By Referral Only

by Lyla Payne

  “The fact that it’s been a week since I left him on the beach and haven’t heard a peep would seem to suggest otherwise.”

  “He’s used to being walked out on and shunned at this point—when he disappoints the girls he’s with—and from what you told me, you said some pretty harsh shit. It might be that you did too good a job of convincing him you didn’t want anything to do with him.”

  “I’m not going to beg him to see me, Em. We’re not all as confident as you.”

  “Fake it until you make it, Rubes. You think it didn’t make me sick to my stomach, going to Quinn and expecting to get served the latest dish of humiliation? Hell, yes, it did. But Cole said you’re beautiful, and that he likes your spirit. Based on your description of what happened after that, it sounds like the chemistry is there. Why not give him another chance, and maybe a little more time to trust you with whatever’s holding him back?”

  A knock on the door interrupted her, which was great timing since she’d started to make a little too much sense. Annette poked her head in, smiling a brief hello at Emilie. Things might be awkward between them for a while longer.

  “Hey, Ruby, this was in the foyer for you.” She held out a dry cleaning bag.

  Emilie glanced at the clothes hanging inside, then gave me a look that said I told you so. It was my white ruffled skirt and pink tank top, the ones I’d left with Cole, perfectly cleaned and pressed. I took the hanger from Annette and she excused herself.

  “What’s the note say?”

  I pulled the slip of paper off the hanger, the one that looked like a dry cleaning slip. It was, but scrawled across the front in neat handwriting were the words I’m sorry.

  “Original, huh?” My emotions were like a ball of yarn a kitten had batted around for hours—hopelessly snarled. Everything Emilie had said made sense, but it only terrified me more.

  If I liked Cole, or if it was okay to admit he might be the kind of guy I wanted—one that I loved spending time with, connecting with, outside of the bedroom as well as inside it, it meant I should run away faster, not back toward him.

  I could get out now and not get hurt anymore.

  “You’re giving him a hard time on purpose. I’m telling you, from a girl who fucking has it all right now, Rubes, that it’s worth it. Even if it only lasts a month, or six. It’s worth it.”

  Chapter 16

  It took me another twenty-four hours to work up the nerve to go and apologize, even though it took me less than two hours to find out where Cole lived.

  He and his twin brothers shared a house a block off campus. A good number of parents and other savvy investors bought up the real estate and then rented to students. I didn’t know how they afforded what had to be astronomical cleaning and repair fees after the parties, but it must have been profitable.

  I parked in the street, not wanting to block the driveway. My heart pounded as I climbed out of my Acura and stepped lightly across the grass. I’d chosen a baby blue dress today, because it made me feel confident and it matched my eyes. Looking good never hurt anyone. I was pretty sure Marilyn Monroe or Audrey Hepburn or someone awesome had said that at one time or another.

  I took a deep breath, hoping to settle the nerves making me feel sick, and wiped my sticky palms on my dress. I wanted to tell him I understood about not wanting to trust people, because it gave them permission to hurt you, and that I was sorry.

  No big deal.

  It might not change anything. He might have already decided he didn’t want anything to do with the crazy chick who tried to jump him every chance she got, then stormed off and left him stranded when he said no. I tried to be prepared for that.

  The surprise on his face when he answered my knock disappeared quickly, traded for a cool mask. “Ruby. What are you doing here?”

  “Can I come in?” I stepped past him without waiting for an answer, surveying the tastefully decorated living area. Polished wooden floors and squishy-looking furniture made for a comfortable vibe that clashed with Cole’s often uptight demeanor.

  “Um, sure.”

  “Thanks for sending my clothes over.”

  “You’re welcome.” His eyes darted toward the hallway and he licked his lips. “What’s up?”

  He seemed different—detached and nervous, and it ramped up my trepidation to unbearable heights. I heard Emilie telling me to get it over with, say what I came to say and let the chips—or my pride—fall where they may.

