Rotten

by Brooks, JL

My daddy looked at each of us, and peace washed over his face. He could leave this world, knowing that his little girl was in the best hands possible. If he could have anything he wanted before passing, this would be it. Nurse Julie came into the room, her own barrage of tears falling quickly at the sight before her. Patting David on the back, he turned around and hugged her before she approached me.

  “Toni, you mind if we step out in the hall for a second? I would like to discuss a few things with you. It won’t take long.”

  Though she smiled, I could see that she was about to break my heart. Not wanting my daddy to see me in pain, she knew separating me for a moment would allow me to process things before putting my poker face back on. I nodded and kissed both of my boys again before stepping out and towards the nurse’s station.

  “How long do I have?”

  There was no point in dancing around the situation. The dialysis was only doing so much to keep his strained organs alive. The fact he woke up at all was a miracle.

  “I can’t give you that answer. I can only guess that with continued treatment here at the hospital, a month perhaps. I don’t like using numbers, because the human will can be surprisingly strong and may prove me wrong, or it can be incredibly weak, yet still defy my predictions. But Toni, he doesn’t want to be here. We are keeping his body alive, but you are keeping his spirit going. He wants to go home, and I don’t blame him. If you think you can care for him with hospice assistance out at his house, he will be more comfortable and able to enjoy what time he has left on this earth.”

  I was just given my daddy back, and here I was already planning his last breaths. Without hesitation I looked at her with resolve.

  “Tell me what I have to do. Let me take him home.”

  She pulled out a clipboard full of papers and started the process of discharge. In a few hours, Stephen Knox would be leaving Las Vegas for the last time.

  Julie pulled in a wheelchair, surprising both David and my father.

  “Daddy, we’re leaving. Carl’s Jr. closes in a half hour and I really want some fries, so get hoppin’.”

  He smiled at Julie and willed his legs to move. Being prone for so long had atrophied his muscles, making it difficult to direct his body to obey. Julie rushed over and set him back.

  “Now now, Knox, I don’t want to hear you are starting shit where I can’t keep an eye on you.”

  I turned and looked at David in surprise. I had never heard her cuss one lick before, but she had my daddy’s number. He looked up at her and puckered his lips up in a kiss, smacking them loudly. Julie smacked his chest lightly while helping him into the wheelchair, blushing at his flirtatious behavior before dishing it right back. Seeing my daddy like this proved the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.

  I curled into David’s chest and rested my head. I knew we had a tough road ahead of us, but I wasn’t alone. With him, I could do anything. Here in his arms, it was as if the last page of a book appeared in my fingertips, giving me revelation to the twists in the storyline. No one ever wants to say goodbye to a loved one, and we all wish for an ideal death, but that is not our choice. In spite of the circumstances, even if this only lasted a day, I would never be able to thank God enough. I was no longer angry, only grateful. It took going through the inferno in order to arrive at this place of peace, and I would cherish every second.

  A medical supply truck was already en route to the house, setting up what he would need. I knew he was going to want a cigarette as soon as he wheeled out of the building and would scoff at having to wait. He struggled while getting into the low seat of the GT, yet David assisted him enough to give support, but not so much that he did it for him. It would be good having David with me, seeing as he also knew my daddy better than I did. Before I crawled into the back seat, he pulled me close and kissed me hard. He had no reservations about being affectionate with me in front of my daddy; in fact, he purposefully was demonstrating to him that it was real.

  I would look at my daddy and blush, but all he responded with was a broad grin and sparkle in his eyes. He loved David – always had and always would. Even when everything conspired between us, he was torn over losing him. I knew he would still sneak off to meet him at practices, and David would come into the club despite not being old enough. I was thankful that even though he left Sloan, he still kept in close contact with my daddy, whereas my selfish pride kept me at a distance. Wrapping my arms around the front of the seat and resting them on my daddy’s chest, he reached up and held my hands, squeezing tight as we traveled in silence back to his house.

