Possessions

by Judith Michael

  After a moment, Jon mumbled, "I don't want to go home anyway."

  "That's not the point," Katherine said gently.

  "She means apologize," Carrie whispere^l loudly.

  Ross put his arm around Jon's shoulders. "Why don't we talk about this later? Katherine's right, you know: if you threaten to go home every time I say something you don't like, we'll have a hard time getting along. You'll end up like a yo-yo, back and forth so fast we can't keep track of you ..."

  Below the table, Jennifer and Todd began to giggle, mostly in relief at the easing of tension. "Can we get some cake from the kitchen?" Jennifer asked, standing up now that the air was clearing.

  "A fine idea," Victoria said crisply. "And Sylvie made more lemonade; help yourself."

  "Come on," urged Todd when Jon still sat in his chair.

  "I'm sony. Dad," Jon said. "I didn't mean it."

  Ross tightened his arm around his son's shoulders. '*Good thing," he said casually. "This place wouldn't be the same without you. Go on, now; get yourself some cake."

  As the four of them walked into the living room, Carrie's piercing whisper could be heard on the terrace. "Wow, did Katherine ever tell you off!"

  "She's gotten real tough since Dad left," said Todd. "She used to kind of be careful, but now sometimes she just lays it on us. I don't know ..." His voice diminished as they went through the swinging doors into the kitchen. "Mosdy she's great, but she sure is different."

  Ross took Katherine's hand. "Thank you. For caring, and for giving me a chance to catch my breath. I live with that damned fear every day, wondering when they'll decide they have better things to do than stay with me . . ."

  "I don't think they will," Katherine said. She wanted to lift

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  her hand and smooth the lines between his eyebrows; instead, she said quietly, "I've watched them follow you around; they're crazy about you and they need you. I think they're testing their weapons. Jennifer and Todd do it, too, only with different ones. I just hope Jon doesn't pull that one too often."

  He chuckled. "Now that he knows he has Jennifer and Todd's tough mother to contend with, I doubt he'll ever do it again. Thank you," he repeated, his voice low, and later, when he went to talk with Jon, his step was light.

  The children's diving team was scheduled to practice the next day from morning until late afternoon, and Ross and Kath-erine took advantage of the day, leaving before breakfast for Aix-en-Provence and its international music festival. Ross took an inland road that was, at that hour, almost empty, and they drove in silence amid the green-and-gold splendor of the countryside. The air was soft and caressing; the sun spilled like honey over orange and olive groves that parted suddenly to reveal small stone villages with steep rust-colored roofs and flocks of pale brown sheep watched over by a single shepherd, hands clasped behind his back, his staff sticking out as if he, too, had a tail.

  Aix was filled with the music of the festival, and it was market day, with stands crowded together in the Place de Verdun beneath a rainbow of parasols. Ross bought a bouquet of carnations and pinned one to the collar of Katherine's cotton shirt and when they turned to walk on, their hands touched and their fingers twined together. They strolled through the market and the quiet side streets, along worn stone walks shaded by enormous plane trees, and then to a concert in the courtyard of die archbishop's palace, and when diey sat down Katherine took another carnation from the bouquet and pinned it to the lapel of Ross's sport jacket. In the afternoon, blue shadows lay across the town, and fountains in the courtyards reflected the sunset. And much later, on the drive back along the Mediterranean, the brilliant lights of the Riviera blocked out all signs of the small towns, the orange and olive groves, and the single shepherd with his flock.

  Everyone was asleep when they reached the villa. At the door to her rooms, Katherine sighed, resting her head against the wall. The spicy scent of carnations was all about them, and the pungency of the almond paste calissons they had brought

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  back for Victoria and the children. "We brought the day home with us," she said, and laughed softly. "Such a perfect day."

  His face was shadowed in the dim corridor. "More than any I've ever known." He held her face between his hands. 'Thank you."

  Katherine shook her head. "I'm the one who should thank you. For all the perfect days." She stepped back, into the doorway, wanting more than his hands; refusing to admit it. "Goodnight, Ross."

