by S M Mala
‘I never see my mummy,’ Mali continued, now trying to braid Esme’s hair. ‘Nana said she is a witch, that’s why she left me.’
Gulping hard, she looked at the beautiful child and wondered how her mother could have abandoned her.
‘I’ve seen a picture of her. She looks a bit like me.’ Now Mali started to smile. ‘Nana said not as pretty.’
‘You’re very pretty.’
Not wanting to pump the child for information, she waited a moment.
‘So your daddy and Melanie, does he like her?’
‘I not like her.’
‘But does your daddy like her?’
‘She is a Jew, so Nana thinks she is nice, but she not! Grandpa said it’s up to daddy who he likes and Nana said he has made a pig hair out of his life.’
‘You mean ‘pig’s ear’,’ laughed Esme.
‘That’s what I said. Esme, have you got a boyfriend?’
‘I haven’t.’
The child looked at her, confused by the comment.
‘I like you and I be your boyfriend.’
She cuddled the little girl, loving the smell of her.
Her phone beeped, and there was a text.
It was from Ralph.
Reaching over she read it.
‘Party now the weekend before May Bank Holiday. Can you still cater for fifty people? And will you come out to dinner with me? I’ve not seen you for ages.’
‘Catering fine. Dinner I’m not so sure about,’ she said and put down her phone.
‘What do we have here?’ Leon walked into her garden, looking gorgeous in a white linen shirt and smart shorts, wearing flip flops.
It made Esme internally gasp, but she held onto it.
‘Daddy! Why not Esme be my mummy?’ she shouted, running up to him and jumping into his arms. ‘She lives here and I like her.’
‘That’s not how it works,’ he replied, starting to laugh.
Esme noticed he was getting embarrassed.
‘She’s not got a boyfriend. You can be her boyfriend.’
‘Again, that’s not how it works.’
‘How it works?’
‘Mali you need to speak in proper sentences, not in abbreviations,’ he sighed, carrying her in his arms as he walked towards Esme. ‘Thanks for looking after her.’
‘She was no problem at all. I hear Ralph’s garden is nearly finished.’ Esme tried not to stare at the beautiful young people. ‘He texted me to say and asked me out for dinner.’
‘I think you should go.’
Esme thought she heard incorrectly since she had told Leon there was no chance anything was going to happen.
‘For the practice,’ he added, as she nodded, not convinced she could do it.
‘Practice what?’ asked Mali, looking at Esme.
‘Going out with men,’ Esme replied, standing up and seeing the little girl look at her dad.
‘Practice with daddy. I practice my spelling with Mr Alfie Reeves, your son. You can practice with my daddy.’
‘That’s not how it works,’ she replied and looked at Leon, who was staring at her. ‘Would you like a drink?’
‘Yes please! Orange squash!’
‘I meant your dad.’
‘Whatever you’re having,’ he said, putting Mali down.
Mali walked towards the television set and switched it on.
She tuned to a children’s channel and sat on the floor. Esme handed her a small bottle and left her to it. Then she got two glasses of wine and gave one to Leon.
‘Cheers,’ he said, lightly tapping her glass before taking residence in one of the chairs outside.
‘So you recommend I go out with Ralph,’ she asked, sitting down and grimaced into the glass.
‘Only for the practice.’ Leon looked over at his child. ‘She seems happy.’
‘She wants a mum,’ Esme said quietly and watched Leon’s face turn sad. ‘That’s why she asked you.’
‘The kids in school say things and she’s a little girl. Of course, she needs another female in her life.’
‘I’m here for her if that’s okay with you.’
‘I think it’s wonderful,’ he said quietly and smiled. ‘Thank you for stepping in today. I didn’t want to ask Melanie and mum was doing something.’
‘How’s it going with Melanie?’
‘Good.’
There was a pummel in her gut, but she smiled to cover up her feeling of angst.
He wasn’t attracted to her, and even after the kiss; it had all been confirmed.
Esme wondered if wanting something unobtainable was her way of avoiding meeting someone else.
Even Oscar was completely off the mark.