  “David, I thought we were going back to your place. My house ain’t fit for me right now. Hospice won’t go in there; they will take me back.”

  I could feel the tension rising in my daddy’s chest as we turned the corner and headed towards the house. Shielded by the trees, the repaired home remained hidden from view. As we pulled up the gravel driveway, his breathing increased rapidly, taking it all in. The junk cars were gone, the yard landscaped, the outside repaired and freshly painted. David had done even more work since the windows were busted out, and it looked beautiful.

  “How did this happen?” Daddy was flabbergasted by the sight in front of him. David and I beamed at each other and his reaction to everything. One more gift we were able to give him.

  “Daddy, everyone pitched in, did a little something. We did it for you, so when you came home, you would know that people cared.”

  He squeezed my hand tighter, motionless in shock. Shaking his head slightly, he slowly reached for the door handle. David raced out and popped it open for him as I got the wheelchair from the trunk. We would have to build a ramp in the next day or so, but thankfully, the house was a ranch and could be navigated easily.

  The supply truck and hospice workers arrived a bit later and started the process of transforming the house even more. Before they arrived, David and daddy cracked open a beer on the back porch while daddy smoked a cigarette for the first time in months. He coughed a little, but it did not deter him. Leaning his head back, the thick cloud blew above his head and into the wind. He was happy. The nurses would have a shit fit, knowing he went right back into his vices, but when a man didn’t have very long to live and you are Stephen Knox, you got whatever the fuck you wanted.

  After everything was set up, David took my daddy to change and wheeled him out to the car. Holding onto the small oxygen tank, I asked where they were off to.

  My daddy held the top of the car door and winked at me. “You’re going, too. Get in.”

  I should have known that the first order of business was the Spur. The girls all came barreling out, screaming at the top of their lungs. They asked how he liked the house, if he was surprised. After a half hour of catching up, he turned and asked how they liked me. I held my breath, even though I knew I was welcomed here. I had proven my worth and cared fiercely for these people as if they were family. They were. Besides my daddy, they were the only loved ones I had left in the world.

  Nic stepped forward, her auburn hair shining brightly under the can lights. She walked over and hugged me while looking at my daddy. “She beat the fuck out of Nichele her first night here; we love her.”

  I cringed a little as my daddy looked around the room, suddenly realizing his girlfriend was nowhere around. She must not have been that important for him not to ask for her earlier.

  “Why would you do that?” His head tilted while furrowing his brows.

  “She was stealing from you, daddy. I recorded the whole thing. She was robbing you blind. I couldn’t let her do that, so I took care of it.”

  He laughed heartily, slapping his hands down onto his knees. “Man, I would have paid good money to see that catfight, honey. I hope you weren’t hurt, but she honestly had it coming.”

  David smirked and came up behind me, rubbing my shoulders. I just shook my head and smiled as he went about business like always. “You okay?” David bent down and kissed the top of my head, making sure that this wasn’t t
oo much for me.

  “Yeah, I know he needs this.” Closing my eyes, I leaned back against David’s chest and savored the comfort his arms provided.

  Jodie came up just then and roused us from the cocoon. “Your daddy wants to see you, both of you.”

  David kept his arm around my shoulder as we walked slowly towards the office in the back.

  “Close the door, Stark.”

  My daddy’s tone was serious, and what he wanted to show us demanded respect. A grey, fireproof safe sat on the desk with a set of keys I had seen in the drawer, but was unsure of their use. Once the door was closed, David pulled me onto his lap in the cramped space.

  “Now that you two are getting along, I think it’s time we go over a few things. I had this drawn up some months ago, and I still don’t feel like it needs changing, but if you aren’t happy, you better speak up now or face a judge later.”

  He pulled out his last will and testament from a large manila folder. My heart stopped in my chest as he handed the thick packet to David and I. Skimming over the pages, he divided everything between us equally, including the club.

