by S M Mala
‘Told who?’
‘The wife.’
Esme slumped straight onto the sofa, sitting down next to him. She was about to shout, but he got in first.
‘It would have leaked and I decided to come clean.’
‘You’re not the usual politician type then, are you? The lying and cheating one,’ she replied, seeing her hands shake out of anger, but mostly fear. Oscar’s wife wasn’t the type of woman to mess with, so Steph said. ‘Is she going to fly in and read me the riot act?’
‘I had to promise her one thing.’
‘Which is what?’
‘Not to see you again.’
It was a blunt pain in her chest and totally unexpected.
Swallowing hard, she knew what he was saying.
‘Did you hear what I said?’ he whispered.
‘You told her because you knew she’d give you that ultimatum. It was an ultimatum, wasn’t it?’ Esme looked into his large dark brown eyes, still gentle and pretty as when they first met. Very reminiscent of her son’s. ‘You don’t look devastated.’
‘Little did I know you’d be banging someone nearer your son’s age.’ Oscar scowled and moved closer. ‘Don’t you think it’s a little bit too convenient, him being your neighbour and having a young child? Does he pay you for babysitting?’
‘At least you didn’t say I was a replacement grandmother.’
‘The thought crossed my mind but you look young. Maybe that’s your immaturity coming through.’
‘You can be such a wanker, do you know that? I love him. I don’t care about the age difference.’
‘Right now you don’t. But when you start seeing younger people attracted to your partner, you start to worry.’
‘I take it horse lovers pine when it comes to your wife and kids.’ She let out a smirk. ‘I don’t care what you say. If you’re barred from seeing me, then I have no objection. I’ll just have to live with it.’
‘I want Alfie to come to America and help me with the campaign,’ he blurted out, making Esme do a double take. ‘He knows about politics and is exceptionally bright. He only became a teacher because he couldn’t be bothered to do anything else. And this modelling? He can’t be thinking straight.’
‘No!’ she shouted and stood up. ‘You’re not taking my child away, do you hear? All because you want to parade your gay, duel heritage son, after all these years.’
‘Talking about me again?’
Esme nearly fell backwards.
She didn’t realise Alfie was standing by the front door.
‘Alfie!’ Oscar said, immediately standing up and walking towards him.
‘Don’t you lay a finger, let alone, upset him,’ Esme hissed, rushing forward and standing in between the two, tall men. ‘Leave him and us alone!’
‘Mum,’ Alfie said, touching her shoulder. ‘I’m a big boy now and I can stick up for myself.’
Glaring at Oscar, who seemed mesmerised once again on seeing his son, she stepped aside.
It was then you could see the notable likeness between them.
There was no mistaking they were father and son.
‘Before you say anything,’ Alfie said, glancing at Esme. ‘I only popped round because I wanted to borrow a beach towel. Why are you here?’
‘I wanted your mother to arrange for us to meet up. I’m so sorry about the last time. I was genuinely delayed.’
‘I’m not helping you,’ she replied, walking back to the fridge and getting a bottle of wine.
‘You’re the obstacle between us, no one else,’ Oscar said calmly, making her gasp in annoyance. ‘I truly believe you’re happy that Alfie and I didn’t get a chance to bond.’
‘Get a chance to bond!’ she shouted out, spinning quickly on her heels. ‘You knew he was gay! You said it was okay, but your shitting pride got in the way seeing you had a queer son! It’s okay to preach to others what you think, but you don’t stand by it when it comes to your own flesh and blood!’
‘Don’t get upset,’ Alfie said, quickly walking up to her and taking the wine bottle out of her hand. She suspected her son thought she would throw it at Oscar. He wasn’t far wrong. ‘I can speak for myself.’
He walked her to the sofa and pushed her to sit down before sliding that large back doors open.
‘Father, I understand why you want to see me. You’ve decided to make amends, which I appreciate, but you need to know a few things. You made me feel unloved for years, abandoned and unwanted.’ Alfie gulped hard as Esme tried to stem the immediate tears of pain stabbing at her eyes. ‘I wanted to see you but you were always busy. Never had enough time. Even when you got married, you never told me. When you had your kid, I found out in a passing email or letter. How shit did that make me feel?’