  "Goodnight, Katherine." He lingered a moment, wanting her, knowing she wanted him. Not yet, he thought. We have time. "Is tomorrow the diving competition?"

  'Tomorrow morning."

  "I'll pick you up at the breakfast table."

  She laughed and watched him walk down the corridor and turn into his own rooms.

  They had avoided the populous vacation areas and the next morning for the first time they encountered the impenetrable crowds of the Riviera's high summer season. "July," Ross murmured as they descended the steep stairway from Victoria's villa and found themselves surrounded. "Don't fight it; don't even try to walk; they'll carry you."

  The crowd was cheerful and noisy, exchanging shouted itineraries and names of restaurants. Everywhere, strangers held out their cameras to other strangers, asking them please to take their pictures. A large round man with a Polaroid snapped a picture of Katherine and kept pace with Ross as the image developed. "Bella, bella," he said. "Uomofortunato." Amid a torrent of Italian he handed Ross the photograph, nodded amiably and turned to walk on.

  "Grazie," said Ross, and he and Katherine looked at it together. Katherine's eyes widened. Is that really me — that woman laughing in the sunlight? She looks so happy. I didn't know she was so happy. She felt vaguely uneasy—as if everything was speeding up and she was not sure she was in control.

  But then they reached the pool, and she saw Jennifer and Todd standing near the diving board, lean and tanned, chattering excitedly with a swim-suited group that included Carrie and Jon. We're all happy, she thought, and nothing is out of control. With another glance at the picture, she asked Ross,

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  "Did you understand *hat he was saying when he took it?" "Most of it." Ross pulled two chairs together near the edge of the pool. "He looked at you and said you were beautiful. And then he told me I was a fortunate man." The crowd milled about them but there was a small space of silence around their chairs. He tucked the photograph in his pocket and took Kath-erine's hand in his as they turned to watch their children's diving skills. "And of course he was absolutely right."

  The shapes and colors of the Riviera glowed in the sketches spread on the drawing table Victoria had bought for Katherine's sitting room. There were fish and birds, exotic cactus flowers, the scalloped edges of the orange overiapping roof tiles of Provence, the symmetrical arches of Roman bridges, the swiri of water rushing over stones in a mountain stream.

  Katherine had redrawn the sketches she liked best, then, on each, tried different variations of the basic shape until she had one that was bold, simple, striking: uniquely hers. When she was satisfied, she colored it with oil pastels—a cross between colored chalk and crayons, with subtler shades and a permanent finish.

  She had been holding a blue-black oil pastel in her fingers for half an hour, wondering if the soaring bird she had drawn, with wings outspread, should be a perched bird with wings folded back. A simple problem, but she could not resolve it because her thoughts kept returning to Ross. Finally she threw down the colored stick and raised her head to gaze through the glass doors at the sailboats swaying in the harbor. "Ridiculous," she said aloud. "I'll finish it tomorrow."

  She walked down the corridor to Victoria's room and knocked on the closed door.

  "Yes," said Victoria. "Ah, Katherine, how lovely; come in. I thought you would have left by now."

  "We put it off for half an hour. Ross had some telephone calls to make before he goes to Paris tomorrow."

  "How nice. For us, I
mean. A quiet time together." Lying on a silk chaise beside the open doors to her terrace, she tilted her head, inspecting Katherine's madras shirt and khaki jeans, her dark hair held by a gold band, her hazel eyes flecked with blue in the Mediterranean light. "You look delightful: a week

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  in the sun has put color in your face. Where do you go todayT'

  "Ross said the Turini Forest and Vesubie Valley. Does that sound right? My pronunciation ..."

  "Is improving. Ross is invariably sensible. You will have a memorable afternoon."

  "And it's been two weeks in the sun."

  "I beg your pardon?"

  "We've been here almost two weeks for the sun to put color in my face."

  "When time goes too quickly, Katherine, I make a practice of ignoring it. What else has Ross planned? Has he mentioned the folk festival at Nice?"

  "We're taking the children when he gets back from Paris. And we want you to come along."

  "No, my dear, how pleasant that you thought of it, but no; I shall stay here and wait for you to tell me about it."

