Only One Man Will Do

by Fiona McGier

  Emma cleared her throat importantly as she sat back down, pushing a plate of warm cookies towards her friend who continued to drink heavily. Alexandra grabbed a cookie and began chewing it.

  “What?”

  “That’s not all of the news the gang was going to share with you tonight.”

  “No?”

  “No.”

  “Lay it on me. What else?” Alexandra looked sad and thoughtful and not a little drunk as she took another big gulp to wash down the cookie.

  “Did you notice Angela hasn’t been letting anyone else touch her lately?”

  “No, I didn’t notice…”

  “And José has been pretty much keeping his hands to himself also.”

  “He was feeling me up pretty good a coupla months ago,” Alexandra insisted.

  “Yes, in the bar. Not under a table, or out in the car. And a couple of months ago it was different.”

  “Why?”

  Emma smiled at Bob before she spoke, “Angela’s pregnant. She and José are getting married too.”

  “What?”

  “We were thinking of doing it close together, so we could all celebrate both weddings out here. If that’s alright with you…”

  Alexandra sat stunned. She stared at first one then the other of her friends, then snapped, “No one tells me anything anymore! I’m only the queen and all, so who cares what I think? No one’s asked me what I thought of you all deciding to break up the gang by getting married. Why should you care now? Why should anyone care what I think?”

  “Alex, it’s not like that,” Emma began.

  “Alex, we’re not breaking up the gang. Some of us are just pairing off. In fact, we owe it all to you.”

  Emma nodded at Bob as he stopped talking. “That’s right, Alex,” she continued. “Without you insisting on inviting me to join your gang to meet other men in a non-threatening way after my asshole ex treated me so badly, I’ve never have met Bob. And since I married so young I was a virgin back then. I didn’t know a good lay from a bad lay. Now, thanks to all of the fun we had in your barn, I know what a good lay is. And a great one.” She smiled at Bob who leered back at her.

  “I guess I’m gonna have to get more guys to join us, huh?” Alexandra spoke as thoughtfully as she could while slightly slurring her words. “Bob’s down. José’s down. That only leaves six men to keep four women happy. And one of them’s me, with my huge appetite for lots of sex.”

  Emma took a deep breath. “What about Dmitri?”

  “Fuck ‘im!” Alexandra yelled forcefully. “Fuck ‘im! If he doesn’t want me, other men do. I’ll show that smug Russian son-of-a-bitch who’s boss! He thinks he can order me around, huh? I’ll show him!”

  Alexandra pushed herself up and swayed, holding on to the side of the table for support.

  “Are you heading out to the barn?” Bob asked.

  “Nah. I’m gonna go soak in the hot tub. Wanna join me?”

  “No. I’ll just stay and keep Emma company, I think.”

  Alexandra shrugged and began unlacing her corset.

  “Whatever. Suit yourself.” She got angry when the laces knotted and stumbled over to a drawer and yanked it open. She pushed stuff around inside of it for a while, mumbling to herself.

  “Where’s the fucking scissors? I’ll just cut the damn thing off…maybe I can use a knife? Emma, you got a sharp knife handy?”

  She turned to find Emma holding the scissors. She pushed Alexandra’s hands away and carefully cut the knotted laces open. Alexandra massaged the underside of both of her breasts.

  “Ah, that’s better! Damn thing was so tight I could barely breathe! Hey Bob, you gotta smoke?”

  Bob nodded and pulled a pack out of his pocket and lit a cigarette before he passed it to her. Alexandra stuck it into her mouth and grabbed the bottle off the table before heading unsteadily towards the door.

  “See ya’s later,” she said as the door shut behind her.

  “Go with her,” Emma said quickly to Bob.

  “Why?”

  “So she doesn’t pass out and drown, that’s why!”

  “What if she gropes me?”

  Emma smiled at him. “You’re a big boy. You can handle it. Keep your boxers on if you want to. Just think about God and country…or recite baseball statistics in your head. If you don’t get hard, she won’t try anything.”

  Bob made a face at her as he sighed heavily. He began to head out the back door but stopped behind her.

