To Love Thy Neighbour

by S M Mala

  ‘Sleep now.’

  Mali was sat up in her bed as Esme brushed her hair. The child had no intention of falling asleep. ‘You ate so much, and you should be snoring!’

  ‘I like talking to you. It’s fun.’ Then she yawned making Esme smile. ‘And I not tired.’

  ‘Lie down and I’ll read you a story.’

  So she did and within a minute, Mali was out cold.

  Checking the time, Leon was later than he said, and this made her worry. She knew he didn’t want to stay too late at his parents.

  There was a little panic that he would get on well with Bennylita, and something had been rekindled.

  Walking down the stairs, she tidied up and opened a bottle of wine, waiting for him to come home. Then she heard a car pull up and noticed Stan got out and opened the passenger seat door. That’s when she realised Leon was being helped by his father to the front door.

  He was drunk.

  Letting him in, she could see he was in a state.

  The look on Stan’s face said it all, as he glanced at her, shaking his head solemnly.

  ‘That bad?’ she asked, seeing Leon try to smile but couldn’t.

  ‘I’m going to get him to bed,’ Stan replied, walking him up the stairs.

  There were footsteps above her head, and she dreaded to find out what had happened.

  Ten minutes later, Stan came down and smiled wearily at her.

  ‘I’ll stay the night to make sure he’s not sick all over the place,’ she said and went to the kettle. ‘Would you like a cup of tea?’

  ‘I have to get back home. Babs is terribly upset, and I can’t tell you what happened. Not in my wildest dreams did I realise how much she wanted to protect Leon,’ he said, shaking his head. From the look in his eyes, there was utter disbelief. ‘Poor love paid that woman money to keep away and now I can see why.’

  ‘Was Leon upset with his mum?’

  ‘He’s still upset with her but sometimes your children can’t see good from bad, so you have to guide them. It doesn’t matter how old they get, you have to look out for their best interests.’

  ‘I know the feeling.’ She walked to her wine glass and took a massive sip. ‘And Bennylita? What did she have to say for herself?’

  ‘She’s playing with his head, trying to shake things up. I’ll let him tell you what she said. Esme, you’re a good woman, and I know my son adores you. Don’t let Bennylita try to play mind games with him. Once again, she’s not just after his wallet. She’s after a piece of him.’

  ‘Which part?’

  ‘His heart.’

  Something was touching her face as she lay on the sofa.

  After Stan had left, she drank the bottle of wine quickly, full of fear and dismay about what had happened. Then she fell asleep.

  ‘Come to bed,’ she heard him say. Opening her eyes slowly, she saw him looking at her. ‘I’ve sobered up. Sorry about that.’

  She couldn’t talk.

  She didn’t want to.

  All she did was touch his face as he pressed his cheek against the palm of her hand.

  ‘I need you so much, right now. I really do,’ he whispered.

  Getting up, she let him take her to his room and closed the door.

  ‘What happened?’ she asked, seeing him frown.

  ‘Let me love you, Esme,’ was all he said. ‘And I want you to love me back.’

  Slowly she removed her clothes. As he sat on the edge of the bed, he looked up at her, and she could sense some pain.

  When she was naked, she knelt down and stared up into his eyes.

  ‘Whatever it is, whatever is upsetting you, I’ll try and help,’ she whispered. ‘I’m not sure if I can but I’ll do my best.’

  ‘Having you with me is good enough.’

  Taking his face in her hands, she placed gentle kisses all over his cheeks and watched the grin appear. His hands rubbed her back, and she moved, so her body pressed up against his.

  ‘Don’t ever stop loving me, no matter what,’ he whispered.

  There was an automatic feeling of anxiousness when he said it.

  Esme had to divert her eyes.

  ‘Is there any reason for me to do that?’

  ‘I don’t want to give you any.’ Leon pulled her down on top of him as he lay back on the bed, then held her head in his hands. ‘You’re so good for me; you really are.’

  ‘Listen, can you tell me what happened? I don’t even know if you’re sober or not.’

  ‘She wants me back.’

  Esme thought she was going to throw up on him when she heard the words. The fear pummelled inside her chest.

