The Cocky Cage Fighter Six Book Box Set
Page 125
At the word “money”, he definitely perks up, his dark eyes widening for a nanosecond in interest.
“Keep talking,” he barks.
“So, Havoc, the gym you came to see Grayson at, is putting together an MMA team for a tournament in a few weeks. This is the first year they think they have enough guys between the two gyms to fill out the spots on the roster, or at least most of them. Unfortunately, our one-eighty guys are all shit out of luck due to recent fights, so they wanted me to ask you if you’re interested.”
“Who would I be fighting?” he asks.
“Five guys in five days. It’s tough, even for a perfectly conditioned athlete. This is the only week ever in the sport that a fighter’s allowed to have back-to-back fights. There're only three three-minute rounds, though, and you only have to make weight at the beginning. If you get knocked out or submit, or if a doctor pulls you out for an injury, you’re out of the tournament for good.”
“What’s in it for me?”
“You’ll have to talk to Linc and Jude about the details of the payout, but you’ll also get a free trip to Daytona Florida, and paid membership to Havoc for a year. If you do well, make it to the finals, there’s also a possibility the IFC could offer you a contract with more fights afterward for big money.”
“When is it?” he asks.
“Fighting starts January first, so we’ll go down a few days after Christmas for press shit and weigh-in, and then come back on the seventh.”
“Could I stay in Florida until the sixteenth?”
“Ah, I’m sure that could be arranged,” I say, flying by the seat of my pants and shocked by his immediate interest.
“I’m in,” he says so fast I barely catch it.
“Really?” I ask. “I thought you would punch me in the face and make me beg.”
His dark eyes narrow. “Why do you give a shit?”
“Oh, well, there’s no brawling allowed outside of Havoc for the team’s fighters. Since I broke that rule, Linc and Jude sort of made me recruit you before I can go back.”
“Then I ought to say no just for spite,” he threatens. But I know he won’t. For some reason, he needs the money and apparently the trip to Florida.
“So, practice starts immediately. You’ll need to see our team physician and get cleared first. They’ll set something up once you come in and sign all the paperwork.”
“I’ll go over in a few,” he replies.
“Great. I know Jude and Linc will be glad to have you on board.”
“But you’re not,” he states since it’s so obvious. “Although I guess it doesn’t matter since you won’t be seeing Alyssa anymore.”
“Says who?” I ask, my spine straightening and shoulders squaring, automatically going on the defensive at the sound of her name on this asshole’s lips. “Because I sure as fuck don’t plan on giving up on her anytime soon.”
“Says Alyssa,” he replies, taking all the air out of my sails.
“Is that what she said?” I ask him before I can help myself, sounding like the biggest pussy ever.
“What? Are you trying to play straight now?” he remarks.
“Not that it’s any of your fucking business or anyone else’s, but I’m bi. I’ve only been with one guy, and I would probably still be with him today if he hadn’t died three years ago. I like Alyssa. A lot. For the first time since losing Eli, there’s someone who makes me want to get up in the mornings. So, if you think a few punches from you is gonna make me back down, you couldn’t be more wrong.”
“I think you’re missing one important part there, dumbass. Alyssa rejected you. She doesn’t want you, so you should give the fuck up and stop trying to pretend you don’t like dick.”
His words hurt, the honesty more painful than his punches, but then I remember the real reason why he’s insulting me and why he wants me to give up on Alyssa.
“You’re jealous,” I counter. “She doesn’t give a shit about you, and you fucking hate that you saw us together.” I know I’ve hit the bullseye when he cringes and looks off to the side of the apartment building. “I bet you can’t forget how hot she looked or how sexy she sounded when she came, and you shouldn’t. Whenever you get some fucked-up, delusional idea about being with her, you remember whose name she was screaming, because it won’t ever be yours.”