  “I wanted to talk about the other day.”

  “I really don’t know what could possibly be left to say.”

  “I’m sorry for flying off the handle like that. I was embarrassed that I was pretty much stripped naked and begging you to give it to me, and you turned it down like it was the easiest decision in the world. But that didn’t give me the right to push you. We’ve only been out a couple of times, so if you’re not ready to trust me with why you don’t sleep with girls, that’s your business.”

  “Ruby, can we talk about this later? This isn’t a good time.” His ears turned almost purple and he shot another nervous glance down the hall.

  Annoyance spiked my blood in spite of my best efforts. “I came here to apologize, and it was really hard for me. You’re not even listening.”

  “I’m listening, okay? You’re not listening. This is not a good time.” He licked his lips again.

  He was more jumpy than I was, and all of the sudden it clicked into place.

  “Do you have another girl back there? Is that why this is a bad time?” Anger boiled in my gut, clenching my hands into fists, even though I had no right.

  “What? No! Not that it’s any of your business.”

  “You’re right. I came over here thinking that when you said you liked me, you were telling the truth, and that I was the bitch for calling you out about your penis problems.” I stomped down the hallway, in the direction that had occupied so much of his attention.

  “Ruby, stop.” He hurried after me, grabbing my arm, but I jerked away and kept going.

  “No, you know what, I want to see what kind of girl Cole Stuart actually thinks is good enough to fuck. Or better yet, what kind of girl Cole Stuart wants to let past his charming exterior and into the guy who, God fucking forbid, might not be perfect.”

  I pushed open a swinging door that led into the kitchen, and skidded a halt. What had to be Cole’s entire family—minus an eldest brother—huddled around an oak table. The stately older man had green eyes that matched Cole’s, and the woman watched me with a dark emerald gaze that Audra had inherited. They both looked horrified—or mortified. Probably both.

  Audra had a hand over her open mouth, staring at me with an expression I couldn’t decipher, but pity definitely played into it somewhere. Nox’s face looked pretty much the same.

  Only Law grinned at my appearance, giving me a ridiculous thumbs up.

  I registered the entire scene in less than two seconds, then turned around and ran past Cole and out the front door. I wanted to die.

  Audra called after me as I slid into my Acura and slammed it into drive. The last thing I saw in my rearview mirror was her standing on the porch, alone. Cole had probably stayed behind in the kitchen reassuring his parents that he would never, ever stoop low enough to bang a trashy girl like me, never mind get tangled up in a relationship.

  What in the hell was the matter with me? How had I let Emilie talk me into coming over here today, into believing that Cole might actually be missing me, too?

  Obviously, I’d been right from the beginning. Cole’s interest began and ended with getting me to change his ratings on the website, and convincing me he was a great guy hinged on that objective. We did have chemistry—that wasn’t up for debate—and maybe he hadn’t counted on that. If there had been a chance of our mutual attraction changing his mind about getting involved, this afternoon’s horrifying confrontation had erased it.

  But guys like Cole Stuart didn’t fall for girls like me. Their parents wouldn’t let them.
r />   I’d just made double sure of that.

  ***

  “Let me get this straight. You said penis problems once, and how many times did you say fuck with his parents listening?” Quinn looked as though he was about to explode from holding back laughter.

  I should have kicked him in the balls, but being mortified for six straight hours took up most of my energy. My limbs felt too heavy to lift. Emilie had responded to my emergency text message, but hadn’t been able to shake Quinn before coming over.

  “At least three,” I told him, unable to think of a good comeback.

  I might actually be dying.

  “The good news is, you don’t have to put on an act around his family now.”

  “Emilie, I swear to God, if you do not shut your boyfriend up you’re never going to be able to have children.”

  “Quinn, babe, you’re not helping.” She grinned at him, looking suspiciously as though she found him hilarious, then tried to straighten out her face for me. “The real good news is, you can move on with a clear conscience! This was obviously not meant to be.”

