The moment he had met her five years ago, she had captured his heart. There was a time when he would have kicked Jared from the room, locked the door, and swept Jane off her feet and made mad love to her.
Not now. Not anymore.
He smiled at her, hiding the ache they both felt. “Hello, Jane.”
Her lips trembled, and he wanted to wipe away her pain. But he could not, would not make that mistake again. If he put his arms around her, he would be lost, and he would end up hurting her again.
Beside him, Jared scowled. “My, you are a happy duke this morning.”
Roderick turned sideways, giving Jared a cool glare. He glanced at the missive, wanting Jared to tell Jane nothing of their assignment from Whitehall. Jared’s mouth twisted into a compromising frown.
“Well, Duchess,” Jared said, turning back toward Jane and smiling as he walked toward her, lifting her hand for a kiss. “How was the Pump Room? Meet anyone exciting? Or did my wife cause a stir, making you have to run for cover?”
Jane blinked and became a bit paler.
Roderick took a few steps, then halted when she smiled up at him.
“Funny thing you should ask,” she said shakily. “Agatha surprised us. She just returned from France.”
Roderick groaned. “Tell me, you did not bring her home.”
“She won’t tell you, you impudent pup!” Agatha barged passed the doorway, parasol in hand. “Because I shall tell you myself!”
A half hour later, Jane took refuge in her bedchambers, claiming she needed a much-needed nap, but not before she had to pull a raging Agatha from Roderick’s side. It was only minutes ago when she had left the older lady in the drawing room with Emily and a pot of tea.
It was obvious the two ladies were concerned over the treatment she had received in the Pump Room, especially in her delicate condition. But they had not let on about the baby. However, that little secret had not stopped Agatha from giving Roderick an earful for the way he had been avoiding Jane the last month.
Roderick, Jane thought, as she stared into her bedchamber’s looking glass. How had things gone so wrong?
She pinched her cheeks, hoping to bring back some color into her pale complexion. The misery of the past month hung heavily on her heart. But it was Jared’s words that still haunted her. She had been resting her head against the study, hoping to gather enough courage to tell Roderick about the baby when she had overheard their conversation.
“Cecile was the past,” Jared had claimed. “Jane is your future. A long lost love does not define the rest of your life.”
A sob welled in her throat. Had Roderick loved someone before her? Did he still love the woman? Oh, Jane knew he had previous relationships before her. But loved someone? She had been so young, so naïve, and so much in love with the man when they had married, she had never thought he would desire anyone else. In fact, half the ton was in love with him now. He had a title, power, land, money, looks, and a fair mind when he wanted to exercise it. What more could a woman want?
It was too bad his mind wasn’t exercising some of that fairness now.
The knock on the connecting door made her flinch. “Jane?”
Her heart fluttered against her chest. Roderick. He had not entered her chambers since she had lost the baby. Perhaps he had thought things over. Perhaps he had never stopped loving her at all.
She swallowed against the anxiety building in her throat as she patted her cheeks and tucked in her hair. “Come in.”
He stepped into the room, looking quite handsome in his gray jacket and pantaloons. “You look a bit fatigued,” he said, his lips dipping in concern. “Are you certain you want to attend Lady Paxton’s Ball tonight?”
His blue-black hair, his silver eyes, his tall, muscular physique, took her breath away. But it had always been his voice that captured her attention first. That deep velvety tone still seemed to turn her knees to jelly.
His boots clacked against the floor as he walked to her side. Wide, powerful shoulders hovered over her as she gazed into her looking glass. The scent of bayberry lifted in the air. Her heart skipped a beat as she smiled and innocently pulled at one of her curls. “Why would I not want to attend?”
His black brows knitted into a frown. “I had thought our staying in Bath would offer you a place to heal.” He cleared his throat as he eyes strayed over her, landing on her chest and midriff area. “But it seems to have aggravated it. Do you think it wise to stay out late tonight?”
Her heart hummed with hope. Perhaps he would want to stay home with her. She wasn’t known as a muddle-headed miss, and never had been. But her husband could turn her into a puddle at his feet.
