by S M Mala
‘Sometimes you love someone so much, you can’t see that they don’t love you enough,’ she whispered into his skin. ‘And when you eventually realise it, that’s the bit that hurts the most. It’s a bitter pill.’
‘I don’t get it,’ he mumbled, opening his eyes, knowing his tears were going to fall. And they did. But Esme captured them with her fingers. ‘Why wasn’t I good enough for her? Why didn’t she want our baby?’
‘All I know, she’s a fool for letting you and Mali go.’
She wrapped her arms around him, and Leon buried his head in her neck. He wanted to stay there forever.
‘You didn’t tell me what happened with Alfie and his dad,’ Leon asked.
‘Alfie was right. Oscar was up to something, and I shouldn’t have taken my son to see him. That was a big mistake.’
He pushed her back gently and kissed her lips.
‘Esme, I like you a lot, and I don’t want anything to stop what’s going on between us,’ Leon blurted out quickly. ‘We’re dealing with things relating to our kids and ex-partners. It’s pretty hard, to be honest. Do you like me? Really like me?’
‘Oh, I like you so much, since the first day I set eyes on you,’ she said earnestly. ‘Don’t let your confidence falter over all this. I might be half a century old, and falling to pieces in places, but my heart’s pretty solid. It knows what it feels.’
She said the right thing.
‘Can we go to bed? I want to make love to you,’ Esme sighed.
Again, she had hit the spot.
He took her hand and led her to his bedroom, knowing not to make a noise. Poking his head around the door, Mali was asleep on her tummy; her bottom sticking up in the air.
Esme peeped in and tried not to laugh.
Then she walked to his bedroom and stood by the bed, her back to him. There was no light, other than from outside, so he could see her silhouette against the backdrop of the window. Slowly she undressed as he watched before she slid under the covers and smiled.
Leon removed his clothes, throwing them on top of hers and pulled back the covers.
‘This is the first time we’ve made love in my bed, do you know that?’ he said, seeing Esme slyly grin. ‘You don’t like the idea of being here?’
‘I heard you from the other side of the wall.’
‘I told you, I wasn’t thinking.’
‘You were doing something else,’ she laughed then let out a little sigh. ‘Feels a bit odd.’
Bending down and leaning on his hands, he shook his head from side to side.
‘Are you worried I’m going to do it again with someone else? Is that it? You can trust me, I’m not-.’
She put her hand over his mouth and sat up on her elbow.
‘Don’t explain. You don’t need to. Now kiss me.’
He did as he was told, feeling her pull him on top. Her tongue moved with his, and he held her tightly while his hand rubbed up and down her side. Then he felt her hand reach out and touch between his legs, pulling and stroking him. Gently she played, as he moved his hips to match the rhythm of her grasp.
Removing her hand, he pushed her arms above her head and kissed her neck. Her thighs parted, and he searched for where the heat was coming from. Then he felt the wet tightness, pulling him in. Leon met her lips, kissing her gently then pushed in deeper.
Her gasp made him shiver, so did his body. He was gripped.
He didn’t want her to move; he just needed to screw her the best he could, thrusting slowly. Their breathing, her gasping, his moaning. Everything was combined beautifully together. Her knees were bent, and their mouths joined, kissing and exploring.
Upping the speed, he didn’t want it to stop. Knowing how he was feeling, completely took him by surprise.
All he wanted was Esme.
That’s all he really cared about.
Other than Mali, who was sleeping next door.
Right now, they were the only two things important in his life.
‘Oh!’
Esme could feel his hips moving quickly, and she wanted to hold him. Releasing her hands, she grabbed his back, bending her knees so she could pull him closer.
He felt amazing, and she knew he wanted to please her.
But she was also aware he was upset.
Squeezing her breast, his mouth travelled down, and he sucked on her nipple. There was a lot of pent-up passion in his body.
‘My God!’ she gasped, knowing she was going to come.
He grabbed her face and kissed her gently.
‘Let’s come together,’ he panted quietly and she doubted if she could hold on.
But there was one thing she had no doubt about.
She was in love with Leon.
She knew it.
She felt it.