  I flopped onto my back and covered my face with a pillow, screaming into it. “Why am I so hopeless?”

  “You’re not hopeless. So, you liked him and it didn’t work out. We’re twenty. You might like a bunch more guys before you find the one.”

  The fact that I’d never felt anything like I did with Cole didn’t matter. She was right. Another year and a half and I’d be living in New York, anyway.

  My phone buzzed and my heart shot into my throat, first when I saw it was from Cole, and second when I read the message. “Oh, no.”

  I flew to my feet and grabbed my purse, not bothering to check the mirror or change out of my Whitman shorts, hoodie, and flip flops.

  “What’s wrong?” Emilie stood, unsure what to do.

  “It’s Caroline, one of the girls I worked with at the Coterie. She had an accident at school and her mom’s out of town. She’s staying with a babysitter, but she can’t leave the rest of her charges at home for much longer. I’m going to the hospital.”

  “Take my car,” Quinn offered.

  I tossed a thank you over my shoulder as I hurried out of the room, down the hall, and out into the waiting Town Car.

  “Gilbert Memorial Hospital, please.”

  The driver said nothing about a strange passenger, simply sliding the car into drive and leaving Greek Row for the city. Quinn must have called down to let him know.

  We arrived at the hospital in less than twenty minutes and a nurse pointed me toward the children’s floor. Machines beeped softly in the room, sound and light muffled by curtains and a sense of sobriety. Caroline’s long blonde hair spilled onto the stiff white pillows, and her face seemed to match the sheets, except for the bright red cuts along her forehead and cheeks. Pieces of clear tape and black stitches held them together. My stomach churned at the sight of her; Caro’s fiery personality and smartass mouth made me love her and occasionally forget she was only ten, but right now, she looked so small and helpless.

  Her head rolled toward the doorway. After a few moments, her cloudy blue eyes focused and she tried to smile. “Ruby?”

  I took a deep breath, trying to settle my nausea, and pulled a chair toward the bed. “Hey, Caro. How are you feeling?”

  I wanted to ask what the hell happened, and whether she’d be okay, but those were questions for doctors, not ten-year-olds. Instead I smoothed a piece of hair off her forehead and smiled.

  “Yucky. My mom’s not here.”

  “I know, sweetie. She’s on her way, though. Mister Cole said she’ll be here by the time you wake up in the morning.”

  “I’m sleepy.”

  “Okay. You can go to sleep.”

  Her eyebrows tucked together. “Don’t leave me.”

  My heart squeezed so hard it hurt. I had no idea how this had happened, me and this kid becoming a pair, but the responsibility felt good, if heavy. “I’m not going anywhere, kid.”

  “I don’t want to die like Juliet,” she mumbled.

  “If you try, I’ll make Mister Cole come and kiss you.”

  She smiled, a barely there little thing, and it fell away quickly. Her breathing slowed and her features relaxed, making her look younger than ever.

  Once I was positive she was asleep, I stood and stretched, then turned to find Cole leaning against the doorway, watching us. He came inside and folded himself into the chair on the other side of her bed, motioning for me to sit back down, too. I did, because I’d promised Caro I wouldn’t leave, but eyed Cole warily. All of the embarrassment from earlier today washed mortification through me until I wanted to shrivel up and die.

  In lieu of being able to make that happen, I focused on Caroline. My worry over her condition blended with my humiliation in front of Cole’s family and turned into a familiar shield of righteous anger. “Is she going to be okay?”

  “She’s going to be fine. Some scrapes and bruises and a cracked rib. They’re keeping her overnight to watch for signs of a concussion.” His eyes slid to Caroline’s sleeping form and his gaze seemed to throw a protective blanket over her.

  Some of the tension bled out, knowing she’d be okay. “What happened?”

  “She was walking out of school and some high-school kid’s foot slipped off the brake.”

  “Asshole was probably fucking around with his sound system or texting his girlfriend pictures of his dick or something.” I wanted to rip his dick off, to be honest.

