Out of the Ashes

by S. M. Lynn

  “No, no love. This was years ago. We got engaged our senior year of college. She was everything I thought I wanted.”

  “Ian, this isn’t exactly helping.”

  “Just hear me out. I had planned my life out with her. Saw my entire future when I looked at her. We were going to get married the summer after but then my father had his heart attack and suddenly I was expected to run the company. I felt horrible but I had to ask her to postpone the wedding. I’d already started working on my real estate development portfolio and after a few months, I had to go out of town for a couple weeks to oversee the final build on a project in Italy. It was difficult given that she was unhappy about delaying the wedding and all the time I was spending away from her. I was able to get finished a little more quickly than anticipated and flew home early to surprise her.” His face-hardens at the memory. “But I was the one who got the surprise.” He pauses again and swallows hard. I can see talking about this is really difficult for him and am concerned with what feelings he may still harbor for her. “I found her in our bed with Patrick. She tried to play it off as a one-time mistake, not that I really could have forgiven her for even that. She said she wanted to work on things with me. In reality, she and Patrick had been sleeping together for several months and continued to do so even after she said she wanted to make things right for us. I broke things off with her and tried to move on.”

  He completely understands what I was saying earlier about not wanting to be used as a plaything, being strung along and used. “As you probably already know, that trying is what landed me in page six almost every week with a different woman. I wasn’t sleeping with all of them but still the papers had a field day with it.” I want to ask him how many of them he did sleep with but really is that important? “Last year, Rebecca came to me for help; it was the first time I’d talked to her in over 4 years. There’s no way she would’ve come to me if she weren’t in dire need especially after the things that were said when I threw her out. She explained that Patrick had left her with nothing and she didn’t have a job. I wasn’t about to be her shoulder to cry on for what had happened to her. At the same time, I had spent five years of my life with the woman. So after several days of deliberation, I offered her a position here. She’s good at what she does and promised that things between us would be completely professional. She understood that the only thing I wanted with her was a professional relationship. Given that she was in charge of HR, we did have to work together quite often and given our shared history, we naturally grew into a sort of friendship. I mean I didn’t really spend time with her outside of work and work related functions but we were comfortable with one another.”

  “Ian, was it only friendship that you felt for her? Or do you still have deeper feelings for her?”

  He places his hand on my thigh and I feel the electricity that has always been between us shooting through me. “Celeste, I thought I loved her. I thought she was everything I needed then. I see now how wrong I was. What I feel for you… These weeks without you, I haven’t been able to function. I can’t eat, sleep and have no desire except for it to be time to come to work so that I can see you again.” I gasp at his confession. I didn’t think he could possibly understand what he put me through but he’s been experiencing the same thing.

  “A couple of months ago, I started noticing changes in her behavior toward me. I tried to play it off and ignore it. Then you walked into the lobby after we spent the night together. I’d already planned to get in touch with you that day because well, I told you that night that once would never be enough.” His heated gaze sends a current straight through me. He pauses to give me a moment to digest. “When I wanted to change everything around for you, Rebecca was immediately suspicious of my motives and I knew when she found out I was interested in you, she’d be jealous. I calmly told her that my motives were none of her damn business. When she showed up in London, I knew there was no way she was going to leave us alone despite trying to explain to her several times that her and I were over and there would never be anything more between us. Then that Thursday she walked into the office and my whole world was destroyed again by her.” I slide closer to him taking his hand in mine. There’s no doubt in my mind that what he’s saying is the truth but there are still things that don’t make sense.

  “Why were you secretly seeing her then?”

  “Celeste, you don’t understand. I’ve been working to get rid of her. She won’t search out any other opportunities on her own so I began to look for them for her. I have a colleague at Morton Meyers and he told me that they’re looking for a new HR director. I knew it would be a perfect fit for her so I’ve been talking with them off and on since London. The day she came in here was her first meeting with them. And my meeting today was to finalize the move. She will be joining them in two weeks and until then she will be working with her replacement.” He got rid of her.

