Always Was Mine

by Dawn Martens

  I shake my head, grab my things from the trunk, and walk inside.

  **

  “Tori! Door’s for you!” Lilly shouts as I exit the bathroom.

  “Who is it?” I’m not expecting anyone.

  She just shrugs and gives me a smile.

  “You’re up to something.”

  “Maybe I am, maybe I’m not.” She gives me a sly smile and I shake my head at her and head to the front door.

  As soon as I see who it is, I stand there in shock. “What are you doing here?” I just saw Trevor an hour ago.

  “Tori, that’s not how you treat a guest,” Lilly scolds, sounding so much like her mother in that moment.

  “I’m here because you’re here, and I was wondering if you wanted to go out on a date with me.”

  “Yes!” Lilly shrieks from my side. As I say no. Just like I told him the other two times he asked me.

  So, this is awkward. Lilly and Trevor are both staring at me, Trevor with a smirk and Lilly with her brow raised, as if she’s trying to threaten me. We stand like this for what seems like forever and finally I give in. “Fine,” I manage to say. “But it’s not a date!”

  Trevor just grins as if he’s saying I’m full of shit.

  “I mean it. Not a date, we’re friends, friends go out and eat together.”

  Trevor, who is still grinning, says, “Sounds good.” Oh god, stop grinning. Why does he have to look so damn hot? “I’ll pick you up at seven.” He lifts my hand and kisses it then walks out. “See you then for our date.” He shouts from the end of the driveway before I can close the door.

  “It’s not a date!” I scream over the noise of his bike. I shut the door and look to Lilly who is bouncing. “It’s not a date!” I remind her.

  A huge smile lights her face. “Oh, girl, it’s totally a date. I’m gonna call Eden, we’ll have you ready by the time he gets here.”

  **

  I can’t believe I let Lilly and Eden talk me into this.

  The second Trevor left, Lilly had Vinny take the kids out for the rest of the day so she could help me get ready. Moira was working at the daycare she recently opened up, she used to be a nurse at the hospital but once she started having babies herself, she didn’t want someone else to watch her kids when she could. So she opened up a daycare on the clubs’ property and is loving every second of being surrounded by all the kids she can fit into the building. Eden showed up, took one look at my clothing choice and declared I needed something better for a date. She ended up raiding Lilly’s closet and found a cute red flowy summer dress for me to wear.

  Now here I am, at ten minutes to seven waiting for Trevor to arrive. I might be dressed in what the girls forced me wear, but I put my foot down when it came to make-up. I don’t have my own, it’s not something I’ve ever needed, I personally don’t enjoy putting it on and then scrubbing it off later, and I refuse to wear other people's. Gross.

  Eden and Lilly are sitting on the steps drinking wine and waiting for Trevor to get here. “You know you don’t have to sit there and wait. There’s a whole house where you could sit,” I tell them.

  Lilly giggles and Eden shrugs. “We want to see his face when he gets a look at you. This is like a proud Mom moment for us. I can’t wait to do this with my kids once they start dating.”

  “Right, as if Jasper would let your girls date.” Lilly snorts.

  I shake my head at them both when I hear a truck pull into the driveway. “Well that sucks, I was hoping he’d bring his bike, so he can growl at watching you try to get on it in that dress, and then try to force you to change.” Eden pouts.

  “You’re so weird,” I tell her as I open the door.

  “Hey, beautiful.” Trevor smiles warmly at me and grabs my hand. “Don’t wait up for her,” he says, as I’m forced to move with him to his truck.

  “Why are you in such a hurry?” I ask him as he opens the door.

  “Because I don’t want the Crazy Twins to talk my ear off. Plus, right now, you in that dress, we gotta go out so I’m not tempted to carry you into Lilly’s guest room and have my way with you.”

  Oh, shit.

  Trevor

  The second she opened the door, I was so tempted to push her up against the wall and kiss her. But I didn’t, because I noticed Eden and Lilly sitting on the stairs in the house, and I wouldn’t appreciate their commentary to my kissing technique.

