To Love Thy Neighbour

by S M Mala

  ‘That means you have fifteen years of experience you need to share,’ he cheekily replied, wondering if he could get her up to his room without waking Mali.

  ‘I have to go.’ Esme grabbed his hand and kissed his knuckles. ‘Until we meet again.’

  ‘Until we meet again.’

  And he was counting the minutes until he could kiss her once more.

  ‘Good morning!’

  Esme’s heart was racing when she saw Leon standing at the coffee van in the queue.

  All night she couldn’t stop thinking about him and wished he was in her bed.

  Her body felt alive when he touched her, and she couldn’t remember feeling like that in such a long time. The last person was Oscar.

  Now the handsome young man was standing waiting for a coffee.

  Serving a young couple, Leon walked up to her and grinned.

  ‘Cappuccino?’ she asked, looking into the bright green eyes.

  ‘Perfect.’ The smile melted her heart, and she realised they were both grinning. ‘Did you have a good evening?’

  ‘I had a wonderful evening,’ she replied, steaming the milk.

  ‘I liked the end the best.’

  ‘Me too.’

  There was a little silence before she was going to ask him to come round to her home.

  ‘Would you like to meet for a drink at the end of the garden?’ he whispered. ‘Mali’s going to my parents and I thought it’d be nice.’

  ‘I’d like that,’ she said, completely engrossed in his stare. ‘What time?’

  ‘Seven?’

  ‘That’s a date.’

  Esme handed him his coffee, making sure the cover was firmly on. Then she received a light kiss on her lips before he walked off.

  ‘If I give ya a snog, can I get a free coffee?’ a cheeky young man asked.

  But all Esme had was eyes for Leon.

  ‘I can’t explain it.’

  Leon still felt stunned, even by kissing her that morning. ‘It was like a thunderbolt!’

  He laughed, because that’s all he could do, knowing Graham was staring at him.

  ‘And then what happened?’ his friend asked eagerly.

  ‘She said she had to go home and then I saw her this morning. We’re going to meet at the end of the garden for our first date.’

  ‘First date?’ He started to laugh. ‘That’s very sweet.’ Graham looked at the plans before glancing into the big house. ‘Is she coming here today?’

  Leon noticed Graham wink at Shona, who smiled back.

  ‘Are you enjoying the ‘Handy Mommas’?’ asked Leon, folding his arms and looking at his friend. ‘Remember, you’re a married man.’

  ‘I like ‘em a bit older.’

  Then it happened.

  A little bit of doubt crept in when he thought about Esme’s age.

  ‘Oh no, you’re doing that thing again,’ Graham said, putting down the papers. ‘It’s like you’re trying to find fault.’

  ‘No!’ Leon replied, turning around and glanced into the house.

  Then he looked at Tracy and Shona.

  They looked much older than Esme, but he suspected they weren’t that far off her age.

  ‘You don’t think she’s too old for me?’ asked Leon, looking as Graham raised his eyebrows. ‘I mean, she is getting on.’

  ‘She doesn’t look it. Don’t do this Leon. Start finding fault when there’s nothing wrong.’

  He examined the garden and started to think harder.

  ‘She can’t have kids, you know,’ he said, getting his spray can out and drawing an outline. ‘And I don’t know if she’s gone through the menopause.’

  ‘Ask that question and see if you still have your testicles afterwards,’ laughed out Graham.

  ‘When I’m fifty she’ll be sixty-five.’

  ‘That’s if you make it to fifty.’

  ‘And how wrinkly do you think she’ll be?’

  ‘Stop it!’ Graham took the can out of Leon’s hand. ‘You’ve just kissed the woman so take one step at a time. Don’t rush into anything.’

  ‘Why? You think I’m making a mistake?’

  ‘I think, you think too hard.’ Graham grabbed Leon’s arm and escorted him to the furthest part of the garden. ‘You made a hasty decision once upon a time. And you got Mali as a reward. Not all women are like Bennylita, thank God for that. Go out with Esme and see what happens. Don’t work out the pros and cons.’ As soon as he said it, Graham frowned. ‘Listen Leon, just go with the flow.’