  “A kiss before I go off to do your bidding, mistress?”

  Emma laughed as she pulled his head down and kissed him passionately, ending with licking his chin.

  “Now go! Dinner will be ready soon and we’ve got to get some food into her or she’s gonna be really sick tomorrow!”

  * * * *

  Once the stew was ready, Emma rang the bell outside of the back door to let everyone know, and before too long the kitchen was crowded with nude, hungry bikers. Everyone ate their fill sitting on the back porch, then went back in for seconds. Emma had started an industrial-sized coffeemaker before dinner was served, so by the time everyone started looking for the desserts, the coffee was ready.

  Emma and Bob made sure Alexandra had coffee with her cookies and brownies, but that barely slowed down her booze consumption. By the time the campfire had been lit and everyone had found a comfortable chair to sit on, Alexandra was almost done with her second bottle. For the most part she was sitting quietly, as if lost in thought…or too drunk to make words.

  When there was a lull in conversation because people were digesting the enormous amount of food they’d consumed, Bob stood up and addressed the crowd.

  “I’d like your attention, everyone. You might be wondering why I wasn’t out in the barn with the rest of you before dinner. Emma and I have an announcement to make. I’ve asked and she’s accepted, so sometime in the next month she and I are getting married at a courthouse. We’d love for any of you who want to be there as witnesses to come with us, and we’re hoping to have a reception of sorts here, to celebrate where we met and fell in love.”

  There were cheers and congratulations from all sides. The females kissed and groped Bob, telling him it was one last time, for old time’s sake! The men were more chaste with their hugs, making sure not to touch any part of Emma that might now be deemed off-limits to anyone other than the groom.

  After everyone sat back down, José stood up and cleared his throat.

  “Angela and I have an announcement to make also. Over the winter I wasn’t as careful as I should have been about using condoms each and every time, so Angela is pregnant. We’re also getting married, since that’s what you do when this happens.”

  Angela stuck her tongue out at him. “If that’s how you feel, señor, then ¡adios! The baby and I will do just fine without you!”

  José rushed over to kneel in front of her, contrition expressed in his pose.

  “¡Carida! ¡Eres toda mi vida! ¡Te llevo en el alma!”

  Bob laughed. “I think that means he loves her…congratulations, you two!”

  More hugging and back-slapping happened, before the two happy couples sat back down. At that point, Alexandra stood up.

  “All I gotta say is I don’t like change! I didn’t like it when my dad dumped my mom for his bimbo. I didn’t like it when Mike and Craig left last year, to live other places. And I don’t like it that you are pairing off like this! This is supposed to be a gang, not a family gathering! What the fuck? Now, you four will only have sex with each other, right? That leaves less men for the four of us who are too smart to fall in love!”

  She sat back down heavily and took another long drink from what little remained in her bottle. She reached over and plucked a cigarette out of Tom’s mouth. He smiled at her before lighting another one.

  “We’re not being dumb,” Emma began. “It’s just that none of us expected to meet someone who was so perfect for us there couldn’t be any other way for this to end up. Bob is eve
rything I’ve ever hoped for, but figured after my fucking disaster of a first marriage, I’d never find. I’m just so happy. Please be happy for us, my queen.”

  Bob patted Emma’s hand and nodded, turning to smile at Alexandra.

  “After all, we owe meeting and realizing how we felt to you…”

  “That’s right.” Angela bobbed her head in agreement. “I sure wasn’t looking to fall in love. I just wanted to have a good time. And look what I found!”

  She rubbed her belly that upon close enough inspection did appear to be starting to grow larger. José leaned over and kissed her belly, then his tongue trailed its way up to her lips for a passionate kiss.

  “But what about me?” Alexandra wailed.

  There was silence for a heartbeat before everyone loudly proclaimed their loyalty to the queen of their gang. Alexandra shook her head and jumped up to yell at everyone.

  “I know you’re all still here! But he’s not! The one guy I want isn’t here! Why isn’t he here? Why can everyone else find someone to love but I can’t?”

  In the shocked hush following her outburst, Alexandra burst into tears.