  My heart stops. “Ian, I would never ask…”

  “Oh, I know you wouldn’t. But she would do everything she could to wedge her way between us. And frankly it just isn’t working having her here. She’s too focused on keeping us apart and not on her job.” Yes, from our little conversation in the lobby that day, I know. And based on the last few weeks, I would say she succeeded in coming between us. “So there’s no longer any place for her here.”

  I don’t know what to say; I want to jump in his lap and kiss him but I’m not sure he would accept me. By leaving and not allowing him to explain, I’ve really hurt him; I can see the brokenness in him.

  “Ian, I just don’t understand how or why Patrick would do that to you. Rebecca, not trying to be petty here, but I can understand that just from my few encounters with her. Patrick, though, really seems like a nice guy.”

  Ian runs his hands through his hair, his frustration clear. “Celeste, I told you the first time you met him to stay away from him and I meant it. I’m sure Patrick can seem nice and charming even. The problem is if I have something, Patrick wants it. He pursued Rebecca until we were at a weak point in our relationship and then he took advantage of that weakness. And Rebecca wasn’t the first.” Ian’s eyes are sad and his posture is defeated. “Patrick’s been like this since we were young. My grandfather left the company to both my father and his mother but she wanted no part of it. So my father bought out her share. I guess Patrick always looked at it like we had taken what was his. So in turn he would do the same to me. The saddest part of all of this is if our lives hadn’t been what they are, I would have loved to have him here working with me.”

  I place my hand over his. So much hurt and pain in his features, but at the same time even with all of this explained, there is still what happened at the club. I can’t reconcile what he just said with what he did then. “Then why, Ian? Why were with that woman at the club?”

  He leans forward and brushes a piece of hair back out of my face. “I didn’t get to tell you how beautiful you looked in the dress my mother made for you.” I feel the tears well up in me again. I missed so much with Ian because of Rebecca. I vow right here and now that I won’t let it happen again. I will not give him up without a fight and I will not run again without talking to him first. That’s what most of this boils down to; I need to stop running.

  Bringing my focus back to Ian, I say, “You’re still avoiding my question. But I do want you to know that I’m sorry, sorry for running, sorry for the time we lost.”

  “Celeste, you don’t need to be sorry. I should have never kept this from you. Let me start with Thursday night. When those elevator doors closed, I felt part of me die. When you didn’t answer my calls and then didn’t come in to work the next day, it felt like someone had reached into my chest and pulled my heart out. As soon as I found out you weren’t coming in, I called my mother and got Gavin’s number. I didn’t know if he would answer or even talk to me but I had to do something. I got him the VIP table and planned to be there so we could talk. But then you were with another man. I didn’t think I could feel a
nymore pain until I saw him with his hands on you on the dance floor. It took every last bit of my control not to go out there and rip his head off then drag you back and fuck some sense into you.” Holy hell, who just turned up the heat in here? The growing wet spot in my panties was making it difficult to concentrate.

  “But you left, I looked for you.” I said barely a whisper.

  “Oh believe me I got an eyeful before I got up. Like I said, my first instinct was to head out onto that floor and break his hands for touching you. Then the cocktail waitress walked by, shooting me a look I know too well.”

  The heat that had been running between us moments before was now a frozen lake of desire. “Stop, Ian I can’t hear anymore. I said I would hear you out and not run but I can’t listen to this. I’m just not ready. I need some time.”