  But right then, Leon had started compiling a list in his head.

  There were many cons and very little pros.

  ‘Five minutes.’

  Esme looked at the clock again.

  Leon was home as she heard his van pull up.

  Her hands were shaking in anticipation of the evening ahead. It was a Friday night, and she was planning to spend the night and morning with him.

  That’s all she could think about.

  Opening her door, she checked the time, and it was nearly seven. Glancing at her reflection in the mirror, she headed out towards the garden with a bottle of wine and waited. It was seven on the dot, and she knew he was inside.

  Then the door opened, and he walked towards her, but was wearing a jacket and supporting a very uncomfortable expression.

  ‘Hello. Is everything okay?’

  ‘I’ve been thinking,’ he replied and looked down at his feet. ‘I don’t think this is a good idea, me and you.’

  ‘I see,’ she replied, trying to hide her total look of confusion and surprise. ‘What’s changed since this morning?’

  ‘I’ve been thinking a few things over.’ She noticed Leon took a deep breath. ‘You’re a lovely lady and I’m pleased you’re my neighbour, but it would complicate things. I need to concentrate on Mali and … you’re not what I’m looking for.’

  Her cheeks felt numb, and she didn’t know where it was coming from, but she could guess the reasons why.

  ‘Where do I fall short?’ she asked, watching his pained expression.

  ‘In my plan, I want to be with someone who I can have a family with and where there’s a future. You’re much older than me and have had your family.’

  It was pretty sharp the comment, but she stood firm, holding the bottle of wine and knowing her small amount of hope was being dashed. And she tried to hide how hurt she felt but he looked more flummoxed than her.

  ‘I see,’ was all she could reply.

  ‘You’re fifteen years older than me and if I were forty-five that would be great. But I’m not,’ Leon said, now looking panicked, his voice going a little higher. ‘And you need someone your own age, even Ralph is better suited to you than to me. I’m sorry if I mucked you around. I didn’t mean it. I wanted to kiss you; that’s all.’

  ‘Sure, I understand. You want someone younger who you can have a future with. Not a geriatric who you’d have to wheel around and change their colostomy bag. I get it.’

  That summed it up, in a nutshell.

  ‘I’ve been looking at the pros and cons. The cons outweigh the pros.’

  ‘I thought the only thing that makes people get on is if they like each other,’ she quietly said, looking straight at him. ‘I take it you don’t like me that much.’

  ‘Esme, do you think that sounds like shit?’

  ‘Why did you come and see me this morning?’ Esme asked, still very confused about the conversation. ‘Did you think it’d be funny?’

  ‘I was really happy and wanted to. But, like I said, after weighing up the pros and cons, I decided it wouldn’t be a good idea.’ Then he hesitated. ‘Look, I’ve got to go. I’m meeting Melanie.’

  And there was the final stab in her chest.

  Why go for a fifty-year-old when you could have a twenty-five-year-old?

  You get twice as much mileage from the younger one.

  ‘Have a lovely evening,’ she said, feeling bitterly disappointed. ‘You’re better suited to her. Thanks for
letting me know.’

  Swallowing what was left of her completely obliterated pride, Esme turned around and walked into her home, shutting the door. Putting the bottle back into the fridge, she then drew the blinds across her large doors, and it then hit her.

  The humiliation and rejection by a young single father who thought she was way over the hill, so much so, he didn’t think she could walk there herself.

  It was very familiar, the sensation of her feelings being torn to shreds.

  The wound that never seemed to heal.

  All the things she had been told about it getting better with time was a lie.

  ‘You’re on your own, again,’ she said, before bursting into tears.

  Her one last flicker of hope of finding someone to love, now gone.

  ‘Shitting hell!’

  Leon repeated it again and again, as he walked down the road.

  His elation turned to disappointment when he sat down and thought about Esme.

