A Garden Dream

by Jea Hawkins

  Emma tilted her head and squinted. There was movement among the trees in the distance. It was an eagle, launching itself into the sky and flapping its powerful wings to gain altitude. “Yeah, I can definitely imagine it,” she agreed. “I mean, Ashland is nice. It’s quite a little slice of rural beauty, considering Omaha is so close. But sometimes I would like to go west and have more trees, fewer houses. Or maybe go back to the desert. I definitely want to see more of it, now.”

  “Em, this is going to sound like a strange question, but where do we go from here? I mean, as far as us?”

  It wasn’t a strange question, but it certainly was a heavy one. Emma pursed her lips and rubbed her chin against her knee. “Well, considering the intent of the ritual, I think what we need to do is start from scratch with our relationship.”

  “What do you mean by that – like, dating each other again?”

  “Not exactly, no. I think…” Emma hesitated and chewed at the inside of her cheek. “You know, I have absolutely no idea what I mean by that. I guess we let the past be the past, first of all.”

  Crystal nodded. “Yeah and then we agree to love each other unconditionally.”

  “I think so, except for food in bed.”

  “What? No, you can take away a girl’s excess divine magick, but not her right to food in bed.”

  “Oh, please, the orange peels? The grape stems? All I smell at night is citrus or I wake up and find a stem poking me in the butt. The madness has to end somewhere, Crys.”

  With a leer, Crystal leaned over and said, “I’ll poke you in the butt.” Her hands inched along the ground until they were under Emma, so Emma sat back on them. “No fair! Now I can’t move them at all.”

  “Everything’s fair in love and war. If you’re going to poke my butt, I’m going to sit on your hands. That’s how it goes.”

  It felt so good to joke with Crystal, the way they had when they first started dating. Somehow they had lost that humor between them, first when opening the shop and then through her mother’s illness. They had let go of the affection and allowed each other’s unique quirks to turn into little irritations.

  Emma lifted herself away a moment later and turned to face Crystal. “Fine, we can negotiate the food in bed, because we should love each other just the way we are, but we can’t negotiate us. I know I need to talk to you more about how I feel. I have to stop taking it for granted that you can sense my emotions because that doesn’t mean you know what I need as a result of it.”

  “Yeah, you’re right. It’s one thing to know you’re frustrated. It’s another to know how I can help you with that.” Crystal scooted closer to Emma and rested her head on her shoulder. “Even if you just need a hug, I’d like you to tell me. That way, I can be there for you.”

  Emma reached up to draw lazy circles on Crystal’s back with her fingers and hummed, enjoying their closeness. It brought to mind another thought. “And while I don’t think we need to go back to dating again, I think we should date each other more often. How often do we do something like this – go somewhere special, just the two of us?”

  “Not since…” Crystal’s gaze seemed far away as she looked out over the landscape. “A few years ago, I guess, when we decided to go to Puerto Rico for a vacation. Remember how gorgeous it was, like that luminescent water at night?”

  Emma closed her eyes as she, too, remembered Mosquito Bay. “Such an unflattering name for such a beautiful place,” she said. “I think we were at our best, then. Maybe we need to go back soon.”

  “Not too soon, though. Not while it’s summertime and so hot.”

  “No,” Emma agreed. “But I also meant we should date here at home. We should spend nights out on the town, you know? Go to Omaha and hit the clubs. Go to the movies together – just simple stuff. We need to take time for us. Maybe we will take a big vacation in the future, when we don’t have other things to consider, like the shop.”

  “I agree with all of that. As for the shop, it’s frustrating that things aren’t going so well there.” Crystal relaxed against Emma, who gladly wrapped her arms around her.

  “Yeah. At the moment, the income just isn’t what it used to be. I’m afraid by the end of the year, we’ll be barely treading water there.” Emma rested her chin on the top of Crystal’s head and watched the last bit of sun drop behind the trees. “I mean, Fiona and Gabe are doing just fine with running it while we’re gone, but we need to make a change for the long run. Otherwise, the store will go from being our dream job to a money pit.”