  “So, where are we going?” Tori asks as we drive down the street.

  “I figured something casual. Do you like Denny’s?” I know she does, it was our place when we were together.

  The excitement on her face shows and she claps her hands together. “Yes, I love their food. I haven’t been there in like twelve years though.” That makes me happy, she hasn’t ever eaten at Denny’s since I ‘died.’ She may have married my brother, but Tori never moved on from me, not really.

  “It’s not busy for once, wow,” Tori says in shock as we pull into the parking lot. “One of the reasons I’ve always avoided Denny’s is because every time I drive by the place, the parking lot is constantly packed.”

  “Yeah, usually this time of evening it’s pretty much a ghost town.”

  When we get out of the car, I grab her hand to hold it. She hesitates at first but then her hand relaxes in mine and I smile.

  “Welcome to Denny’s, just two?” the hostess asks when we walk in. I nod as she grabs two menus and tells us to follow her. I pull out Tori’s chair and sit across from her. “Your server's name is Ashley, and she’ll be with you in a few moments,” she says as she puts out menus in front of us.

  “Thank you.” Tori smiles then turns her attention to me. “So, do you know what you want?”

  “Sure do, don’t even have to look at the menu, I never stray from my usual.”

  She giggles. “That’s funny, I’m the same way.”

  “Hey there beautiful people, I’m Ashley, can I start you off with something to drink?” Tori orders what she always did when we were together; a white chocolate raspberry milkshake, and I order the cake batter milkshake. Tori looks at me in surprise for a moment, and then puts her head down, as if she’s thinking about our first date.

  “Perfect. Are you ready to order or do you need a few more minutes?”

  I hand Ashley back the menu. “We’ll start with the Nachos, and I’ll have the Lumberjack Slam.”

  “I’ll have the French Toast Slam,” says Tori, as she hands back her menu. We both chose our eggs the same way—over easy. I could have just ordered for her, but I didn’t want to scare her, and I’m not ready to tell her the truth just yet.

  Our food is brought out quickly and as we eat, we talk. Everything I can possibly ask her about her last twelve years she answers easily. I try to avoid talking about Hangman, but I can’t help but bring it up.

  “Can I ask you something personal? You don’t have to answer, but I feel like I need to. Call it curiosity,” I tell her honestly. This is one thing that has ate away at me. I need to know why of all the men she could have turned to, she chose him. My brother, the bastard responsible for ruining both our lives.

  She stares at me for a moment. “Go ahead.”

  “Why him? Why’d you marry your husband?”

  She freezes, mid-chew, before quickly swallowing. “To tell that I have to start at the beginning. I had just lost my fiancé. He was murdered.” My heart aches as she pauses to take in a breath. “His name was Trevor, we were best friends since we were kids and we eventually became more. Being with him was the best time of my life. He had just asked me to marry him. We were going to run away together the second I finished school. But the night we were supposed to meet, he never came. I didn’t know what was going on, not until the news came that he had been murdered.” A tear slides down her cheek, and I want to take her into my arms, hold her tight and tell her it’s me. “I never had feelings like that towards Carson. Once Trevor died, it just happened, he comforted me during my grief, and eventually he talked me into ma
rriage. To protect me, since my mother never did. I figured we would grow into love. You know. And it did, until I discovered I was pregnant.”

  “Wait, you have a kid with him?” My voice comes out harsher than I meant it to. My blood is boiling and I try to keep my cool.

  She looks up at me, startled. “No, the baby belonged to Trevor. Carson hated that I was pregnant with a child that wasn’t his. It was the first time he ever hit me. He slapped me and then begged me to forgive him, promising he’d never touch me again, which only lasted for a month. A week later I ended up miscarrying that baby.” I was going to have a child with Tori. Fuck. I feel like all the air has been punched out of me. “Years passed, Carson started changing. Our marriage got worse about six years ago. I had another miscarriage. I started getting depressed, and he’d come home smelling like other women. The final straw for me was when I started this current school year, I opened my door to let the kids start coming in, and this six year old little girl smiled at me as she took her seat. I knew right away, she had his smile. It was then I realized Carson didn’t only cheat, but he was making babies with other women when I couldn’t even have one.” Tears flow freely down her face and I lean forward to wipe them away. “You must think I’m so stupid staying for so long in a marriage like that.”