  ‘And?’

  ‘And what?’

  ‘Do you want her?’

  ‘Ben knew I wanted a big family, and she offered to give me another baby. It seems like a good idea to be honest, but I’m not sure how we conceive the child.’

  ‘What did you just say?’

  Esme jumped up off him, not knowing what to do.

  Leon had once again surprised her with an unexpected comment. He had said he wanted another kid but then he said he didn’t.

  Suddenly she felt wobbly on her legs, falling to the ground.

  ‘Esme!’ he said, jumping up. ‘Are you okay?’

  ‘No!’ she hissed, knowing not to wake Mali. ‘I’m not okay!’

  She couldn’t hold it in, as best she tried, the tears came flooding out, and she put her hands over her face, unable to look at him.

  ‘I can’t go through this again,’ she sobbed, hurting inside.

  ‘Go through what?’ he whispered. ‘Tell me.’

  ‘Be with a man when I can’t give him what he wants. I wasn’t the wife Oscar wanted me to be, and I can’t be the woman you want. You said you were okay about be not being able to have kids and now you’re considering Bennylita’s proposition! Can’t you see how hurtful that is?’

  Slumped on the floor, she didn’t know what to do.

  There was nothing she could say.

  Bennylita had the winning hand.

  Jumping to her feet, she grabbed her clothes and started to put them on.

  ‘Where are you going?’ he asked, sitting on the floor, staring up.

  ‘You need time to think, and I need time to pull my shit together,’ gulped Esme. ‘I don’t need to ask if you’re considering it, do I?’ He looked down at the ground, not moving his head.

  ‘I asked you a few minutes ago not to stop loving me no matter what.’

  ‘I won’t stop loving you,’ she said, hurriedly getting dressed. ‘But I don’t want you to sleep with someone else. Certainly not your ex-girlfriend so that you can conceive another child, knowing full well I can’t give you that one thing as I’m so fucking geriatric!’

  Leon didn’t move.

  Maybe that was his plan all along.

  Wait around and see if Bennylita would come back to him.

  And she did, in a way, not even Esme could compete on.

  ‘Hello!’

  Lucia was standing on his doorstep the following Saturday morning. ‘I thought I’d come and see you.’

  ‘Auntie Lucia, there you are!’ shouted out Mali, running to the door and giving her a big hug. ‘Grandpa is coming to get me. We are going swimming. Do you want to come?’

  ‘Grandpa is parking the car,’ Lucia replied and looked at Leon sympathetically. ‘I’m going to take your daddy out to breakfast if he’s free.’

  ‘Daddy, are you free?’ Mali asked, putting her shoes on and forgetting to pull the Velcro straps. ‘Is Esme going too?’

  His heart sunk on hearing her name.

  After she had left, he realised he hadn’t been that reassuring about Bennylita’s proposition.

  And she was right.

  He was seriously considering it.

  Now in the cold light of day, he could see why Esme was upset.

  He would tell her one thing then another. Saying he wanted more kids then he didn’t and now, there was the possibility it
could be 100 percent genetically related to Mali.

  ‘Oh God! You’re thinking about it, aren’t you?’ Lucia asked, and he noticed his dad walk slowly down the path. ‘They told me this morning and mum is beside herself with worry.’

  ‘Son,’ said his dad, nodding his head then kissing Lucia on the cheek.

  ‘Grandpa!’ Mali said, running up to the man and nearly knocking him down backwards. ‘I swim like a fish! Have you got my rubber ring and armbands?’

  ‘Yes, my little plankton, I have.’ Stan turned to Leon and shook his head. ‘Don’t let her mess with your head, okay?’

  ‘Who mess with daddy’s head?’ Mali asked as all three adults looked at each other. ‘That woman I not like who hurt my hair and made me eat beans? She not cut daddy’s hair! She not nice! And she beat me!’

  ‘Takes after her Nana, this one,’ mumbled Stan, walking away with his grandchild in his arms. ‘Over reacts to everything then goes on and on about it.’

  Leon had wanted to go and see Esme but didn’t know exactly what he was going to say, other than one thing.

  He loved her.