  “No way, I get the toaster. You can keep the ironing board.”

  I tried to crack a joke to lighten the situation, yet my daddy’s face stopped me in my tracks.

  “Sorry, sir.”

  I called him sir. I hadn’t done that since I was a little girl. Funny how certain things reappear in the oddest moments. I hadn’t seen the will, but David had. Plain as day, it stated that he got Donna. Tracing my finger over the line, I shook my head. He deserved her. All of the assets were listed, the house and club were paid for, and surprisingly, there was something completely off the books I was not aware of before.

  My daddy had invested money, a lot of it. He was merely living off the interest. He used the profits of the club to take care of the town. It wasn’t a lot, but he did what he could. He deteriorated out of choice, not necessity. He could have fixed the house, paid the insurance, and lived a much more lavish life. I wanted to say I didn’t understand, but I did. That wasn’t him.

  David deserved everything he would be given and more. I didn’t deserve a damn thing. I might have been his kid, but even in this moment, I felt unworthy to inherit dust from his boots.

  “What do you think, Toni, you want to change anything?” My daddy looked at me and then David. Shaking my head, I handed the packet back. Picking up the phone, he called up to the bar and requested Jodie to come back and be a witness. After all four of us signed, he rang for his attorney to get it filed right away. As we sat in silence, he handed me another envelope, this one worn and thin. Scrawled on the front was a name. Kaitlyn Turner. I didn’t want to open this envelope. I knew what was inside, even though I had never laid eyes on the contents. My mama made the choice to leave me mere hours after taking my first breath; she had no right to stake claim in my life now.

  “Why are you giving me this, daddy? I don’t want it. She’s just a story.”

  I felt my face contort in distress. I tried to hand the packet back but he refused. With softness, he held my hands in his.

  “Baby girl, you have two sisters who need to know who you are. Once I go, that’s it. Your mama made the best choice she could with the hand she was dealt. Understand she was barely eighteen when I met her. She had big dreams, and I crushed them. She couldn’t go home knocked up, and she knew I wasn’t fit to be a good husband, so she did what she felt was best. I know you are angry at her, but don’t hold that against the girls. They want to know you. She wants to know you. But your mama also knows it’s on your terms. She’s so proud of you.”

  I was unconsciously rocking back and forth on David’s lap, breathing raggedly, trying not to pass out. I couldn’t open the envelope, not just yet.

  “You still talk to her?”

  It was too much, and he wasn’t finished. Ignoring any further discussion about my mama, he only nodded and continued to hand me file after file. Property my daddy and David owned throughout the west that they leased to cattle ranchers or energy companies. They owned a wind turbine field in California and a few small mines in Arizona.

  “I don’t understand. Why didn’t you tell me? Were you ever going to?” I looked at both of them accusingly, and in unison, they shook their heads no. The bottom fell out beneath my feet.

  Turning to David, the tears rushed out from my eyes. “I thought we were done hiding things.”

  He reached up and used the pad of his thumb to wipe away the tears. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take.

  “Baby, we didn’t know how you would react. We also didn’t want you to fight us in court over it. I know that’s selfish, but we worked really hard for this. I invested so much of my earnings at your daddy’s insistence. Even when I was fucking up, I made sure to wire money, knowing that I would be taken care of for the rest of my life, and whoever chose to spend it with me. This was going to be yours anyway. I just wanted to see if you still cared for me without it.”

  I dropped my head. I had changed so much even my own daddy didn’t trust me to know the truth. I went to stand, yet David held me down. He knew I was about to run. Fighting him, I wailed loudly as my daddy looked on helpless. I beat my arms against David’s chest, tried to wrestle out of his grasp, but I was so tired and conceded quickly. I curled further into his lap, and allowed him to sooth my weariness. I was nearly asleep before he whispered in my ear. “Come on, my love, it’s time to go home.”

  I woke up in the back seat of the GT, yet kept my eyes closed and feigned sleep as the two men spoke.