‘I never meant to do that,’ Oscar replied. ‘I was focussed on other things at the time.’
‘I am your son. The first born and when you left mum, you said you weren’t going to leave me, but you did.’ His voice was starting to crack. ‘I know it wasn’t only because I was gay, there were other things.’
‘Like what?’
‘You’re a selfish bastard,’ Alfie said, quite clearly. Esme bit her lip, looking up at her son, whose face was like thunder. ‘Even when you were here, you never were. It was always mum and the grandmas who looked after me. How you treated your own mother was appalling. Do you know she cried for years because of what you did? Which one of the many American relatives who loved me so much bothered to send me a Christmas card? None of them.’
‘Alfie, don’t upset yourself,’ Esme whispered, aching for her son. ‘You’ve come out a better person for it.’
‘I’ve come out a deeply hurt son,’ he said and she couldn’t hold off the blub of tears on hearing it. ‘And I still hurt.’
‘Let me make it up to you,’ his father said, stepping closer. ‘Come and stay with me in the States. Let’s get to know each other.’
‘I have a job, do you know that? I’m a primary school teacher,’ he said, shaking his head, as if disappointed by Oscar’s words. ‘I have a life and more importantly, I don’t want to leave mum. She means the world to me because she is both my mother and father. One of those roles was yours, but you didn’t take on the challenge.’
There was an uncomfortable silence in the room, and Esme couldn’t look at either one of them. She was discreetly wiping her tears away.
‘We need to spend time together. I want you to meet my family, your sisters and stepmother.’
‘They’re my half-sisters and she’s not my mother, step or not. I only have one. Dad, just leave us alone. We won’t say anything bad, but it’s insulting that you want to do this, all for the sake of your career.’
‘Is that what you think?’ he replied, and even Esme knew that Oscar sounded genuinely upset. ‘You don’t think I’ve followed your life intensely. I’m so proud of you Alfie; I really am.’
‘Why now? As if I didn’t know,’ Alfie said sitting down next to his mother, then grabbed her hand.
‘Because I love you and missed you growing up. I don’t want to leave it so late that we never speak again. I’m not a bad man, Alfie, but I am a selfish one.’
‘You played mum for a fool!’
‘Alfie, that’s not his fault. It was my fault for wanting his crumbs of affection and love.’ Esme looked at Oscar glancing at the ground. ‘I was too scared to move on. Thing is, he didn’t want to be with me. I think you were the catalyst that covered for that decision. Isn’t that so, Oscar?’
‘I realised what your mother wanted and what I wanted were completely different. And I am so sorry if you think it’s because of your life choices I turned my back on you. It was down to my life choices.’ Oscar hung his head. ‘I’ve suffered for it as well. I missed you so much, Alfie. I don’t want to miss you anymore.’
There was a tap on the window, making all three of them jump.
Mali pressed her face against the glass, looking in.
‘And your mother w
ants to take on more children. How do you feel about that?’ Oscar said, shaking his head from side to side. ‘Esme, you might be moving on but what are you moving on to?’
‘A man I’d gladly shag,’ Alfie said, squeezing her hand.
‘Mr Alfie Reeves!’ waved Mali. ‘It’s me!’
It was like a beautiful waft of fresh air coming in to greet them.
‘Hello,’ Mali waved. ‘I not sleep now.’
The child smiled sweetly at Oscar before walking up to Esme and sitting on her lap.
‘And who are you?’ Oscar asked, looking bemused at the scene, while Alfie turned to look at him.
‘I’m Mali and my daddy and Esme sleep in the same bed and I’ve seen her boobies!’
‘Everything okay?’
Leon had heard the raised voices and wanted to go to Esme’s side. But his child had been snoring in his arms, so he sat on the patio, listening to the quarrel.