  “I want Dmitri! I like his cock! I like the way he treats me! I want him and he left me! He walked out on me!”

  Alexandra wavered unsteadily on her feet, as she tilted the bottle up and drained the last of her second bottle of JD for the day. She began to sway, taking a few recovery steps that took her perilously close to the fire. Sensing imminent disaster, two of the men seated close to her rose quickly and reached towards her as she fell heavily. They caught her before she hit the ground or the fire. Her head lolled back as they realized what had happened.

  “She’s out for the night,” Jim said matter-of-factly to Brad.

  Emma rose, gesturing towards the house.

  “Can you guys get her upstairs? We need to get her into a bed so she can sleep it off.”

  The two men carried her, one man holding her shoulders, the other her feet. They followed Emma as she led them in through the back door and up the stairs to the second floor where all the bedrooms were. After a few minutes, Jim and Brad returned to the fire and reclaimed their seats.

  Emma came out later. As she sat back down on her lawn seat, Bob patted her arm.

  “Is she okay?”

  Emma nodded. “She passed out. I’ll check on her every hour or so, to be sure she’s okay. At some point she’s gonna be doing some major puking. In the meantime, we have some partying to do, right everyone?”

  There was a general grumble of agreement.

  “So, who’s got the weed?” Emma asked as Bob walked back from the kegger to hand her refilled beer glass to her.

  The party went on long into the night. Emma rose a few times to check on their errant queen, but always returned with a smile and a nod for anyone with a question in their eyes.

  * * * *

  It was quite a few hours later that Emma and Bob groped their way in the dark up the stairs to the door of the room across from Alexandra’s. Emma peeked in and by the light of the moon, saw that her friend still slept heavily, snoring in a regular rhythm.

  When she rejoined Bob, they fell onto the bed in a paroxysm of passion that expressed how happy they were with each other. They fell asleep entwined in each other’s arms.

  Emma wasn’t sure what woke her up, but she opened her eyes and looked around, noticing the early morning rays of dawn beginning to lighten the room. She rolled to a more comfortable position. The door across the hall creaked.

  “Shit! I hope Alex isn’t sleep-walking, looking for something to drink! She’s probably still drunk. I’d better go be sure she’s alright.”

  She got out of the bed gently, hoping not to disturb Bob who was still asleep.

  As she got out into the hall she heard a noise from Alex, slurring her words as she spoke in a low voice.

  “Ooh, Dmitri. You did come back…you do love me. Now, fuck me good and hard, like you know I like it.”

  Surprised, Emma pushed open the door and saw a man in bed behind Alexandra. The early rays of dawn coming through the open windows showed his hands were busy, one twisting a nipple, the other stroking between her legs as she began to writhe against him.

  “Who’s that? Dmitri, did you come back?” Emma asked.

  The man grunted and pushed his hips forward as Alexandra opened her eyes wide in surprise.

  “Wha…? Who? That’s not the dick I want! Who is that?”

  The man began to grind against her in earnest as Emma turned on the overhead light.

  “Rich! Leave her alone!” Emma yelled so she could be heard over his grunting and Alexandra’s protestations.

  “Get outta me! I don’ wanna fuck you! I…shit! Lemme up…now!”

  Realizing what was imminent, Emma yelled, “Get offa her now, Rich! She’s gonna…”

  With a huge effort, Alexandra rolled over to the side of the bed and began to puke, huge spasms wracking her body as the results of her massive over-indulgence punished her with a vengeance. Rich growled in frustration, attempting to grab her from behind again.

  Emma was horrified as she rushed forward to help her friend.

  “For fuck’s sake, leave her alone! Let her barf in peace, asshole!”

  “Who’s gonna make me?” Rich glared at her.

  “I am.” Bob spoke in a loud voice from the doorway as he surveyed the bizarre scene.

  Emma held the bulk of Alexandra’s hair out of the way as she continued to be wracked by spasms of projectile vomiting, most of which was on the rug next to the bed. Rich tried to edge closer to Alexandra from behind, but her body shook which made her a difficult target to aim into.

