Fierce Radiance

by Fierce Radiance (lit)

  He finally signed off a moment later, but his earlier comment disconcerted her.

  Back in Confederation colors?

  The thought of going back and having her own ship again conflicted her. She couldn’t leave her men. She loved them. They loved her.

  So, it seemed, did the Confederation. She gave morning briefings via vid com, handing out assignments to the twenty ships under her command and coordinating intel data, in addition to running on-site battle ops.

  She got so busy she realized she’d received three messages from Ker she hadn’t yet returned.

  As more Confederation captains heard about her “return,” some of whom had survived her classes at the Academy, she started receiving congratulatory messages from all over the sector. Enough so it distracted her com officer as he struggled to read and interpret them fast enough that she told him to hold them unless it was related to their mission.

  Meanwhile, the part of her mind she thought she’d convinced to stay with Ker and Sammuel grew unsettled as she rubbed her father’s ring and thought about the final vid message they sent her before their deaths.

  * * * *

  As the ongoing battle raged, Jarl took over communicating to Ker that Aine was fine and in good health. She was lucky to get more than three hours sleep in a daily cycle. As she sat in her command chair one morning and went over stat reports from the other ships under her control, she looked at the universal date code and realized it had been over two months since she’d had any contact with Sammuel.

  Guilt filled her, followed by an immediate wave of anger. Why should she feel guilty? He was military, he knew she had a job to do, just as he had a job to do.

  She shoved back irritation that he hadn’t tried to contact her the way Ker did. After all, she hadn’t tried to contact him, either.

  All morning her feelings vacillated between guilt and anger until she had to take a brief break to decompress. She went to the ship’s small gym and took out her aggression on a punching bag. She still felt her men in her soul, but no matter how hard she tried, the unsettled feeling grew stronger, ripping at her loyalties and conscience until she wondered if she was losing her mind.

  Then another, more horrifying thought occurred to her.

  She located Jarl. “Have you heard from Ker or Sammuel lately? Are they all right?”

  “Just this morning another message arrived. The commander was recalled to the Ab’yoika Maru two weeks ago. They have eliminated the raiders in the sector he patrolled. Both he and the Admiral are safe and well.”

  Two weeks. They were so far from the Ab’yoika Maru that messages were delayed a week or longer. She did a quick mental calculation, but Jarl seemed to interpret her look of concentration. “He should be back with the Admiral by this time, ma’am.”

  Dammit. And I’m stuck here.

  Quickly turning before he spotted the hot tears stinging her eyes, she returned to the gym for another few minutes and pounded on the heavy bag until her raw knuckles bled. Studying them, she finally let her tears flow as she remembered her last night with Sammuel and Ker.

  She hadn’t been with her men in over five months. The Confederation anticipated they would need her and the Haltoran-dey another three months, possibly longer, to ferret out the last of the raider resistance in that sector. The bounty on her head was no longer an issue in that sector as the remaining raiders struggled to survive against the increasingly insurmountable Confederation forces pushing them out.

  Later that evening, Vice-Admiral Iago hailed her on a secure vid com line to privately talk with her. He was stationed nearby on one of the Confederation destroyers acting as a base and support ship. Close enough their conversations could be conducted in real time.

  He wore a shit-eating grin. “President-Elect Olan wants me to personally congratulate you on the job you’re doing.”

  Aine hoped the fake smile she summoned hid her weary heart and even more exhausted body. “Thank you, Vice-Admiral.”

  “He also told me to extend you an offer for your consideration. We don’t need an answer now, obviously, because you’re still on active deployment for this mission.”

  Aine’s heart tightened.

  “Once this mission is declared complete, I have been authorized permission to assure you your pick of assignments and Confederation vessels. At double your salary.

  Salary was the least of her concerns. “My pick of assignments?”

  He grinned again. “I have also been authorized to tell you we are in the process of building several new Candora-class Dreadnoughts. Huge and fast, well-armed, maneuverable. They’ll make any raider shit their pants.”

  She had a feeling she knew where this conversation was heading.

  “There will be five of them going online in the next year. Those are already promised. However, we have three more coming online the year after that. One of them can be yours, if you want it.”

  A Dreadnought. Every battle captain’s dream assignment.

  “Like I said, I don’t need an answer now. I just wanted to dangle that little tidbit to see if we could entice you to stay with the Confederation. The Act’hurans have informed us of your official status with them, so we can’t force you to stay once you’re finished. But dammit, we sure would love it if you would.”

  His slightly snarky tone caught her curiosity. “And what exactly did they say my status was, Vice-Admiral?”

  “Admiral D’arsolan told us you’re officially just the second officer on his battle destroyer and that they’ve extended full citizenship and commission to you for your service to their fleet.” He softened his tone. “Don’t you miss being in command? Especially after all this? I can understand Captain…eh, Commander Jorvis, I guess he is now, wanting to stay, considering he’s paired up with the Admiral and he’s got a ship. Or make me a counteroffer, give me something to tempt you back with, Captain Lorcan. We’ll treat you better than that, you know we will.”