She turned and gave him her best smile. “Do you wish to stay in?” she asked suggestively. “Perhaps, just the two of us? There is something I would like to talk to you about.”
Yes, this was a good time to tell him about the baby. He had to listen to her if they were in the same room for a time. There were other things about her condition that she hadn’t even told Agatha or Emily. Things she had done that Roderick might not agree with. Things she had to keep doing. But if she told him, he might forbid her from continuing her treatments. That’s why she hesitated telling him anything about their child. What a sad state of affairs.
“No,” he finally said in a sharper tone than needed. She blinked in dismay as he turned on his heels and walked toward the window. “If you are up to it,” he said, clearing his throat. “I think we should give an appearance at the ball.”
She swallowed past the pain. Oh, dear. He didn’t want to be alone with her at all. A ball was one thing, home alone with her was quite another.
She forced her lips to turn upwards as she gazed at his reflection in the mirror. “Well, then, that’s settled.”
She rose, clenching her hands together. Her heart was breaking. He was tired of her. He was too much of a gentleman to say so. Perhaps Agatha’s speech had made him feel guilty, and he was only attending the ball with her to show Society that he was doing his duty as a husband.
Tears jammed her throat. How droll it must be for him. But he wasn’t heartless. He had showed true concern for her health. But did he still love her like she loved him?
She leaned against the bedpost, confusion racking her brain. “I am glad you will be by my side. Lady Horatio and Lady Philomena will be there, and to tell you the truth, they make my skin crawl at the way they talk about people.”
Roderick chuckled as he pulled the curtain aside and stared at the gardens below. “Those two ladies don’t hold a candle to you, sweetheart. You are everything pure and honest.”
Honest? She put a hand to her stomach and swallowed hard. How honest had she been with him the past month? Not very.
But in truth, he had been so headstrong, she could barely have a conversation with him before the fireworks would start. In the past month, her confidence in sharing with him the smallest of things had dwindled to nothing.
He turned and stared at her. The air between them crackled with tension. Her stomach churned. He was in duke mode now. All powerful and controlling. It had never hindered her before. But something had changed between them the last month. In fact, she had no idea if she could have a calm conversation with him about the baby now or any time in the future.
“Of course,” he finally said, clasping his hands behind his back. “If you give those gossipmongers something to talk about, you may as well not go. Paying attention to Captain Argyle doesn’t help matters, you know.”
She blinked in surprise. “Captain Argyle?”
He strode closer. The bayberry soap teased her senses. Yesterday, it had been sandalwood.
“I don’t care for the way the man talks to you,” he continued, his mouth taking on a dangerous twist. “Or looks at you for that matter. Confound it! It’s as if the man adores you. He was once my friend, but the man has crossed the line with his recent behavior.”
Angry now, she pushed herself away from the bed. “Is it so
dreadful that someone should adore me?” Her snappish tone seemed to catch his attention.
She needed to tell him the captain was helping her, not ogling her. But Roderick was not in a position to listen. The arrogant oaf!
Despite their differences, fire flared in his eyes. His gaze riveted on her lips. The strain between them increased. Instantly, Jane’s body and mind betrayed her. Her skin tingled at the very sight of this man.
Kiss me, she wanted to say. Love me. Hold me. Please. Show me you love me still.
He kept staring at her, and for a moment, she saw his face soften. Suddenly, he turned toward her bed, fiddling with the ribbons on her side table. She could see him frowning.
Her heart seemed to stop as she watched him continue to toy with the blue strands of silk. She remembered those powerful hands loving her, holding her. He could be as gentle as a lamb if he wanted and strong as a lion at other times.
She wanted that strength now. She wanted him. Needed him. She loved him.
Without a word, he started for his door.
Shocked at his abrupt departure, she said anything that came to mind. “Roderick, do you think this gown makes me look fat?”
He glanced over his shoulder and pulled at his cravat. Sunlight angled across his face, making her yearn for the days when she believed he loved her and would never stop loving her.