‘What are you thinking?’ she heard Leon ask. ‘You’re frowning.’
‘It doesn’t matter.’
Biting her lip, she realised Ralph was her only way to see if she could make a concerted effort with someone she had no intention of taking it further with.
‘It’s hard because the only relationship I’ve had was with Oscar, and I explained my reasons,’ she quietly replied. ‘I’ve known him for such a long time and he’s Alfie’s dad. I can’t take that away.’
‘I would never let Bennylita back into my life, not after what she did.’ He hesitated. ‘She’s been emailing me but I delete them.’
‘You don’t read them to see what she has to say?’ Esme was shocked on hearing the news. ‘You’re not interested?’
‘Once upon a time, I thought we could get back together, but not now. Not ever.’
‘Don’t you care about her?’
‘No.’ The way he said it was full of disappointment. ‘I thought we had something but it was a lie. Moving in together, setting up home and having a baby. She cheated on me when she was carrying our child.’ Leon gulped hard. ‘There was a moment when I wasn’t even sure if Mali was mine. But I know she is.’
‘What if she wasn’t yours and you were left looking after another man’s child?’ she asked, feeling upset for him.
‘Nothing would have changed. I’d have never let Mali go. I can’t get pulled into something like that again, a deceitful person only wanting to use me.’
‘Melanie is what you want, isn’t she?’
Then he looked at Esme as if she had said something very odd before he glanced at the ground.
‘I don’t know what I want, if I'm honest,’ he mumbled. ‘Well, I do, but I’m a bit rubbish at getting it.’
That comment left Esme more confused about Leon.
‘And that’s a good idea?’
Leon was with Graham in the house both Esme, and he were working on. They were in the garden, watching the delivery of all the plants and accessories. ‘You’re pushing her into the arms of someone she doesn’t want.’
‘That way it will kill time while I devise a plan of trying to convince her to go out with me.’
‘After all you said?’
Graham let out a massive groan and stood with his hands on his head, looking at Leon. The sun was shining, and the garden looked like a semi-shambles. There was a tremendous noise from the house as the carpenters were putting in the fitted wardrobes in the bedrooms.
None of the ‘Handy Mommas’ team was on site due to another mistake made by the builders.
‘Leon, you can’t just change your mind,’ his friend said, stepping forward. ‘You gave a long list of cons to her and now what are you going to say? They were wrong? How do you think that’s going to make her feel? When I told Chikelu what you said all those weeks ago, she said she would have cut off your balls for being so rude.’
‘You told Chikelu?’ Leon knew she would think he was a dick. Then he hesitated. ‘Did she give you any tips on how I could sort it out?’
‘‘Give up’ was what she said.’ Taking the spade, Graham started digging some earth. ‘Why the change of heart?’
‘I can’t get that kiss out of my head and how it felt.’ Leon knew his heart was starting to beat fast. ‘Something h
appened, and it doesn’t matter how many times I kiss Melanie, I can’t get the same feeling. There is something about Esme.’
‘Like what?’ Graham started to grin, in anticipation of what was going to come next. ‘Don’t hold back.’
‘Every time I look at her, I want to kiss her; touch her. When I see Esme with Mali, my heart just melts, and I like her company. She laughs at herself, and that’s good.’ Leon let out a long breath. ‘And she’s gorgeous and kind.’
‘But she’s fifteen years older than you and can’t give you this larger family you think you want. And she’s not Jewish. Your mother won’t be pleased.’
‘What about me? I’m not particularly pleased about Melanie, but I’m doing it to keep mum happy.’
‘You’re a bloody martyr!’ laughed out Graham. ‘You get to sleep with someone ten years younger than you.’ Then he frowned. ‘And how’s that? Can you feel the age difference there?’ Leon shook his head from side to side. ‘Do you think you’d feel it with Esme or she’d feel it with you?’
‘I doubt it.’
‘And her ex?’
Picking up the other spade, Leon started to dig the mound of earth that had built up, shoving it into a wheelbarrow.
‘She didn’t have to tell me,’ he said quietly then grimaced. ‘But she’s not going to carry on with him.’
