by S M Mala
‘About life.’
‘Who is this friend?’
‘Someone I’ve known for ages and who has a way of making me see sense.’ Then she laughed, putting her hand over her mouth. ‘Or not, depending on what’s happening.’
‘A boyfriend?’ He had a little pang of jealousy saying it. ‘You never said.’
‘You won’t be hearing me banging against the wall, never fear.’ She sipped her drink and looked at him. ‘Bang as hard as you like. It’s fine.’
‘I don’t want to ‘bang’ as you put it.’ Leon felt annoyed at the comment. It was dismissive. ‘You should have said something and you haven’t answered my question. Were you avoiding me?’
‘Yes, I was. I felt embarrassed and a bit of a twit. So now you know.’ Esme’s smile was wiped off her face. ‘Your reasons were sound and I had no logic to what I was thinking. Just put it down to me being old and occasionally lonely. It happens.’
‘Daddy!’ Mali cried out, and they both stopped eating. ‘Daddy!’
He stood and ran up the stairs to see Mali.
She was sitting up in bed, holding onto Moo Moo.
‘I be sick,’ she grumbled and Leon knew immediately what that meant.
He grabbed her out of the bed and took her to the bathroom, making her stand over the toilet bowl.
She threw up.
It was the baked beans that hadn’t been chewed.
He realised his baby had tried to eat them, which wasn’t what Melanie had said.
Again Mali cried, probably upset at seeing the food she disliked intensely.
‘It’s okay,’ he said, holding her and noticing there was vomit down her vest. ‘Better out than in.’
‘Not like them!’ she wailed. ‘They make me sick!’
‘You have a little bug.’
‘Not eat again! Horrid!’
‘I think I should take you home,’ he gently said. ‘Then I can look after you.’
‘I want Esme!’ she sobbed, rubbing her face as the tears pelted down. ‘Where’s Esme?’
‘I’m here,’ he heard her say.
Leon hadn’t noticed she was standing in the corridor, watching them. Mali smiled and snivelled when she looked at her.
‘I have a toothbrush you can use to clean your teeth and a t-shirt for you to wear,’ replied Esme, bending down to be on the same eye level as Mali. ‘Let daddy clean you up and then you can go home into your nice comfy bed.’
‘You come with me?’ asked Mali, stepping closer to Esme. ‘Make me better.’
‘Of course.’
Leon watched Esme help clean up Mali and the bathroom, where the vomit had missed the toilet bowl. She gave her a toothbrush to take home and got a sheet to wrap her in, so Leon could carry her back into the house.
When Mali was in her bed, he ran to get a basin and towel should she throw up again.
All the time, he saw Esme with Mali. Stroking her hair; holding her in her arms and administering the medicine. He loved how caring she was to his child.
This was when he realised he liked Esme a whole lot more than he imagined possible.
In the room with Mali, she didn’t look fifteen or fifty.
She just looked like a woman who seemed to love the little girl in her arms.
And he wished she would turn around and do the same thing to him.
‘I better!’
Mali was skipping into Esme’s garden. She was wearing her pink tutu over a pair of jeans and a hooded red top.
She had been poorly for a couple of days but by Saturday afternoon, she was back to normal.
‘My, you do look well,’ she said, stepping out and leaning down. Mali wrapped her arms around her neck, giving her a big kiss. ‘And that’s lovely!’
‘You make me better. I have a present for you.’ Mali produced a flower that she had picked from her garden. ‘It’s pretty, like you.’
‘Thank you!’ laughed Esme, walking into her house as Mali followed. ‘Where’s your dad?’
‘He’s on the computer. Daddy said I can see you.’
Mali had removed her shoes and headed for the television set, switching it on before Esme had a chance to go back to the kitchen table. She looked at the child and smiled.
It was after four in the afternoon and Esme hadn’t planned anything for the evening.
Since seeing Oscar, Esme realised she had to change a few things.
He had moved on and got a new life.
She needed a life of her own and caring for Alfie would never stop.
