A Garden Dream

by Jea Hawkins

  “We need to make this an old-fashioned road trip,” Crystal had told her. “That means using maps and middle-of-nowhere rest areas. No research, no planning.”

  Emma didn’t mind too much. If it had been Avery, she would have given a lecture on the importance of planning and laid out in detail exactly how their trip would go. From the fastest route to the best places for rest stops, Avery would have everything planned to ensure maximum efficiency.

  That was why Emma didn’t exactly get along with air signs. Oh, they were lovely people. She admired their intellect and logic, and how they put reason before emotion. But life could be unpredictable. Even the best-laid plans might go awry, and Emma would rather have a stable foundation than plan her every move. That way, she had a secure place to return to when things went wrong. Whether it was family, home, or a significant other, having that solid footing meant she could always go back to it when shake-ups occurred.

  Almost as soon as they were on the highway, Crystal twisted in her seat and reached for a snack. “Do you want one?” she asked, waving the bag of trail mix next to Emma’s head.

  “Already?” Emma blinked and tried to remember the first interchange or exit they were supposed to take. “We have over eighteen and a half hours of driving ahead of us, and you’re already digging into the snacks?”

  “Sure. We had breakfast two hours ago.” Without another word, Crystal unbuckled her seatbelt, turned, and leaned between the seats to open the cooler.

  “That’s not safe.”

  Crystal chuckled as she pulled a can of soda out of the cooler, shut it, and buckled herself back into the seat. “No worries. Really, Em, if something was going to happen, you would tell me.”

  Did Crystal rely on her that much? Emma blinked and focused on the road ahead. “Regardless, keep your seatbelt on, please. Clairvoyance is no substitute for common sense.”

  “No, it’s not, but I trust you. Implicitly.”

  Now Emma couldn’t help but grimace. What a lovely topic to bring up only twenty minutes into their trip. Trust. She bit her tongue to hold back the acerbic retort that prickled on the end of it. This trip had the potential to be a relationship-building exercise, sure, but how would they get back to where they were without trust?

  “Do you mind if we listen to music?” Crystal asked. “I brought my iPod.”

  Oh, that girl and her iPod. Emma shrugged. “As long as it’s not your heavy metal stuff, please.”

  Crystal laughed and plugged the MP3 player into the console. It was one of Emma’s favorite features of her truck – the various jacks, USB ports, and even a household electrical outlet for charging devices. They were practical and useful, and the pick-up truck was perfect for hauling inventory.

  To her surprise, Crystal put on country music – Emma’s favorite. They didn’t agree on much when it came to music, especially with Crystal being a few years younger than Emma, but they did agree on 1970s outlaw country by the greats.

  Emma sighed and finally smiled. “I love my Willie Nelson.”

  “I know you do. He rocks.”

  Emma let out a snort and glanced at her girlfriend. Wait – was she still her girlfriend? She shoved the nagging question to the back of her mind. “He rocks, huh? I’ve never heard you say that about anything that didn’t involve screaming and wailing about death.”

  “Yeah, well, I just have very particular tastes.” Crystal finished her soda and set the open can in the cup holder. “Any music that involves rebellion rocks as far as I’m concerned.”

  Oh, great. Crystal had given her another opening to make a dig at her. Emma’s fingers curled tightly around the steering wheel, her knuckles going white. Was Crystal testing her or teasing her?

  In all her years running the shop, Emma wasn’t accustomed to anyone pushing her limits like this. She was the person who gave recommendations or gentle advice, and was respected as an authority on all things witchy. Even her own friends didn’t call her out or push her buttons like this.

  She thought back to her first encounter with Crystal. Emma was twenty-one, close to finishing college, and had gone back to the high school to visit with her favorite teachers. Crystal was standing outside the school, looking pouty as she smoked a cigarette.

  “That’s bad for you,” Emma had told her as she strode by.

  “Yeah, tell me something I don’t know,” Crystal had shot back at her.

