Renegade Heart (Renegades Book 1)

by Lissa Lynn Thomas

  He smiles at me, a real smile, but it’s sad. “Naw, you don’t want to hear it, honey. I swear I’m okay. Or okay, I will be okay. Just going through some stuff is all. It happens to us all from time to time. Right?”

  I worry my lower lip between my teeth while I watch his face, looking for any signs of dishonesty. But there aren’t any because this is Luke and he doesn’t lie. “First off, Luke Benson, I want to hear anything you need to get off your chest. I know I’m not one of the guys, but I love you like a brother, you know that.”

  He grins, but it still looks sad to me. “I know you do. And I love you back. C’mere and hug me like I know you wanna. I can see it in your eyes.”

  “Don’t be a know-it-all.” I sass but I do as he says, crossing to him and burrowing into the front of him, scared for some reason. He wraps his strong arms around me and holds me to him, but it’s off. I feel like something’s changed between us and I missed it. I don’t understand why it’s happening, but I’ve hurt Luke somehow. And that’s something I swore I would never do again when I broke up with him back in our junior year of high school.

  Normally Luke will hold me for ages, never complaining, but now he lets his arms drop after just a few moments. I step back and swallow down unexpected tears. He’s watching my face like always, studying me for signs of distress. But his easy manner, his affection for me is gone. Somehow, this is my fault. And it all clicks in my head as I watch his eyes shutter to me for the first time ever. He stuffs his fists back in his pockets and I take another step back from him.

  Daisy was right.

  I open my mouth and close it again, I have no idea what to say to him right now. And I don’t want to start crying and make him feel worse than he does. He has every right to keep his distance from me to help himself. I never thought in a million years that sweet, handsome Luke would still care for me this way.

  But I can see it now, in the way he’s distancing himself. I never thought it would hurt this much to get what I wanted. Everything always carries a price. I should have learned this lesson by now. But I never thought I’d lose Luke. He’s been a fixture in my life for almost as long as Raif.

  Would I have thrown myself into my relationship with Raif if I’d known what I’d be giving up? I don’t know for sure, and that scares me more. All I know for certain is I don’t want anyone else to get hurt.

  I paste a fake smile on my face while my heart aches. “Okay well, you should be good to go here. Let me know if you need anything. Or want to talk.” In trying to be normal, I’m exacerbating my awkwardness, but it can’t be helped now. I blink the tears from my eyes and look up at him, my bottom lip clamped between my teeth. “I gotta go. I’ll see you around.”

  He doesn’t stop me.

  I never warned the guys that Dell is coming to their show. I figure it will only make them nervous and they don’t need that pressure. Things will be better this time. When the band arrives at 7:30, I am four people deep at the bar, making drinks. We are slammed. It’s like everyone in town knows that a big-time record producer is coming to watch the boys play, and they all want a front row seat.

  Raif grins when he sees me, and I return it while noting that Luke’s usual wave isn’t forthcoming. It’s fine, I tell myself. Everything will be fine. I keep my smile on my face, glad that Raif decides not to come say hello in person since we’re so busy. I don’t want him getting the wrong idea. I return my attention to the customers clamoring for drinks and the boys start setting up.

  Dell shows up after I’ve cleared out the waiting customers and sits at the same stool as last time. Smiling, he slides me a five-dollar bill, “Club soda please, Chloe. Thanks again for the invite.”

  I make change and offer up a bowl of pretzels for him to snack on while he waits. “You’re welcome. Thanks for coming back. I promise you won’t be sorry.”

  He sips his drink and nods at me. “We’ll see,” he retorts, but he’s smiling.

  I leave him at the bar to go up on stage at eight pm sharp. I smile out at the crowd and clap my hands before leaning in and saying, “Are you all having a good time?” The applause picks up and a few people shout out a resounding ‘Yes’ in response. I laugh, “Good! Keep on drinking. And put your hands together for our very own Renegades!” I look back at the band, “Take it away, boys!” And then I exit the stage as Troy counts them down with his drum kit.