His fist plows into the side of my face, and I welcome the pain. I deserve it, not for the shit I said to this fucker. He earned every word. I deserve the pain because I hurt Alyssa. And, yeah, she screwed me over too, and it sucks because I don’t know if we can fix it. All I want is to get back to where she and I were Saturday night, when she was so damn eager and pliant, trusting me with her pleasure…
I’m also a manipulative bastard, and now I’ve got this fucker where I want him.
“Thanks,” I say to him as I rub my aching jaw and start to walk away. “For giving me the perfect excuse to keep you off the team.”
“Fuck you,” he shouts at my back while I take the steps down to the parking lot. I’m grabbing the door handle of my truck when he catches up to me. “Goddamn it! Look, I’m sorry, okay?”
Turning around to face him, it’s obvious he’s desperate for this chance since he chased after me and didn’t bother to put any shoes on. I wait, wanting to bring him to his knees.
After a few seconds, he caves, scrubbing his hands over his closely shaven head. “You’re right. She doesn’t want me and never has. She writes fucking porn about you; but when I tried to kiss her, she pushed me away.”
What the fuck? I’m not sure which part of his statement was more shocking, what he said about her writing porn about me or that he fucking kissed her.
“You kissed her?” I ask, my fists clenching with the urge to beat the shit out of him for touching her.
“I had to know,” he answers. “And now I do, okay?”
“If you ever lay a fucking finger on her again…”
“I won’t,” he assures me. “She made her point.”
“Good.”
“Fine.”
The two of us continue our tense standoff in silence for several long seconds before I have to ask the other question. “So what was that part about me in porn?”
“Fuck you,” he mutters, flipping me off as he walks away, trying to fight his grin.
Cranking my truck, I start to put it in reverse to leave when the hairs on the back of my neck prickle.
Glancing around the dark apartment complex that’s similar to mine, and in a decent neighborhood, all I see are rows of parked cars.
Weird. I swear it felt like someone’s eyes were on me. Maybe Patrick’s fist hit me harder than I thought, making me paranoid and shit. That must be it, because despite what the asshole said, and how bad she screwed me over with the article, I intend to talk to Alyssa, now, and try to make things right with her.
…
Alyssa
After dinner, which Grayson refused to come to the table for, I flopped down on the sofa and drifted off to sleep.
The sound of someone knocking on the door is what eventually wakes me up. I feel dazed and confused as I get to my feet to check the peephole, not that I can’t guess who it is. Inside, I try to fight the happiness at seeing him after such a shitty day and fail.
Even so, I open the door and keep my face neutral as I take him in. Seeing the Havoc logo on his shirt only makes me feel worse, remembering how upset Grayson is at me because I told him I didn’t want him to go back.
“Hey,” Nate says as we stand there and stare at each other. I look for anger on his face since it seems to be a prominent feature on everyone today, but it’s absent. His eyes seem tired, and his left cheek looks a little swollen, making me want to grab a bag of ice and hold it on it to ease the ache.
“Hey,” I reply instead.
“Can we talk?” he asks.
“Yeah,” I say, opening the door wider for him to come in. Grayson was sound asleep when I checked on him hours ago, with only half of his d
inner I left in his room eaten. Nate and I do need to talk, and I owe him a huge apology.
Following him to the sofa, he sits on one end, and I sit on the other.
“I’m sorry about the article,” I tell him, figuring that’s the best place to start. “I didn’t write it. Candice, my boss and sister-in-law, did all the research and put it together. My name was on it because initially I was supposed to try and get an interview with you in exchange for a promotion.”
“That’s why you asked me to have dinner with you?” he asks, his jaw clenched, the hurt evident on his face.
“Yes.”
“Is that why you let me kiss you? Sleep with you?”
“No! God, no,” I answer. “Once you told me your birthday that night, I knew it was you. I tried to put Candice off, especially after you said you were at a memorial. She did the research on her own and published it, but she didn’t know we were dating.”