  After she signed off she sat back and struggled against her tears, tried to let her mind stay in control, let reason keep her calm. Why would Ker tell them Sammuel was his mate and list her as “just” a second officer?

  There had to be more to it. Except as her brain continued to worry at it, she couldn’t fight the cold wall slowly rebuilding itself inside her heart.

  * * * *

  Two weeks later, Jarl approached her one evening with a message from Ker. She didn’t want to read it, having just laid down in her bunk in what would most likely be a futile attempt to grab an hour of sleep between skirmishes.

  “I really think you need to read this one and answer personally, ma’am.” He held out the com tablet.

  She stared at it for a moment before reluctantly taking it from him. Without waiting he turned and left her alone.

  With trembling fingers she tapped the screen and opened the message.

  Dearest Ki’ato, is something wrong? I have not said anything to Sammuel yet because I do not think he senses it. What has happened? I felt it very strongly today, almost a pain. Jarl continues to assure us you are well, but what has changed? We miss you so much and cannot wait until you are back home with us. We love you. Ker.

  Had it bothered her that much?

  Fuck, yes, it had. She felt her cheeks burn every time she heard Iago’s voice in her head. “Just” a second officer. Was that all she was to them after all? She wasn’t sure she ever bought into the whole bonded forever bullshit. Maybe she’d been too stupid to see them for who they really were, men needing a kinky piece of ass.

  Then her heart, the part of her that remembered what it felt like being with them, hearing their thoughts, feeling their emotions, tried to beat some sense into her brain.

  They loved her. She loved them. They’d called her their wife.

  So why hadn’t they said that to the Confederation? Were they ashamed of her?

  She quickly tapped her reply before she lost her nerve. The last thing she wanted to do was have a long-distance email lovers’ spat w
ith him, but as she typed, she couldn’t help herself.

  I’m fine, just extremely busy with my duties. That was probably my meeting with Vice-Admiral Iago. He made me an interesting offer, and said that since I’m listed as “just” a second officer and Sammuel is listed as your mate, maybe they could tempt me back to the Confederation. Ha ha. I guess I thought I would rank a little higher in the food chain with you guys than that. Sort of upset me, that’s all. I don’t know how much longer they’ll need us here, possibly a couple more months. We’ll stay as long as we’re needed.

  After a moment’s hesitation, she added one more line.

  Love to you both. Hope you’re well. — A.

  Send.

  She tossed the com tablet onto the table and headed to the gym to abuse the punching bag and her knuckles. There was no way in hell she’d be able to sleep.

  * * * *

  At two weeks, she felt her stomach tighten, wondered if it was her own stress or if Ker had received her message.

  When she didn’t receive a reply in the next couple of weeks, she channeled her anger more productively. She volunteered them for a sweeper mission to lead a group of Confederation forces through another solar system, looking for stray raiders. It would keep them there an extra month.

  She felt the Ice Queen returning, found it easy to settle into her previous ways, although she didn’t make the crew start addressing her as “sir.” After all their months together, it would have confused them.

  Her emotions ranged from anger to hurt, then to resolve. If Ker couldn’t be bothered to respond, that meant she’d hit the nail on the head, right?

  She didn’t want to think that because it caused a horrible pain in the middle of her gut, like she’d swallowed a red-hot coal and it tried to escape by burning through her from the inside out. Especially when surrounded by memories of her and Sammuel together in that very cabin, memories that ripped at her heart.

  Part of her didn’t want to believe her supposition, wanted to think there had to be a logical explanation for why he had listed her that way.

  And for his failure to respond to her message.

  * * * *

  Nine months and ten days from when she’d stepped onto the gangway of the Haltoran-dey and took command, the Confederation issued her recall order. Her vessel was to proceed to an official debriefing at a nearby space station two days away, where Vice-Admiral Iago would await her…and wanted to have a private word with her before she returned with the Act’hurans.

  In the three months since her note to Ker, she received nothing from either man, although Jarl had been keeping in touch with them both. She knew from checking the communications log.

  Okay, fine. They want to be like that? Fuck. Them.

  She felt another pain in her heart. They couldn’t have faked their love for her, could they?

  As they approached the space station Aine noticed several other ships already docked there. Normally not anything noteworthy, except that one of them was the Ab’yoika Maru.

  The dockmaster directed her to berth next to the battle destroyer.

  Part of her wanted to immediately disembark and run into her men’s waiting arms.

  Part of her wanted to walk away and never see them again if she meant so little that they couldn’t be bothered to contact her.

  “Captain Lorcan, Admiral Iago is awaiting your arrival and wishes to speak with you immediately. He will meet you at your gangplank as soon as your ship is secure.”

  “Dockmaster, wouldn’t this be easier if you allowed us to dock inside the Ab’yoika Maru? That’s our normal procedure.” It also meant she could avoid Iago.

  “Negative, Captain. Admiral’s orders.”

  Wait. Admiral Iago?

  Maybe someone got a promotion.

  But then he’d referred again to an admiral. Was that Iago, or Ker?

  Fuck it. “Dockmaster, please clarify. Did Admiral Iago order us to dock at the station, or Admiral D’arsolan?”

  “Admiral Iago, ma’am.”