  I can feel eyes on me as I move back to the bar and I keep a smile on my face despite my inner turmoil. The boys start their set with an old reliable cover of Cole Swindell’s Let Me See Ya Girl. The crowd loves it and I see Dell tapping his foot along with the rest. I relax and trust in my boys. I know they can impress this producer.

  They make their way through a few more covers and then Raif surprises me. “Chloe Jane, you need to get your fine behind back up here, please. We need you for our next song.”

  I freeze in place and stare up at him, feeling the eyes of everyone in the Saloon glued to my face. Dell is grinning, “Threw you a curveball it seems,” he says, and I nod, feeling my face heat.

  Zora comes over to the bar to take over for me, her face glowing with her giant smile. She nudges me out from behind the bar. I sigh, accepting the inevitable and head to the stage. “Get on up here, darlin’.” Raif says when he sees me dragging my feet. “Chloe and I wrote this song together and I really think she should be a part of performing it. We’re gonna see what you all think about it tonight.”

  The crowd applauds and shrieks their approval as I ascend the steps to the stage. Raif is looking at me like he knows this might result in a fight later. I smile at him anyhow and he grins back, “Remember you love me,” he says as I get closer to him, away from the microphone.

  “We’ll talk about it later.” I murmur back to him. Luke hands me a microphone and gestures to a stool Bran brought up on stage for me to sit on. I take it and sit down where they want me.

  “All right, this is called Only You. We hope you like it.” Raif says as Luke starts in on the intro with his fiddle. Raif begins singing, his voice smooth and decadent, like fine whiskey and I close my eyes and let myself get lost in the song. It’s a ballad but it’s not slow, it’s got an in-between tempo.

  There’s something you need to know

  I thought for sure it would show

  But you haven’t seemed to notice my distraction

  Maybe, when you touch me, you can’t feel my reaction

  I don’t know but I can’t stop smiling, thinking about you

  So, baby, please don’t give me a reason to

  I join in with him for the chorus, keeping my eyes closed as we harmonize.

  Cuz I can’t stop this feeling and I don’t wanna try

  to keep my heart from soaring straight up to the sky

  I want to bring you closer, show you how I feel

  let you into the broken heart only you knew how to heal

  I don’t know what motivates me, but I know the next verse and when it’s time for it to begin, I sing it without opening my eyes. Pretending that it’s just Raif and me in my apartment or his house, him strumming the guitar while I sing out the lyrics we’re writing.

  My friends say I’m looking different

  and I’m thinking you were heaven sent

  How do I show you, show me what to do

  Cuz I can’t think straight, baby, when I’m with you

  Raif never even starts so I’m guessing this was his plan all along. The fiddle’s still playing, but everything else has stopped. And when the chorus is supposed to begin, I’m still singing on my own.

  I can’t stop this feeling and I don’t wanna try

  To keep my heart from soaring straight up to the sky

  I want to bring you closer, show you how I feel

  Let you into the broken heart only you knew how to heal

  Raif’s deep voice joins mine again on the final lines.

  So I’ll just be straightforward and tell you how I feel

  I’ve let you
in my broken heart only you knew how to heal

  Luke plays the outro beautifully and I open my eyes when I hear the thunderous applause of the crowd. Raif’s standing in front of me, facing me, not the crowd. His smile is brighter than ever, pride and happiness oozing out of him. This really meant a lot to him. He sweeps me off my stool and into his arms, kissing me soundly on the mouth. “I love you.” He says softly, just for me.

  Grinning and blushing, I step back from him, waving to the crowd. They’re still applauding. Wow. Raif goes back to his microphone, “She’s got a gorgeous voice, right y’all?” he says, and I wave him off but there are hoots and catcalls, still a ton of clapping.

  I make my way off the stage, accepting high fives from Luke and Bran and a wink from Troy before I go. I head back to the bar, keeping my head down, but there are people patting me on the shoulder every few steps, calls of, “You were wonderful!” My face is possibly on fire, it’s so hot.

  Dell is still clapping when I get back behind the bar. Zora engulfs me in an enthusiastic hug. “Where have you been hiding that voice, girl?”