“Because she, like everyone else now, assumed I was gay,” he replies, his words like frigid icicles being jabbed between my ribs.
“Are you?” I ask.
“Holy fuck,” Nate mutters softly, swiping a palm over his face. “No, I’m not gay. How could you even think that after Saturday night?”
“I’m sorry, that’s what I thought, but then why were you at a gay bar? Why did you lie to me about it and tell me you were at a memorial service?”
“Are you sure you really want to hear all this?” he asks.
“Yes.”
“Fine,” he says, inhaling deeply. “When I was a teenager, I never thought I was anything but straight. I slept with two girls in high school, and sex was great. But then I met Eli when I was in college. We started training together at the gym and became good friends that turned into…more. For the first time ever, I wanted him, another man, and it was confusing for both of us. He even had a girlfriend at the time.”
“You had sex with him?” I ask.
“Yes. No one knew about us, or at least we didn’t tell anyone. We snuck around, pretended we were only friends. It got old, and I wanted more.”
“He didn’t?” I ask.
“Not at first. He stayed with his girlfriend while we were together, although they never had sex. And then, on his eighteenth birthday, I asked him how he wanted to celebrate. When he told me he was going out with her, I got pissed. There I was, ready to say to hell with everyone’s opinion and come out to really be with him, and he was still hiding behind his girlfriend.”
“You loved him?” I ask, although it’s apparent by the way he talks about him.
“Yeah, I loved him, and I know he loved me too. The night of his birthday he found me at Chemistry and told me he was gonna come out to his family and Megan, his girlfriend. He said he wanted us to live together while we finished college. I was so fucking happy.”
“So what happened? Why didn’t it work out?” I ask in confusion.
“Because that night he drove us home since I had been drinking. I don’t know why or how, but he lost control of his truck, and we crashed. We flipped several times, and Eli…he died at the scene.”
“Oh my God. I’m so sorry, Nate,” I tell him, wanting to wrap my arms around him and comfort him, but I’m not sure if he’ll let me. The name Eli is familiar too. He’s the one the memorial service was for.
“The three-year anniversary of his death was the night I was at Chemistry. It’s the only time once a year that I go to that stupid bar.”
“The memorial that night was for him, right?” I ask.
“Yeah. I’m such a pussy because even years later I can’t face his family. They blame me, not just for the wreck, but probably for Eli being gay. The night of the accident they realized we were together because he lied to his parents and girlfriend about where he was.”
“It wasn’t your fault,” I tell him.
“If I had just kept my mouth shut, he would’ve gone out to dinner with his girlfriend. But I pushed him, so he came to find me. And because I couldn’t drive home, he did. It should’ve been me in the driver seat, and he shouldn’t have even been there.”
That’s the moment I realized that Nate had survivor’s guilt, just like Patrick.
Just like me.
“I can’t help but think that he died because we were being punished…” Nate says sadly.
“Whenever something horrible like that happens to people we love, it’s easier to blame ourselves because there’s no other explanation for why God would take someone from us,” I tell him, blinking back tears. “But some things can’t be avoided, and even though it’s tough, we have to come to terms with the fact that life isn’t fair, and we were just the lucky people who got left behind. You could’ve died in that wreck too.”
“I should’ve died!” he exclaims, getting to his feet. “But, no, I barely had a fucking scratch on me. How is that fair?”
“I’m sorry you lost him,” I say, even though the words are worthless. I’ve heard them so many times, but maybe they mean more because I have been there. Losing Austin wasn’t easy. And while I know without a doubt that I loved him, I’m not sure it was as intense as the love Nate had for Eli.
“So now you know,” he says as he paces in front of the living room furniture. “I’m not gay, but technically I guess I’m bisexual, although, after losing Eli, I haven’t wanted anyone, man or woman, until I met you.”