  Crystal shuddered in her arms and curled up even more. “I hate to think of that happening.”

  “Me too. I’m not sure why we’re losing business. It’s not like there are many other places to go.” Emma could think of a handful of similar shops in Omaha and she wondered if they were experiencing the same decrease in business.

  “Could it be the internet?” Crystal continued. “Everyone’s ordering pretty much everything they can online these days. It’s so convenient to get what you want delivered to your home in a day or two. Goodness knows you and I are both guilty of choosing that over the local mom-and-pop establishments.”

  It was true. Anything they wanted could be had at the click of a button and Emma was as much of an online shopper as Crystal was. Of course, they shopped online for their inventory, as well as for personal things. What they didn’t have was an online store for their own business.

  “That’s a good point,” Emma drawled as she considered it. “Maybe we need to consider making our products available online. I mean, they already are if anyone cares to look at other shops. But why not us?”

  “Well, sure, why not us. But also why us?” Now Crystal straightened and looked at her. “I mean, what could we possibly offer online that’s so unique that people choose to use our website over any other new age shop? It’s a bigger pond out there and just because we toss our hooks in it doesn’t necessarily mean we’ll catch anything.”

  Emma blinked at her several times.

  “Not that I’m saying it’s a bad idea,” Crystal added hastily. “Just… why should anyone care? Unless you have a loyal customer who moves too far away to come to the store, I don’t see us generating that much online business unless we have something unique to offer. Maybe that’s what we need.”

  “No, I like it. I mean, I agree. You’re right. What makes us so special? That’s a damn good question. I guess we’ll have to figure that one out when we get home. For now, let’s get some rest. We’ve got the last leg of our trip tomorrow and I’m looking forward to sleeping in our own bed.”

  Rising to her feet, Emma wiped her hands on her jeans to brush off any grass and then offered Crystal a hand up. Together they walked back to the motel, brushed their teeth, found a show to make them laugh, and curled up in bed together.

  ****

  The final leg of the trip was shorter, and as the highway signs counted down the miles to Omaha, Emma felt her spirits lift. When they had left Nebraska together, they were uncertain and teetering on the edge of breakup. They were returning remade, renewed, and ready to move forward. Together.

  Crystal was singing along with the radio, that gorgeous voice of hers rivaling, if not better than, the pop stars.

  There was something they had that no one else had after all – Crystal. The way she sang tugged at Emma’s emotions every time, something she hadn’t yet told her. Maybe it was the kind of thing she needed to hear, but Emma thought Crystal must know by now how special she was.

  Then again, Emma wasn’t much for handing out praise. She realized it wasn’t the kind of thing she had ever said to Crystal. Or if she had, it was a long time ago.

  So she smiled and said, “I love it when you sing. You have the most beautiful voice I’ve ever heard.”

  “Really?” Crystal let out a nervous laugh and shook her head. “I just do it for fun, you know? Because it feels good. A lot of singers and musicians are governed by the element of water. I guess it makes sense since music is
a great way to express oneself.”

  “Kind of like how Waverly dances.” Emma nodded and just thinking about her old friends made her even more eager to get home. “Have you ever considered doing something with this talent of yours?”

  “Oh, maybe when I was a kid. You know, it was fun to dream when I couldn’t wait to get out of those shitty foster homes. I always thought I’d get famous and show everyone who told me I had no future a thing or two. But now…” Crystal shrugged and rubbed her fingers along the ceiling of the truck, just above the window. “I have the store and you. I don’t need to be famous.”

  Emma pondered her girlfriend’s words. The idea of anyone giving up on their dreams sent a chill through her and she said, “Regardless, I think if it’s something you actually want to do with your life, you should do it. There are plenty of other people out there who would love to hear you sing.”

  Crystal smiled back at her, tilted her head, and raised her voice as she turned up the radio. It was one of Emma’s favorite songs by the Eagles and listening to Crystal’s voice weave with theirs was so relaxing, she almost missed her exit.

