Possessions

by Judith Michael

"Dickens?" Katherine repeated. Derek shrugged, briefly tightened his hand on her arm, and left.

  "A family custom we are reviving tonight," said Victoria. "When Craig and Jennifer and Ross and Derek were growing up, we would begin Christmas Eve in the afternoon, reading Ehckens' Christmas Carol —is something wrong, Katherine?**

  "No." / shouldn't be surprised. His roots are in this family. "Craig always read that to Jennifer and Todd at Christmas."

  "So he didn't entirely forget us." After a moment, Victoria beckoned to Ross. "Craig kept up our Christmas readings."

  "Did he act out the parts?" Ross asked Katherine.

  "All of them. He was very good."

  "So is Tobias," said Ross.

  *Tobias is memorable," Victoria said. "He'll read it after dinner, for anyone who wishes to listen. If you would like..."

  "Perhaps I will."

  POSSESSIONS

  Victoria nodded and moved away. Ross was searching Kath-erine's face. "You look wonderful," he said. "I'm glad you're doing so well." He put out his open hand, as if asking forgiveness.

  Melanie appeared at his side. "Claude is looking for you," she told Ross. He hesitated, then apologized to Katherine, and left. Melanie and Katherine faced each other. This time, there was no bright flare; this time Katherine could hold her own. And Melanie did not look well. Beneath heavy makeup her face was drawn and her eyes heavy, and her full-length orange dress looked garish beside Katherine's black one. But she smiled so gaily that Katherine found herself smiling back. "How you look," Melanie murmured. "Amazing. I might not have recognized you." Katherine had to strain to hear her voice. "Is it the fog? Or sexual variety? I understand either one improves the complexion, though in your case so much is improved you must be having a great deal of variety."

  Katherine's smile disappeared. Her head felt constricted. What have they been saying about me, among themselves? Across the room, a movement caught her eye. Victoria had raised her hand to her hair, and as Katherine looked her way, she winked. Katherine was dumbfounded. Serene and regal in her tapestried palace, Victoria winked. Katherine's head cleared; she smiled gratefully and turned back to Melanie. "I had help from generous friends," she said pleasantly. "Instead of ambushes from insecure women."

  "Why you little bitch." Melanie's smile became rigid. "If you think you can talk that way just because Derek has been squiring you around, keeping tabs on you so he'll know where your husband is— "

  "What?"

  "Oh, come. Come now. You can't think he's been seeing you for your charm and wit. Derek? Who can have any woman he wants? I know Eterek so well—if you didn't have a wandering husband who needs careful handling if he wanders back, Derek would have trouble remembering your name."

  Katherine drained her glass of champagne. "Perhaps Derek takes me out because I provide relief from relatives who know him so well. Excuse me," she added icily and crossed the room to refill her glass.

  POSSESSIONS

  "What did you do to Melanie?" Derek asked. He took Kath-erine's arm with a possessiveness that ran along her skin like warm fingers. She saw Melanie watching, and Ross, too, and pulled away. "And what are you afraid of?" he added.

  "Not knowing the truth. Derek, why do you—?" She stopped. This was not the time to ask him. "Where are the children? Have they been banished?"

  "I'm afraid not. Victoria and Tobias plan to turn them loose on that Everest of gifts beneath the tree. Shall we find a quiet comer away from flying Erector sets?"

  "I'd rather stay; I enjoy watching them."

  "Criticized and judged," he murmured. "We wouldn't have stayed away long in any case. I want to watch you open your presents."

  She looked alarmed. "Why? Derek, we didn't bring anything elaborate."

  'Then we shall send you home," he said lightly. "I like what you've done with your scarf."

  She had draped it around her neck, the fringed ends hanging down her back, altering the look of the black cashmere dress. "I'm glad," she said. "I was afraid black would be too somber. No one else is wearing it."

  "No one else looks like you. What did you say to Melanie?"

  "It isn't important."

  "If I ask ahfout it, it is important."

  "Then I'd better practice my answers. Thank you, Tobias," she said as Tobias appeared behind her and kissed her cheek.

  "Meaning, you thank me for my kiss?" asked Tobias. "Or for diverting you so that you need not answer Derek?"