“Well,” he uttered. “Uh, now that you brought the matter up…I must say, I am rather concerned. After your, well, loss, you have put on a few pounds. Maybe the doctor—”
Outraged, she threw her hands to her hips. First Captain Argyle and now this! “So, you think I am fat?”
His face turned a deep red. “It’s not that. I was just thinking that after…” He shrugged. “Well, you know…”
She glared at him. “After the loss of the baby. Is that what you cannot say?”
He swallowed. “Yes, after your, uh, loss. In fact, I have been thinking about that and thought perhaps you should speak to the doctor about your eating habits lately.”
Eating habits, she thought sadly. “It was not just my loss, Roderick. You did have a hand in the process, you know.” The bitterness of her words echoed in the air.
His expression darkened. “Don’t you think I know that? You almost died. How do you think that makes me feel?”
“Oh, we’ve talked this to the ground. I want a baby. Can you give us another chance? Please, Roderick, don’t push me away.”
She ran to him, pressing her head against his chest. “Oh, please, please, love me,” she cried. She didn’t care what it took to be back in his arms. If she had to plead with him, so be it. She needed him to love her again.
He curled his arms around her. “Jane,” he said, his voice cracking.
His hands ran down her back, caressing her. “Jane, Jane.” His voice was silky and low, touching the very depths of her heart.
His heart beat against her ear, making her feel safe again.
She lifted her head, her soul bursting with love for the only man she had ever loved. “Oh, Roderick. Kiss me.”
Two smoky gray eyes stared back at her. Hesitation lingered in his face, but it only lasted a few seconds before she knew she had won.
“Jane,” he said, crushing his warm lips to hers.
Her spirit soared. The very touch of him made her go weak. She ached for this moment. His kisses moved along her cheek to behind her ear, then down her neck. Passion flowed through her like a raging fire. Her thoughts whirled as his hands wrapped around her waist, and he lifted her closer. His hunger for her sent a surge of heat flowing through her veins.
Her arms tightened about his neck, and her heart sang with happiness.
“Oh, Roderick,” she purred. “I have missed you so.” She leaned back and cupped his face with her hands. “Don’t ever leave me again,” she said breathlessly. “Promise me, you will always love me.”
Their eyes met, and unexpectedly those beautiful pools of liquid silver changed to an ominous black. In a matter of seconds, the temperature in the room seemed to drop about fifty degrees. She felt her toes curl in dread when his entire expression turned to ice. A cold chill ran through her.
“Roderick?” she asked, frowning, touching his cheek.
He flinched and stepped back. Her heart shattered. What had just happened?
She stumbled back, her happiness dying like a rose in winter. A wave of heat rushed through her. She could not believe she had begged him to love her. The man was throwing her love back in her face.
A second later, she lifted her chin, hiding her hurt. She may be wilting inside, but she would not give him the satisfaction of knowing it.
“I will make one thing perfectly clear, madam.”
“Madam?” she replied, her lips quivering into a forced smile. “Is this some kind of jest?”
He crossed his arms over his chest and stared back at her, his slash of black brows dipping into a deep “V”.
He looked ridiculous, she thought. It was as if he were trying to act like a pompous duke. Well, she was going to have none of that! He could try his haughtiness on someone else who was not his wife!
Her lungs felt as if they would burst. “What?” she asked defiantly.
“There will no longer be any more attempts at having a baby. Do you understand?”
A bubble of hysteria rose in her throat. Little did he know that any attempts at having a baby would not have to be made now. There was a baby!
“And why is that?” she snapped.” Is it because you have grown tired of me? Or is it because you don’t want your pride hurt? Oh, wait! Is it because you have someone else waiting in the wings? Or do you still love Cecile? Oh, yes. Do not think I didn’t hear you talking about her. I always wondered if there was someone else.”
His jaw clenched, and she thought she detected a flash of pain crossing his face. “Devil take it, you are my wife! Will always be my wife!”