  Before she knew it, they were turning off the interstate and driving along the rural roads toward Ashland. One week away had somehow changed everything for them. Sure, there were still unanswered questions about the fate of their business, but at least Emma knew they would work through them together.

  As she pulled into their driveway, nothing could bring her down from the things they had just experienced.

  Chapter 16

  “Thanks for minding the store while we were gone.” Emma looked around, not sure what she was trying to see. It wasn’t as though anything back home had changed over the past week and maybe that’s what disappointed her. Surely some inventory had moved, but everything looked the same.

  To her credit, the store wasn’t the first place she went. First, she and Crystal had unpacked the truck and checked on the garden. Waverly’s tending had done it good, except for those doomed roses. Sadly, Emma accepted that they were a lost cause. It wasn’t easy, but at least she wasn’t fighting the inevitable.

  The roses were a sign of the past for the both of them. In silent agreement, both she and Crystal dug them up, pulled the wilted bush out of the garden, and brought it to the compost pile. At least there, the roses could go back to the earth and do it some good. They had hugged when they were done, even cried together as if mourning the loss of a friend.

  But it was a good change, Emma knew. The earth could only give so much. Sometimes things were just done and ready to go back to it.

  “I enjoyed it,” Fiona said, handing over the keys and then pulling up the week’s receipts on the computer. “It wasn’t really busy, so I got some writing done during the downtime.”

  “Hm…” Emma looked at the monitor and narrowed her eyes. A glance over her shoulder told her Crystal was also scrutinizing it, but then her girlfriend turned away and went to the back room she used for tarot readings. She had to reach out to her clients to let them know she was back, so Emma left her to it.

  “Is there anything else you need from me?” Fiona asked.

  Emma turned and looked around the store. “Did you get the shipment from Azure Green?” she asked.

  “Yup. I wasn’t sure where the items should go, though, so I put the boxes in the back room and didn’t open them. They just arrived yesterday, so I figured you would be home to sort through them yourself.” Fiona followed her into the back of the store and said, “Oh, and someone came in looking for a specific herb. I didn’t know what he was talking about, so I wrote it down and told him you would call and let him know.”

  Emma accepted the slip of paper from Fiona and looked at the name, phone number, and herb written on it. “I can take care of this for him,” she said. “Thanks. Why don’t you take something from this shipment as a thank-you for all of your work?”

  “What? No.” Fiona held up her hands and shook her head, her short red hair bouncing. “I couldn’t do that. Besides, it was hardly work. It was just one friend helping out another. I’m happy to do it anytime for you.”

  “Aw, don’t get all sappy on me.” Emma turned and hugged Fiona, and then glanced at the calendar on the wall by the sink. “We should start planning for Lughnassadh, don’t you think? It’s time we had a proper Sabbat celebration together.”

  “Absolutely. Will it be…” Fiona lowered her voice to a whisper. “Will it be just the five of us again?”

  For the first time in half a year, Emma was happy to be able to say, “Six of us.”

  Fiona took her arm and steered her out of the back room, toward the front of the store. “Oh, really? Did you two manage to kiss and make up?”

  “Sort of. I mean, yes. There’s still more work to do, but we’re definitely in a better place now,” Emma said. “I can’t really get into the details of it, but Crystal and I are going to be just fine.”

  “Ooh, how mysterious, and good. When I got back, I could tell something was going on, but I didn’t want to pry. Then when you told us that night…” Fiona shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut. “If it was me, I’d have gone off, you know? I couldn’t have held it in for so long the way you did.”

  That was Fiona – fire through and through. Emma didn’t doubt she was very capable of “going off” if someone betrayed her.

  “You don’t have to be perfect all the time. We’re your friends and it’s okay for things to go wrong. You don’t have to be the graceful, witchy earth mother who watches over us. Trust me. We love you, flaws and all.”

  “I don’t have to be what?” Emma blinked at her.