  "You, at least," said Derek, "are never at a loss. How dull that must be, Tobias. Katherine, we sit together at dinner. I'll see you then." He went off and Katherine saw him silhouetted against the window with Melanie.

  She closed her eyes briefly. In half an hour, the family had entangled her in its web. "I've been talking to Ross," said Tobias. "'We boil at different degrees.'"

  "Who does?" Katherine asked.

  "Ralph Waldo Emerson, since he wrote it, but I meant that if I were as angry as I think Ross is, I would boil over. But Ross controls himself. Now what, we ask, is Ross angry about?"

  POSSESSIONS

  "I don't think it*s my business."

  "It is, however, mine, as I am the family biographer. Have you heard rumors of an impending divorce?"

  Katherine remembered what Victoria had said. "No," she answered.

  "How badly you lie, Katherine." Tobias sighed. "Did you know that William Congreve wrote, *Tho marriage makes man and wife one flesh, it leaves *em still two fools'?"

  She laughed. "No. But he's probably right. Sometimes."

  "More often than not. I am across the table from you at dinner. Will we be able to talk?"

  "Why wouldn't we?"

  "Derek might monopolize you. Well, well, look at that; he came after all."

  Katherine followed his gaze. Jason and Ann were coming in fix)m the vestibule and close behind them a tall, handsome man, lean and darkly tanned, an older, silver-haired Ross and Derek, who ignored everyone to come directly to Katherine. "Curt Hayward," he introduced himself. "My son has told me about you. So have others." Holding her hands, he stood back to look at her. "Lx)vely. You have brought consternation and pleasure to this family. I understand Craig sends you money but keeps his whereabouts a secret."

  He resembled Derek more than Ross: sleek and polished, aloof, smoothly charming.

  "He is in Canada," Katherine said.

  "A large country. Ah, here is Jason. We'll talk later, Katherine. I want you to know how pleased I am, for both of you, that Derek had the inestimable good sense to step in where he perceived a vacuum. Jason, a merry Christmas to you."

  Shocked, Katherine raised a hand to call him back, but Ann was hugging her, telling her how glad she was to see her. Katherine barely heard her. He thinks Derek and I are sleeping together. Do they all think that?

  Jason and Curt shook hands; brothers who barely resembled each other. In a whisper, Ann confided, "They've seen each other only three times in fifteen years. They never were close, you know. Brothers, of course, but not friends. That was their father's fault: Hugh always preferred Curt. Jason never forgave him for that. Fathers shoudln't favor older sons, don't you agree? It leaves scars that never heal."

  POSSESSIONS

  Involuntarily, Katherine looked from Ross to Derek just as Victoria, standing beside the tree, clapped her hands. "We shall distribute the gifts. Polk, please bring in the children." She looked doubtfully at the vast array of packages. "Derek, will you organize them? Tobias and Ross will help. I shall watch."

  The next hour was a flurry of wrapping paper, ribbons and shouts of glee. The gifts for the children ranged from books and clothing to Erector sets and skis and, for Jennifer and Todd, a present that struck them momentarily dumb: a complete home computer with a video screen, disc drives for recording, games and school programs, and its own printer. Jennifer read the card aloud. "From Derek."

  "It's too much," Katherine said to him. "We can't accept ..." Her voice trailed away. If he had told her in advance, she would have refused
it, but now, as Todd and Jennifer looked at her with faces like two bright suns, she could not take it away.

  "Mom!" They scrambled to their feet and rushed to her. "Come look at it! We can play games and do math and write papers for school and do puzzles—"

  "How about a thank you?" Katherine said.

  "Yeh, but who to? The card says Derek. Who's Derek?"

  "Why, sweetheart," Melanie said in tender amazement. "You mean you haven't met your mother's very good friend Derek? He's standing right next to you."

  Katherine's face was hot. "You met last June. When we were here the first time."

  Todd looked up at Derek. "You're who Mom goes out with at night? And you bought us the computer?"

  Derek held out his hand. "How do you do? Yes, I bought it."

  "Maybe we shouldn't take it," said Jennifer reluctantly. "It's an awful big present from somebody who doesn't even come in the house when he takes Mother out."

  "Jennifer!" Katherine exclaimed.