‘I think I’m going to-.’
‘I know,’ Leon groaned and they both whined into each other’s mouth, their hips slapping together.
She couldn’t stop her body from shaking, squeezing every last bit out, and feeling him push and pull, milking his orgasm. His skin felt a little damp, but he smelled gorgeous. Esme looked at him, the green eyes dazzling before she pulled away.
He broke out into a big smile.
‘Leon,’ she said, wanting to say how she felt and knowing she couldn’t.
He had a terrible day and her admission would tip him over the edge of confusion.
That’s the last thing she wanted to happen.
‘Have you got any tissues? I don’t want to leave a stain on your sheets.’
He laughed, still inside her, making her body shake. It was an amazing feeling as she let out a little sigh, trying to suck it back in.
‘I have a washing machine,’ he said, kissing her nose.
‘You don’t seem to be good at washing your underpants.’
‘I don’t like wearing any, to be honest.’
Reaching over, he grabbed some wet wipes and slowly withdrew, putting them between her legs. She noticed he looked down, so she instinctively shut her thighs. His hand was trapped.
‘I wanted to see how much,’ Leon replied, smirking up at her. ‘It felt like a lot.’
‘Men?’ Esme shook her head. ‘What is it about you wanting to see the quantity? Is it in your DNA?’
‘It is, literally,’ he laughed. ‘Open your legs and let me assist.’
That’s when she didn’t know what to do. It was more than intimate, cleaning up after making love, and she had never had someone do that before.
‘What’s wrong?’ Leon asked when she didn’t budge. ‘You’re beautiful Esme, all over.’
‘That’s just bollocks!’ she snorted out, then laughed, before letting out a hefty sigh. ‘Leon, you’ve been with someone half my age in the past few weeks. I don’t look the same. It’s probably saggy down there.’
She noticed his half smile and then he reached out with his other hand, touching her face.
‘Our ages our irrelevant; so is the difference in the colour of our skin and religion. Nothing matters other than you and me. You just have to realise, when two people like each other, there is no logic or reason. It is what it is.’
Esme stared at him. The earnest speech made her love him even more.
‘But my garden is far nicer than yours, and that may cause a problem in the future when I give you some advice on how to prune your bush,’ Leon laughed. ‘Let me see yours right now.’
She slowly opened her legs and Leon wiped her, but he didn’t look down.
He kept his eyes focused on her face then threw the wipe away, taking another one to clean himself up.
Holding her breath, she thought he looked exquisite, concentrating before flashing a grin.
‘What are you thinking?’ he asked, leaning closer.
‘She was an idiot to let you both go,’ Esme whispered, noticing Leon’s smile slip. ‘But I’m pleased she did because then I wouldn’t have met you and Mali. You’ve been a wonderful addition to my life.’
‘Oh
God, that’s very romantic,’ he said, grabbing her hand and placing it on his heart. She felt his smooth skin with the tips of her fingers. ‘If you say anymore, I might just break down in tears.’
‘I think you garden is dull.’
‘Now I’m going to cry.’
‘Daddy!’
Mali shouted. He could feel her jumping up and down on the bed. Suddenly he remembered Esme was there and opened his eyes. ‘Wake up daddy! Esme’s making pancakes! She came round early to be nice! Wake up daddy!’
‘What do you mean?’ he asked, turning on his back to look at the little angel trying to jump higher. Her cheeks were red, and she hadn’t brushed her hair. Mali had Moo Moo in her hand, and she got changed into a princess costume. ‘Was she here early?’
‘Daddy! Look at me!’
He laughed, seeing his happy child.
‘I’m getting up.’
He was naked and didn’t want Mali to see.
‘Go and help Esme and I’ll be down in a minute.’
She kissed him on the cheek and headed off down the stairs.
‘Esme! Esme! I woke daddy!’ Mali shouted.
‘Good,’ he heard Esme reply and his heart started to beat faster.
Leon quickly got changed, brushing his teeth and checking that he looked alright.
He looked more than alright.
There was a massive grin slapped across his face when he remembered the last twelve hours. Now anything to do with Bennylita didn’t matter; it didn’t hurt. Because all he could think and feel about was Esme.