  I duck my head again. “Oh, I’m not that good.”

  Zora bumps me with her hip, but before she can speak, Dell does. “Yes, you are, my dear.” I look at him and a grin spreads over my face.

  “Well, thank you.” I murmur.

  Raif is clapping along with the crowd, “Thank you, Chloe Jane, for lending us your beautiful presence.”

  I give a little bow from behind the bar. “Get on with your set, boys.” I call, embarrassed by all the attention. Raif salutes me, and they launch into Somethin’ I’m Good at by Brett Elderidge. I do my best to ignore the stares of my customers.

  Chapter 16

  Raif

  We finish our set to thunderous applause and I leave the stage immediately to go put my arms around Chloe. I don’t know if she wants to slug me or hug me, but either way, I have to find out. She was absolutely amazing. Fearless. Exactly as I knew she’d be if she’d take the chance. I see her behind the bar, working her butt off, looking sexy as sin in her painted-on jeans and red V-neck tee shirt. She has her don’t look at me face on, but I go around to the employee side of the bar anyway. Regardless of the countless people in attendance watching our every move, I pull her into my arms and kiss her breathless.

  She’s pliant against me immediately, kissing me back until her hands are tugging at my hair and the people around us are clapping and catcalling for more. She steps back suddenly, her eyes fever bright, her cheeks pink, her mouth swollen from my kiss. I move towards her again, wanting her more than ever. She presses her hand to my chest to keep me a step away from her. All I want is to follow her heat, press her back against the office door behind us and taste her lips again.

  “You know better than to spring something like that on me,” she says, her voice quiet and shaky, despite her tiny grin.

  I nod. “I’ll take my punishment later, but I have to tell you, darlin’, you were absolutely amazing. I promise.” She blushes hotter and shoves my shoulder.

  Dell Xander speaks up from the other side of the bar. “Any chance I can get a sit down with you fellas?” I look up at him, surprised to see him sitting there. I guess I might have tunnel vision on Chloe.

  “I’m pretty sure we can make that happen,” I tell him. He smiles and leaves a ten-dollar bill on the bar for Chloe. “Can we borrow your office, Chloe Jane?” I ask her.

  She glances between us and nods. “Of course you can.” She looks flustered still and I grin down at her, wanting badly to ignore the record producer and go somewhere quiet to have a conversation with my girl about her performance earlier.

  Before I can pull her away, though, the rest of the band is crowding around Chloe at the bar. Troy tugs her too far away from me and scoops her up in a hug. “Dude!” he crows at her, hugging her until she laughs. “You were fanfuckingtastic!” He spins her a bit and then sets her down.

  When Bran takes a turn, hooking his arm around her shoulders and pulling her into his chest, she’s still laughing. I love the sound of her laughter probably more than any other in the world. “You really were, honey.” Bran tells her.

  She steps back from Bran and beams up at them both, “Thanks boys. It was a lot of fun.”

  I notice Luke’s eyes are glued to Chloe’s face, the smile plastered across it. He steps forward when Chloe finally swings her eyes to his. Normally, he would have been the first one around the bar, after me. They look almost awkward right now, Chloe pulling on her hands and Luke rubbing the back of his neck. But finally, he pulls her into his arms, cradling her head against his chest, burying his face in her hair. I can’t hear what he says, but I see Chloe’s arms tighten around him in response. They hold each other for a long moment and I see Chloe swipe her fingers under her eyes fast when they pull apart.

  Seeing that moment sends anxiety coursing through me for a moment. Clearly, something’s happened that I didn’t know about. I knew Luke has been trying to keep a bit of a distance from Chloe for now until he moves through what he’s feeling. But I didn’t realize that Chloe figured that out. I can see pain on her face now and it tightens my chest, dries my mouth out. I want to hold her, make her forget whatever it is that put that look on her face. But Dell Xander takes that moment to insert himself into the scene.

  “Hi there, guys. I’m glad you’re all here. I’d really like to speak to you all.” Dell gestures towards the closed office door and Chloe snaps to attention.