‘And how do you know she won’t? If she has kept it a secret from her family, she could keep that from you.’ Graham stopped working and looked at him. ‘What’s this all about?’
‘I can’t explain.’ He thought hard about his answer. ‘I like her. I’ve not felt like that about anyone for such a long time. Someone you can be yourself with, and there’s no pressure.’
‘No pressure?’
‘Like Melanie. She might be twenty-five, but she’s talking about this and that. Going away together; meeting parents and things I don’t want to do. Mali can’t stand her and after the baked bean incident, she doesn’t want her to come to the house. I get the impression that Melanie doesn’t like Mali either.’
‘What’s there not to like?’ Graham said, loudly.
‘I don’t know. A few times she mentioned stuff about Mali’s mix, you know, colour of her skin and the way she looks. Nothing nasty but it makes me wonder if Melanie’s not that broad minded.’
‘You mean a narrow-minded racist?’
‘It’s just something.’
‘Look matey boy, you don’t want to get involved with someone who’s going to look down on the kid and where they’re from.’ Graham shook his head solemnly. ‘You’d think in this day and age, we’d embrace things. Still the world judges colour and creed, not to mention class and religion.’
They heard some loud exchange of words from inside the house and realised something had gone wrong, yet again. Looking at each other, they laughed.
‘Graham, have you ever met someone from the outset might be wrong for you, but you knew they weren’t. No matter how hard you tried to look at all the negatives, there was only one positive, and it was her.’
Suddenly Graham stepped forward and touched Leon’s arms before looking up into his eyes.
‘I did. And I married Chikelu.’
‘That’s what I think about Esme and I’m worried my brain is confusing things.’
‘Then follow your heart and see what happens.’
‘This looks okay, don’t you think?’
Esme was standing in her outfit for a date with Ralph. She popped next door to make sure Leon would agree on the choice. Now she was being examined by Mali, who had her hands on her hips, frowning. ‘You don’t like it?
‘Why a dress?’
‘It’s pretty.’
‘Where you going?’ she quizzed, looking at her up and down.
‘I’m going to dinner with Ralph so we can discuss his food for the party this Saturday.’
It wasn’t the exact truth, but she didn’t want to tell Mali, who didn’t like the posh man, as she called him.
‘He can write it on a list,’ replied Mali. ‘Then you not have to go.’
‘It’s a lovely Tuesday evening and instead of me staying in and watching television, I can go somewhere nice.’
‘Let daddy take you.’
‘Your daddy is busy.’ Esme smiled at the child then heard footsteps coming down the stairs. She saw Leon, and there were little butterflies in her gut. He was wearing his usual shorts and a baggy t-shirt, his hair still wet from showering, and he looked very handsome.
That was indeed a bad sign.
‘What do you think about my outfit?’ Esme asked, trying not to smile at him. He frowned. ‘Is it that bad?’
Esme quickly walked to the corridor and examined herself in the mirror. The dress was a nice dark blue, very in trend, and she was wearing sandals with a medium heel. She had worked on her hair, putting some small curls.
Overall she made an effort.
Then she noticed Leon standing behind her.
Of late, he was used to women wearing miniskirts and tight clothing. The man wouldn’t be impressed with her sensible outfit.
‘You think I look middle aged, don’t you?’ she asked, turning to look at him. Still he was frowning. ‘Should I get changed into something else?’
‘He’s going to think he’s got a chance,’ he replied, shoving his hands into his pockets, before rocking on his heels. ‘You look very attractive.’
The way he said it, wasn’t a compliment. It sounded more of an accusation.
‘I think you look pretty,’ said Mali, walking up to her and putting her hand in Esme’s palm. ‘Daddy can take you out. Not go with the posh man. Stay here, and we can have chips.’
‘Oh darling, I wish I could but I need the practice,’ sighed Esme, glancing at Leon’s frown.
‘Practice?’ asked Mali, now frowning like her dad.
‘There you are!’ They turned to see Alfie standing at the back door. ‘Can I come in?’
‘Mr Alfie Reeves!’ shouted out Mali, running up to him. ‘This is where I live!’