  “If you don’t stop, you’ll die.”

  “Good ol’ lung cancer. It’ll get ya.” Seemingly unconcerned, Crystal tossed the finished cigarette to the ground and stomped it out with the toe of her boot.

  “No,” Emma said with a shake of her head. “You’ll get in your white Chevy Malibu on Thursday night to go out to buy a pack and get into a car accident.”

  The air around Crystal had gone still and then, quite suddenly, dry. Another heartbeat passed and that was when Emma recognized her as a water witch. And if Emma knew what Crystal was, then Crystal certainly knew what Emma was.

  As Emma was leaving the school, Crystal followed, caught her by the arm, and said, “How the fuck did you know that?”

  Crystal had practically dragged Emma over to her car, a rusted-out white Chevy Malibu sitting in the student parking lot, and then stared at her with a mixture of horror and awe.

  It was the beginning of a beautiful relationship.

  Chapter 6

  After nine hours of driving, Emma thought her butt had gone completely numb. They had pushed on until sunset and were just outside of Trinidad, Colorado. As much as she wanted to stay at a Quality Inn or similar hotel, Crystal had booked them into a decrepit-looking motel on the outskirts of town, just off the highway. An equally decrepit gas station and general store stood next to it, and Emma held on to the door after sliding out of the driver’s seat.

  “You can’t be serious.” The more Emma stared at the motel, the more appealing the idea of sleeping in the truck sounded. “That place looks like the likely scene of a murder. I can’t believe you want to stay there.”

  Crystal turned and looked at her. “Of course I’m serious. This is America, not those perfect manicured Quality Inns you like so much. Besides, even the expensive hotels give you small, shitty rooms, with hardly any space to walk around. At least this place has character. Think about how much fun this will be.”

  “Fun to stay in some run-down roach motel? You have got to be joking.”

  “There won’t be roaches. Don’t be so dramatic. That’s my job.” Crystal opened the door on the passenger side of the backseat and withdrew her suitcase. “Seriously, Em, we could stay at some expensive, picture-perfect hotel with a continental breakfast of fruit and bagels in town, or we can stay somewhere with character for less money and then go get a nice, hot, filling breakfast down the road.”

  “Character. Right. As long as that character doesn’t include bedbugs,” Emma grumbled and finally shut the driver side door. “So where are the roadside dinosaurs?”

  Crystal’s chuckle was accompanied by a roll of her eyes. “Those are in California and you wouldn’t want to go there, anyway. The dinosaurs are part of a creationist museum now.”

  Emma grimaced at the thought as she went around to pull her suitcase out of the backseat. She shut the truck, pressed the lock button on her key fob, and followed Crystal into the motel. She couldn’t call the front area a lobby, per se, but it did have a desk, a cloth upholstered chair by the front door, a brochure rack, and a lanky woman in jeans and a sleeveless plaid shirt behind the desk.

  The woman gave them both a smile and asked, “May I help you ladies?”

  “Yes, thank you. You have a reservation for Crystal Adams.”

  “For one night only, correct?” The woman ran her finger down a print-out on her desk and then plucked a key from a drawer. “That will be seventy-nine forty.”

  Emma reached into her purse and pulled out a wad of twenties to pay for the room. Even though she doubted the answer was yes, she asked, “Is breakfast includ
ed?”

  “Sorry, no, but there’s a nice truck stop just down a ways if you’re heading south. Best food you can get outside of Trinidad.”

  As the woman counted the money, Emma couldn’t help but think about the fact that they could have stayed at a hotel in town for only a little more money, and with better amenities. She threw Crystal a sideways glance, but Crystal just winked at her.

  The woman handed Emma the key with her change and receipt. “Room four is just through that door and to the right.”

  Emma twirled the keychain on her index finger and nodded. Outdoor access to the rooms. Fantastic. Wasn’t that what all the travel guides warned against in their section on safety?

