Out of the Ashes

by S. M. Lynn

  “I completely understand but now I fear we’re all in need of a dip in cold water.” Gavin laughs at me as Ian leans down to nibble my neck.

  “Angel, I always wondered if that blush covered your whole body and now I guess I know.”

  “Ian, stop it.” I say playfully smacking him on the arm. “Your mother’s right there.”

  “Celeste, as inappropriate as it is, I don’t think my mother would stop me if I decided to take you right here and now. She would just pull Claire and Gavin into the house. She is desperate for grandchildren.” The panty-dropping smile is back and my insides are melting.

  “Well,” I muster the most serious tone I can; “I hope you have explained to her that we aren’t making any grandchildren with our extra curricular activities. There are several steps that we have to take before I’d even consider that.”

  His face pales slightly before he recovers himself. “Celeste, you do want children someday don’t you?” Whoa, when did this conversation turn so serious?

  “Of course, I do. I’m just not sure I’m ready right now and call me old fashioned but I am not married. I would prefer to have babies with my husband. Maybe in a few years when I’m married and a little more settled.” Everyone must have sensed the change in our conversation as when I look around they’re all at the far end of the pool giving Ian and I our privacy.

  “No, I completely understand that Celeste. I was just hoping you weren’t going to tell me that you didn’t want children at all. Because while I would give up anything to be with you, even that, I must admit I have pictured what it would be like when your belly is swollen with my baby and then later with us running around after all of them.” Holy shit! Did he just say he pictured me pregnant and us having babies together? He hasn’t even told me he loves me yet.

  My head is spinning a little with all this new information. “Ian, I need to sit down.”

  “Love, is everything all right?”

  I don’t know what to say to that. I haven’t really thought a lot about children. I guess I figured I would cross that bridge when I came to it. But there are so many things to worry about when considering it. What kind of mother would I be? I’m on the run from my past and my experience with mothers isn’t a very good example. What if I end up like her, like my mother? “Ian, I’m sorry. This is all just a bit much for me all of a sudden. I had no idea that you thought… Well to be honest, I’ve never thought about children. There was a time in my life when I’d decided that it would be better if I never had any but now… I don’t know. I think with you… I feel like we’re getting ahead of ourselves. How about if we’re still together in another year or so we talk about it?”

  “Celeste, I know I’m not the most forthcoming with my feelings. It’s just difficult for me with my past… But I thought I’d made it pretty clear how I feel about you and what I intend for our future. I don’t plan on ever letting you go. Sweetheart, you are my forever.” I pull his lips to mine. This man is so perfect; I can only pray he’ll feel the same when he knows the truth.

  Later that afternoon, I’m in the pool with Gavin, sipping on a gin and tonic with a slice of cucumber. “Celeste, you know I would do anything for you right?” What’s the deal with the heartfelt conversations today?

  “Yeah Gav. As I would for you. But what’s this all about?”

  “He loves you and it’s not just the bikini.” He winks at me. “Though since you took off your dress the man hasn’t been able to go more than ten seconds without looking at you. But I’m worried for you. I just want to know that you’ll be okay after everything else you’ve been through.”

  “Gav, I’m working on being okay and for the first time I actually feel like I will be. I’m still nervous and know I need to tell Ian but I can’t right now. I just need to wait for the right time.”

  “Well, babe, just in case the right time never presents itself, don’t wait too long. He needs to know. I doubt his reaction will be what you are expecting.”

  Sunday arrives and I’m saddened to go. The weekend was the perfect retreat and just what we needed to get us back on track. We spent our time talking, laughing and plenty of time between the sheets and a few other places. As we say our goodbyes, I hug Claire; we have become so close over this weekend. “Now you must come stay in the city during winter break. We will go shopping and hit some clubs. Gavin has lots of friends that would love to meet you and no, not all of them are gay.” Claire and I laugh at this but Ian’s face is anything but happy.

  “My little sister doesn’t need to be dating but I agree she should stay in the city and spend some time with us.”