  "Well said." Derek smiled faintly. "I shall come inside, most properly, from now on. With your permission."

  "Don't ask me!" Jennifer protested. "I don't have anything to do with it!"

  "Maybe you could help us with the computer," Todd said. "Learn how to program it and smff."

  POSSESiilONS

  "No." Derek's face was expressionless and for the first time it occurred to Katherine that she had never heard him laugh. "But if you have trouble with the instruction book, I'll give you the name of someone in my company who can help."

  Rebuffed, Todd stepped back. Then his face lit up. "Bruce! He runs the whole computer at Heath's! I'll ask him!"

  *Todd," Katherine said.

  "Oh. Yeh. Thanks a lot. We really—thanks a lot."

  *Thank you," Jennifer said politely. "If you'd like to use it sometime, please do."

  "Now," Victoria said. 'The children have had their turn and I am anxious to see what Katherine has brought me." She unwrapped the small round package and held up a jar, tied with a red bow, labeled "Preserved Ginger." "My dear," she said after a moment. "Did you make this?"

  Katherine nodded, unable to speak. She had known her preserves and jams and jellies would be outshone, but there was nothing else she could afford for the whole family. She had thought of making jewehy, but rejected it. Not until she was established with Mettler's, or somewhere else. And when she had arrayed the colorful jars on her coffee table at home and tied them with gaily colored ribbons, they looked so bright and festive she thought they would be all right.

  But when Victoria held one in her hand and Katherine saw how tiny and plain it looked, she knew with a sinking heart that this family would find her gifts stingily small. She'd been dreaming when she thought she might fit in with people who had enough money to buy anything they wanted.

  But Victoria came to Katherine, laid a gentle hand along her cheek, and kissed her. "How did you know preserved ginger is my favorite?" She spoke loudly enough for all of them to hear. "Others have bought it for me but no one ever took the trouble to make it. And Tobias recently found a superb recipe for chicken with preserved ginger. You will come to dinner and the three of us will be quite gluttonous and share it with no one. Thank you so much, my dear. Now please open your gift."

  Katherine would rather have waited, but Tobias took her hand and led her to a stack of boxes. "But which one?" she asked.

  "All!" he announced, his face bright with anticipation. "From 198

  POSSESSIONS

  all of us—Victoria, Ross, Ann, Jason, and me. Open, open, open!"

  Not Derek, Katherine thought. Not Melanie. Selfconsciously, she knelt and opened the first box. Lying before her, in symmetrical order, was a complete set of American and Swedish files for use on metals—oval, square taper, knife edge, lozenge, cant, pippin, barette, and crochet—in different lengths and seven degrees of fineness. Beside them lay a set of handles. Almost fearfully, Katherine touched the gleaming rows.

  "They won't break, you know!" said Tobias, almost dancing in delight. "And now the other boxes!"

  She could guess what they contained. Quickly she pulled off all the wrappings until she was surrounded by open boxes of pliers, dapping die blocks, chasing tools, sanding materials, a saw and set of blades, and two small motorized wheels for buffing and polishing. She stood up, then, in the midst of a collection of jeweler's tools she had not been able to buy for herself, and looked at the family— my family —with a face so radiant that Derek drew in his breath and Victoria and Tobias came to put their arms around her.

  "You haven't opened my gift," said Derek, handing her a narrow box. Katherine unwrapped it and took out a strip of gold, one inch wide by ten inches long. Wonderingly, she met his watchful eyes. "Mettler likes gold," he said casually.

  "Gold—!" Melanie exclaimed. "Why, that must have cost—"

  "I'd guess about a thousand," said Curt approvingly.

  "Vulgar commentaries have no place at Christmas," Victoria declared. "Or any time. Derek? Will you move the gift-giving along?"

  "But I haven't thanked you," Katherine said. She held the cool strip of gold, and stood beside the shining tools on the carpet. "You've given me the freedom to work. I don't have to borrow; I can work in my own home, in the daytime or at night; I can try different techniques and styles because I have the tools for them. Do you know what this means to me?" Tears filled her eyes. "It's as if you've given me a life. The tools to shape a life. I can't really say it—"

  "You've said it quite well," Melanie commented sweetly. She was standing beside Derek. "You like your freedom. I

  POSSESSIONS

  wonder if we ever heard the real story of why Craig disappeared."