  Thinking about how upset she was, he realised that if he did consider Bennylita’s offer, then it would cause complications.

  ‘Stop it,’ Lucia said, breaking him out of his trail of thought. ‘Don’t get sucked into one of her schemes. Do you think she’ll have a baby and easily walk away? Bennylita is going to trap you.’

  ‘She’s offering to-.’

  ‘To what? Screw you and get pregnant? What about Esme? Do you think that’s something anyone wants to hear?’

  ‘When I told her last night I-.’

  ‘You told her!’ his sister gasped, walking towards the kettle. ‘Why?’

  ‘Because I wanted to tell her the truth.’

  ‘And I bet you managed to say it in your arse over tit way, didn’t you?’

  ‘She wasn’t happy and-.’

  There was a loud knock on the door. He instantly hoped it would be Esme as he rushed towards it.

  Lauren was standing there, shaking her head solemnly.

  His older sister looked much like him, though had a slighter build. She was petite and pretty, but seemed to look like his mum when she was scowling.

  Right then, they could have passed for sisters.

  ‘Hello,’ she said, kissing his cheek then grabbing his shoulders. ‘You’re in need of a talking to, I guess.’

  Seeing her looking at him sympathetically, he burst into tears. Lauren hugged him and escorted him inside.

  She sat him down and held on tightly.

  ‘Little Leon, why can’t anything be straightforward with you?’ Lauren asked as he roughly wiped his face. ‘Don’t let Ben tear you to pieces again. It’s not right to suddenly appear out of the blue and say these things.’

  ‘I don’t know what to do,’ he honestly replied. ‘She confuses me.’

  Lucia sat on the other side and grabbed his hand.

  ‘My thick brother,’ she began, making the two women laugh. ‘We love you with all our hearts but if mum kept paying her off, there has to be a reason. She always worries about you. They both do. This sudden offer of having a child, well, that’s just wrong. If you seriously consider it, then you will be stuck with that woman for life.’

  He looked at Lucia, who was staring at him in utter disbelief.

  ‘I wanted more kids and to meet someone and…’ He didn’t know what to say. ‘Then I fell in love with Esme. I know she can’t give me that.’

  ‘Esme,’ Lauren sighed, kissing his cheek. ‘The woman I’ve heard so much about. Don’t you think it’s strange that Lucia’s bird is her former mother in law? That’s a coincidence and a half.’ Then she turned to Lucia. ‘Don’t you think it’s time you told the folks? You can’t hide it any longer.’

  ‘I’ve never hidden it, but they’re not that observant.’

  ‘Jesus, sis, you look manlier that this little one,’ Lauren sniggered, and it made Leon smile hearing their loud, throaty laughs.

  ‘What has mum said?’ he asked, looking at Lauren, knowing she would have the first hand lowdown.

  ‘Do you remember how you couldn’t cope when she left you with Mali? How upset and confused you were? If it wasn’t for mum and dad, who knows what would have happened?’

  ‘Do you think mum split Ben and me up?’

  ‘I think she was protecting you from exactly this. Do you know what your ex has been up to in the past five years? She married some sugar daddy and had a kid. Knowing her, it might not even be his.’

  Leon sat back in horror, looking at his sisters.

  ‘You think Mali’s not mine?’ he said, starting to panic. ‘I got the tests and-.’

  ‘Don’t be an arse!’ Lucia said, slapping him gently on the shoulder. ‘As I keep saying, that child’s good looks are not down to her mother, but to you, pretty boy.’

  ‘I know you’re going to hate this, but you need to speak to Ben. It’s blatantly obvious she wants you back.’ Lauren let out a sigh. ‘Don’t let her ruin your life again.’

  ‘Do you know what you want?’ Lucia asked gently, placing a firm arm around his shoulders. ‘Do you want to have a kid with that woman, just to make it a happy family?’

  ‘But it won’t be happy, will it?’ he said, shaking his head. ‘Not if I can’t have Esme.’

  ‘But Leon, you can’t have both,’ said Lucia, frowning. ‘And if you think you can, then you have another thing coming, mark my words.’

  ‘He said nothing.’

  Pushing away the cup, she looked at Steph before shaking her head and crying some more.