  “Thank you.” She turned and walked out the door, not bothering to wait for Crystal. How could she have let her handle booking everything for this trip? First a run-down motel and then breakfast at a truck stop. What other pleasant road trip ideas did she have in mind – skinny dipping in raging rapids, perhaps?

  Crystal caught up with her and nudged her with her elbow. “See? Character. Don’t you love it?”

  “Oh yes, this place has character coming out the yin-yang.” Emma was glad they at least managed to have a fairly decent dinner before pulling over for the night.

  Once everything was in their room, Crystal plopped on the mattress with a can of soda and a bag of chips. At least the brown and white striped comforter looked fresh and clean, and the room smelled like air freshener. Emma walked around the bed to peek into the bathroom and was pleasantly surprised to find that it was also sparkling clean. It lacked the tiny, travel-sized courtesy toiletries, but it had a fresh roll of toilet paper, a spare on the shelf under the sink, and two sets of pristine white towels.

  Emma stepped back into the larger room and watched as Crystal picked up the remote and started scrolling through the cable channels. “Nothing, nothing, boring, no thanks, nothing… Why does everything on TV suck when you’re on vacation?”

  “First of all, we aren’t on vacation. This is a business trip,” Emma reminded. She crossed the room back to where her suitcase sat next to the door and opened it to pull out her pajamas. “Second, it’s probably just the universe’s way of reminding us we’re far from home and shouldn’t treat this just like any other day. Instead of falling into bed and watching TV, people are supposed to be sight-seeing or swimming or networking. That’s the whole reason for leaving home in the first place – to get away from the day to day norm.”

  “Oh? Is that why you agreed to go through with this trip, even though our relationship is pretty much over?” It was a hard question and Emma winced at the way Crystal worded it. There was direct communication, which she prided herself on, and then there were words that were like a punch to the face, something water witches excelled at.

  Emma watched the way Crystal swung her feet in the air and finally caught one of them, then dragged her boot off it. Ignoring the question entirely, Emma said, “I can’t believe you jumped into bed without taking these off.”

  “It’s not my bed and you only live once. Come on, Emma. Get into bed with your shoes on. It’ll change your life.”

  “I didn’t know,” Emma paused when Crystal grunted as she yanked the other boot off and tossed it aside, “that lying in bed with boots on was on your bucket list.”

  “Amazing, right? I’m a girl of such simple needs.”

  With a shake of her head, Emma sat on the bed and undid the laces on her sneakers. “What would be amazing would be you growing up.”

  “Is that what you really want?” Crystal flipped through the channels and then turned off the television. She dropped the remote on the floor at the foot of the bed and rolled over to face Emma.

  “Sometimes, yes.” It was the nicest way Emma could phrase things and she bit her tongue against the other words that threaten to explode from her in a torrent of accusations.

  “Excuse me, but the last time I checked, I was a grown-up.”

  “Please. Grown-ups don’t cheat on their significant others,” Emma pointed out.

  And there it was, the thing she had tried so hard to hold back and couldn’t.

  Why those words came out of her mouth, she didn’t know. It wasn’t the kind of thing she would normally say, even if it was warranted. Her mother would say it happened because it needed to, because human feelings were a natural part of life and to deny them – even the worst of them – was more damaging than setting them free. The last thing Emma wanted to admit, let alone give voice to, was the fact that she was angry.

  But she’d held it in so long, refusing to recognize it, that it was pushing its way out. It was too late to take it back now because Crystal scrambled up off the bed and glared at her. So much for the nurturing stability of earth. Emma was working her way into fire territory.

  “Seriously?”

  Emma rose to her feet and shrugged. Her only option was damage control, which seemed ridiculous considering the circumstances. “You cheated on me. I’m just stating a fact,” she said evenly.

  “A fact you can’t seem to get over, even though I’ve told you it was a mistake and I still love you.”

  “Oh, you want me to just get over it? No.” Emma shook her head. “That’s not how it works.”

  Crystal folded her arms. “You should have made that clear, then, instead of suggesting we go on this trip. What kind of game are you playing, Emma?”