  Katherine sat on the edge of the chaise. "You haven't gone anywhere with u«, except to dinner, twice. After Paris, I don't want to accuse you of being obvious, but—"

  "Katherine. I am never obvious. I may occasionally become careless and tip my hand, but I am not obvious. My dear, I do not go with you because I no longer enjoy all-day excursions, or even half-day ones. I'm too tired."

  Worried, Katherine asked, "Is something wrong? You always seem to have so much energy."

  "The only thing wrong is my age. As for my energy, I have plenty, so long as I know when to rest and preserve it." She grimaced. "It's dreadfully tiresome; I get so annoyed at my body. Until recently, I could force it along and think I'd fooled it into renewing itself. But it was going its own way, wearing out, and then one day I could not longer ignore it. I'm eighty-two, ray dear, and I no longer can romp through the Vesubie Valley. And if I cannot romp, I refuse to go at all."

  "Are you sure you're all right?" Katherine pressed. "You haven't even gone out with your own friends since we arrived."

  "Oh, that has nothing to do with me; they're not here. Most of them scatter to their other homes in July and August."

  Katherine remembered something Tobias had said. "You came in July because of us. So you missed all your friends."

  "I have you; I have Ross. Who is more important to me? And if I know where you are and what you are doing. I may

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  be lying here like a piece of crumpled tissue paper, but I can imagine myself with you. I remember all the places, you know, so clearly. And it gets easier to pretend, the older I am."

  "I'm sorry," Katherine said. "I didn't realize ... So much has been happening and I've been selfish, only thinking of myself instead of spending time with you."

  "But you must be selfish! Don't you understand, the more you do, the more pleasure you have, the more successful you are, the more of everything / have. I did think that was obvious! Now, my dear" —she patted Katherine's hand— "be off and have a wonderful day. If you're too late for dinner, I will entertain the various offspring, but I'll expect a full report tomorrow. Every detail."

  Katherine bent to kiss her forehead. "Every one."

  "I hope not," Ross laughed when Katherine repeated the conversation as they drove through a mountain valley. "It's a bad precedent."

  "Why? If it's all she has—"

  "Did she say that?"

  "Not exactly, but—"

  "All she said was she wants to be part of our lives because it makes her feel less old and limited. Katherine, Victoria is the majority stockholder in the Hayward Corporation and she sits on four other boards of directors, helping manage and raise funds for some of the most powerful institutions in San Francisco. That's hardly a picture of a helpless little old lady lying like a crumpled piece of tissue paper while the busy world passes her by."

  Involuntarily, Katherine smiled. "Hardly." Her face grew thoughtful. "But she wasn't really lying."

  He shook his head. "Bending the truth. She's intelligent and wily enough to know that the one thing her wealth can't do is slow down the years, so she uses whatever means she has to hold on to parts of the world she can no longer experience directly. Like the Vesubie. It's all right, you know; it's a benign form of tyranny."

  Katherine looked at him. "That's not kind."

  "It's accurate," he said simply. "She's using our love for her to make us feel responsible, to keep her at the center of our lives, even though she knows that's impossible—ultimately we'll have to pass her by. But she tries. And I admire her

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  persistence, and love her deeply, but I have no intention of telling her everything that fills my time. And if you do, and I see you whip out a pencil to take notes to report to her" —Katherine began to laugh— "I'll probably become silent and quite possibly immobile. Whereas, if you agree with me, I will take your hand, so, and hold it while I get us through the Brevera Valley."

  He took his eyes from the road for a split second, to share her smile, then, holding her hand firmly in his, he drove slowly along the narrow road that looped back and forth as it climbed through the mountains. The scenery grew wilder and they were silent, awed by the maze of deep, shadowed gorges separated by sunlit meadows. Twisted trees clung to the rocky slopes, while in the meadows pines grew amid boulders that crashed fipom above each spring when melting snows set off avalanches. The air turned cool and Katherine pulled on her sweater. As the atmosphere thinned, the farthest craggy mountains came into sharp relief. And then they drove into the Turini Forest— dim, cool, dense with huge trees and twisted undergrowth.