They had spoken quite a lot, in between the fast love making, and she realised that Oscar would always be a lovely interlude, though she wasn’t happy he was married.
On the other hand, he didn’t think that was an issue.
Esme knew he probably had more lovers scattered around.
That would have to stop because from what she observed when they met. He was becoming more important every time she saw him. Soon, or even now, their meetings in London would have to stop.
Oscar was coming back in June and she said she would try and fix it so Alfie and Steph met him.
But she wasn’t banking on it.
One thing she did know, she wouldn’t be sleeping with Oscar again.
Something had changed in her but she didn’t know what. Esme put it down to the notion that she could live without him, and had done so for such a long time. It was now time to let him go.
She would tell him when she saw him next.
Esme wasn’t quite sure how he would take it, because Oscar was spouting a lot of romantic nonsense than night which she put down to him being jet lagged.
And there was the real issue for the past decade she had been sleeping with him, unbeknown to her son and ex-mother in law.
That was something she dreaded them finding out and a secret she would have to live with.
‘Hello there,’ she heard and turned her head.
Leon was standing at the door smiling.
Again, there was an overwhelming feeling of happiness, the same one she had on seeing Mali. But Esme re-checked her feelings, knowing they weren’t reciprocated and she accepted that.
‘Hi,’ she replied. ‘She looks so much better.’
‘Thanks to you and mum. Can I come in?’
‘You don’t have to ask.’
Leon stepped in and looked over at Mali. She noticed he seemed a bit nervous.
‘Is everything okay?’ she asked, noticing he was starting to blush.
‘I was wondering if tonight, if you don’t mind, would you-.’
‘Of course I don’t mind babysitting,’ Esme said, seeing he was embarrassed to ask. ‘She can stay here and-.’
‘That’s not what I was going to say. I’m ordering an Indian takeaway and I wondered if you’d like to join us.’
‘Aren’t you going to see Melanie?’
‘I not like her!’ Mali said loudly. ‘She made me eat beans!’
‘I’m not seeing her tonight,’ Leon replied and seemed disappointed. ‘Just you, Mali and me. At our house about six. You don’t have to, if you don’t want to.’
‘Come to our house!’ shouted Mali, jumping up on the sofa. ‘I like chicken tikka and curry sauce and rice and poppadum-dums.’
‘Sit down,’ Leon said firmly as Mali jumped up and landed on her bottom, making her giggle. ‘I’ve told you not to jump on the furniture, let alone other people’s.’
Seeing him trying to look stern, Esme smiled before saying, ‘I’d really like that, thanks.’
‘Pardon?’ he said, doing a double take.
‘That would be lovely. I’ll bring the wine.’
It was quite astonishing, the smile that lit up his face. She thought he looked genuinely pleased. Though the real reason was probably down to the fact he felt guilty about keeping her up the previous nights while he was shagging his girlfriend.
It was noticeable that last night there was no sound and no Melanie.
‘Good,’ he said, clappin
g his hands together. ‘Do you want to come round for a drink at five?’
‘I’d like that.’
‘I want to stay here,’ Mali said, standing on the sofa but one look from Leon made her sit down. ‘Why can’t we stay here?’
‘Because we’ve not invited Esme to our house before. It’s the beginning of May and I don’t think we’ve been hospitable when she’s been really nice.’
Leon glanced at Esme.
It was quite different, the look.
She smiled back.
It was going to be an interesting evening.
‘Do you think she’s asleep?’
Esme was sitting at the table as Leon cleared up.
He was nervous about the evening and genuinely happy she accepted his invitation.
‘We’ll know in due course,’ he replied, rinsing the plates before putting them in the dishwasher.
‘Can I help?’
‘You’re the guest so please stay put. Why don’t you go and sit on the sofa? It’s more comfortable than the chairs.’
Leon didn’t know what was going on in his head, but all he knew was that he wanted to spend time with Esme.
He watched her get up and walk to the couch, sitting down and facing the garden.
‘It’s more ordered than mine.’