  “He feels terrible. But I feel the same way.”

  “What way?”

  He gave me a small smile. “Like I want to hurt him for hurting Caroline, accident or not.”

  That Cole heard the underlying threat in my words made me feel naked, the way he so often did, and it had nothing to do with sex. Or lack thereof.

  “Ruby, can we talk?”

  The memory of his house earlier, of the looks on his parents’ faces, rushed back. I bit my lip. “If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather not.”

  “It’s not all the same to me.”

  “Look, I’m sorry about what happened. I feel like a huge idiot.”

  “Not about that. I wanted to talk about why you came over in the first place. You said you felt badly for how our date on the beach ended, and that you understood about needing time to trust people.”

  “I don’t know if that’s exactly what I said, but yes. That’s the gist. I felt like a hypocrite for the way I treated you. We’ve only been out a few times—only once, officially, I guess—and it was wrong of me to try to push you into trusting me. That’s not what I’m about.”

  “Right. You’re about great sex, and relationships that last more than one night but less than whatever means it’s serious.”

  I shrugged, discomfort at the blunt but accurate assessment itching my palms. “That’s the best of my options.”

  “What if it wasn’t? What if I said I wanted to date you—and yes, Ruby, go to bed with you—but not for a few weeks or a month. I want to talk about Christmas, and showing you Elgin, and maybe a spring holiday on the Mediterranean. I don’t want to see you with the expectation that it won’t last.”

  “We’re young, Cole. Things don’t last.”

  “Often they don’t. Sometimes they do. Either way, I’m not willing to start this if you’ve got an ending already written.”

  My insides quivered with an unspoken desire that aligned with his—I wanted to start dating him and see what happened, but I’d spent so many years waiting for the other shoe to drop, and this entire thing—Cole—seemed way too good to be true.

  I latched on to the trump card, then laid it on the bed between us. “Your parents….” My face heated again and tears threatened “I’m pretty sure they don’t want someone like me barging in on your perfect family.”

  “You don’t know anything about my parents, except that they raised an exceptionally handsome and well-spoken son.” He winked, but sobered quickly when I refused
to be teased out of my mortification. “I’ll grant you that what happened this afternoon wasn’t an ideal scenario to introduce yourself, but perhaps it will end up being something we all laugh about in the future.” His green eyes studied me with so much intensity that I no longer felt naked, but completely transparent.

  Yes. I want you, and not just in the bedroom, but anywhere you’ll have me. Let’s do this. Let’s try. I’ll be brave and try to believe you won’t break it off the first time someone makes a comment about my not being good enough for you.

  That’s what I should have said. But the moment went on too long, and the words didn’t emerge, and eventually, Cole got up and left.

  Chapter 17

  Morning light hit my eyelids, making me wince. My mouth felt dry and disgusting and my neck had an impressively large kink. It took several moments to remember where I was when my eyes finally pried loose the crusties, but Caroline’s still sleeping form next to mine brought it all crashing back.

  “Would you like some coffee?” Cole sat in the same chair he’d evacuated the night before, when I’d been too much of a scarebaby to admit what I wanted.

  “What are you still doing here?” I whispered, staying still in an attempt to not wake Caro.

  “I just….” He ran a palm over his short blond hair. “I guess I could make something up about wanting to make sure she’d be all right, but she had you and a full staff. It was peaceful in here, and you looked so beautiful. Inside this room, anything felt possible. After the way things ended last night, it felt like if I left, this would all be over. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye.”

  All this time, I’d been trying to protect my heart but he’d smashed it anyway, along with all of the walls I’d thrown up between us in an attempt to keep him out.

  Somehow, Cole had gotten in.

  And even though I was so scared I could pee myself, I knew that I wasn’t ready to say goodbye, either. The thought of letting him walk out the door, of pretending there was nothing between us when we ran into each other on campus, frightened me more than the very real possibility that things might not work out in the end.