  “Never. I think you’re strong to live through what you did. Look at you now, you got out. It’s better late than never.” I try not to think about our baby. It’s hard not to get swallowed up in the grief that is coursing through me. The pain crashes into me in harsh waves, but the broken look on her face is enough to focus my attention on helping her heal.

  “That’s the thing, though. It’s not over, and if he gets his way, it never will be over.” Hangman won’t ever have her back, he’ll have to kill me to get her.

  “I think that’s enough depressing shit for the night, what do you say we go back to my place and watch a movie?” I press, wanting to turn the evening back around. That was a lot of heavy on a first date, even if it technically isn’t the first. She doesn’t know that yet, though.

  “I, um, okay. What movie?”

  I stare, shocked for a moment and then I smile. “Face/off?” I blurt out her favorite movie.

  Her eyes widen and she lights up. “I love that movie, it’s my favorite!”

  When we get to my place, I give her a small tour and she smiles. As the movie is about to end, I look down at her resting on my shoulder, to find that she’s asleep. I pick her up carefully and take her into my bedroom. As I pull the blankets up over her, a huge smile splits her face. I wonder if she remembers our first date? Because so far, this entire night has been an exact replica of it.

  “I missed you, Trevor, so much. I love you,” she whispers out in her sleep.

  I sink to the floor, tears swimming in my eyes. Fuck. I need to figure something out.

  Chapter 11

  Tori

  I wake up with a smile on my face. The date with Trevor last night was perfect, even though I’ve already had the exact same date with my first love. I felt as if I was betraying my Trevor’s memory, but I had to move on from that, it’s been twelve years. I can’t keep holding a torch for him anymore, and I finally need to move on.

  And I think, this Trevor is the man who could do it for me. Everything was perfect. This was the kind of man that I have always wanted, but I screwed my life up when I married Carson. I can’t keep comparing anymore. For once, I’m letting both of my past men go and moving on with my life.

  Something healthy, loving, caring.

  I stretch out and realize I was put in bed, and see Trevor sleeping on the floor. I frown. Why is he on the floor? Why didn’t he just crawl in with me, or the guest room, or heck, the couch? I sit up and realize I’m still in my clothes from last night.

  “Morning,” he grumbles from the floor.

  “How come you slept down there, you’re back must be hurting.”

  “No big deal, I didn’t want you to wake up being uncomfortable.”

  That’s nice of him, “Why didn’t you just sleep in one of the other rooms?”

  He sits up and cracks his back. “I didn’t want to be away from you.” My heart flutters, wow. “How about I get us something for breakfast and take you back to Lilly’s?”

  I smile. “Sounds good. Do you mind if I have a shower? Maybe borrow a tee shirt or something?”

  “Yeah, whatever you need, you got it. Toast and coffee good for you?”

  “Sounds great, thank you.”

  I grab a quick shower and as I get out, I realize I didn’t ask where the towels were. Shit. I go to the door and place my ear against it, checking to see if Trevor is out there, I hear nothing. Quickly, I open the door and go in search of something to dry off with, as I open the closet door across from the bathroom, I hear the sound of dishes breaking. I look to my left as I’m about to reach in to grab a towel and Trevor is standing there. Staring at me. Before I can run back into the bathroom and hide he strides toward me and I’m in his arms, my back pressing against the wall.

  “Fuck, you’re beautiful.” His forehead falls against mine. As I bite my lip, his nostrils flare and his mouth slams down on mine. As his tongue slips into my mouth, I moan, my arms tightening at his shoulders. One of his hands cup on my center, and I swear, I’m leaking like a faucet into his palm.