‘I know,’ the young man smiled. Esme admired her handsome son. He then looked at her and pulled a face. ‘Where are you going?’
‘Why is everyone frowning at me?’ she asked and shook her head. ‘I’m going to dinner with Ralph.’
‘Why?’ her son asked, looking unimpressed before kissing her cheek. ‘He’s awful.’
‘She wants to practice eating dinner,’ replied Mali. ‘He posh man.’
‘There are lots of other words I could use to describe him, and mum eats dinner every day, so why the practice?’ Alfie mumbled under his breath before turning to shake Leon’s hand. ‘Lovely place you have here.’
‘I’m still working on it,’ he said and Esme noticed Leon eye her up and down, then look away. Alfie then glanced at her and back at Leon. ‘I need more time to sort out the bedrooms.’
‘I not want Esme to go with the posh man,’ Mali sighed, walking towards her small table and chair. ‘Can’t you take her, Mr Alfie Reeves?’
‘I was going to offer to take her out, but it seems I’ve been beaten to it,’ he replied, looking at her in the mirror before whispering. ‘You can’t be that desperate, can you?’
‘I’m having a run through. Leon thinks he might be useful before I delve back into the world of dating, if there’s anyone out there who wants to hook up.’
Alfie burst out laughing, and she noticed Leon smile before walking towards the kitchen.
‘Ralph’s as useful as a one inch dick,’ whispered her son, still highly amused as Leon turned his head and laughed. ‘Come on. Go with someone else for practice.’
‘Like my daddy,’ said Mali, colouring something furiously while she was at her table. ‘Mr Alfie Reeves could babysit me. I not want the lady who makes me eat beans and hurts my hair.’
‘Mali,’ sighed Leon as Esme noticed the child pout at her dad. ‘She’s coming to the posh man’s party this Saturday, so you have to be nice.’
‘Not w
ant to go!’ she replied, putting down her pencil.
Esme felt a huge wave of disappointment when she heard Leon’s words.
There was a small hope she would spend time at the boring event in his company.
Alfie was looking at her and frowned before smiling.
‘I better go,’ she sighed. ‘Ralph’s expecting me. Alfie, do you think I look nice?’
‘I think you look far too good for him, that’s what I think,’ he said, grabbing his mother’s hand. ‘Don’t you agree, Leon?’
She noticed Leon nod as his back was turned to them.
‘Have a good evening?’ he then said, quickly glancing over.
‘Let me deliver this lamb to the slaughter,’ laughed Alfie but Mali rushed up to Esme and hugged her legs.
‘I not want you to go,’ she said as Esme stroked her hair. ‘Stay and eat chips.’
‘I’ll be back soon and you be a good girl.’ Esme bent down and kissed her on the cheek. ‘It’s not as if I’m going off to get married.’
‘I not want you to marry him!’ she screamed out.
‘Mali!’ said Leon, walking up to her. ‘What’s got into you?’
‘I not want him to marry Esme! I want Esme to be my mummy!’ Then she turned and looked up at her dad. Esme noticed Alfie was trying not to smile. ‘Make Esme my mummy.’
‘Okay, well, I’ll take my mother away, and you can explain the next bit,’ whispered Alfie, pulling her out of the house and down the garden. When they got to her garden, he stopped and looked at her. ‘Why is he advising you on dating?’
‘Because he offered, and I couldn’t ask you.’
‘Why not?’
‘Fixing me up with a man who you’d think was good enough?’
‘Okay, I get your point.’ Alfie frowned and glanced over towards Leon’s house. ‘And you’re sure he’s not interested.’
‘Totally.’ Then her smile slipped, and she looked up into her child’s eyes. ‘If only I was younger.’
‘So this is your way of spending some time with him, on the pretence he’s helping you. I get it!’
Alfie dragged her into the house and shut the doors.
‘One day you’ll see how pitiful my love life has been.’ She let out a long sigh and grabbed her bag and shawl. ‘I don’t want to be on my own for the rest of my life. I’m fifty, and I want to see if there’s someone for me, out there.’