  She hated that she felt relieved. Ker wouldn’t try to override Confederation orders in their territory. Not with the treaty talks on the line.

  Iago waited for her just outside their gangway hatch. Alone.

  “Captain Lorcan.”

  “Vice-Admiral, or were you promoted to full Admiral?”

  He smiled. “Very perceptive, Captain. I have you to thank for that. Came through yesterday. I lobbied to have you put in charge of forces in this sector. I insisted a couple of years out of the command chair didn’t dull your senses or your ability to take those raider bastards out at the knees. Your success earned me more bars.”

  “Let’s cut the bullshit. I’ve got a lot to do.”

  He laughed. “Yes, let’s cut the bullshit. I wanted to talk with you before Admiral D’arsolan had a chance to steal you away again.” He turned and pointed to a Confederation ship berthed on the other side of the Ab’yoika Maru. “That is the Calpisi Morgan.”

  “So?”

  “It’s leaving here in exactly one hour. You have two choices, Captain. One, you are on the Calpisi Morgan when it leaves, and you are the golden child of the Confederation who will call her shots, have her pick of ships, and be in line for a Dreadnought as soon as one comes online that hasn’t been promised already.”

  “And choice number two?”

  “You return with the Act’hurans, and the Confederation will consider your commission voluntarily abandoned.” He frowned. “I just finished my talk with Captain, eh, Commander Jorvis a little while ago. He made it perfectly clear that he has no desire to return to the Confederation.” Iago played dirty. “He also acted more than certain that you’d be leaving with them. Insisted you were happy with your status there.”

  “Oh, he did, did he?”

  Iago arched an eyebrow at her. “Seems like a rather cocky asshole, if you don’t mind me saying. You enjoy serving under a guy like him?”

  Her face burned. “What did Admiral D’arsolan have to say about it?”

  He shook his head. “I didn’t speak with him.” He studied her. “Well?”

  “I only get an hour to make up my mind about this?” Her heart pounded. Where before she was ready to tell her men to fuck off, now she couldn’t decide. She loved them. She was pissed at them, but she loved them.

  And yet…

  He grinned. “It’s hardball, I know. They’re on a tight schedule and I’ve held them back two weeks as it is awaiting your return. Their next stop after leaving here, if you’re on board, is to take you to the Martian shipyard and drop you there to pick up your next vessel.”

  “And that would be?”

  He shrugged. “Your pick, except for the Dreadnoughts currently under construction and closest to completion. Those are already promised, I told you that. If you want one, we’ll put your name on one for when it’s finished. You can fly whatever else you want while you wait for one. Not to mention your pick of crew. We’ll never force you to take on crew you don’t want. We’ve already got a list a mile long of experienced crew volunteering to serve under your command once they heard you might be back. Transfer requests are flooding in from all over.” He studied her. “Few captains are offered a deal like this, Captain. Think long and hard if you really believe the Act’hurans would be this generous.”

  “You took the thinking long option off the table.”

  “I know.” He grinned again. “I like to stack the deck in my favor.”

  * * * *

  She made her way toward the Ab’yoika Maru. Instead of the joyful homecoming she’d hoped for, it felt more like she headed to the gallows. Less than an hour now, and the clock ticking against her.

  How was she supposed to make a decision like this in that time? She needed to talk to her men, find out what the hell happened, why they didn’t respond.

  Why she wasn’t reported as Ker’s wife. Anger, hurt, and longing duked it out in a steel-cage match inside her heart.

  In a daze, she
walked up the gangway and entered the ship. Jarl, efficient as ever, would already have her things transferred over.

  To their cabin.

  She felt their presence on the ship. Her heart pulled her along the passages until she reached their cabin.

  Empty.

  What to do? She couldn’t leave, could she?

  Aine felt trapped. This was too much to think about too soon, especially for a homecoming.

  She turned when the door opened. Sammuel stood there, frozen, then a wide smile broke through. He rushed across the cabin and scooped her up, spinning her around.

  He kissed her, and she wanted to give in right then, say screw the Confederation and stay.

  Until she saw her father’s ring on her hand and once again their final vid message to her filled her memory.

  He started to carry her to the bed. She knew if he got her there no way in hell would she ever leave.

  “We need to talk, Sammuel.”

  “There is nothing to talk about! You came home, just like you promised me, and now I can show you how much I missed you—”

  “Sammuel, stop. Please.”

  He froze, then gently set her back on her feet. “Ki’ato, what is it?”

  “I just talked with Admiral Iago.”

  His face darkened in a scowl. “That man is a pompous jackass.”

  “They want me back.”

  “Who does?”

  She realized he couldn’t fathom the possibility of her not being home to stay. The wave of happiness she felt from him turned to confusion.

  She couldn’t look at him and say it. She turned to the view port. “The Confederation. They said I have to be on the Calpisi Morgan when it leaves in less than an hour or I give up my Confederation commission.”

  “Then give up your Confederation commission, that is all! Stay and serve with me! We’ll get you your own—”

  She turned, stunned. “That’s all? Do you have any idea how hard I worked to get to where I was? According to the Act’hurans, I’m ‘just’ a second officer!”