  ‘And he told you?’ asked Steph, taking the cup away and peering into Esme’s face.

  ‘Last night after he sobered up, probably celebrating he was going to shag his ex and have a larger family.’

  That bit hurt, as she tried not to think that Leon had been using her while passing the time of day. Ralph and Oscar might have had a point regarding the young man.

  ‘The proposition only came yesterday, and his head is all over the place,’ Steph replied gently. ‘You know what men are like. Fucking idiots!’ Then she handed over some tissues. ‘Lucia called and told me what happened. She said her mother was beyond distraught because Leon was very angry. His father tried to calm him down and gave him whiskey, knowing full well the boy can’t hold the stuff.’

  ‘And Bennylita?’

  ‘From what I heard, she left soon afterwards but not before declaring her undying love to him, and war on his mother. All in all, just like one of our family get togethers!’ she laughed out loudly. ‘You can’t hide here. It’s nearly ten, and you need to speak to him.’

  ‘About what?’ Then she closed her eyes and recalled how he didn’t even move when she questioned whether he was considering the baby offer. ‘He’s thinking about it and that sums it up. All the things he said about accepting me and my age is shit.’

  Steph grabbed her hard by the shoulders and looked straight into her eyes.

  ‘We need help on this. You need to find out what this woman really wants after all these years. If she wanted Leon back, she would have made a move sooner. Why wait until the child is five to come back to him with a ludicrous offer?’

  ‘He doesn’t think it’s ludicrous.’

  ‘Listen to me very carefully,’ she said, getting agitated. ‘Do you love this man?’

  ‘I only met him in February and-.’

  ‘Do you love him? A simple yes or no will do.’

  ‘Yes,’ she sobbed.

  ‘Oh darling,’ she said, grabbing Esme to her chest.

  ‘Why won’t someone just love me for me and not want things I can’t give them?’

  ‘Because that’s what happens.’

  Esme smelt the musky perfume of Steph and felt comforted for a fleeting moment.

  ‘So here’s the reverse psychology,’ Steph said, pushing her to sit up straight. ‘If he did want a child and you loved him, are you prepared to help h
im bring this baby up? Would you let him go all because the child wasn’t yours?’

  ‘But his ex is-.’

  ‘What if he could make it work and get rid of her?’

  ‘How do you think they’d conceive it?’ There was a massive constriction in her throat. ‘Are you saying I should let him sleep with her then allow him to come into my bed?’

  Letting out a massive laugh, Steph got up and walked towards the kitchen. Esme was stumped on the reaction.

  ‘What’s so funny?’ she asked, getting up and seeing Steph was making tea.

  ‘You and he need to sit down and talk about it. In the meantime, someone has to look into this Ben’s motives. Leave it with me.’

  ‘How?’

  ‘I have contacts, you know.’

  ‘Bring Mali back at five.’

  Leon was looking out the window and waited for Esme’s van to return. It hadn’t been there since he woke up. ‘I’d like to spend the evening with her.’

  ‘I love you very much,’ his mother said, sounding upset down the other end of the phone. ‘I’ve never done anything to harm your happiness.’

  ‘I don’t want to talk about it.’ Then he gulped hard. ‘I didn’t mean to get angry last night.’

  ‘No matter what you think and say, I had to protect you. You’re my baby, the same way Mali is yours. You have to think about your future and Mali’s.’

  ‘I am. I’ll see you later.’

  It was coming up to noon, and his sisters had left after dragging him to a café and trying their hardest to convince him not to listen or think about Bennylita.

  All he had thought about was Esme crying and how he didn’t reassure her.

  The only thing he wanted was for her to love him. When she needed to know he loved her, give her some comfort, he hadn’t.

  Now he felt sick about it and what she would do next.

  Then he saw her drive past and park the van.

  His first reaction was to run outside and hug her, but he knew it was too public.

  It’s when he saw her face through the window, he noticed how sad and upset she looked. Suddenly he was overwhelmed with guilt.

  He sat back down on the sofa and thought hard about what he was going to do. It was now the moment to come clean about what he had wanted for years and his decision about Bennylita’s offer.