  “Game? Me?” Emma narrowed her eyes. “I never play games and you know that. I make my expectations very clear and straightforward.”

  “That’s right, you do.” Now Crystal moved closer to her, arms still folded over her chest and glare full of defiance. “Most of the time. You know what, though, I’m glad you said that. It’s about fucking time you told me how you really feel. I want to see you angry. At least then I’d know there’s still a chance for us.”

  The way her breath made her arms rise and fall, Emma knew Crystal was about to lose her temper. She raised her hands and stepped forward, but before she could placate her, Crystal went off.

  “Holy shit, it was just one time, Emma! One time! It happens, especially when people need something!”

  “That’s no excuse!” To her horror, Emma found her voice was also rising to the same volume as Crystal’s. If Crystal wanted to see her angry, then she was about to get a taste of it. “If you needed something, you should have come to me for it – not gone to someone else. We’ve been living together for seven years, committed to each other for seven years. That is supposed to mean something.”

  “It does mean something.” Crystal stomped her foot. “I love you. That hasn’t changed.”

  “Then why did you do it?”

  It was the question Emma had refrained from asking ever since Crystal came clean with her confession early in the spring. Every possibility of how her girlfriend might answer had haunted her when she posed the question silently day after day since then. But in that moment, Emma already knew the answer, because it was the truth she feared hearing for herself.

  “I did it because I didn’t feel loved by you.”

  There it was. That truth Emma didn’t want to hear come from her girlfriend’s lips.

  “Oh, so then it’s my fault…” Emma wanted to say more, but she choked, unable to speak. The things she’d dreaded hearing spoken out loud were finally out there, filling the air between them and making it heavier than ever. It hurt even more than Crystal’s initial confession all those months ago because it acknowledged Emma’s culpability in the entire situation.

  With a groan, Emma put both hands over her face and sank down onto the bed. A moment later another weight made the mattress dip and she felt two hands on her back.

  “It wasn’t your fault,” Crystal said softly. “I made a stupid decision based on something I wanted. It was the wrong decision, the worst thing I could have ever done because it hurt you. I do love you, Emma, which is why I don’t want this to end. I can’t let you go without a fight. At least you yelling at me tells
me you’re angry and maybe you want to fight for me, too.”

  Emma dropped her hands and inhaled deeply through her nose. That breath stung, though, and filled her head until she felt dizzy with it. She couldn’t face Crystal, so she shook her head and rose to her feet. Even though everything whirled around her, she put one foot in front of the other until she reached the door.

  When she placed her hand on the doorknob, she hesitated there. The spinning finally stopped. “I need a walk. I have the room key. I’ll be back before it’s completely dark.”

  As soon as she walked out and shut the door behind her, she heard Crystal’s sharp gasp, followed by a sob. Emma’s chest felt heavy and her heart was racing, but she couldn’t turn back just yet. She had to figure out where she went wrong and how she was going to make it right again.

  Chapter 7

  When Emma returned to the room, it was just after dark. Crystal was curled up in bed and while Emma doubted she was asleep, she silently went into the bathroom to get ready for bed herself. She hoped she wouldn’t toss and turn when she slid under the covers next to her girlfriend, but somehow she managed to fall asleep quickly.

  Maybe it was all the crying as she walked that had left her eyes so tired and ready for rest. Maybe Crystal had also cried herself out, maybe even to sleep. Emma hated to think she had done that, but she supposed they were overdue for it, considering the circumstances. All the crying was taking a toll on her and she wondered if it would ever end. Years of suppressing her emotions didn’t seem to be treating her kindly, just as her mother had warned her they wouldn’t. That was her last thought as she drifted off.

  She felt surprisingly refreshed when she opened her eyes to the morning light that filtered through the motel curtains and vertical blinds covering the window. Crystal was lying on her back when Emma looked at her, also blinking up at the ceiling as if dazed by the brightness.