  Claire’s face twists up in anger, “Ian, you know I’m not saving myself for marriage right and I’ve had plenty of dates.” He looks ready to interrupt her but Claire just raises her hand to him. Turning to me she smiles, “Celeste, this has been the best weekend. And yes, I would love to come stay in the city for some time shopping and clubbing even if my overbearing brother has to be there.” She sticks her tongue out at him and then we all burst into laughter.

  Marlene and Gavin walk in and I can tell they have been in deep conversation. I give Gavin an inquisitive look but he just shrugs me off. What were they talking about for so long? By the way they’re both looking at me; I can guess I must have had something to do with it. I’ll have to remember to ask Gavin about it later.

  After thanking Marlene for the weekend and hugging everyone again, we make our way to the Audi. “Thank you again for this.” I say as I lean over and wrap my arms around his neck.

  “No, sweetheart, thank you. Thank you for giving me this back.” He runs his hand down my cheek and stops at my chest, right over my heart.

  I would have never imagined this for my life. There was a time when I no longer had any dreams for my life. Now all my dreams are focused on this man and our future.

  Chapter 20

  An anniversary I would rather forget approaches, not only that but it’s my birthday too. I can’t help but feel some trepidation as my birthday approaches. There are too many memories on this day. While not as bad as when Ian and I were apart, the nightmares still plague me. I’m getting afraid to stay over with Ian in case I have one. There’s no way I can explain that to him. After several nights of refusing to stay and not allowing him to stay over, I can tell that Ian is becoming wary of my excuses. “Celeste, I need to fall asleep with you in my arms and wake the same way. If it weren’t for Rebecca, I would be asking you to move in with me right now.” My mouth falls open in shock. “Calm down, as it is you aren’t ready for that… Yet! But I can’t take any more of these nights apart. I don’t care if its here or the apartment but I’m staying with you tonight.”

  So in spite of my better judgment, I agree to stay over at the apartment with him. Ian prepares a romantic dinner for the two of us and we curl up on the couch to watch a movie. Needless to say, I don’t remember much of the movie and I’m pretty sure we moved into the bedroom before it even ended. He poured his love into me and washed my body in it. I fell asleep in the comfort of his arms.

  Hard hands grasp my waist and tangle in my hair. For him these are not acts of pleasure, he feeds on my pain. It’s the only thing that brings him joy. He kicks my legs apart, binding my hands. “I know you want this so stop your whining, bitch. We both already know what a whore you are.” He kneels between my legs wrapping his hand tighter in my hair. “I saw you today you know. With that man. Did you think I wouldn’t find out what you were doing? How did you think you could hide it from me?” “Please,” I cry out. “He’s my lab partner. We met to go over our final project for next week. I wasn’t doing anything. Please, you’re hurting me.” He’s pulling my hair so hard now that I’m sure my scalp is bleeding. He begins to pound into me unrelenting. The tears flow but he’s unmoved by them. In fact, the more I cry and the louder I cry the more pleasure he receives. He grunts and spills himself inside me. Before standing and kicking me hard in the stomach. “Remember that next time you deci
de to whore yourself out. Now clean up. I need you downstairs in 15 minutes to greet the guests. “Oh and baby? If you make me wait longer, you can expect I won’t be this kind to you later.”

  “Shit Celeste, wake up.” Ian is shaking me, terror in his eyes. “Sweetheart, you’re drenched; are you all right?” Sweat soaks my hair and it’s matted to my face. My whole body is quivering as I try to bring my mind back from where my nightmares have taken me. “Love, talk to me. You were crying in your sleep; whimpering like you were in pain. Will you please talk to me about it?”

  “It was just a nightmare. I really don’t even remember what it was about.” I curl into his body and lay my head on his shoulder hoping he buys what I’m selling. Soon his chest begins a rhythmic rise and fall and he is asleep. There will be no more sleep for me tonight but I’m content with his arms around me and my face buried in his neck.