  In the shocked silence, Tobias was the first to recover. Drawing himself up, he roared, '"Farewell, farewell, you old rhinoceros! I'll stare at something less prepocerous!'"

  The four children, huddled around the computer, burst into laughter. Jason, Ann, and Curt laughed with them. Victoria's hps twitched, Ross chuckled, then grew quiet, and Derek smiled, watching Katherine. But she had turned away, embarrassed, because she had laughed and then seen the helpless fury in Melanie's eyes. The children rocked back and forth, repeating "prepocerous rhinoceros!" until Victoria, holding her lips tight, signaled the butler to help them carry their gifts to the library.

  "We owe Katherine an apology," she said, but Katherine vigorously shook her head. 'Then we shall finish with the gifts and go in to dinner. Ross, I thought you and Derek were managing this. Where have you been while Tobias clowned?"

  "Applauding him," said Ross quietly, and knelt to distribute the remaining gifts.

  Christmas was the one time Victoria allowed the children to eat with the adults. Everyone sat at the long table decorated with berries and chrysanthemums twined among white candles in crystal holders, and ate goose and duck, fresh cranberries with orange rind, and the largest biiche de Noel Katherine had ever seen. When coffee was served, the children and Tobias slipped out, to the library. Soon after Victoria and Katherine followed. By the light of a dancing fire, Tobias was reading A Christmas Carol, abridging it since they had begun so late. Standing, squatting, hopping, and prancing about the room, he acted all the parts in a dozen different voices. Glancing at her children, Katherine saw tears streaming down their rapt faces, and her own tears well up as memories of Craig's voice mingled with Tobias', reading those same words at their small family celebrations in Vancouver. You had no right to leave, she told him fiercely. She moved back into the shadows to let her tears come, and saw Ross sitting quietly near the door. An hour later, when Tobias ended with Tiny Tim's "God bless us, everyone!" she looked again, but he was gone.

  "Melanie has many virtues," Derek said on the telephone. "But common sense, perception and discretion are not among

  POSSESSIONS

  them. Craig has nothing to do with my wanting to be with you."

  "Nothing?"

  "Even if it were true, what difference would it make? When we me
t, you were intriguing; now I find you irresistible. And you are too intelligent to take Melanie seriously. We have plans to see the New Year in together. Nine o'clock?"

  "Yes."

  A month before, in his apartment, she had known she wanted him, and she knew it when he walked through her door on New Year's Eve, reminding Jennifer that he was coming for her mother in a proper manner, nodding when Todd told him something about the computer, but never taking his eyes off Katherine. She watched him watching her, as if they were playing a game: Katherine telling him with her eyes diat she wanted him, and Derek's eyes appraising and caressing the exquisite vision in black and white, lace and taffeta, and the strong yet delicate lines of her face that at last, freed of despair and a sense of inferiority, glowed with an arresting beauty. He took a long breath. "I think I will not make love to you in front of your children," he murmured, and swept her out the door.

  They kissed in his car. Katherine felt the rush of her body's demands before they pulled apart and Derek started the car. She rested her head against the back of the seat as they sped up steep Christmas-wrapped streets to a white mansion ablaze with candles and technicolor lights.

  The three floors had been transformed into a carnival. Crowds of guests tried their skill at sharpshooting and baseball-pitching booths, darts, bowling, and fishing in a tub for sterling silver dolphins; others watched a striptease show in a tent on the third floor, acrobats in another tent, and, in a third, trained dogs doing mathematical calculations and barking rhythmically to Christmas carols played on a trumpet by a foot-tapping clown.

  "Slightly overdone," Derek commented dryly. "But they were afraid of being anonymous among the rich."

  "They've made everyone else anonymous," Katherine said, as they made their way through the rooms.

  "Good God, Derek!" exclaimed a thin, mustached young man. "How have you discovered this beauty before me? I thought I was always a step ahead of you."

  "No one is ever ahead of Derek," said a dark, burly man. 201

  POSSESSIONS

  He bent over Katherine's hand. "Brock Galvez. A pleasure. Derek—" They shook hands. "Have you been upstairs? Some madman has taught dogs to bark 'The First Noel.'"