‘Daddy!’ Mali shouted out from the bottom of the stairs.
‘I’m coming,’ he replied, walking down and seeing Esme in the kitchen. She turned and smiled, making him gulp from happiness. He noticed she was changed, and he wanted to take her back to bed. ‘Morning.’
‘I put the washing on as it’s a nice day to hang clothes,’ Esme said, grinning. ‘My pancakes aren’t brilliant but Alfie likes them.
‘I already know I love your pancakes,’ he sighed, glancing at her chest.
‘Daddy, what are we going to do today?’ asked Mali, putting Moo Moo down to watch television. ‘Can we go to the park?’
‘Yes, we can go to the park,’ Leon sighed, looking at his child. ‘Do you think Esme would like to come?’
‘Yes! Yes! Esme come to the park with us!’
‘I’d love to.’ Again Esme laughed and this time he caught her eye.
Then she stopped and looked at him fleetingly.
He knew it.
There was something behind her eyes that said so much.
‘Wow,’ was all he could say, feeling a strong emotion in his gut.
‘Wow what, daddy?’ asked Mali, dragging the chair from under the table, which screeched loudly. ‘Wow, we have pancakes? I not like pancakes, I think.’
‘Try one, and if you don’t like it I’ll make you some toast,’ said Esme, walking to the table with a large plate. ‘Sometimes, I have been told they taste like Yorkshire puddings.’
‘I like Yorkshire puddings,’ said Mali, all wide-eyed and excited. ‘I like pancakes.’
Leon walked to the table and sat down, discreetly stroking Esme’s back when she served him some.
‘Next time I make them, I’ll do it with bacon. That’s if your mother allows you to eat bacon, Leon.’
‘Nana says pigs go oink, and that’s why we not eat them,’ replied Mali, getting her fork and stabbing the pancake. Esme leaned over and cut it up for her. ‘I like sausages. Daddy buys posh ones, and I eat them.’
‘Thank you for making breakfast,’ Leon said, staring at the woman looking after his daughter. ‘Did you wake up early?’
‘I did.’
‘Didn’t you sleep well?’ He wondered if she felt uncomfortable in his bed. ‘It was pretty warm last night.’
‘I slept perfectly well,’ she replied, glancing at him. ‘But I thought it was best to get up.’ Then she looked at Mali. ‘Yesterday was a bit of a confusing day for everyone.’
He realised she was thinking about Mali, and smiled.
‘You’re right,’ he whispered before cutting into his pancakes.
‘I like them!’ Mali said loudly. ‘They’re yummy not yuk!’
‘Thank you.’ Esme smiled and sat down next to Mali. ‘And if you’re very good, sometimes you can have them with Nutella.’
‘I think they’re perfect,’ he said, tasting the food and feeling happy.
‘Daddy, are you still sad?’ Mali asked, looking straight at him.
‘When was daddy sad?’ Esme glanced at Leon then at the child.
‘I made daddy cry. Daddy not cried for a long time,’ she whispered, and Leon bit his lip, knowing it would play on Mali’s mind. ‘I showed him a picture of my brother and mummy. It made daddy sad. I sorry.’
In all his whirl of happiness, he had forgotten about Bennylita and her new family.
Reaching out, he stroked his daughter’s messy hair and smiled.
‘I wasn’t sad, just surprised. Your mother shouldn’t have spoken to you without asking me, but it wasn’t your fault. I don’t want you to get upset about it, okay?’
Mali nodded and ate some more. He felt Esme’s foot touch his.
‘Sometimes Mali, parents try their best, but they get it wrong,’ Esme said, sipping her tea and looking at him. ‘And it doesn’t improve as they get older.’
‘You didn’t say what happened yesterday with Oscar,’ Leon asked, seeing Esme frown. ‘Was it really that bad?’ She nodded silently then glanced out at the garden. ‘Tell me?’
There was a loud knock on the door.
‘Who’s that?’ asked Mali, sitting up in her seat. ‘They not have pancakes. They’re for me!’
Then he heard the door open and knew it was his mother.