  “So where is her husband?”

  David wasn’t sure how to answer the question as we hadn’t talked about it. Since they were now broaching the topic, I would have to answer for the past few weeks.

  “Hopefully the side of the road, but that’s unlikely. He’s a piece of shit. I noticed she returned not wearing her rings, so I imagine they split up this week. He came out here all high and mighty, accusing her of cheating, then took off.”

  My daddy coughed through labored breaths. “Well, did she?”

  “No, she didn’t,” David replied.

  “What is she doing then? I know I don’t have long. But when I go, what are her plans? Now that she knows everything, I have the inkling she’s going to take off again. She didn’t take the information about her mama too well. I know that’s a lot to put on a kid who feels like she was abandoned.”

  I heard David shift in his seat; he was obviously comfortable talking about situations that were anything but. My daddy was candid and relaxed, something not often seen. My heart was thankful that he had David. I noticed he called him son in the hospital. Rather than feeling jealous, it brought me comfort.

  “I think we all need to do the same thing and take one day at a time. She’s back and not with that asshole. I will take every moment I can get with her.”

  My daddy chuckled lightly and patted his shoulder. “You have to share her now. Accept it, son. You’re on the sidelines now.”

  I looked up to see David’s face just as he turned around to look at me. I winked and closed my eyes, curling back into the seat. After rolling up to the driveway, I crawled out and helped my daddy. David carried some beer from the club into the house and prepared to leave.

  “Where are you going?” I asked curiously. Was he really thinking about leaving?

  David turned to my father before looking back at me. “I don’t know if I should stay here.”

  I could tell he didn’t want to leave, but he was being respectful. We were beyond formalities, and I refused to let him sleep at home alone. Shaking my head, I grabbed his hand and led him into the kitchen to start cooking dinner.

  “You’re staying with us, end of discussion.”

  David turned to my daddy who only shrugged and sipped on his beer. You would think he was already in heaven with the satisfaction he got from the twelve ounce can. Through exchanged glances, words were no longer necessary between us. It took me longer to fi
nd this place with him. But I was here.

  A week had passed, and every night was spent at the club. If watching your father die rapidly before you was not depressing enough, witnessing a stripper stop in the middle of a dance because she couldn’t stop crying was even sadder. My poor daddy couldn’t get a decent ass shake for anything. The girls kept bawling and crawling into his lap. He didn’t mind his face being buried in their fake breasts and worked his condition from every angle. Jodie was the only one who was able to give a proper dance, my daddy’s eyes never once leaving hers to admire her body; she was that captivating. The house was booming with the news that Knox was back. People came from every walk to pay respects to my daddy. He beamed with pride and strength, despite the condemnation to a hasty future.

  We planned a barbeque, and knowing the party was going to take place at his home made him happy. It was a celebration of life without the official announcement. My daddy was far from sentimental, or so I thought until he handed me the packet about my mother that I had still refused to open. He insisted on inviting everyone he knew, which was a whole lot of people. David and I laughed while taking multiple trips through the warehouse stores, stocking up on cups and soda. I had never seen a pack of hot dogs that weighed over five pounds. Picking it up, I snickered, thinking of the comment from the hospital.

  “Think fast!”

  Throwing the package at David, he grabbed it with a thud against his chest and looked at me, unsure of why I did that.

  “Like a hot dog down a hallway.” I snorted at the saying. I could never look at a hot dog, much less eat one again, without falling back on the reference. He ruined me for life with that one.

  He tossed the package into the cart, and I suddenly felt disturbed, knowing that we would be serving them to other people. After arriving back at the house, the hospice nurse agreed to stay at the party just in case Daddy needed more pain medication. He was doped out most of the time. It didn’t help that his friends brought their own medicinal baked goods, yet they gave him an appetite and kept down the nausea, so I kept silent. I had to remember to hide the brownies and cookies from the kitchen so some poor child didn’t end up in the emergency room.