  “No, angel, you can’t leave now. Please I have to finish. This can’t be easy but please…” Against my better judgment, I remain seated. After a few calming breathes, I am able to focus again on what he is telling me. “I took her down the hall and started doing things I knew I shouldn’t be doing but if you were going to shut me out, I needed to find a way to rid you from my mind too. That’s the only way I know to drive a woman from my heart and mind. The problem was that as I leaned into her, all I could see was you. Only when I touched her, I was reminded that she definitely wasn’t you. With all that was in me, I wanted to rid you from my memory, and then you were standing there looking at me. I could see your pain but I was an ass. Instead of running after you, taking you in my arms and pressing you against that wall, like I had wanted to since you walked in,” I felt the electric current break through the ice and shoot through me, but he continues, “I let you walk away. I don’t know what else to say except I fucked up but I did not fuck her. There’s no way I could, not when my body, heart and mind were crying out for you. Regardless, I know what you saw, that what I did hurt you and I would do anything to take it back. I only want to keep you from pain, not cause it but unfortunately, I failed at that as well. At first, I didn’t understand how you could mistake my feelings for you. Then at mother’s party with Rebecca. I understood she had been sabotaging us from the beginning. I’m guessing that wasn’t the only time she said something to you about me, trying to make it seem as if there was more to our relationship than there was.” His hands slide into his hair, tugging at it in frustration. “I swear to you, Celeste. You’re the only one I want, the only one I’ve wanted since I set eyes on you that first night in the club. That Monday when I walked in to see you were sitting here… I was overjoyed and then you acted as if you were just my assistant just the way you told that man that’s all you were to me. These last few weeks I would steal glances at you working and I just wanted…” I cut him off placing my finger on his lips to silence him. I heard all I needed to hear.

  “Ian,” I press my lips to his, not sure how to say what I’m feeling any other way. Pulling back, my voice so thick with desire I almost don’t recognize it, “Please Ian, I need you. Please make love to me.” The panty-dropping smile is back.

  “Anything for you, sweetheart.” He scoops me up and carries me to his bedroom. I gasp at the bed as he brings me over and lays me in the middle. This is something new. It’s a huge 4 poster mahogany bed; not sure what size you would call it, as it is bigger than a king. Romantically draped across the top are sheer curtains in a beautiful shade of crimson. I can’t help but run my fingers over them. Ian steps over to the bed and pulls my body to the edge. “Love, we are going to take this nice and slow. When I am done with you, there will be no doubt in your mind as to my feelings for you.”

  He slowly peels open my jacket and lays it over the chair in the corner. Reminiscent of our time in his office in London, he grasps my blouse in both hands and pulls it open. “It appears I owe you another shirt.” He pulls the fabric from underneath my body and throws it to the floor. Next he removes my skirt. Then he stands back to admire his work. My chest is heaving; my pussy is soaked and throbbing with need; his eyes rove over my body as I lay there in nothing but my bra, thong, garter and stockings. He strips his shirt from his body and undoes his belt and top button on his pants before climbing over my body. “I love that you wear these. Stunning.” He slides his hand up my thigh until his fingertips graze the bare skin above my stocking. His other hand snakes into my hair and he pulls my mouth to his.

  I feel like I am going to combust and he has barely touched me. “Ian, please I need you.”

  “I know, sweetheart.”

  “Inside me, I need you inside me. Please.” I’m whimpering, begging, trying to hold back the ecstasy that threatens to overwhelm me.

  His mouth moves lower; freeing my breast from the cup of my bra he takes it in his mouth, gently licking and sucking. “I’ll never get enough of you.” His mouth moves to the other breast. I feel his hand make its way to my slick folds. He teases my clit but doesn’t fill me like I need him to.

  “Please Ian. Ian, I…” Then his fingers are in the spot I’m craving contact the most. “Yes, Ian but I want your cock in me. Please fill me up. I need you.”

  “You’re going to fucking kill me, sweetheart. You know I can’t deny you.” With that his pants and socks are on the floor in one swift move. Oh, commando again. I feel his weight come down on me. I part my legs wider to accommodate him. I want to feel the fullness of him in me. Just when I don’t think I can stand the wait any longer, he plunges into me, filling me to the brim in one fluid movement.