What had hurt him was to hear Alfie’s words regarding his relationship with his father. It sat heavy on his chest, very much like his small child had been five minutes earlier. The last thing he wanted was for Mali to be hurt and upset by Bennylita.
The whole scenario next door was like a replica of how it would be with them.
Standing at the end of her garden, he noticed Mali was in Esme’s arms, grinning broadly, her head against the woman’s chest. While Alfie stood motionless in the kitchen, staring into space. The car had gone, leaving the coast clear for Leon to go and see them.
He felt pain for the adults, and could see his child was oblivious to what happened as he walked closer.
‘Daddy, Mr Alfie Reeves’ daddy, was here,’ Mali said, staying in the same position. ‘A man drives him in a big car. He not English.’
‘I’ll take her home,’ Leon said, seeing Esme and Alfie might need some time together.
‘Please don’t,’ Alfie said, turning to give Leon a wary smile. ‘She saved the day. Come on Mali, show me the flowers you said you grew from babies.’
She jumped off Esme’s lap and ran out of the house.
‘Follow me!’ she shouted and Alfie did as he was told, without looking at either one of them.
‘That child is still hurting, and I know Oscar wants to make it better, but he can’t, not yet. Alfie needs time to trust his father. The man abandoned us well before he left us, if you know what I mean.’ She looked at him, her eyes filling with tears. ‘What I’d do to protect my son.’
‘Alfie’s a grown man, and he has to make his own decisions,’ Leon said, stroking her hair. ‘Do you believe what Oscar said about you?’
‘I wasn’t good enough in his eyes.’
‘But good enough for his bed,’ Leon added, seeing her pained expression. ‘We all make mistakes.’
‘I’d hate for Mali to feel like Alfie. Abandoned and hurt by his parent.’ She placed her warm hand on top of his. ‘Maybe Oscar’s right. Subconsciously I could have steered Alfie away from his father.’
‘That’s a load of bollocks!’ he laughed out, looking at the garden and hearing Mali’s screams of laughter. ‘I haven’t steered Mali away from her mother. Ben left her; handed Mali over for a price. I’m now worried she wants to put a spanner in the works.’
‘Don’t cock it up like me.’ Esme turned to look at him straight in the eye. ‘Are you sure the reason you’re angry is solely down to Ben leaving Mali?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Are you still in love with her? Even a little?’
The question was like a bolt out of the blue and something he didn’t want to think about.
‘She’s the mother of my child, so there is something there,’ he quickly dismissed, standing up. ‘I have to get Mali bathed and ready for bed.’
Leon walked out, not wanting to look at Esme.
To think he might still be in love with Bennylita wasn’t worth contemplating.
He had loved her so much.
Leon was willing to do anything.
Even accepting her leaving was a way of him showing that he loved her; he was willing to put her needs first.
But time had a way of showing him that his stupid little sacrifice had cost him dearly.
It had cost him his heart.
‘Morning!’
Esme was putting on a bright smile but inside she felt the opposite. Trade was a little quiet on the Monday morning.
Since asking about his ex-girlfriend, he had said very little. It made Esme worry that he wasn’t being honest. They’d spent two nights together, making love and playing with Mali, but still he hadn’t responded.
He seemed distant, and she would catch him looking at her then quickly glancing away as if he was trying to figure something out.
What bugged her was that Leon looked shocked when she asked him about Bennylita.
And she swore a little guilty.
There was the small possibility that he might want his ex to want him.
It could be his ultimate revenge to hurt the mother of his child.
Or it could be his plan to win her back.
Her heart sunk at the prospect that the relationship with Leon would be short lived, and nothing would come of it. All the things he said to her were the heat of the moment.
Probably untrue and because he was feeling at a low ebb.
Something she had felt for years, even before she broke up with Oscar.
‘Esme,’ she heard him say and turned around. Leon was standing behind her. ‘Hello.’
‘Hi,’ she said, forcing a smile. Esme had now cast doubt on everything. ‘What would you like?’
‘You.’
‘I can only offer coffee or tea right now.’
‘I’m not in love with her.’