  Ross kept going on the zigzagging road until they rounded a curve and came upon the tiny village of La Bollene-Vesubie, where he pulled the car to a stop. "The backpacks are in the trunk. From here on, we hike."

  From the village, the trail climbed rapidly through forests and meadows, leaving the last vestiges of civilization behind. The air was chilly but as they climbed, they were almost too warm in their sweaters. Once Katherine leaped from one boulder to another, weightless; when she landed lightly, bending her knees to cushion her fall, Ross held out his hand and she took it, sharing with a smile the joy of their isolation. They hiked for an hour, pushing through bushes, jumping across streams, following a trail that sometimes disappeared among rock outcroppings or underbrush, and reappeared farther on. They barely spoke, except to point out, now and then, a soaring bird haloed in gold against the blue sky, tangled skeins of brilliant wildflowers weaving about gray boulders with orange, gray, and black lichen covering their north sides, wide pastures smooth as velvet, the flick of an animal on the trail, and over everything the crystalline air and vast silence, broken only by the piercing songs of birds.

  The sun moved higher, warming the sheltered valley. They

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  stuffed their sweaters in their backpacks, moving on into a landscape less rugged, trees and bushes shinimering in the dazzling sun, until at last Ross said, "I don't know about you, but I'm famished. If you see a good spot—^"

  "There!" Katherine exclaimed, pointing as they came to the crest of a small ridge. "Just waiting for us."

  They clambered down the slope to a grassy nook protected on three sides by high rock formations. Nearby, a stream widened into a clear blue-green pool before narrowing again and disappearing among the trees. "The old swimming hole," Ross murmured. He looked at Katherine, eyebrows raised. "What do you think?"

  "I think it will be freezing and we ought to try it."

  He laughed. "You're wonderful." Dropping his backpack on the soft grass, he seemed not to notice the flush on her face and the brightness of her eyes. "Right away, don't you think? Better to do it before we eat."

  Katherine set her backpack next to his. "I'll beat you in. Unless you feel it's a man's job to test the waters."

  "It's a man's job to know when to let the woman go f
irst."

  Laughing, she disappeared behind a cluster of pine and chestnut trees. But as soon as she pulled off her shirt and khaki pants and felt the sun burning on her bare skin, she was swept with a dizzying surge of desire and anticipation, and reached out to steady herself against a tree. The rough bark was solid, deeply textured, and she clung to it, aware of Ross, close by, as if she could feel him as sharply as she felt the bark of the tree. I didn't know, she thought. I didn't know how much I wanted him. But deep in this valley, cut off from distractions and carefully constructed reasons, protected in the sunlit niche from the cool air beyond the rock walls, she knew that all their days together had led to this one, and that Ross knew it too.

  The dizziness was gone. Katherine left her clothes on a rock and, in silk underpants and brassiere, slipped from the cluster of trees to the wild grass bordering the pool. She did not see Ross, but rather than give herself a chance to think twice, she took a breath and made a shallow dive into the clear water.

  She gasped in the shock of the icy cold. Every cringing muscle seemed to curl into a tight defensive knot. "Once," she gasped aloud. "Once across, then out." In a strong crawl, kicking hard, she cut through the mirror images of trees that

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  seemed to grow down fix)m the surface, and reached the other side, where she grasped a low-hanging branch, pulled herself out of the water and, shivering in the shade, turned to look for Ross.

  Across the pool, the water broke into a long wake. Katherine heard his shout as the cold struck him, and she watched him swim toward her with powerful strokes, bursting through the water to grab the same branch she had used. "I'll race you back," he panted.

  "I thought I'd walk around," she said through chattering teeth.

  "Sensible. No risk of losing."

  "Oh—!" Without warning, she dove back in and kicked away from the shore, leaving Ross in a fury of droplets.

  "Unfair!" he yelled, and followed, within a moment pulling even with her. Her lips were blue, he saw, but her body was strong and sinuous in the frigid water. They swam together until he gave a final spurt and finished half a length ahead of her.