All he did was look at her.
Leon knew he was going to have to take back all the cons he had put forward.
‘Oh, and Mali made me give all the cans of beans to the homeless shelter because she said they made her sick.’ He laughed, walking with the bottle of wine and filling her glass, before sitting down next to her. ‘I like baked beans.’
‘She obviously doesn’t.’
She then laughed.
‘You have a lovely laugh,’ he blurted out and noticed she stopped. ‘I smile when I hear it.’
‘That’s very sweet. I hear Mali laugh, and I just giggle.’ She sat back and looked at him, the same sympathetic look she gave. ‘You don’t have to be nice to me, you know, because of what happened weeks ago. I think we can move on from that, don’t you?’
‘Sure,’ he replied, wanting to kiss her.
When he kissed Melanie, it didn’t feel the same.
It was enjoyable but like kissing Zoe. A bit empty.
Ultimately it was a build up to sex and Leon liked kissing while making love.
He always did.
‘I’m thinking a lot about moving on.’ Esme stared out of the window. ‘I feel like I’ve been in limbo for quite a while, and I need to do something.’
‘Like what?’
‘I don’t know. Alfie split with the geriatric, which I’m pleased about. He’s been a bit down and then I told him and his grandma that Oscar, Alfie’s dad, wants to see them. He’s flying around at the moment and will be back in London, so he says.’
Leon noticed something change in her expression. She started to look guilty.
‘When’s the last time you saw your ex? Was it recently?’
‘Oh God,’ she mumbled, rubbing her forehead. ‘Okay, this sounds a little odd but I saw him a few weeks ago. We keep in touch and are still friends. Well, a good a friend as you can be with an ex-husband.’
‘How good is that?’ he asked, leaning closer.
‘Quite good.’ Esme took a massive gulp of her wine. ‘Unfortunately Alfie and Steph don’t see his kind side. They have a valid point, especially my son. But I want to see if they can work it out.’
‘Why?’
‘Because he’s his dad and Steph is Oscar’s mum. He has hardly spoken to his mother recently. And as for Alfie, he thinks his father has turned his back on him. I don’t know what to do. I want Alfie and Oscar to meet so they can clear the air.’
There was something not right about her expression.
Leon couldn’t figure it out then it occurred to him.
‘Did you spend the weekend with your ex, not so long ago? You know when I saw you going into a cab.’
Her mouth dropped open, and she looked totally stunned. He could see her glass was going to tip, so he reached out and held her hand to stop the wine spilling over.
‘Esme, you have a secret, don’t you?’
‘Don’t say anything to anyone, okay?’ she whispered as if someone was listening. ‘It’s very, very complicated.’
‘I think, as we’re going to be friends, we should be honest. Don’t you think?’ Leon felt his heart beating fast. ‘We are friends, aren’t we?’
She put down her glass and took a deep breath. Then turned to face him.
‘No- one knows, other than Alicia, my best friend. It sounds bad, and it is.’
‘Go on.’
‘You know I told you about that man in my child’s bed? Well, afterwards I was very wary and upset. It had taken me five years to pull myself together after the split and then it goes horribly wrong. I told Oscar what happened, and he flew over immediately. He wanted to see Alfie, but I knew Alfie would then become suspicious. By then their relationship wasn’t very healthy. I had no intention of forcing my son, who was still a bit pissed off with his dad. Then it began.’
‘What began?’ Leon could see she looked devastated at the question.
‘I loved him so much. He broke my heart when he didn’t support our child, the baby we made together. And I knew he wanted to go to the States. I realise now it was an easy get out clause for him. But I still loved Oscar. I couldn’t help it. When I’m with Oscar, just me and him, nothing else matters. That’s the problem. Nothing matters, and we forget our obligations and the problems of what happened.’ She let out a deep sigh. ‘And we end up sleeping together.’
He didn’t know what to say, but waited for her to continue. Esme was looking upset as she glanced at him.