  Unfortunately there’s no way to stop time and so today is my birthday. I share this day with Lauren, Lauren’s death and Lauren’s father’s death. Yes, happy birthday to me. Gavin knows that today is my birthday but I don’t mention it to Ian. For obvious reasons, it isn’t a day I choose to celebrate. I would rather wipe the day from the calendar but without fail every year it comes around again. There was a time when I looked forward to this day with great joy. I’ve had some very happy birthdays in the past. I just don’t see how I can ever have any in the future.

  “Celeste, I need you in here now.” Ian’s tone is stern and I begin to wonder what could be going on. Did I forget a page in the prospectus he’s working on? Did I invert a number on the project budget? My brain has been off lately so I wouldn’t put anything past me. Probably should have called off work today instead of trying to muddle through with only half of my senses. But I’ve been very careful to double and triple check my work knowing my head is not in the game. “What do you mean by this?” he says as he throws a piece of paper on his desk. “I can’t believe you didn’t say anything to me. Were you ever going to tell me?” His voice seems truly angry now and all I can think is that somehow he found out. Dear god, how much does he know? Does he know about Lauren? Does he know about him? My face pales as he continues to stare at me from behind his desk.

  I’m shaking now and rather than confronting the issue right in front of me, I retreat into myself. Not meeting his gaze, I decide to play dumb. “Ian, I’m not sure what you are talking about? I haven’t kept anything from you.”

  “Oh sweetheart, this is a battle you will lose if that is your only defense. I just can’t believe you wouldn’t tell me. Why wouldn’t you want me to know that today is your birthday?” My whole body physically relaxes; I try not to make the sag obvious but I’m so relieved that that’s what he’s angry about. I begin to laugh. “Celeste, I don’t think this is the proper reaction to my anger. I need you to tell me why?” He’s really upset by this.

  “Ian,” I walk around and curl into his lap and his face softens, “it wasn’t purposeful. It honestly slipped my mind.” Well not last night as I dreamed about the last birthday I celebrated before I ran. “It’s not a happy day for me so I guess I just put it out of my mind.”

  He gives me a curious gaze. “Love, this is the happiest day for me. This is the day that the angel who holds my heart came into this world. That’s a great cause for celebration to me.”

  “How did you find out anyway?”

  “Again not the reaction I was expecting to get. You forget, Ms. Brooks that I’m your employer and therefore I have access to things such as your address, social security number and birthdate.” He waves the paper that I filled out when I began here over 6 months ago.

  “Well, no matter what you say, we’re celebrating your birthday tonight. I’ve already called Gavin and my mother is in town working on her new line so we’re all meeting later for dinner. Then I intend to bring you home and unwrap my present. See since you were so sneaky, you get no present as a punishment. I on the other hand will completely enjoy opening mine.”

  Ian’s fingers slide over the back of my hand as we ride in the car to the restaurant. His thumb traces small circles on my palm. I’m vividly aware of every touch, every glance from the god that owns my heart. My heart thumps in my chest and I’m afraid that he can hear how loudly it’s beating. This isn’t the time; but after the scare I had this morning, I need to tell him. I can’t continue to keep this from him. “Ian?” I say trying to get his attention. He brings his lips to mine in a soft kiss. As his hands run through my hair, the kiss becomes deeper, hungrier. What did I want to say to him? My mind has gone to mush in his arms. “Ian.” I breathe out his name. I hear the privacy glass slide up between Connor and us. Then I feel his hand working its way up my skirt. “I can’t wait until we get home to unwrap you. I need my present now.”

  His hands cup my breasts through my top. “I’m more than happy to have you unwrap me but remember we’re on our way to meet your mother so if you tear my shirt off as you have a tendency to do; I won’t be able to join you at dinner. I doubt the restaurant would let me in in just my bra.” He laughs, a deep throaty laugh. The sound warms my heart and also causes my pussy to clench. Before he can destroy what happens to be one of my favorite tops, I start to slowly slide each pearl button through its hole. I’m taking my time; drawing out this torture of him.