‘Cappuccino? American? Latte?’ she continued, getting the milk and starting to froth it up, seeing her hands shake out of annoyance and fear. ‘Or do you want a fruit tea?’
‘Please listen to me.’
‘I’ve spent my life listening to people telling me one thing when, in fact, they meant something else. Now you’ve met my ex-husband, you’ll see why there’s such confusion.’
She didn’t know what else to say then felt a pair of arms wrap around her waist, his head snuggled into the crook of her neck. Her breath simply squeezed out of her lungs, not knowing what to do.
‘When I’m asked questions like that, the one about Ben, I feel angry and mostly upset. I didn’t want to talk about it. I wasn’t avoiding answering though I suspect you think I was,’ he whispered as she stood perfectly still. ‘I did hope for a few years she’d come back. But she never did. Then I realised I made a complete fool out of myself. Esme, I’ve fallen in love with you. Don’t doubt me, not now. I’m not tricking you into something; using you. My life is complicated at the moment, and you’re the only thing that makes me see clearly.’
‘I don’t want to find out you’ve made a mistake,’ she said, getting upset.
‘I’m not.’
‘Are you looking for long term babysitter? Is that it? Or an alternative grandmother for Mali?’
‘You’re being silly.’
‘You could do so much better, and your parents will agree.’
‘Stop it!’ Leon said, turning her around so quickly, she nearly lost balance. ‘Don’t doubt how I feel about you, okay?’
‘I’m trying not to but since Saturday I was so worried and-.’
‘Saturday was a revelation and a half about Lucia. I spoke to Lauren, and she told me that it was down to me being a spoilt baby brother that they decided not to tell me. Both my sisters think I’m a little naive. Lauren then added the word ‘thick’.’
‘Oh no!’ Esme tried not to laugh at the child like scowl appearing on his face. ‘That’s harsh.’
‘And all I thought about was you. How could you love me? Especially when I saw Oscar.’ Taking a deep breath, he looked at her. ‘We’re not keeping us a secret. I’m going to tell my parents. There’s nothing to be ashamed of when you fall in love
.’
Seeing there was someone walking towards the coffee cart, she nodded.
‘Let me serve this person. Are you busy?’
‘Mum has Mali today and is dropping her back tomorrow. I’ve got a fuse box to sort out and a few things. I’m free after three. What about you?’
‘I have to change a few washers for some old dear this afternoon. Alfie is dropping round to say goodbye before he flies out. Come over when you can.’
‘What the fuck?’
He parked his van outside his house before doing a double take.
Bennylita was standing by the gate.
‘You have a way with words,’ she said, her semi-cockney accent surprising him once again.
The first time he met her, he was amused by how she spoke and looked.
It was a total contradiction that the beauty, who looked so elegant and fragile, had a voice any East London builder would be proud of.
‘Go away,’ Leon said while removing his tools from the back of the van. He glanced over his shoulder. ‘Where are your child and husband?’
‘I got a letter from your family solicitor,’ she said, stepping closer. ‘We need to talk.’
‘I have nothing to say and if you read the letter closely, you’ll see you can’t come near me or my family.’
‘Why are you being like this? Didn’t you read any of my emails? Don’t you know I made a terrible mistake, and I’m suffering for it? I wasn’t thinking straight at the time, and I have to make amends. Are you listening?’
‘Go away,’ he said again, turning to look down at her. She was still very beautiful, even more so with her skin darker from the sun. But he hid his grimace at the dyed orange blonde hair with six inches of roots showing. ‘Why Nerja? Why there? Was that your intention? To accidentally run into Mali?’
‘It was to run into you,’ Bennylita said, looking like she was going to cry. ‘I threw away something good in my life. It was you. I love you Leon and-.’
‘Stop!’ he shouted, putting his hand in front of her face. ‘Whatever you want, you’re not getting it, okay? And you’re not getting her; especially my child.’ Bennylita looked angrily at him, still rooted to the spot. ‘Take the first plane and go back to your husband and son. They need you. I don’t.’