  He deepens our kiss and starts to slide a finger inside me. Seven pumps later, I’m coming, which is the fastest it’s ever taken me. I feel odd that it happened so fast, but Trevor smiles against my mouth as he removes his finger. Giving me one last kiss he moves away, and sucks my juices off his finger. “Get dressed before this moves a hell of a lot faster than you want it to.”

  I stand there, staring at him, I have the urge to just lay down on the floor, in the middle of this hallway, like a bitch in heat with my legs spread wide open, and beg him to fuck me. He see’s the look on my face and moves back in my space. “Tori, I would love to take you, all of you, right now, but you gotta work for it. Agree to be mine. Be my girl. Maybe after the next date I’ll let you ride me until you can’t breathe.”

  “Okay.” I breathe out.

  “Okay, what?”

  “Okay, I’ll be yours.”

  He grins, “Good. Get dressed, I’ll go make more food since I dropped the first batch.” He gives me another quick kiss and walks down the hall to clean up the mess he made.

  I go back to the bathroom after grabbing a towel, and stare at myself in the mirror.

  “I can’t believe that just happened,” I say aloud.

  Trevor

  I dropped Tori off at Lilly’s even though I wanted her to stay with me, but she said until we get to know each other more, it’s for the best. I only agreed because she promised me another date. I pull up to the main building on the clubhouse property with a smile on my face.

  Zippo smirks at me. “Hey, man, just heard from Lilly that Tori has agreed to go steady with you.”

  “Finally, only been trying to get her back since she came here.”

  “Sometimes that slow burn is best, makes it better in bed later on.”

  I laugh at him as he takes out a smoke and lights it. “Didn’t you quit?”

  “Only around my kids. Lilly makes me shower the second I get home and change my clothes.”

  Lilly made the entire club give up smoking, but we still light up in this section of the clubhouse when there aren’t kids around.

  “Hey, you know that old building just on the outskirts of town?”

  “The old Town Bar building?” I nod. “What about it?”

  “Was thinking of buying it, fix it up and turn it back into a bar,” I say.

  “Dude, that would be awesome. We only have one bar in town, and that one doesn’t serve food. If you had food, then you’d be the best in town.”

  “I was thinking that, too. Only thing is, I only have enough cash to buy the place, would take years to save up again to fix it up, let alone getting all the kitchen and bar supplie
s.”

  “Fuck that, let us pitch in, you’ve been part of this club for years, we take care of each other.”

  I shake my head. “Thanks man, but I wanted this to be mine, ya know.”

  “And it would be, we would just help you with start-up, can’t have our brother struggling with finances. We’ll talk with the rest of the club later, we got you man.”

  **

  “What’s this meeting about?” Angel asks Zippo. After our chat in the games room, he went in search of Angel to set up a meeting. An hour later, all our members arrived.

  “Trevor wants to open a bar but doesn’t have the funds.” Zippo explains the whole concept I want to him and Angel just looks at me.

  “Done. We can finally get rid of that dirty money from when this club was the Satan’s,” Angel says.

  “What money?” a few members ask.

  “Was cleaning out my office a few years back, found a safe under the floor, opened it up and saw it was filled with cash. Took me too fuckin’ long to count it all but there was just over a million. Never touched it because I know how that money was earned. But didn’t want to just burn it either.” Back in the days of the Satan’s Law MC, they were known for guns and drugs, whores, and even gun for hire gigs. That money is as dirty as it gets.

  “I have money I haven’t touched since then too, Trevor can have it,” Reaper says. “Every time I killed and took my cut from your old man, I just stuck it into my safe at my house.”

  Angel looks at me. “This cool with you? Would you accept our help on this?”

  “I ain’t gonna turn it down, no matter how much I want to. Thanks,” I say, looking around at the members.

  We spend the next hour working out design plans, Ann says she called the real estate company that’s selling the bar and offered them a full cash payment if we can take possession tomorrow, so we can get this moving faster. A few of the other members, who work in construction, say they’ll help out with building materials and shit like that.