So, she thought sadly, he had loved the lady after all. Her hope died along with her heart.
She straightened her bodice and skirt, as if their kissing had no effect on her at all. “Ah, well, let me set you straight on that little fact. I may be your wife, but you, in essence, are no longer the husband I married. I will see you at the ball, Your Grace. I will be leaving with Emily and Jared.”
His face turned dark, but she refused to let him have the last word.
“Of course, Agatha will be with us as well,” she said, letting her blue eyes slice through his battle hard stance. “But you, Your Grace, may go alone! Or better yet, you may go...well, you know exactly where you may go!”
And with a swish of skirts, she fled past him, and left her bedchambers, slamming the door in her wake.
Chapter Four
“Oh, hello, Uncle Dukie!”
Roderick stopped in the hall at the sound of Gabby’s voice in the drawing room. He turned and peered inside at the sight of his niece dressed in a beautiful lavender silk gown belonging to her mother. Although his emotions were still in turmoil after his encounter with Jane a few hours ago, he found his lips tipping into a smile. The little girl was wearing one of Emily’s best gowns. His sister had worn it to the last soiree at Brighton to see the prince, who was now the king.
He swallowed a chuckle as he strode into the room. Emily would be livid. Gabby knew no bounds. “Hello, princess.”
The little girl smiled, her blond ringlets bouncing over her blue eyes. “Shhh.” She crooked her finger toward him. “Mama and Papa are looking for me and Richard.” She pointed to her younger brother who was fast asleep on the sofa.
Roderick pursed his lips, trying to keep the smile from his eyes. How old was the boy now? Three? Four?
“You are in hiding then?” Roderick asked calmly.
“Well, yes and no.” She grabbed her cat, a skinny black and tan feline that looked back at him with big green eyes. “Mr. Picklehammer and I wanted to have a tea party, but Mama said it was too late and we had to go to bed. Do you know, I like parti
es?” She lowered her voice into a mere whisper. “But they think we are upstairs.”
Roderick wanted to laugh every time he heard the cat’s name. The child had rescued the animal from a garbage pile only yesterday. “And where is your Nanna?”
The cat hissed, and Roderick stepped back. Thunderation, the cat was a tiger.
Ignoring her pet, Gabby grabbed a silver tea tray and nodded for Roderick to sit across from her. “Nanna is ill. Sit down. I shall have your tea in a minute. Oh, la, I see you have dressed for the occai…occais…”
“Occasion,” Roderick chuckled. He was clad in his black jacket, ruffled white shirt, starched cravat, bottle green waistcoat, dark pantaloons, and low pump shoes. He pulled out his pocket watch. “I have no time for tea, princess. I am off to a ball.”
She tilted her head and stared at him, her blue eyes narrowing into a rather familiar lady-like glare. “You have time for one drink. And that is all there is to it.”
Roderick blinked. By Jove, his niece was sounding more like Emily every day. “Very well. Only a sip, mind you. I must not be late. Five minutes and that’s all.”
Gabby giggled, putting a finger to her lips. “Shhh, we do not want to wake little Richard. I think he drank too much tea. Mama won’t like that. Sometimes he wets the bed.”
Roderick looked toward the door, then back to the little girl. “Ah, very well, then, I will take a dollop of milk and lemon, if you please.”
Gabby smiled from ear to ear. She put Mr. Picklehammer on the seat beside her and turned back to him. “Of course, Your Grace. A spoonful of milk and lemon.”
Roderick watched in awe as the little girl tipped the silver teapot and out came a clear yellow liquid that looked like lemonade.
She peered up at him, her cheeks pink. “This tea has a bit more lemon than what you like. I, um, hope you don’t mind.” The seriousness of her tone caught Roderick off guard.
He swallowed, holding back another laugh. “Don’t mind at all. In fact, lemon tea is my favorite.”
Her beaming smile touched his heart. “Very well then,” she said all prim and proper. “Raise your pinky like this when you drink.”
The Duke's Bride: Book 5 (The Clearbrooks) Page 5