  “Rich, I’m only going to say this once. Get the fuck out of here and leave her be!” Bob’s voice had a dangerous edge to it.

  “Why? We’ve fucked lots of times. What difference does it make if I do her now?”

  Bob advanced into the room. “In case you hadn’t noticed, she’s puking her guts out right now. That’s not usually the best kind of foreplay, or during-play for most women. She’s not able to give consent because she can’t stop barfing long enough to say anything. No woman gets fucked around here unless she wants it.”

  “You gonna stop me?” Rich growled as he grabbed for her hips again, while she was temporarily quiet in between bouts of nausea.

  “Jesus! What the fuck?” Tom entered the room, quickly sizing up what was going on.

  Bob explained quickly. “Rich seems to think that now is an excellent time for him to reclaim our queen. She’s not really in the mood. I think we should strongly encourage him to leave the room right now.”

  Tom’s face was set in a grim frown as he nodded. “I agree.”

  “That’s two against one, Rich. Should we wake up the other men also, to take a poll? Or are you gonna get your ass up and get out of here? That woman’s too sick to want anything to do with any man. You may not be a gentleman, but while I’m here you’re not going to be an animal either.”

  “Fine!” Rich roared in frustration as his feet connected with the floor. He stomped over to the door and pushed at Tom, who didn’t move out of the way as quickly as Bob had done.

  They heard him still stomping all the way down the stairs, then the kitchen door slammed as he went out into the yard.

  Emma was still holding Alexandra’s hair. Bob had gone into the bathroom and returned with a cool, wet washcloth, which Emma used to wipe her friend’s face.

  “Do you think you’re done, honey?” She asked solicitously.

  Alexandra was too weak to shrug and nodding looked like a huge effort.

  “I think so…for now,” she answered weakly.

  “Okay then.” Emma took charge. “Bob, can you get that rug out of here? Put it into a trash bag and seal it closed. Jack smells really bad mixed with food and barf. If she has to keep smelling it, she’ll probably keep puking.”

  “What can I do?” asked Tom.

  “Go downstairs and find a can
of Coke and a glass. Fill the glass with ice and bring them up here. She needs to hydrate, and water will only make things worse.”

  Both of the men left the room on their errands.

  Emma wiped Alexandra’s face, then went out into the hall to the bathroom to rinse the cloth. She returned with two more cool washcloths and a glass of water to use to refresh them. She also had a bottle of pain pills that she set on the nightstand next to the bed, to wait for the iced Coke.

  She shook her head as Alexandra moaned, “Kill me now!”

  “I’m afraid you’re going to have to live through this one, Alex,” Emma replied, using the cool cloths to wipe Alex’s arms. “You drank two entire bottles of the Reverend Jack yesterday and ate very little. You were trying really hard to get drunk and you did an excellent job of it. You almost passed out in the fire. Lucky for you Jim and Brad caught you, and brought you up here to sleep it off. I checked on you every few hours to be sure you were alright.”

  “Thanks for taking care of me,” Alexandra spoke in a very small voice, as if just talking hurt.

  Emma’s gentle touch turned rough as she said, “I don’t know what the fuck that asshole Rich thought he was doing. I’m just glad I heard the door creak when he found his way up here this morning.”

  “Ow!”

  She was immediately apologetic. “Sorry. I’m just so angry at him right now. I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”

  “I thought it was Dmitri, who’d come back to me…”

  “No, Alex. He never came back last night.”

  Two large tears began to roll down Alexandra’s face.

  “Maybe he’ll never come back. Maybe I’ve lost him for good.”

  Emma looked up as Tom returned with the glass of ice and the can of soda, opening it as he walked through the door.

  “Anything else I can do?”

  Emma shook her head as she poured the Coke into the glass. “No. If you can, try to get back to sleep.”

  The loud roar of a Harley fired up from the yard as the engine gunned. The bike threw stones and dirt against the side of the house and into the air as it roared out of the yard.

  Emma sighed loudly. “That’s probably gone and woken everyone up. Tom, maybe you can get some coffee going, in case anyone else can’t get back to sleep?”