  It was never going to work because she was his neighbour; her son taught Mali at school. Recent jobs Leon had received were due to Esme, and she was fifteen years older than him, for this reason, unable to offer him some sort of a family.

  He wanted more kids and hoped he would find someone who could do just that.

  Or pay someone for the addition to his family.

  Esme even admitted it would be a miracle for her to get pregnant.

  And throughout the day, as he worked at the big house, it dawned on him how complicated it would all be.

  The best decision would be to stop it before it started.

  ‘She’s fifteen years older than me,’ he said, shaking his head but Esme looked upset when he said his piece.

  Then he felt his face burn with shame about the comments regarding babies and her age. He could see that hurt her.

  It was when he thought about meeting Bennylita and how he threw caution to the wind, letting himself fall in love and hoping it was the real thing.

  The whole episode had left him scared and wary of the opposite sex. That afternoon, he recalled how he would have to protect his heart.

  It was better to be with someone you liked a little, but had to fit the bill on what would make him and Mali happy.

  The other option was to fall head over heels in love, putting them both at risk of getting hurt.

  With Esme, he could feel that he would instantly fall in love.

  There was nothing wrong with her.

  Other than her age.

  And he could end up having his heart broken in the process.

  That was the last thing he wanted to happen, so it was best to walk away, quickly as possible.

  ‘Who’s there?’

  Esme was woken up by a banging sound and wondered if someone was in her house. She was still feeling a little dazed from what happened earlier on that evening, downing a bottle of red to compensate not being good enough.

  Again the banging happened, and she heard a groan.

  Her heart nearly went into her mouth.

  Someone was having sex, and the sound was coming from the other side of the wall.

  There was no mistaking the sound of the headboard banging hard.

  It was Leon.

  ‘Oh no!’ she said, tears immediately coming to her eyes. ‘That’s horrid!’

  Rushing out, she went downstairs and realised he was making a point.

  What better way to screw the twenty-five-year-old in the hope the fifty-year-old might be too deaf to hear.

  Tears fell down her cheeks, and she then started to laugh.

  It was such a horrible situation to be in, and she realised Leon wasn’t as nice as he made out. His intention was to treat her without respect or care. And screwing someone the same night he told Esme she was too old and not right for him, was giving it a spectacular finale.

  She laughed through her bitter tears.

  What else could she do?

  ‘Hello?’

  He woke up with a headache and realised his bedroom looked like a bomb had hit it.

  Leon couldn’t remember much of the evening, other than he got very drunk incredibly quickly.

  ‘Morning,’ he heard Melanie said huskily down the phone. ‘I had to come into work but I’m feeling a little delicate.’

  Then he remembered he had sex with her. Looking down he noticed a used condom and felt immediately sick.

  ‘It was fantastic. You were amazing.’

  ‘Really?’ he replied, burying his head in his pillow.

  ‘We were a bit noisy. I hope we didn’t wake up your neighbour.’

  He sat up instantly, realising his head was spinning.

  ‘I think I need to go to the bathroom.’

  Running down the corridor, he threw up, and his brain was thumping.

  ‘Oh God,’ he breathed through his nausea and threw up again.

  When he finished, he rinsed his mouth and brushed his teeth, glancing at his bloodshot eyes.

  Esme would have heard everything.

  There was a large panic building up in his chest. He didn’t know what to do.

  Should he go next door and apologise for the noise?

  What if she hadn’t heard then he would have to explain that he kissed her in the morning only to dump her and shag someone else the same night.

  He had spent most of the evening not listening to Melanie, but thinking about Esme and his decision. As he sat with his date, he realised watching Esme look at her camellia plant was more interesting than spending time with Melanie.

  For most of the time, he wished he hadn’t been such a prick and just went with it.

  Went with Esme.

  Now he had blown all chances of Esme seeing he was a sincere bloke, and not a single man who wanted a shag.

  Slowly he showered and dressed, before changing his bed and cleaning up his home.

  All traces of Melanie had to be removed.

  Half an hour later, he sat down and drank a large glass of water, after taking some painkillers. Now he was scared to look out the window, should he see Esme. Her van was parked in the drive, and she was probably going to avoid him.

