mostly I want to know so I don’t hurt you. God, I feel like such a fool for last time. I’m sure I was rough. Unfortunately, though that night we weren’t doin
g much talking.”

  Turning my head because I know I’ll look like an even bigger fool when I say it and I can’t look him in the eye, so I just blurt it out, “It’s been over 3 years.”

  “Hmm. No one for three years… Except that one time with me. Sweetheart, I’m not going to lie and say that I don’t intend to keep it that way. But just the one night in all that time, you must be a ball of nervous energy. Even with that it has been three months.”

  “Well,” I look at him sheepishly, “I never said I didn’t have an orgasm for three years, or the last three months, just sex. There are other ways without a man, you know.”

  “I fucking knew it; you took care of yourself on the airplane, didn’t you? Damn it, I knew I should have hired a private plane instead of flying commercial. And then tonight, the shower? I thought that’s what those noises were but then you are always been so demure, blushing when I say outrageous things to you. I just kept telling myself that my mind was playing tricks.” He stops and stares at me. The panty dropping smile is back only I’ve got none on to drop.

  I nod my head to his un-asked question. “Yes, Ian. I’m coming.” I repeat the words that I said to him while I was having an orgasm thinking about him.

  “Oh, that is so fucking hot. Were you thinking of me while you touched that sweet pussy? Did you imagine it was my fingers doing this to you?”

  I’m soaking the bed by this point in the conversation and Ian reaches down and parts my folds and gently slides a finger into me. “Ah, you’re pussy is so damn tight. Oh, this is going to feel so good.”

  “Ian?”

  “Yeah, sweetheart.” I can see on his face that he slightly afraid we will be delayed again but that is not what I want to tell him this time.

  “I want to feel you in me. No condom this time. I’m on birth control and I’m clean; I was checked three years ago and as you now know you’re the first since then.”