‘Do you mind me asking how long have you been seeing your ex-husband on the side?’ Leon eventually asked, watching her head fall forward before bolting straight up again. ‘I won’t judge.’
‘Ten years.’
‘Whoa!’ was the only thing he could say, sitting back on the couch. ‘And Alfie and Steph don’t know?’ She shook her head from side to side. ‘Is it an affair? He’s married, right?’
‘Leon, please don’t judge me. I’m not a home wrecker. I don’t want him to leave his wife, but a couple times a year, we meet up. I talk to him about Alfie and Steph. He makes me feel loved, even if it’s only fleeting.’
‘And you wonder why you’ve not moved on?’
Esme stood up and walked towards the doors, looking out onto the garden.
He never thought she would be sleeping with someone, especially her ex.
This made her more intriguing and a little bit confusing.
‘But move on I shall,’ she said, turning to smile. ‘I think I still see Oscar because it means I don’t have to worry about someone else. He even asked me to move to America to be with him.’
It was horrible, the sudden sinking feeling in his gut.
‘But he knows I could never leave Alfie,’ she continued, shrugging her shoulders. ‘He was testing the waters. I’m not going to end up in bed with him again. It didn’t feel right the last time, and that’s a good sign. I think I’m a little slow about a few things.’
From the relief on hearing she was going to stay put, to the concern of her seeing other men, Leon’s head was all over the place.
‘You might meet someone.’
‘Where am I going to meet men of my age?’ she sighed, walking back and sitting down. ‘Other than the decorating lot I work with, there’s no-one around. And you were right when you said about my age and people wanting families. Maybe I’m destined to be alone.’
‘I don’t think so.’
‘You’ve met Melanie. A Jewish woman who you can have a future with. But how did you meet her? Because of someone who knows someone. I know Steph, Alfie, my fellow work colleagues and my best friend, Alicia. I don’t trust other people outside the group to fix me up.’
‘Is that why you toy with Ralph?’
<
br /> ‘I don’t toy with him but he’s nice… sometimes.’ Again, she laughed. ‘Though I would never drop my large old pants for him. He thinks I will, but I won’t.’
‘You know me,’ Leon said, narrowing his eyes and looking at his glass of wine. ‘I’m a man so I could see if there’s anyone I know who’s single.’
‘Seriously?’ Esme tucked her feet under her body before looking at him. ‘What do you know about my taste in men?’
This was a challenging question, so he reached forward and grabbed his tablet, switching it on before searching ‘Oscar Reeves’. He tried not to look shocked when he saw him.
Alfie resembled his father and mother, but her ex was a very handsome man.
‘He’s the Governor of New York?’ Leon let out a disgruntled sigh, trying not to sound too shocked. ‘I see.’
‘What do you see?’
‘You want a successful man.’
‘No,’ she huffed. ‘I need a man who likes and understands me as well as my kooky family.’
‘Right.’
Clearing his throat, he realised that he was lucky she even gave him the time of day. He turned to look at her and noticed how pretty she was close up. Her skin was better than Melanie’s, who was half her age.
This pretence to be her friend was going to be harder than he thought.
‘I have a plan,’ he said, clearing his throat. ‘Let’s see if there’s someone out there for you that I might know.’
Leon had no intention of finding anyone else for her, other than him.
‘Be my mummy.’
Mali was sitting on Esme’s lap in her garden. ‘I not got a mummy.’
‘Oh Mali,’ she said gently, giving her a hug. ‘I can’t be your mummy. I can be your best friend if you like.’
‘I like you to be my mummy,’ she said, turning around and looked at her straight in the eye. ‘Not want Melanie, who hurts my hair.’
‘Does daddy see a lot of Melanie?’ Esme asked, re-doing Mali’s braid. ‘Has she come to see you since you were ill?’ The child shook her head from side to side. ‘They’re still friends, aren’t they?’
‘Daddy’s busy with the posh man’s garden,’ replied Mali, turning around so she could face Esme. ‘Daddy said he works very hard.’
‘He does work hard.’