“Wow,” I say because there're no other words that come to me. I’m flattered and oddly pleased that he hasn’t been with anyone else.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with you about my past relationships. I tried to tell you Saturday night before…it’s just…I wasn’t sure how you would react, and I didn’t want to lose you, but then I stupidly got into a fight with Trick…”
“Trick?” I interrupt his rambling to ask.
“Ah, well, that’s the stupid nickname Jude and Linc started calling Patrick…”
“That’s what Austin called him too,” I tell him with a smile. “But wait…how do Jude and Linc know Patrick?”
“He’s sort of my new teammate,” Nate says while rubbing a hand over his swollen jaw.
“Who? Patrick? The guy you were fighting just yesterday morning?” I ask incredulously.
“Yeah, Havoc’s putting together a team for a tournament, and Patrick agreed to join because he apparently needs the money.”
I’m still reeling from the fact that the two men who looked determined to kill each other are now teammates.
“You and Patrick have talked today without it coming to blows?” I ask.
“Not exactly,” Nate answers, still running his fingertips over his cheek. “He hit me once, but I sort of instigated it. Now I think we’re cool.”
“You’re cool?” I repeat. “Seriously?”
“Yeah. That’s how guys work. We beat on each other to prove we mean business; and once the point is taken, we’re good to go. If only it were that simple with you.”
“With me?” I ask.
Coming over to the sofa, Nate kneels on the floor in front of me, his hands on each of my thighs. A simple, innocent touch, yet my body heats up, the flames starting in my lower belly. How does he manage to do that to me?
“I’m sorry about lying by omission and fighting with him. There’s a part of me that knows I shouldn’t have hit him, but I can’t deny that it felt good. My fists are maybe the only thing that got through to him that you’re mine. Or you were mine until I fucked it up. So please, I’m begging you to tell me what I can do to fix this between us.”
My teeth bite into my bottom lip, trying to prevent my chin from trembling because I do want to be with him, but I can’t forget the reason why doing so would be selfish.
“My decision’s been made,” I say softly. “And I told Grayson he couldn’t go back to Havoc.”
Nate’s face falls before he hides it, pressing his forehead to my knee. My fingers twitch with the urge to run them through his strawberry blond hair, anything to touch him, but I resist.
When he lifts his head again, there’s a look of resolve on his face that makes my chest ache.
“Fine,” he says. “If that’s it for us, then I fucking hate it, and I wish I could change your mind. But if I can’t, don’t punish Grayson for my and Patrick’s mistake. He’s a smart kid, and a gentle soul. You don’t have to worry about him hurting anyone or turning into an asshole like us.”
“I don’t know…”
“I won’t be teaching classes for a while since I’ll be training, so you don’t even have to see me. Just think about it. Please?”
“Okay,” I agree. “I’ll think about it.
With a nod, Nate gets to his feet. Leaning down, he presses his lips briefly to mine. “Bye, Alyssa,” he whispers against my lips before he walks away and lets himself out the front door.
My fingertips trail over the warmth he left behind on my lips. A single kiss shouldn’t stop my heart or make me pant for more. But unlike earlier today when Patrick tried to kiss me, I definitely felt a spark with Nate. And it’s a shame that I’m letting him walk out of my life.
Chapter Nineteen
Nate
Now that I’m allowed back at Havoc, I show up bright and early Tuesday morning after a mostly sleepless night, tossing and turning in my bed. After years of missing Eli and feeling confused or mostly just depressed about the lonely future ahead of me, Alyssa showed up out of nowhere and made me see what I had been missing. Being with her was so easy and right, but I fucked it up.
At least Linc and Jude have forgiven me. They’re both pumped since not only did Patrick show up yesterday to sign the paperwork, but he’s gone to get his physical this morning so he can start training in the afternoon. They want me to stick around to meet and work with the group’s new conditioning trainer they’ve hired to whip the team into shape before the tournament. And in a few hours, the gym will likely be flooded with guys ready to flaunt their shit since the word is out about the free membership for a feather and heavyweight fighter.