‘I’m sorry darling, but I couldn’t sleep. I was worried sick about-.’
Barbara walked in but stopped in mid-speech when she saw Esme.
‘Nana, we have pancakes for breakfast. Esme made them,’ Mali said getting excited. ‘And they are yummy, not yuk.’
‘Can't you knock?’ Leon sighed, knowing his mother wouldn’t have been able to rest since last night’s revelation.
‘Sorry son, but you know what she’s like,’ he heard his father say. ‘What’s that lovely smell?’
‘Good morning,’ Esme said and stood up quickly. ‘I made some pancakes. I better go.’
‘No,’ Leon said, shaking his head. ‘Don’t go.’
‘Come and call for me when you want to go to the park,’ she whispered. ‘Nice to see you again.’ Esme smiled at his parents then kissed Mali on the head. ‘Next time, I’ll do it with chocolate spread.’
‘Yummy!’
She turned and walked out of his kitchen, making his heart sink.
He wanted to be with her.
‘Leon, I need to speak to you,’ his mother said quietly. Turning to look at her, he could see she had been crying. ‘Alone.’
‘I love pancakes!’ said Mali, stuffing her little face. ‘Granddad, you must have some.’
Leon then noticed Esme hadn’t eaten any and felt upset.
‘I’ll be back in two seconds. I need to ask Esme something.’
Leon jumped up and ran out of his garden into hers. Esme was bent over, looking at her camellia bush.
‘Esme,’ he whispered, as she turned around.
Without a moment’s hesitation, he grabbed her in his arms and kissed her, not caring who saw. He searched her mouth, eager to make love again. She pulled away and smiled.
‘We’ll be spotted,’ she whispered.
‘I don’t care. Why did you get up and leave?’
‘It’d be confusing for Mali to see me in your bed after telling you about her mum.’
‘You didn’t tell me what happened with you and Alfie yesterday.’
‘I think I’ve been used by Oscar, but I couldn’t see it.’ Esme stepped back and looked up, putting her hand in his. ‘Alfie’s a
smart and shrewd child. He figured his father was up to something. In all the years he hadn’t wanted to see him, now he wants to make an effort. He kept us waiting an hour. Do you know how that felt for Alfie and Steph?’
‘I can only imagine,’ he replied, seeing the pain in her eyes. ‘And you?’
‘Me? I was beyond mad when one of Oscar’s crew seemed to be hitting on my son.’ She let out a miserable sigh. ‘We don’t get involved in Oscar’s life. He’s very important in his job and wants to be more so.’
‘I don’t understand.’
‘When I got back yesterday, I looked it all up on the internet. He wants to run in the primary elections for the Democrats, which means in English, he’s aiming to be their candidate for the next election.’
Leon double blinked and then realised what she was saying.
‘Oh my God, Esme, that’s big.’
‘Oscar was always ambitious, but this is taking it one step too far. Hence he needed to see us.’ Then she took a deep breath. ‘I made the stupid mistake of thinking Alfie and Oscar could sort out their differences, but he wants to use my son for his career, I suspect.’
Leon grabbed her again, kissing her with as much passion as he could muster. Their tongues swirled, and he felt elated.
‘Tonight, I want you back in my bed,’ he said, checking they were still out of sight. ‘And every night. I’m not as successful as your ex, but I care about you so much. You need to know that.’
He quickly walked back to his house, flicking a glance at her as she stood watching him. Knowing there was a wide grin on his face, he forced himself to look serious.
When he got to the kitchen, Mali had finished her pancakes and was drinking a glass of milk.
‘These are lovely, like Esme,’ his father said, eating from Leon’s plate.
‘We need to speak to you,’ his mother said, holding tightly onto a mug of tea.
She looked shell-shocked. The idea of Bennylita making contact with Mali had upset her more than he could have comprehended.
‘Mali, can you go and watch some television while I talk to Nana and Granddad?’
‘When can we go to the park?’ she asked, putting her tumbler down. Leon reached over and wiped the milk from her mouth with his fingers. ‘Can we go for pizza? Or pancakes? I like pancakes.’