  “Hey, that’s my present you’re unwrapping there.”

  “I know but this paper is very delicate and you can’t just rip into it. So I’m helping you.” I continue popping buttons the lace of my bra now clearly visible. The top of my smooth stomach just peering out. Ian presses a button on the console, his eyes never leaving me.

  “Drive until I tell you to stop.” He releases the button as I finish the last one on my top. He reaches over and pushes it from my shoulders and it slides down the seat. “Well, I know you said I couldn’t rip your top but you didn’t mention anything about these.” His hand is quickly up my skirt and I feel his finger shred my panties. He removes his hand the lace between his fingers. He holds them to his nose and inhales deeply before he puts them in his pocket. “You are so fucking sweet. Every bit of you absolutely stunning.” He slides his pants down freeing his straining cock. “Come sit on my lap, angel.” I slide across the seat to him and pull my skirt up around my waist before I settle over him. I take him into me all at once with a loud gasp. “Just remember, sweetheart, while he can’t see us, that glass isn’t completely soundproof so unless you want Connor to know what you sound like when I make you come, you’re going to have to try really hard to be quiet.” Then his mouth devours me. Tongues clashing, hands warring at each other’s bodies. I know in this moment that I’ll never get enough of him. I begin to rock my hips over him. I reach down to cup his heavy sac.

  “You’re going to completely unravel me.” He begins a steady thrust up as I rock harder on him. He unhooks my bra in one fluid movement and takes my breast into his mouth. He closes around my nipple. I yelp when his teeth sink into my sensitive flesh. “You belong to me. There’s no doubt about it now.” He says admiring his work. Then he proceeds to run his tongue around the red mark made by his teeth. I suck in a breath at the sensation that runs through me. There is no doubt in my mind that he owns me. At the same time, with his ownership comes love, comfort, and protection.

  I fist my hands in his hair, tugging as I ride him harder. “Ian.”

  “Fuck Celeste.” Neither one of us is quiet. But he needs to know what he’s doing to me, how he’s making me feel. I’ll never keep that from him again. It’s the one place I can be absolutely honest with him.

  “Oh, Ian, that feels so good. Oh please, don’t stop.” His thrusts become harder, pressing his cock deeper inside me. Our groans mingle. Loud cursing and cries wash over both of us as we find our release at the same time. My pussy milking the last of his orgasm from his body.

  “I can’t even… There are no words. Celeste, I need you forever. Please say you’ll stay forever.”

  “Nothing could take me fr
om you.” I kiss him deeply.

  We straighten ourselves and he helps my with my hair running his fingers through it like a comb. “Sweetheart, your hair is like spun silk. Once my hands are buried in it there’s only one other place they would rather be and you happen to hold that between your thighs.”

  “Are you sure we have to go to dinner? Can’t we just call them and fake an illness?”

  “So impatient. And besides I told you, my mother can read me like a book even through the phone. This is your night and I intend to make it the best one ever.” He doesn’t know that he already has.

  Dinner is spectacular. Of course there are multiple courses and I’m so stuffed by the time dessert comes that I’ll have to spend hours hitting the pavement tomorrow in penance for this. As they bring dessert, Ian hands me a small beautifully wrapped package. I carefully pull off the bow and remove the delicate paper. I open the velvet box and sparkling back at me is the most beautiful Harry Winston necklace I’ve ever seen. So delicate that it almost looks like lace; diamonds so perfect the sparkle is blinding. “Ian,” I gasp. “It’s beautiful. But I can’t. It’s too much.”

  He laughs me off with a shake of his head. “It’s not. You can and you will. In fact, I think I’ll insist that whatever you wear next weekend,” he looks over at his mother, “hint, hint mother, needs to go with this necklace and the earrings I bought you in London.”

  “I thought you said my punishment for not telling you about my birthday was no present.”

  Gavin almost chokes on his wine at that statement. “Have you two been reading 50 Shades of Grey to each other? Exactly what kind of relationship do you have? Don’t worry your secret is safe with me.”