  “Yes, yes. Go on in, I don’t mind,” she says, her eyes going back to the line at the bar once again. She frowns. “You guys can fill me in later if you’d like to,” she murmurs finally, clearly disappointed.

  Bran is the first through the office door, but I go to Chloe and lean down to kiss her mouth quickly. “I love you,” I say quietly. “We can talk later?”

  She smiles distractedly up at me and nods, jumping back into the fray and mixing drinks. “Course we can, cupcake. Get on in there. Don’t keep Dell waiting.”

  I’m still distracted when I close the office door behind me and find the rest of the guys standing around, looking different levels of interested and concerned. Luke’s hands are stuffed in his pockets, a sure sign of stress for him. Troy looks like he’s not sure why we’re in here but doesn’t really care. Bran is rocking his poker face.

  Dell grins at me when I enter, spreads his hands out in front of him. “Relax boys. It’s good news. Or I think so, anyhow.” I try to loosen my shoulders, watching Luke do the same. “I’ve heard your demo, I’ve seen you play three times now.” I wonder when the third time was, but he continues. “I think Renegades are something special, and I’d like to produce a record or two with you.” He looks around at us, gauging our reactions.

  I study the other guys’ faces, swallow down my nervous excitement. “I think I speak for all of us when I say I’d love to hear more.”

  Dell nods. “That makes sense.” He meets each of our eyes for a nanosecond before he prattles on, as though he knows this pitch by heart. “As you know, I’m with Music City Records, based in Nashville, Tennessee. We would like to sign you boys to a two-album deal to begin with. Once we get you to Nashville to record, we’d have you meet with the marketing folks and figure out a plan for promoting you, touring, all that. You’d be in Nashville for probably three months, minimum, but honestly, most folks wind up getting a place there and staying. It’s just easier.”

  My heart falls into my stomach and plummets all the way to my feet before coming back up to lodge itself in my throat. I open and close my mouth. Luke’s the one who speaks first. “So leaving for an undetermined length of time.” He clears his throat, looks around. “I think maybe the four of us should discuss this. Is there a number we can reach you at, set up a meet when we’ve had some time to think about things?”

  Dell hums. “Sure thing. I’m staying about a half hour outside of town at the Best Western. I’ll be here for another three days. You boys talk things over. I know y
ou have families, jobs, other things to consider.”

  Bran speaks up. “Thanks, that would be great.”

  I keep my eyes trained on the record producer. It feels like I might be caught in a dream; one of the ones where I’m never sure if I’m having a nightmare or not. Dell looks me in the eye, “I hope you’ll take us up on our offer guys. I think we could make something awesome together.” He shakes all our hands before letting himself out of the office.

  Troy speaks first once Dell’s gone. “Well. What do we think?”

  This is what we’ve all wanted forever, I know. But the timing is problematic. I want the record deal, I do. But I want Chloe more. She’s my forever and I know it, but I don’t know that she knows it yet. And I’m not ready to find out if I’m kidding myself and we have an expiration date. I’m not ready for the dream that is us to be over. How can I stand in the way of my brothers getting what they’ve always wanted? I have no idea what the hell I’m going to do.

  “I think we should all think about it individually tonight,” Bran says. “We can get together tomorrow morning and discuss it as a group then.”

  I nod, but Luke speaks before I can. “It’s a plan. Be at mine at 10 and I’ll make breakfast.” And then he’s leaving, not waiting for any of us to reply.

  I sit at the bar, watching Chloe work, my mind going in a million different directions. She looks happy, carefree as she serves customers and then begins her closing routine. I watch her work, combing my fingers through my shaggy hair while I consider what I’m going to say to her once all the customers clear out. She keeps glancing over at me questioningly, clearly wondering what Dell wanted to talk to us about.

  When Odetta waves goodbye to both of us and breezes out the door, Chloe locks it behind her and sighs. Leaning back against the closed door, she turns to me and smiles tiredly. “You have some explaining to do, cupcake. Come talk to me while I run reports.”