  “Please Ian, love me.” His face calms and he looks into my eyes. In those sapphire pools, I see straight into his soul. He doesn’t need to say it for me to know he loves me. With his body, he is telling me the only way he knows how. “Ian, I; oh please.” He is moving in slow deliberate strokes. I feel every inch of him slide against me. The wait is agonizing. I want him to slam into me, to take me hard but he’s savoring every moment.

  “Sweetheart, do you know how I feel about you? Is it clear to you yet?”

  I nod looking him the eyes. “Yes, Ian I know.”

  “I want to hear you say it. Tell me what you see in my eyes, what you feel in my touch. Tell me I want to hear the words.” His rhythm increases and his fingers find my nipple.

  I can’t hold back the rush of my orgasm but I give him what he wants. “You love me.” I cry out as my orgasm rocks my body. “Ian, I love you.” I don’t care that he knows. He deserves to know everything and in time I’ll have to share all my secrets with him. With a loud groan, he spills himself inside me at my confession of love.

  He rolls to his side remaining inside me and cradles me to his body. “Say it again. I need to hear it again.” He smiles at me. It’s a smile of pure bliss.

  “I love you, Ian. I have for a very long time. I’m sorry my fear kept me from telling you sooner.” I drape my leg over his waist and press my mouth to his. His eyes stare down into mine.

  “Love, you have no idea how happy you have made me. I want to hold you like this forever.” I feel his cock stir inside me. My pulse quickens as my arousal becomes evident as well. “Insatiable. What am I going to do with you? We can’t live in this bed you know. But since we’re already here…” And he makes love to me until I can no longer keep my eyes open.

  “Celeste,” he brushes his hand over my forehead moving my hair out of the way. “I wouldn’t wake you but your phone has been blowing up for the last hour. Someone is very anxious to get a hold of you.” Shit Gavin.

  I pick up the phone to see 12 missed calls and just as many text messages the last of which reads, “Dammit Celeste, you’ve got to stop disappearing. I’m going crazy over here. Either call me or get your ass home.”

  “Crap.”

  “Is everything alright?” Ian is leaning over my shoulder kissing and nipping the skin. He’s seen the message but he doesn’t ask me to explain.

  “Everything will be fine just let me send him a text so he knows I’m okay.” I tell Gavin that I’m fine, that I’ll be staying with Ian
tonight and I will explain everything over lunch tomorrow. I beg forgiveness by promising to make him his favorite lasagna tomorrow night for dinner. A few seconds later my phone beeps and my bribe has worked on him.

  “You’re cooking for him. When will you cook for me?” he pouts.

  “Actually I was hoping if you didn’t have plans, you could join us for dinner tomorrow. I think its time you and Gavin had some time together to talk. You are both very important to me but he’s still very angry with you. Don’t worry, I’ll talk to him; I won’t make you be unmanly by discussing your feelings for me with him but he needs to see that you mean what you say.” I lean over and run my tongue along his lips. “And I think I have some things in my bedroom that you need to see.” I pull my bottom lip in with my teeth knowing that drives him wild.

  “Ms. Brooks, are you trying to seduce me with promises of lasagna?”

  “Oh Ian, I would cover myself in lasagna if I thought it would get you inside me faster.”

  Chapter 18

  I wake in Ian’s strong arms. I could really get used to this. He’s going to spoil me. “Good morning, gorgeous.” He drops a kiss to my head.

  “If you’re going to greet me like this every morning, I would say it is.” I wrap my hand around his already ridged cock, stroking him lightly.

  “Ah,” he groans, “I can pretty much guarantee any morning I wake up with you like this,” his eyes rove over my naked form, “you will be greeted this same way.” Luckily, the office is right on the other side of the wall because we spend way too much time rolling around in the sheets.

  As we walk into the office, I remember that I didn’t prepare any of his materials for today. “Shit.” He turns to me. “Sorry, not very professional of me.” I can feel the blush starting at the roots of my hair running down my body. “I just remembered that with our discussion yesterday. I never got your things prepared for today.”