  He picked up his phone.

  ‘How noisy were we?’ he asked Melanie.

  ‘Oh, very. Your headboard kept banging against the wall, so you pulled the bed away. But it still banged hard.’ Then her voice lowered. ‘Very much like you.’

  He felt sick again and put his hand over his mouth.

  ‘When are we going to meet again?’ she asked. ‘Can I come to yours?’

  ‘Like I said, when Mali’s around, I can’t entertain.’

  ‘Come to mine,’ she whispered. ‘And make me come again.’

  Considering he was blind drunk, it sounded as if he gave her a good time.

  Pity, he couldn’t remember if she did the same for him.

  ‘Over before it began.’

  Esme was sitting with Steph in a local pub, waiting for Alfie to turn up for lunch. ‘I’m too old.’

  ‘So let me get it right. You thought Leon was gay, but he’s not. You kiss him; he wants to meet up, and when you do, he says he’s not interested. The same night he bangs a woman half your age. I think he doesn’t know the art of letting you down gently.’

  ‘That’s a nice summary,’ she said, feeling miserable. ‘He wasn’t horrible just honest.’

  Trying hard not to show her deep disappointment, Esme forced a smile.

  ‘I don’t get it,’ Steph said, sipping her large glass of wine. ‘You thought he was gay? Unless I have lost the plot when it comes to men, which won’t surprise me, I could see he was smitten with you.’

  ‘Smitten?’ She tried not to laugh. ‘He probably wanted to see what it was like to kiss an old bird.’

  ‘Honey, I’m an old bird, not you!’

  Focussing on the table she then checked the door to see if Alfie was going to walk through.

  ‘I liked him. Don’t know how or why, but I did. For such a short time, I thought something
good was happening, and he liked me too. Then reality is such a shit, and he preferred someone half my age.’

  ‘And he told to you to bang Ralph?’

  ‘Not in so many words but maybe I should give it a try.’ She noticed Steph looking at her in utter disgust. ‘I won’t pursue anything.’

  ‘You’ll meet someone else.’

  ‘There has been no one else since Oscar.’ Esme realised what she said and noticed the upset glance. ‘He was so perfect in many ways, and I know you hate it when I say nice things about him.’

  Looking around the pub on a Sunday lunchtime, there were families with children, young and old. It was a lovely place that felt cosy and warm. Then her son walked in, and that’s what Esme needed right now.

  The love of her child.

  But on second glance he didn’t look happy.

  Alfie went towards them and then abruptly sat down, staring straight at Esme.

  She knew her baby was upset and touched his face.

  ‘I’ve broken up with Vincent,’ he said, trying to hold his tears. ‘He’s not the man for me.’

  ‘Oh Alfie!’

  Esme wrapped her arms around her son, forgetting her pitiful woes, hugging the dear life out of him as Steph stroked his arm.

  ‘Was he screwing someone younger?’ asked his grandmother, who Esme gave a threatening glance. ‘Typical!’

  ‘Older,’ sniffed Alfie as Esme pushed him away and wiped his eyes with a napkin. ‘Much older! The man he’s seeing is fifty!’

  ‘Shock horror!’ said Steph, feigning disbelief. ‘That old?’

  ‘You know what I mean,’ he said, trying not to smile. ‘Has known him for years and …’ Alfie’s bottom lip started to tremble. ‘They’re moving in together.’

  ‘Thank God,’ Esme muttered and then was pushed away by a scowling boy. ‘You’re my child, I love you and I’d never want anything bad to happen. He treats you terribly, and I hope he makes that old person incredibly unhappy!’

  ‘Please, don’t hold back mum,’ Alfie sighed, getting a glass and filling it with wine. ‘Just tell me what you think.’

  ‘I’ll tell you what I think,’ said Steph, raising her glass. ‘You two are particularly useless when it comes to matters of the heart.’ There was a mischievous grin appearing on the woman’s lips. ‘I’m in love.’