  “You know, your whole Stevie Nicks thing.” As if to demonstrate, Fiona wandered around the store, her arms held out to her sides, and her steps slow and measured. She turned, dipping a bit as she did so. “Why hello there, child. I see you are lovelorn and in need of my magickal herbs. Follow me.” Fiona continued her circuit around the store while Emma just stared at her, hands on her hips.

  “I am nothing like that,” she sputtered when Fiona completed her circle and stood in front of her again.

  Crystal walked by, muttering, “Actually, yeah, you’re kind of like that. Fiona nailed it.”

  “Wha? Wha?” Emma stared at her. “Betrayed by my own girlfriend and my best friend. What a rude awakening this is.” Inside, though, laughter threatened to escape and she had to clamp her lips against it. Let them think, for a moment, that she was offended.

  “And I think that’s my cue to exit, stage right.” Fiona glided out of the shop, her arms still fluttering at her sides and her head tilted at an absurd angle.

  Emma shook her head as she watched her go, then turned to Crystal and drew herself upright. “Yes?”

  “Nothing. But she’s right. You’ve got that whole wise shop lady from The Craft vibe that you already tried to cultivate and, well, we love it, but you need to loosen up.”

  Pressing her hands over her ears, Emma turned away. “Ugh, I hated that movie. Now you’re just insulting me.”

  “Yeah, well, didn’t most of our fellow witches? Except me. I loved it. But anyway, I like weird horror stuff.” Crystal reached up to grasp her wrists and draw them down. “The point is, times they are a-changin’, and we’re stuck here with a store that’s seeing lower profits every month. Maybe how we handle our work has to change too.”

  Emma stood there looking into Crystal’s eyes, those silvery-blue depths that drew her in and reminded her she wasn’t alone in this world. There it was, one of Crystal’s insights that made so much sense just when they needed it.

  “Yes, you’re right,” she finally agreed. “I can’t keep playing the good witch when I know something is going very wrong. So what do we do?”

  “You’re asking me?” Crystal stared at her, unblinking. “You’re the twenty-eight-year-old. I thought you would have all the answers.”

  With a low chuckle, Emma reached up and tucked a tendril of Crystal’s blonde hair behind her ear. “A
nd you’re younger than me by a few years and probably a heck of a lot hipper. So I thought you would have the revolutionary ideas.”

  Crystal’s eyes narrowed and she said, “If you really want to know what I think, I think you need to give up the store.”

  “What?”

  “Not entirely.” Crystal turned and gestured to the shelves covered with books, candles, incense, gemstones, and so much more. “But move it. The rent for this space is just too high for us to stay here.”

  “I hate that idea,” Emma argued, her body shaking with a sudden chill. She looked around the store and shook her head vigorously. “First of all, empty storefronts are a huge problem in all of our small town main streets. We support our main street by being here. If we let go of the shop, we don’t just put ourselves out of work. We take something away from Ashland.”

  “Yeah, I know, but what about supporting us, Em? I think we should move the shop into our house, instead.”

  Emma balked, stepping back and twisting her other wrist out of Crystal’s hold. “Are you kidding? Our cramped, dark old farmhouse? That thing isn’t at all conducive to running a business. We don’t even have enough space for our garden to grow. Bringing all of this there just doesn’t make any sense.”

  “Well, keeping it here doesn’t make any sense either. Our mortgage for the house and rent for the store are pretty much equal, so getting rid of one would also get rid of a huge burden.”

  The last thing Emma wanted to do was change their physical locations. Except…

  She had admitted to Fiona not that long ago that she didn’t like their house. It was, as she reminded Crystal, too small for a store and too dark to be really inviting. But finding a house to buy in Ashland wasn’t easy. After watching Fiona do it, Emma didn’t want to spend months searching for the perfect home and maybe never find it. Integrating their shop with their house seemed like a smart way to go, but the house just wasn’t the right environment for the shop. She wanted a light, airy, welcoming space for customers to enter. Not a musty farmhouse with creaky floors.